Blurred
by fuzzySlippers1005
Summary: Helga is a second year at UCLA. Everything is going perfect in her life, until she meets Arnold, a freshman. He is rude and infuriating and is always popping up in her life, much to both of their disliking. However everyone has a back story and she won't expect what she finds when she learns his and her whole life becomes blurred. Not recommended for young readers. AU & OOC
1. Chapter 1

Beep

Beep

Beep

I lean over and touch the screen of my phone to turn my alarm off. Usually it takes me a few minutes to get out of bed, but today I'm super happy because I'm moving in to my college dorm today! I love college so much, my freshman year was so fun and I can't wait for this second year to start.

I got myself out of bed and stretch my arms over my head. I head over to the bathroom to relieve myself, brush my teeth, and wash my face. Then I decide on which outfit I should wear for move-in day. After contemplating on the couple of outfits that I still left in my closet, I put on my long, navy blue skirt with a white blouse. The skirt reaches just below my knees, but I love my skirts even though I get some stares for them. They're so comfy I don't care what anyone thinks about them.

"Helga! Hurry I don't want to be late!" I heard my sister, Olga, yell from downstairs. I know how much she needs everything to be perfect so I make sure to hurry downstairs.

I'm greeted by the intriguing scent of pancakes and hash browns as I get to the last step of the stairs and make my way to the kitchen. Olga knows my favorite breakfast.

"Good morning, baby sister!" I hear as I step into the kitchen. She's over the stove cooking the hash browns until they're crispy, just how I like them.

"Good morning!" I say just as peppy as she did.

"Are you ready for today?" she asked me while putting the pancakes and hash browns both on a plate.

I sat down at our dining table and she placed the plate in front of me.

"Thank you. And yes. I have everything already packed in my room. We just have to load them in the car," I say as I dig into my breakfast. This is the only thing I will eat for breakfast besides cereal or maybe some yogurt. Eggs and any sort of meat gross me out.

"That's good. But make sure you hurry. We have to be on time, and you know on time means-"

"Ten minutes early, I know," I say as I put my fork into the hash browns. She gives me a look since I cut her off, but I offer a smile in reassurance and she lets it go. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember not to cut her off and be polite. Ever since Mom left, she has taught me that manners are very important and you always have to act your best.

I put my plate in the sink and I go to get my bags from my room to load them into the car. Olga disappeared somewhere upstairs, probably to wake up our father and make sure he was getting ready. I just put all of my things into the car in the driveway and I see Olga and my father coming to the car. Olga is carrying her massive purse that was probably way too expensive wearing a professional black skirt with a blazer over her green blouse. Her hair and make-up are perfect, of course.

My father is wearing his khaki pants and a red polo shirt. The two of them look like Christmas which is weird since it's September. My phone buzzed in my hand and I look at it seeing a text message.

"Hey, Zak said he will meet us in the parking lot," I tell them. My boyfriend, Zak, and I have been dating since the beginning of spring quarter last school year. I met him during track and he is the ideal boyfriend your parents want you to bring home. He is always super nice and polite to everyone and he respects me the way that I want to be respected. He's a fourth year this year while I'm a second.

"Okay that's perfect," Olga said. She gets in the driver's seat of the car and my father gets in the passenger's seat. I hop into the back seat.

"So how are you feeling today, little lady?" my father says as he turns around in the passenger seat to talk to me.

"I feel good. I'm excited, I missed school so much. I can't wait to see my friends and study well," I tell him. I extend the seat belt over my front and click it in the buckle.

"That's what I like to hear. I know you'll do well with studying and track too," he says and turns back in his seat as Olga pulls out of the driveway on our one hour drive to Los Angeles. The drive is filled with meaningless conversations such as who we think my roommates will be, how my professors will be, and new freshmen coming on to the track and field team this year.

Finally, I see the sign that reads "UCLA" as we pull into the parking lot near my dorm. I know it's not usual for second years to live in the dorms, but my scholarship for track pays for it and I loved it so much last year and I _wanted_ to live here again.

As promised, we see Zak waiting in the parking lot. Olga parks at the parking space that he saved for us and we all evade the car. Zak gives me and Olga a hug and shakes my father's hand.

"It's so nice to see all of you again," Zak charms at my family. They have always liked him since we started dating. He's always respectable and polite towards everyone, which is one reason why I like him.

Zak has darkened blue eyes, chestnut brown hair, and a dimpled smile. He's wearing jeans and a gray cardigan over his black shirt and his white Converse. He has a thick amount of hair that is pushed to the side but sticks up at an organized angle. He looks so cute.

We all get my things in a blue cart with wheels and carry them to my room. Zak casually has his arm around my shoulders as we make it up to my room. Everything is bustling around us as we take the elevator to my room with all my things. I start to get excited thinking about my new roommates and where I am going to put everything in my room. This year I want to meet totally new people, which is why I decided to not request any of my friends from last year to dorm with me. It would have been fun, but I want more friends to add. It's good to know people everywhere.

Then of course there was that option of getting an apartment with Zak, but it just doesn't feel right to live with someone you aren't married to. Of course I would want to and my father and Olga are okay with it, but it's against my own moral beliefs.

We finally get to my room and I stick the key in that they gave me downstairs. I'm both nervous and excited as to what I am about to see when I open the door.

Both of my roommates are already in the room and it seems as if the already small room is crowded with people. They all turn around and look at us.

I decide to break the awkward tension. There's no reason to be weird with the people you're about to live with for the next year.

"Hi everyone. I'm Helga and this is my father, Bob, my sister, Olga, and my boyfriend, Zak," I say offering a smile. I hear someone scoff but I'm not sure since I am trying to look at everyone at the same time. There are about seven other people in the room.

One girl wearing a light blue t-shirt and has brown hair who is fairly close to the door returns my friendly greeting.

"Hi, I'm Sheena and these are my parents Harry and Elise. It's nice to meet you," she says while shaking my hand.

"It's nice to meet you too," I say and shake both of her parents hands as well.

"Hi, I'm Lila," my other roommate says. She is interesting: she is wearing a black long sleeve shirt that is tight on her chest and some ripped criss-cross leggings under her green shorts. But that is just her outfit. Her hair is dyed a brighter shade of green and she has a lip piercing. I hear Olga gasp behind me as she takes in this girl's appearance as well.

She comes up to me and shakes my hand with a smile. "It's nice to meet you." Well at least she seems nice.

"It's nice to meet you too!" I say trying not to judge her because she's different.

"This is my dad, Dan and two of my friends, Gerald and Arnold," she says and reveals the people behind her.

"Nice to meet you, Helga," Dan tells me and shakes my hand. I feel like I'm shaking a lot of people's hands.

"It's a pleasure," I say.

"What's up, I'm Gerald," one of her friends tells me. He's wearing jeans, a white shirt, and a red zip up jacket with his hood over his short hair and extends his hand to me. I can see some tattoos peeking out from underneath his white shirt and he has his ear lobes pierced. He isn't smiling like the other girls, but he gives off a friendly vibe. I hear my father and Lila and Sheena's parents start to talk.

"Nice to meet you, Gerald," I say. Her other friend, whose name is supposedly Arnold, is leaning against the bed frame with his hands in his pockets looking at the ground. He doesn't say anything or even look at me. I can see he also has many tattoos on his chest and arms through his thin, white t-shirt. He's wearing black jeans and black low chukka Vans.

"We should probably get your things in, Helga," Zak reminds me.

"Oh yeah. Of course," I say and turn around to give him a smile. He looks at me with his darkened blue eyes. He looks so handsome with his chestnut brown hair and sue me, but I think his goatee is sexy.

I hear Olga pull my father aside and whisper something in his ear as she looks at the other people in the room. She doesn't seem to mind Sheena, but she keeps looking at Lila and her party and I wish she would just stop already. I hate when she gets antsy when every little thing isn't perfect. I would never tell her of course, but it bothers me.

I decide to ignore my thoughts and start to unload my things with my people's help.

I take a glance and see Sheena's parents helping her with the bed on the top bunk. Lila has the bottom bunk so I get the top bunk on the other side with the desk underneath of it.

I look at Lila's party and see Gerald and her father helping her put things away on her desk. Arnold is in the corner and I catch him looking at me but when our eyes make contact, he adverts his eyes quickly to the ground.

I wonder how this year will pan out.

**A/N: Hey everyone. This story is going to be different. Just so you know, I picture Zak as Jake Gyllenhaal. Please review your thoughts! Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

After packing all of my items away, Olga and my father left after some goodbyes. It's not so bad since we only live an hour away and we have been through this ritual before. Zak is lingering a bit more in our room to make sure I'm all settled in.

"Are you happy with this arrangement?" he asks me while staring down at me. He's about ten inches taller than me standing at 6'2" while I'm only 5'4".

"Yeah I like everything how it is," I say and look up at him. He gives me a warm smile and reaches for my hands. He places his forehead on mine and lets out a breath and closes his eyes.

A loud noise brought us out of our moment and we both look over to see that Lila had dropped some heavy books on the floor. Gerald helps her pick them up, but Arnold stays standing against the wall with his hands in his pockets. Rude, I think.

Sheena's parents and Lila's father left with Olga and my father so currently it is only Sheena, Lila, Gerald, Arnold, Zak, and I in the room. It's still a lot of people inside, but things are definitely less crowded than they were a couple minutes ago.

I decide to talk to Sheena since Lila has her friends and Sheena didn't come with anyone else.

"So Sheena, where are you from?" I ask her and smile.

"I'm from this little town called Hillwood. It's not very known but it's only around thirty minutes away," she tells us.

"No way! Zak's from Hillwood," I tell her and he joins our conversation.

"Oh yeah, I lived near Tina Park. I loved living there as a kid," Zak says with a friendly smile.

"I love Tina Park! I live near the flower shop," Sheena says with her high-pitched voice.

"Oh yeah, the flower shop. Does Ms. Vitello still work there?"

"She sure does. She even wished me luck when-"

"Did you say Ms. Vitello?" a cold voice said from right behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck rise.

Arnold stood behind us, giving a hard glare and his eyes glance over at me for a second then they shift back to Zak. Now that he's right in front of us, I can see his eyebrow and lip ring. They compliment the bold tattoos on his arms.

"Uh, yeah," Zak says. "Do you know her?" he asks trying to be nice.

"I used to live in Hillwood too," he tells us. There's little emotion in his voice and even less in his eyes. I can't help but notice how bright green they are.

"Oh really, which part?" Sheena asks.

"Um… I forget. I was young when I moved," he says and moves back towards his friends.

It's a little awkward when he leaves because we can't say anything about him since he is still in the same room so I try to change the subject.

"When do you have to go see your roommates?" I ask Zak.

He looks down at his watch and replies, "I should leave soon, I'm supposed to meet them for lunch."

"Oh, okay," I tell him. I'm a little sad he has to leave but I want him to have time with his friends too.

"Sorry," he says and gives me a kiss on my forehead. "Can I talk to you outside before I leave though?" he asks me.

"Um, sure," I say confused as to why he wants to talk, and why outside. I'm a little worried that he has to say something to me that can't be heard by others.

We exit the room and close the door behind us.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Look, I don't like the way that Arnold guy looks at you," he says taking me off guard.

"What do you mean? He was not looking at me," I say. It seemed he had been avoiding eye contact with me since we arrived.

"I've seen him stare at you while you're not looking. And right when you're about to look over, he looks away. I don't like it," he says. I'm glad he cares but I don't see that Arnold guy as much of a threat.

"It will be okay, he is just weird," I say trying to give him reassurance.

He stares at me for a moment then lets out a sigh.

"I know. Just stay away from him."

I know he cares, but I don't like being told what to do and who I can and can't hang out with. It's not that I want to hang around Arnold and them anyway, but him saying it makes me a little mad.

"You can't tell me who I can and can't hang out with. I'm an adult," I tell him. I don't want to be taken control of.

"Helga, just stay away from him. I don't like the vibes he gives off."

"I'm my own person I don't want you saying that stuff to me," I tell him the honest truth.

"Why are you so stubborn sometimes? Can you ever just do what I ask? Please?" I can see some desperation in his voice and the looks in his eyes almost makes me want to give in, but I won't have it.

"I think your friends are waiting for you," I say. I know he's giving me a blazing look, but I advert my eyes from his. I don't want to deal with this right now.

There is a moment of silence before he says, "Fine. I'll go but just remember what I said."

"I know," I say. I'm still a little annoyed with him.

"Well, I'll talk to you later," he says still looking at me. I give him a glance and nod and go back into my room.

I'm a little mad but I don't want it to get to me. And I don't want to be upset in front of my roommates, that's just rude.

I try to reorganize everything on my desk to keep myself busy since I'm not sure what to do now.

"Hey Helga and Sheena, are you guys busy tonight?" Lila asks us.

"I'm not doing anything, why?" Sheena says.

"Well we're going to a party tonight and I was wondering if you both wanted to come?" she says. That's nice of her to ask, but I'm not into parties. I never went to one in high school or freshmen year.

"I don't think I'll go, I'm meeting some old friends tonight," Sheena says. She doesn't look like much of a party girl if you ask me.

"Oh that's okay, what about you Helga?" Lila asks. She has a sweet tone and looks at me with kind eyes. I still don't know why she dresses how she does and can act so nice. I guess you really can't judge people based on their appearance.

I've never been to a party, and I wasn't planning on it, but I still feel uneasy with Zak and I don't want to mope around all night wondering what will happen.

I look behind her shoulder at Gerald messing with something on Lila's desk, but Arnold has his gaze set right on me. I try to look away, but I can't.

"So will you come?" Lila asks me again, snapping my eyes from him to her.

"Yeah, I think I'll go," I tell her and smile. I'm not going to show I'm upset by Zak's actions and I'm going to have fun tonight.

"Great! It starts at 9 so we have until then."

I look at the clock on my phone and see it's only 1:30.

"But we're going to go out for a little so we'll see you later! Don't worry we'll be back to give you a ride though," Lila says and she, Gerald, and Arnold exit the room.


	3. Chapter 3

"So you said you were meeting some friends today?" I ask Sheena trying to make conversation since Lila left.

"Yes, there are many people who came here from Hillwood so we all thought we would get together tonight on our first night."

"That's cool. No one came here from my high school which is surprising since this is such a widely known school," I tell her. It's true I had no one during my first weeks here, but I made many more friends.

"Oh yeah that is surprising. Well you're more than welcome to come with us if you don't want to go to that party," she offers.

"Well I already told Lila would come and I don't want to take back my word. Thank you though."

I think she thinks I am a freshman too since she offered me to come with her and her friends.

"I made a lot of friends last year though living in the dorms," I tell her.

She looks at me for a second. "You're a second year?" she finally asks.

"Yup. I'm only in the dorms this year though because my scholarship for track pays for it."

"Woah so you're an athlete! That's really cool," she beams at me. I always feel proud when I say I'm on the team since athletes are always a big deal in college. Of course I don't run for the title, it is just a bonus.

"Thanks. It was easy to meet people through the team too. Are you thinking of joining any clubs?"

"Yeah I think I saw a drama club. I loved theatre ever since elementary school," she smiles.

"Oh cool. I've never seen any of the productions on campus, but I'll surely go if you're in one," I say and smile at her.

"Wow really? Thank you," she says.

I think I'm going to like this roommate.

…..

Around 5pm, Sheena leaves to go see her friends and I decide to hang out in my room looking at stuff on the computer. I find funny YouTube videos about cats and watch those.

I hear a knock on the door and get up to answer it.

I'm taken by surprise when I see Arnold at the door.

"Um, Lila is not here," I say. Why is he here?

"She told me to meet her here so I'm here," he says flatly and pushes his way inside without my consent.

"Weren't you supposed to be with her? Where is she now?" I ask.

"Shit, I don't fucking know," he says and walks over to lay on Lila's bed.

"You don't have to cuss so much, I was only asking," I say and shut the door and go back to my desk. My back faces him as I go back on the computer.

"You don't have to ask so much," he says back with some fire in his tone.

"Ugh, you irritate me," I say and turn around to face him. He's lying on his back with his hands behind his head.

"Well you're not the most flattering person either," he says back. I don't know why his words hurt so much but I don't want him to know they do.

"Good thing I don't live to please you," I say and turn back around. He scoffs but doesn't say anything in return.

After about thirty minutes of silence, Lila finally comes back. I'm relieved because I was just starting to get uncomfortable with not talking for that long.

"Hey! Sorry I'm late. My other friends wanted to eat lunch," she says.

"Try to be on time next time," Arnold says in annoyance.

"You don't have to be so rude to her," I say boldly and turn around in my chair to look at him. Normally I don't speak out against people, but something about him just makes me mad.

"It's none of your business," he says and doesn't look at me. Good I wouldn't want him to.

"Geez what happened while I was gone?" Lila says and a smile plays out on her face.

I want to turn back around and not answer her question, but that would be rude and I just met her today.

"Nothing, we were just talking," I said since it's obvious he will not be talking.

"Hmm well let's get ready for the party!" she says excitedly.

It's six o'clock right now and I'm confused as to why we have to get ready three hours early.

"We need three hours to get ready?" I ask.

"Yeah! We have to look hot," she says and goes over to her closet to pick out an outfit.

"Um I'm not really sure I have anything that would be considered 'hot,'" I say thinking over my wardrobe.

I hear Arnold mutter something under his breath but I can't hear it but something tells me it's not nice.

"You can wear one of my outfits! I have so many," she says smiling, shifting the hanging clothes one by one in her closet.

"Are you sure we're the same size?" I ask trying to find excuses to get out of wearing one of her outfits.

"Yeah we look like it and you're thin, I'm sure we can find something."

"Are you sure? I can look in my closet…"

"What about this one?" she holds up a black leather shirt and a red low-cut shirt. It's not really my style and she can see the discomfort on my face and puts it away.

"I have this black dress," she says and holds it up in front of me. It looks really tight.

"Do you have a lot of black clothing?" I ask semi-jokingly.

"Yeah, either that or green so it can match with my hair," she smiles.

"That's cool. I've never dyed my hair," I say. She puts the dress away figuring that I don't really want to wear it.

"Really? We should dye your hair some time," she says and sits on her bed next to Arnold's feet.

"I don't think my sister would approve."

"Your sister? Why would she care?" Lila asks and tilts her head. Arnold doesn't shift from his position and looks up at the top bunk.

I thought it was obvious when we came in this morning.

"Well my sister and father basically take care of me."

"Oh no mom?" she asks gingerly.

"Nope."

"That's okay, my mom passed away when I was little too," she tells me. These are only the first hours I have known her and she is already telling me personal things about her life.

"Oh I'm sorry. My mother didn't pass away though, she just left," I say. It doesn't hurt as much as before to talk about it.

"Oh, I see," she says and it leaves an awkward tension in the air. Arnold shifts some on the bed and gets up.

"I'm leaving but I'll see you at the party," he addresses Lila.

"Okay see ya," she says and they don't even hug goodbye. His eyes briefly skim mine as he walks out the door.

"Is he always so rude?" I ask once the door closes.

"He's just…. Difficult to understand," I can tell she is trying to choose her words carefully.

"I think I'll just wear something from my own closet," I say trying to change the subject. I don't want to talk about him anymore.

"Okay whatever you're comfortable in," she says and gets off her bed to pick out her own outfit.

I look in my closet and find a blue dress with sleeves and it goes just below my knees. It is comfortable and I love this dress so I will wear it.

"I think I'm going to wear this," I say and hold it up for her to see.

She looks it over for a second and she smiles. I know she is just trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings because I know what people really wear to parties. I have seen people coming back drunk at four in the morning from parties and I have noticed their wardrobes. I don't have anything even similar to that.

"That's a nice one," she says and pulls out her outfit. It consists of black leather shorts with black tights and a green crop top that will show her stomach.

She grabs a straightener from one of her drawers and plugs it in.

"Do you want to use this too?" she asks.

"No, thank you," I say. I don't really know what to do now since I don't wear make-up and I don't plan on doing anything with my hair.

Lila spends the next two hours doing her hair and make-up while I go online trying to see if any of my professors have posted the syllabi yet. I love writing down all my assignments early and doing them a week early.

"I think I'm ready," she says.

She's wearing the outfit with her hair perfectly straight and heavy make-up, but she somehow seems to pull it off. A belly-button ring is evident with the crop top.

"You look good," I compliment her.

"Thanks. I can help you next time you want me to," she offers.

"Oh, that would be great, thank you," I say in return. I don't know when I would feel like looking like that, but at least now I have the option.

"Arnold just texted me, they're outside," she informs me.

"Okay, let me just get the dress on." I pull it over my head, brush my hair one last time and we are out the door.

Once we get out of the dorm building, there is a car parked out front and they honk at us. Gerald is driving and Arnold is in the passenger seat. They see us and Arnold rolls down his window.

His face piercings and green eyes seem to glisten in the street lights.

"You know we're going to a party, not to hand out bibles," he says to me.

I glare at him.

"Don't be so mean, Arnold," Lila says.

He rolls his eyes and I'm already regretting the decision to come to the party, but as we climb into the car I know there is no turning back now.


	4. Chapter 4

We finally arrive to the party and I feel butterflies rise in my stomach. I've never been to one and I'm not even sure what people do at parties besides drink and make fools of themselves.

Lila and I get out of the back and Gerald and Arnold get out of the front of the car. We make our way over to the house where the party is. It must be a frat house by the looks of it.

There are already a massive amount of people here and the music is pumping loudly from the house. We walk up the steps and I try to make my way around the drunk people who are hanging by the railings of the stairs that lead to the front of the house.

Right when we entered the house, a drink in a red cup was shoved into my hands without any warning and I was scooted to the center of the house toward the living room. The music was even louder inside and hard to hear anything around me.

I already knew LA was popular for their parties, but geez this is something else.

Lila pushes me along either so creepy people won't talk to me or I'm walking too slow trying to take everything in.

We get to a spot in the house where there are people dancing crazily all around us with their red cups in their hands too. I really don't want to drink this but I don't want people to keep giving me new ones if I put this one down.

I see Lila start to dance with a random guy. He stands behind her and they both move their hips to the music. He starts to place his hand on her sides and she moves even lower.

I look away feeling awkward all of a sudden. Gerald is dancing with another girl and I don't know where Arnold went. Not that I care, he's been rude to me all day.

I usually don't like having bad tension between people, but something about Arnold just makes me tick. He pushes my buttons and I don't like it. I know everyone has a nice side in them and some people just take longer to let theirs out of their shell.

I decide to head back to the kitchen since Lila is busy and dancing isn't my thing.

I make my way back over to the kitchen dodging sweaty drunk people. There are still people in the kitchen but I do my best to not look at them. I'm usually a friendly person, but this isn't my scene so naturally I feel uncomfortable.

"Hey, who's this?" someone from behind me says. I turn and I'm met with someone with brown hair. He has a stocky build and he's looking at me so I'm guessing he's talking to me.

"Um, I'm Helga," I say. I probably should have used a fake name but I only thought of that after I blurted out my own.

"I'm Ludwig," he says shaking my hand. "Nice to meet you." He smiles at me wide.

I don't know if he's being friendly because he's drunk or that's just his personality. I think I have seen him before but I am not positive. He looks really familiar though.

"Nice to meet you too," I say. He brings his drink up to his lips and I feel the urge to do the same and bring my cup up to my lips as well.

The drink tastes fruity and I kind of like it even though the scent is bitter and reeks of alcohol.

My thoughts immediately go to Zak.

Zak.

I feel bad for getting mad at him earlier because now I am here drinking alcohol at a party talking to drunk strangers. I should call him.

My thoughts are interrupted by a loud crash. I look and see someone has fallen over probably from being too intoxicated. Someone helps her up and I decide to walk towards the music.

"Where are you going?" Ludwig asks me as I'm walking away.

"I want to dance," I tell him. I don't really know how to dance but I want to try. It would be nice if I knew someone here, but sadly I don't. My friends aren't associated with this kind of living.

I go inside the room and take another sip of my drink. This is really good I should find out what's inside it. I love the fruity taste of it.

The music is beating loudly and I wonder why the cops haven't come yet.

There are many girls here wearing little clothing and I almost wish I hadn't picked something so conservative to wear.

What is wrong with me? Of course I picked something conservative to wear. I have enough self-respect for myself to dress nicely and I shouldn't have to show my body to get attention, I think to myself.

I want to dance, but I just don't know how and I don't want to make a fool out of myself either. I guess I'm not drunk enough for this yet. Did I just think that? I never thought I would.

I take another sip but it's goodness gets to me and I take more than one. I can't believe I am doing this. I know that if I took myself out of my body and looked at myself, I would be telling myself to stop. But I'm tired of being so high strung because of Olga all the time.

I realize I look weird just standing in the middle of the dance floor so I try to find a bathroom. Maybe I need to let all the alcohol out of my system this way. Something in my mind tells me that isn't possible but I think it is.

I don't see any rooms downstairs so there must be one upstairs.

I get upstairs, and I see many doors that are closed. The bathroom could be any of these. I walk down the hallway and I suddenly hear a loud yelling coming from around the corner of the hallway. It curves to the left and a guy is yelling loudly with his hands in the air. He must be really drunk, but nonetheless, it scares me half to death.

He sees me and runs right at me. I scream and turn around and open a random door and lock myself inside. I wasn't sure if the door would have a lock, but I'm grateful that it does.

I hear him bang on the door twice, but then his yelling slowly descends as he goes downstairs. I let out a breath of air.

I turn around and take in the room that I ran into. It's huge with a queen size bed, a large, filled bookshelf, and its own bathroom. All of the lights are off though so it's hard to see the room in detail.

All the books intrigue me. I love to read and I love the classics. I see a copy of one of my favorite books: Wuthering Heights.

I grasp it off the bookshelf slowly and turn through the pages. It is really worn and the binding barely holds it together, but it's beautiful anyway.

The door to the bathroom opens and I gasp. I didn't know someone was in here.

A tall silhouetted figure comes out and I immediately notice the tattoos and floppy hair.

He looks at me and we both stare for a while.

"What are you doing here?" Arnold asks me. His tone is a little harsh.

"I don't know, what are you doing here?" I spit back. I'm still mad at him for his attitude earlier.

"This is my room and why the fuck are you in here?" he asks while taking a step toward me. He looks at the book in my hands and I immediately feel fear. I just met him today and I don't know what he's capable of. His deep scowl on his face could mean anything.

"You live here?" is the only sentence I can get out. My mind is jumbling all around.

"Yeah, now why are you here? No one is allowed in my room," he says. I see a lot of anger in his eyes.

"I…. I'm sorry. I was just looking for a restroom and then this guy chased me and I…. I don't know, I'm sorry," I say. I feel pathetic and vulnerable right now and I want to cry. I was trying to get to safety and I'm landed in the room with the only person I have a problem with. Also the alcohol is getting in my system and I feel very unstable.

He looks at me for a minute and I look up into his eyes.

"Here," he says and pushes his red cup into my hands.

He sees the confused look on my face as to why he would be giving me more alcohol right now.

"It's water. I don't drink," he says.

"You don't drink? And you live in a frat?" I ask. That idea is funny to me and I laugh out loud. I hate how I have no control right now. Note to self: Never drink again.

"I didn't choose to live here, now just drink it," he says and turns around to lay on his bed. It looks comfy.

"You don't like to party either?" I ask. I don't know why I keep talking to him.

"I'm over the whole party thing," he says flatly and lies down with his hands behind his head, similar to how he was doing it earlier in our room on Lila's bed.

"But aren't you a freshman? How are you already tired of parties? This is like the first day."

"I don't know. I just am," he says and he closes his eyes.

I feel slightly awkward since he is laying on his bed and I am just standing here drinking a cup of water.

"Are you tired?" I ask. I realize after the words left my mouth that was a dumb question.

"Sort of."

"Are you going to bed?"

"Do you always ask so many questions?" he says and lifts his head to look up at me.

"Uh.. I don't know. I guess…" I don't know why Arnold makes me feel so bad inside. I feel like I shouldn't be here. I feel like a bad person.

Don't cry, don't cry, I tell myself.

Before I know it, the tears are flowing from my face and I try to wipe them off quickly so he doesn't see, but of course he does.

He doesn't say anything though, he just sighs and lays back down. That makes me feel even dumber about myself and this situation.

I crouch down and hug my legs and put the cup of water down on the floor. I silently cry. I cry because I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why I was drinking, I don't know why I felt like dancing, and I don't know who I am. I always thought I was a good person who would never drink or go to a party, but here I am.

"Are you just going to sit there and cry all night?" I look up and Arnold's tall figure is standing over me. I didn't even hear him get up. I guess I was just too lost in my own thoughts.

I stand up and wipe my eyes. "No."

He looks at me for a second.

"Good, I don't want you to ruin my floor," he says and turns to walk away.

I've had it with his attitude.

"What the heck, Arnold! Why are you always so mean to me! What have I ever done to you! I just met you and you've been mean to me ever since!" I would never speak this out of tone with anyone but he deserves it.

He stands tall and looks back down at me.

"You're the one who's always in my business! Damn, I'm being blamed even though you do shit too!"

"Stop cussing. And I am not in your business, I just wonder stuff," I spit back. The alcohol is the only thing giving me confidence right now.

"Well then stop wondering stuff. I do whatever the hell I want and you can't tell me what or how I should do things. Shit.."

"You're so pathetic," I say and turn sideways away from him and cross my arms. I do ask a lot of questions, but I don't think that's a bad thing.

"_I'm_ pathetic? At least I don't cry at parties in some random dude's room," he spits back. His words hurt a little but I don't want to show it.

"At least I don't make random people cry! You could at least try to be nice. Seriously, why me?" I turn back to face him.

"The school year has barely began and you're already in my damn business," he says and looks away from me.

"I am not."

"This is why you can only have a wimp as a boyfriend," he says and walks over back to his bed.

"Don't talk about him like that! He's not a wimp," I defend him. Just because Zak isn't mean like Arnold doesn't mean he's a wimp.

"I saw him. He probably bakes cookies and watches soap operas," he says and lays back down on the bed.

I get on the other side of the bed to confront him.

"Stop making fun of him. At least he knows how to make me happy."

Now we are both laying on our sides looking at one another. I don't know how we got here, but we did.

"So being a pansy and giving you no adventure is your ideal of the perfect guy?" he challenges. I see a smirk begin to form on his face.

I like being able to predict what Zak's going to do. I'm not good with surprises.

"Stop smiling," I say and turn my body so I'm looking up at the ceiling.

I feel him shift on the bed and when I look over he's facing the ceiling too.

"Why because I think guys in sweaters are funny?" he smiles wider. I don't think I have seen him smile yet and I'm sure if I could see it from the front of his face, it would be a nice smile.

Why am I thinking this?

"No because you're a jerk." I can't help the smile that begins to form on my face as well.

"Then why are you here?" The tone in his voice is still playful and I can't help but play along too.

"I don't know, I guess I'm just not used to jerks so I have to get to know one," I say and laugh because I realize how stupid that sounds.

He looks over at me and smiles and I can finally see his full smile. I was right, it is a really nice smile. Something in my mind tells me not to think that but I did so I tell my subconscious to go away.

I don't get how we can go from fighting to this joking mood. I don't think it's normal but nothing about Arnold seems normal.

I turn on my side and scout closer to him on the bed. I really don't know what I'm doing. Arnold doesn't turn away from me and I'm super curious right now.

I lean my head closer in and I can feel his hot breath on my face. Before I know it, I place my lips on his gingerly. I'm used to kissing soft so I'm taken back when he pushes his lips forcefully on mine. It only takes a couple of seconds for him to push his tongue in my mouth and I feel his on mine.

My mind is racing from the alcohol, but mostly from the intoxicating feeling of Arnold. I've never experienced anything like this, but before I can wonder more, Arnold pulls back and gets off the bed. He doesn't say anything to me as he walks out the door and closes it behind him.

I'm left alone in his dark room alone without anything except the lingering taste of him in my mouth.

What did I just do?


	5. Chapter 5

It takes me a couple of moments to recover after my heated moment with Arnold. My head is still buzzing from the alcohol even though I didn't have that much. I've never drunk before so this is new to me.

I seriously cannot believe I just did that. Guilt overtakes me as I think of everything I just messed up. My heart sinks for Zak. I know if he found out, he would be mad, sad, and I don't know if he would forgive me. Thinking of him leaving me makes my heart squeeze and my stomach feel empty.

If I tell him, it's over. If I don't, he won't know. If he finds out later, it's over. My only chance with him is by taking the chance of not telling him and him never finding out.

This is why I hate parties, dumb stuff like this happens. I'm not that kind of girl who gets drunk at parties and cheats on their boyfriend, but I just did that.

I begin to cry on the bed and bring my knees to my chest. They are soft and subtle even though no one is in here, but I don't want to start bawling. I don't want to be at this party anymore so I decide to stay in here for as long as possible until Lila says we can leave.

I'm still sitting on the bed when I hear someone fiddle with the doorknob. My first thought is that it's a couple trying to find an empty room, but I'm shocked to see it's Arnold's figure in the doorway again.

He sees me and walks over to the bed. For a second I think he's going to kiss me again and the thought gets me excited, even though it shouldn't. But my hopes are immediately shut down when he reaches in the drawer of the bed stand to get out something. I think it's his wallet.

I want to say something to him. I want to ask him why, why he just kissed me and left without saying anything. And how he could just come in here again and not say anything to me.

But words do not come out of my mouth as I watch him leave the room without another word or glance at me. I can't believe how rude that boy is. Something is really wrong with his ways of thinking.

I decide I'm not just going to sit here all night and contemplate on my life because of one rude boy so I get up off the bed and head down the stairs.

The party has died down a little, but there are still quite a few people dancing or sitting around.

"Helga! Come here!" I look to where I hear my name being called from and I see a very drunk Lila.

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask her trying to steady her as she flings her body around. I'm buzzed, but not this bad.

"Helga, I'm so happy!" she says and literally bounces up and down.

"Why?" I ask. I'm trying to grab her arms to keep her steady.

"You see that guy over there?" she says trying to whisper but it comes out really loud.

I turn my head and see a guy with blonde hair and a pig-like nose.

"Yeah, what about him?" I'm trying to work with her but I'm getting a little annoyed.

"I think he's really cute," she says in my ear this time.

"Okay, Lila." I don't know what I'm supposed to say to that.

She goes to whisper in my ear again. "His name is Wolfgang. He's a senior," she says and giggles loudly. I don't get what's so funny about it.

"That's nice," I say.

"I want to talk to him," she says and tries to walk over to him but I don't think that's the best idea.

"I think you should stay here. You're really drunk, Lila."

"Shhh," she says and continues to try to walk over there. I walk with her in order to keep her from falling over and before she says something she'll regret tomorrow.

We walk over and I look around me and see Arnold sitting on the couch with his arm around another girl's shoulders. She has orange hair and piercings as well. I glare at him but he doesn't see me.

When we approach him, Arnold's still in my peripheral vision which annoys me. He doesn't look over though.

"Hiiii," Lila says lazily as we approach the guy, Wolfgang.

"Um, hi," he says. He gives us a skeptical glance but he has a smirk on his face. He must expect attention. He has his group behind him and I notice Ludwig and some other guys I have seen around campus before.

"My name's Liiiila. It's nice to meet you," she says and extends her hand for him to shake it.

Wolfgang and his group all try to hide their laughs but I know they're thinking mean things about her right now.

"Hey, Lila I have to show you something in the kitchen," I say trying to get her out of here.

"Really!? What is it!?" she says excitedly. She's so drunk.

"Hey, aren't you Zak's girlfriend?" Wolfgang asks me. I'm caught off guard since I didn't plan on talking to them.

"Uhh, yeah why?" I ask. Do they know him?

He and his whole group laugh and I'm confused.

"We love that guy," he says and gives me a grin. I see Arnold look over at us but I don't look at him.

"How do you know him?" I ask. I must have seen Ludwig hang out with him once or twice, but I don't remember all of these guys with Zak.

"We're just old friends. I see he did good getting you though," he says and gives me a look up and down my body.

I'm immediately disgusted and pull Lila to leave with me. I saw Arnold look at us but he didn't say anything or get up from his spot on the couch.

I hate guys like that, honestly. They make me sick.

"Let's get some fresh air," I tell Lila and guide her outside with me. I think the outdoors will calm me down.

Lila doesn't say anything but she's singing some song I don't know to herself.

The air is still hot even though the night has fallen, but that's what you get when you live in LA.

I try to think, how they knew Zak and what I'm going to do about Arnold. I look over and Lila is playing with her hair.

"Hey, Lila?"

"Yessss?" she asks and smiles at me.

"How long have you known Arnold?"

"Hmmm a while since like we were in elementary school!" she says.

"Was he always so mean?" I ask.

"Nooo! Arnold's not mean, he's just been through a lot," she giggles.

"What do you mean? Like what?" I'm curious.

"I don't know really. He moved after sixth grade but we just found out we were coming to the same school the past summer," she says and goes back to playing with her hair.

I wonder why he moved.

Just on cue, Gerald and Arnold come out of the house before I ask Lila where he went and why.

"Are you ladies ready?" Gerald asks. I think I saw him drinking, but I guess he is able to tolerate it more.

"We're leaving already?" Lila pouts. It's past midnight and I'm exhausted, how does she still want to stay here?

"It's getting late," Gerald assures her.

She continues to pout all the way to the car but Gerald keeps her steady so she doesn't fall. Arnold and I walk behind them but he keeps his strides one ahead of mine. I can't help but notice how long and thin his legs are.

"If you live here why are you leaving with us?" I ask him trying to keep up. I don't know why I keep talking to him but it just feels like I have to.

"I hate that house," he says quickly but doesn't slow his strides down.

"Then why live there?" I ask. Why would he live in a frat house if he didn't want to be in it? Aren't they hard to get into?

"That's none of your business," he says in a harsh tone.

"I was only asking, you don't have to be so rude," I say back. His attitude is really annoying.

"Why do you care so much?" he asks and takes one glance back at me before looking ahead again.

Why do I care so much? He's just so mysterious and it interests me but it makes me mad at the same time.

"I don't know. I guess I don't," I say flatly.

We don't say another word to each other as we all get in the car. Gerald helps Lila in the back and he gets in the driver's seat to take us back to the dorms. Gerald turns up the music and I get a little paranoid since he was just drinking but he seems to be aware.

I am thankful we get back to the dorms in one piece.

"Thanks for the ride, Gerald," I say politely.

"No problem. You got her?" he says pointing his thumb to Lila in the backseat. She's still playing with her hair and smiling.

"Yeah I do." Even though I am exhausted, physically and emotionally, I don't want to make him carry her all the way to our room. He has been kind ever since we met this morning and I shoot him a warm smile.

"All right, peace out, Helga," he says as I help Lila out of the car.

"Bye."

"Bye Gerald!" Lila says too loud. He laughs and waves goodbye.

I look at Arnold but he's starring ahead, probably wanting to get away from me. Good, I want him to leave too.

They pull out of the dorms and I struggle to get her up to our room, but I finally do. I open the door and help her on her bed before I turn the lights on. Luckily her bed is the bottom bunk but it's hard for me to get her on her bed without being able to see. And I don't want to turn the lights on and wake up Sheena, if she is sleeping here, that is. I can't see anything right now.

I should use the light on my phone to find my way around the room but I forget where I last put it. I don't think I grabbed it before I left since this dress has no pockets.

I put her on her bed and she knocks out almost instantly. I take off her shoes and try to put the blanket over her.

I go over to my desk and turn the desk lamp on so I can put on my pajamas and get my stuff to brush my teeth. I finally see my phone on my desk and click the lock screen to see if I received any messages.

My chest tightens when I see seven missed calls from Zak and ten from Olga. I know if I call Olga back right now at almost one in the morning, she will be mad that I was out this late. I decide to tell her in the morning I fell asleep early because I was tired from moving in.

As for Zak, I'm assuming he's sleeping so if I text him now he won't see it until the morning.

**Helga: **Sorry I didn't see your calls until now.

I put it down and got my pajamas out and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. My breath still smells faintly of alcohol so I make sure to brush them extra good.

I get back to my room and I'm surprised to see I have a message.

**Zak: **Where were you?

I really don't want to answer that and I don't think he wants me to either. I decide to be honest.

**Helga: **Lila wanted to hang out.

**Zak: **Until one in the morning?

He's starting to annoy me now. I know it's nice that he cares but he's not my father and he shouldn't have control over what I do.

**Helga: **Yeah but I'm exhausted so good night.

Instead of him texting back good night like I hoped, he starts to call me.

Really? I'm already annoyed and tired and I just want to go to bed. I take my phone outside and make sure to bring my keys.

"Hello?" I say into the phone.

"Helga, are you okay?" he asks me.

"I'm fine, Zak. Why did you call?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I haven't heard from you since I left this afternoon."

"Sorry, I was busy and I forgot to bring my phone with me," I say honestly. I really want to go to bed. I sit on the floor outside of my room.

"What did you guys do?" he asks me.

"Um I don't know just some girl stuff," I say. I want to ask him how he knows Wolfgang and his friends but that would give away that I went to a party with them.

"How was lunch with your roommates?" I ask trying to avoid that subject.

"It was good, we just talked about the new season for track and all the incoming freshmen who are going to be good."

"Oh yeah I heard this guy named Thaddeus is really fast, but it's hard to control him."

"What do you mean hard to control him?" Zak asks.

"Coach Wittenberg said he can get crazy sometimes and goes off running without coming back."

"What the heck? That is crazy," he says.

"I know," I say. My eyes are really getting heavy now and I may fall asleep right here.

"I remember when you were a freshman," Zak coos in the phone. His words make me smile because it seemed so long ago, but it was only a few months ago.

"You were the famous Helga G. Pataki. Everyone was talking about you coming here and all the upperclassmen were scared you were going to take their spots. And you did," he says now teasing me.

"I did not," I say while smiling.

"Yes you did. And when I first saw you, I knew I had to talk to you before all the other guys did."

"Well it took you a while to. I didn't talk to you until January when meets started," I remind him. I'm really tired now and I don't know how much longer until I fall asleep.

"I know I was so nervous. You're so pretty," he says as I lay my head down on the carpet.

"You're pretty," I say back. It's true he is really attractive for a male.

I hear him chuckle lightly.

"What are you doing right now?"

"Laying in my hall," I say. My speaking is getting disoriented as I drift off.

"Are you tired?" he asks me.

Duh, I want to say.

"Yes."

"Okay I'll let you go to sleep."

"Okay."

"Good night, Helga," he says.

Instead of forming a coherent sentence, I say something that sounds like, "Guh-ny."

I don't have the energy to get up so sleep takes over me as I fall asleep right outside my door.

**A/N: I hope everyone had a safe Halloween! I may double update today. Please tell me if you are all liking this story. It would mean a lot to me. Thank you!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: ****Sorry I would have posted this earlier but I decided to put in Arnold's POV! Hope you enjoy!**

**Arnold's POV**

Gerald and I pull away from the dorms as Helga helps Lila back to their room. Gerald turns down the music so we can talk.

"So what do you think of Lila's roommate? She seems nice," Gerald says to me.

She's nice, but fucking annoying. She's always popping up everywhere I go and it's getting annoying. She talks too damn much.

"She talks a lot and asks too many damn questions."

"I guess. She's a good girl though."

"Her boyfriend's from Hillwood. His name's Zak or something? Do you know him?" Even though I don't care about her life, I missed out on a lot from Hillwood and I sort of missed it, but I would never admit that.

"Isn't he a senior? I don't know man. Why do you ask?" he says and makes a left turn.

"I don't know. I just wasn't sure if you guys were friends with him."

"Na I haven't heard of him before."

I feel a vibration in my pocket and I think it's my phone but I pull out someone else's. Lila's. Damn I forgot she told me to hold on to her phone.

"Fuck, I have Lila's phone," I say out loud.

"Should we go back and give it to her?"

"She probably went to sleep already. She was so drunk," I say.

"I know!" he laughs. "Maybe Helga's still up?" he says while already making a U-turn.

"Ugh, I guess." I don't want to have to face her again. She's probably going to ask me a billion questions.

We make our way back to the resident halls and Gerald stays in the car and I go inside to give this shit back to Lila.

I walk up to their room and I see someone laying outside their room. Probably some slut that got too drunk. But as I approach, I notice the blonde hair and realize it's Helga. What the fuck?

I get to their door and I see Helga's phone and keys just sprawled out on the floor next to her. Who the fuck does that? Is she trying to get kidnapped? Or something worse…..

I know what the right thing to do is, but I honestly don't really care about her. I just met her today and she's been annoying the whole day.

But I have to use her keys to get in the room so I have no choice but to take her in there as well.

I grab the keys and open the door to set Lila's phone on her desk.

Before I change my mind, I prop the door open with a chair and pick her up with one arm behind her back and the other underneath her legs. Damn she's lighter than I expected. I guess she must be fit from track or some shit.

Before going in the dark room, I look down to make sure she's still sleeping, because I know if she catches me doing this shit, I won't hear the last of it.

She actually looks better when she's sleeping and not running her fucking mouth. She looks….. pretty? I don't know I hardly use that word to describe girls.

Before I let my mind wonder any more, I go inside and walk over to her bed. Of course she has the top fucking bunk. I go up the ladder slowly and I'm surprised she hasn't woken up yet. I've moved her around a lot.

I hope Lila or that other girl don't wake up either because that would be just as embarrassing. I hear faint snores from the other side of the room and I'm guessing it's Lila. I remember in the summer I found out she snores which is one reason why I made sure she wasn't a girl I would ever get with.

It's annoying as fuck when you're trying to sleep and the person next to you is snoring loud as shit.

I've been with a lot of girls, I know what I'm talking about.

Even though it is tempting to just throw this girl on her bed, I don't want her to wake up and see me, so I set her down as gingerly as I can, but I don't bother with the covers. If she's cold, she can figure it out herself.

I make my way down the ladder and out the room. That's when I see Helga's phone still on the floor outside. Fuck, I left the keys in the room.

I can either leave it, or be rational and take it and give it back to her tomorrow. But if someone in the hall sees it, they'll probably return it. Fuck.

I just take the phone and put it in my pocket and make my way down the hall.

I get in the car and Gerald starts it back up again.

"Did you give it back?" he asks as he pulls out of the dorms for the second time tonight.

"Yeah, but now we have to come back tomorrow and give back Helga's phone," I say and pull it out of my pocket to show him.

"Damn, why can't girls ever hold onto their phones?" he says with a laugh.

"I don't know they always have to be annoying about something," I say honestly.

He snorts a laugh, "Says the guy who has girls all over him."

"It's not like I ask for it," I say back cooly. It's true, girls always come up to me while I'm minding my own business so I fuck with them out of boredom.

"Whatever you say, man."

Gerald drops me off at my apartment. Yes, I have a room in the frat house, but there's no way I can stand living in there 24/7 with those guys. They're all fucking dumb so I bought this apartment with my own money.

I get in my room and I fall asleep thinking about what I plan on doing the next week.

**Helga POV**

I hear some rustling from below and I stir awake. It takes me a while to remember where I am as I sit up in my top bunk. Right, last night was my first night sleeping in my dorm.

I try to remember what happened last night as I climb down the ladder careful not to hit my head on the ceiling. All the thoughts finally come to my head. The party, the drinking, and this kiss with Arnold. Oh gosh. And Zak calling me last night.

I get down and Sheena is working at her desk on something.

"Good morning," I say.

"Good morning!" she looks over at me. "How late did you stay up last night?" she asks me.

How late did I stay up? Oh wait, I thought I fell asleep outside?

"Um, I'm not sure. Around one I think?" I look and see Lila isn't in her bed.

"Where's Lila?" I ask.

"She just got up too. She's in the bathroom," Sheena says with a smile.

"Oh okay. I have to go too," I say and make my way down the hall to the restroom.

Lila is washing her hands when I get in the restroom.

"Hey," I say and look at her through the mirror.

"Hey! How did you sleep?" she says rather excitedly.

"Good how about you? How do you feel? You kind of drank a lot last night," I say and make sure no one else is in the restroom so they don't hear us.

"I have a bit of a headache but I think I'll be all right," she says.

"Oh okay. Hey do you know how I got back in the room? Because I remember falling asleep outside our room but I woke up in my bed," I tell her.

"Hmmm, I'm not sure. You were in your bed when I woke up."

"Oh okay. I just thought I'd ask."

I do my thing in the restroom and head back into our room. I can't find my phone anywhere and it's stressing me out because I know I have to call Olga back or I'll be in so much trouble. I know I'm an adult but she never treats me like one and she's going to give me this big lecture.

I know I fell asleep talking on the phone with Zak, but my phone isn't in the hallway but my keys are on my desk. I'm so confused and a little creeped out thinking of what could have happened.

I decide to not stress out because someone in our hall probably picked it up and they'll return it later.

To clear my mind, I stay in my pajamas as I go on my computer and try to see if any of my professors have posted the syllabus. I see my English course has posted the syllabus and I get excited.

I get out a piece of paper to write down when all the assignments are due and if I can try to do some early. We're reading a book so maybe I can get that early and read a few chapters.

"Hey, I'm going to get some lunch, do you guys want to come with?" Sheena asks. I'm not really hungry but it was nice of her to ask.

"Yeah! I'm starving," Lila says.

"Oh, I'm not too hungry right now but maybe we could all have dinner together?" I offer. I just don't like eating when I'm not hungry.

"Okay that sounds good!" Sheena says.

"Just let me get dressed," Lila says and within five minutes, they are out the door.

I continue to fill out my schedule for English and I try to plan out how I'll get all my homework done around my classes and practice for the next half hour or so when I hear a knock on the door.

I thought it would be Lila and Sheena but I'm surprised when it's Arnold.

"Oh, hi," I say flatly.

"Here," he says and holds his hand out and I see my phone.

"You found it! Where was it?" I ask eagerly and take it from his hands to check if I have anything from Olga.

"Right next to you when you were sleeping outside last night," he says and looks directly in my eyes. Their shade of green still amaze me.

"You saw me sleeping? Did you put me back in my bed?" I ask. That gesture would confuse me very much since I thought he wanted nothing to do with me, but he would carry me back in my bed? I slightly hope he did, even though I shouldn't.

"No, Gerald did. Then we already locked the door and your phone was outside so I just decided to keep it."

I'm a little surprised but glad he didn't just leave it out there.

"Well, thank you. That means a lot to me," I say. His face piercings shine in the light.

"Whatever. Is Lila here? I have to tell her something."

"No, she and Sheena went to eat lunch, but they should be back soon."

He just looks at me while he stands in the hallway.

"You can wait for her in here if you want," I offer.

"Okay," he says and walks in. I sit at my desk again while he lays on Lila's bed.

It's harder for me to focus when I know he's right behind me but I pretend to keep busy.

"You have homework already?" he asks noticing all my papers.

"It's not homework, I'm just scheduling out all my assignments," I say. I hear him shift on the bed but I don't turn around.

All of a sudden, I see his hand come from behind me and grab all my papers. I get out of my chair and try to get them from him, but he holds them above his head so I can't reach.

"What the heck! I need those!" I say and try to grab them but I'm too short. He has this dirty smirk on his face and I don't know what the heck his problem is.

Before I know it, he pushes me against the wall and kisses me hard, and I don't try to stop him. It's something I've never felt before and it's making me intoxicated. The heat from his mouth but the coolness from his lip ring make me feel something inside that I don't want to go away.

I know this has to stop, so I pull away. It makes me sick that I don't even want to pull away, but it has to be done. We look at each other for a couple moments and his eyes are the brightest I have ever seen them.

"I have to go," he says and my heart sinks a little. I don't want him to go because I feel like every time I get a little closer to him, he runs out.

"Don't you want to tell Lila something?" I say as he gets to the door.

"Nope," he says and closes the door behind him and I'm left alone in the room more confused than ever.

**A/N: **** I'll update tomorrow for sure! Good night!**


	7. Chapter 7

I have track practice in two hours so I decide now would be a good time to eat something. Lila and Sheena still aren't back yet but since Arnold gave back my phone, I see I have three more missed calls from Olga.

I'm thankful Arnold didn't answer when she called or Olga would have lost it. She saw Lila and I know she wouldn't like me hanging out with her, let alone Arnold.

I decide to call her as I make my way downstairs.

"Finally you called! Where were you?" she asks me frantically. Her tone is making me slightly uneasy. I naturally hate to be out of line so I beat myself up about going to the party enough, but her reminding me just makes me feel worse.

"I went to bed early last night," I tell her calmly. I feel bad lying but she would make me feel even worse if I told the truth.

"Well Zak said he couldn't find you either and he knocked on your door and no one was in there."

He called Olga? Really? I'm nineteen and they both treat me like I'm twelve.

"I was sleeping and Sheena and Lila went out," I say covering for myself. I'm outside the dining hall and I want to go in and eat now.

"I have practice soon and I have to eat," I tell Olga as an excuse to get off the phone even though it's true.

"Oh okay. Have fun at practice, sweetie," she says and I want to roll my eyes.

"Thanks, I'll talk to you later," I say and hang up the phone.

After I eat, I head over to the track field. These are the times when I'm happy to be alone. After I am around a lot of people, I am grateful for some time by myself. It gives me a time to think and reflect on everything.

I get to the field and I see my old friends from last year.

"Hey, Helga!" they greet me and I smile at all of them. I'm so happy to see them again.

"Hey you guys!" There are Phoebe, Nadine, Park, and Stinky.

"Group hug!" Phoebe says and we all gather ourselves into a big mosh of people and laugh.

"I missed you guys so much! How are you guys?" I ask. I haven't seen them since last school year.

"Good! I wish summer was longer though," Nadine says.

After we all catch up, I realize to myself these are the people I want to associate myself with. I'd rather be with these people the rest of my life and never go to a party again.

I see Zak over with the long distance guys and I see him talking to… is that Ludwig? I knew Ludwig looked familiar but I guess I never noticed he talked to Zak before. It's funny how you meet people once and then you suddenly see them everywhere.

I just realize, what if he tells Zak I was at the party! Zak would be mad I lied to him and the fact I went to a party, at least without him. He thinks I'm going to get taken advantage of or get really drunk, neither of which happened. Well, sort of.

I should go over there and make sure Ludwig doesn't say anything, but my coach will get mad. I can't risk Zak knowing though so I try to subtly branch off from the sprinting group.

He sees me approaching him and he looks surprised. I can't help but look at his long legs. He almost always wears pants to school so it's a rarity to see his legs. It's weird but I love looking at them.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks. Why does he have to assume something's wrong? Maybe I just wanted to say hi since I haven't talked to him all day.

"Nothing, just wanted to say hi," I say and wrap my arms around his torso. He pats his hand on my back as I take him in.

"Well, hi," he says and smiles down at me. I smile back.

"Have you met my buddy Ludwig? We were friends in high school." It seems like everyone is from Hillwood.

"No, it's nice to meet you Ludwig," I say and extend my hand for him to shake. He looks at me skeptically but I give him this look that says, 'Please just go along with it,' and he shakes my hand.

"It's nice to finally meet you. Zak always talks about you," Ludwig says and Zak nudges him.

"Oh really?" I say and glance over at Zak. He grins nervously at me and I think it's cute.

"Yeah, it's sappy," he says and smirks over at Zak.

"Helga! Get back over here!" I hear my coach yell. Crap.

"I have to go. Oh hey Zak, can we hang out tonight?" I ask. I miss him since we haven't done anything in a while.

"Sure," he says and I make my way back to the sprinters before I get in more trouble.

After practice, I walk with my friends back to their cars. They all have apartments off campus because they didn't feel like getting dorms again this year. They were all walk-ons last year but my scholarship provides free housing in the dorms so I decided to take it to save money.

"I'll see you guys later! We should plan something this week together," I say. I need to stop hanging out with Lila and Arnold.

"That'd be awesome!" Park says. "We could go out to dinner or watch a movie," he offers.

"I reckon that'd be a great idea," Stinky says. I find his accent funny and unique.

"Okay, I'm excited. I'll see you guys later!" I say as all four of them wave me goodbye pulling out of the parking lot.

My dorm isn't too far from the field, but it's still a walk. It would be nice to listen to my headphones while I walk, but I'm afraid of not hearing someone behind me if they try to take my bag or something of the sorts.

This is LA after all.

I get back to our room and as I expected, Gerald and Arnold are here with Lila. Sheena is still working at her desk and I feel slightly bad since they are making a lot of noise while she's trying to work.

Gerald is sitting at Lila's desk and Lila and Arnold are on her bed. Why does he always lay on the bed?

"Hey! You're back," Lila says and smiles.

"Yeah I just had practice," I tell them and go on my closet to get my things for the shower. "But I'm going to take a shower right now."

"Oh okay! We were just about to head out now anyway," Lila says and gets up off the bed. Gerald gets up from the chair but Arnold stays looking up at the top bunk.

"All right, I'll see you later then," I say and get into my shower sandals and exit the room. I hate sitting in sweat so I always take a shower right after practice.

The dorm showers are always a hassle since you have to worry about other people coming in while you're undressing, but I learned to tolerate it last year.

After my shower, I dry off and decide to change in my room since Lila said they were all gone.

I get inside the room, and I'm surprised when I don't see Sheena at her desk. I thought she would be here. But I'm even more surprised to see Arnold still on the bed.

Oh my gosh! I'm in my towel.

"Why are you still here?" I say loudly. I'm frazzled that he's here while I'm basically naked.

"Shit, you don't have to yell," he says and sits up. I feel really self-conscious as I just stand here in my towel. I make sure to have a tight hold on it.

"Why are you still here?" I say in a mocking tone.

"Now you have an attitude," he says.

"And you don't?" I say back. I don't where all of this confidence to talk this way came from but I can't help it around him.

"At least I'm not in everyone's business," he shoots back.

"I'm not in everyone's business. I just like to know things."

"About people's business."

"Gosh, can you please just get out while I change." He's making me mad.

"Trust me, I won't look," he says and lays back down so his back is facing me.

I still feel uncomfortable changing in front of him. He could look at any moment, but I make sure to be quick. I decide to wear one of my skirts and blouses. Olga taught me the only time it's okay to wear anything otherwise is when I have practice or I'm going to bed.

"I'm done," I say and take out my hair brush to comb my long blonde hair. I always get compliments on how long and soft it is, but I would think it would be since I have never dyed or heated my hair in any way. I don't even use a hair dryer.

"So where did they go?" I try to ask Arnold again. He hasn't said anything for the past five minutes and it's foreign to me since I'm always used to me or someone else talking.

"Something happened with Gerald's car so they're talking with the mechanic."

"And you didn't want to wait with them?" I ask while I continue to brush my hair in the mirror.

"I don't feel well," he says. I feel bad. Maybe I should offer him something?

"What's wrong?" I ask and turn around to face him. He's still looking up at the top bunk.

"I don't know. I'm probably just hung over."

"I thought you didn't drink?" I ask. He just told me that last night at the party.

"Oh, fuck. Well I still have a headache. Probably from all your bitching."

"Really? Are you serious? First you lie about why you don't feel well then you blame me?"

I don't understand why he would lie about being hung over then say it's my fault. I'm so irritated.

"Why can't you just tell the truth?" I ask.

"You want to know the truth?" he says loudly and finally looks over at me and gets off the bed to talk to me directly. I see nothing but anger in his eyes. His lip ring moves as his mouth talks and I'm a little frightened but I'm not going to let him know that.

"The truth is that you bother the shit out of me, you're always in my business, and I'd rather get stung in the ear by wasps than listen to you talk." His tone is harsh and his words hurt my feelings. It's not the fact that I like him, it's that I'm a person and no one likes to hear those things about themselves.

"It's not like you're perfect either. You're rude and insensitive to other's feelings. You don't care about anyone but yourself," I tell him. I've never had this many fights with someone in the span of twenty four hours.

"At least I can handle the idea of not being perfect. You can't even think about without freaking out. You're already making schedules for classes that haven't even started yet. You're a control freak."

"I'm not a control freak. I just like to know what's going on and planning everything out. If you don't like it then too bad, that's just what I do," I say back harshly.

Why does what I do bother him so much?

"You are so a control freak. I don't know how your sissy boyfriend can stand this," he says and waves his hand in front of him.

"He's not a sissy. And don't bring him into this. He has nothing to do with the problems you and I have."

"Oh really? Don't you feel bad for cheating on your boyfriend? Twice?" he says to me.

I just want to forget about that whole thing and I don't want to ever remember that again. I think if I just keep telling myself it didn't happen, then it didn't.

"It's not called cheating when you're thrown against the wall and being forced to kiss someone," I fire back. I won't let him know his words phase me.

"Yeah? Is that what happened the first time? I don't think so," he says and stares into my eyes.

I know I'm losing this argument but I don't want to admit it.

"I was drunk and you took advantage of me," I say and look away for a split second but go back to his face.

"Yeah sure you were. Then I saw you crying after. You're emotionally unstable."

"At least my main goal in life isn't to make everyone around me miserable," I say. He's pissing me off thinking he knows me.

"Don't pretend you're not drawn to me. You just keep coming back to me," he says and that's when I literally laugh.

"I come back to you? You're the one who's always in here and showing up in my life," I tell him.

"It's not my fault I'm friends with your roommate." He has lowered his voice some.

"You guys can hang anywhere in this whole school but you always come here." I'm starting to see his game. He comes back here just to make me miserable.

"You can go somewhere else too. I'm not the only one wrong here," he says.

"I do go other places, but when I come back, you're always here." I'm not going to let him blame me for everything.

I hear someone handle the key hole outside and Sheena comes back in. I think she can tell we were just having an argument because she looks frightened at the sight of us literally in each other's faces.

"Sorry, I just had to take a phone call," she says.

I'm not about to continue this argument with Sheena here and Arnold is obviously thinking the same thing as he heads out the door.

It irritates me how he just leaves without saying anything.

"Bye, Arnold!" I say really loudly in my hopes to annoy him.

He takes a look back at me as he is halfway out the door. I can see I accomplished my goal with the look on his face.

He exits the room without another word.

**A/N:**** Hey thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I love seeing what you guys think of this and your theories! Just letting you know, I have a midterm on Tuesday and my friend is visiting me on Wednesday so I think the next update won't be until Thursday :/. Unless I decide to surprise all of you ;). I hope everyone had a good weekend!**


	8. Chapter 8

I try to keep myself busy the rest of the afternoon so I don't have to think about my argument with Arnold. I know when I think too much on stuff, I get upset and I don't want to be upset over him. He's not worth it.

I text Zak and he says he'll be over at 6. I hope we just hang out because that is my idea of having a good time.

I decide to clean my area of the room because I can't stand anything messy. I stack the papers with my schedule on them and put them away in one of the drawers and pick up the other random things around my desk.

I have to make my bed so I climb the third step of the ladder to pull the sheets over and I tuck them in under the mattress. I feel slightly exposed since I am wearing a skirt even though it is longer but it still feels weird to me. Only Sheena is in the room though so I don't feel as bad about it.

Of course right as I am thinking this, Lila comes in the door and I hear her and Gerald arguing over something about the car.

I immediately stand straight up and hope they didn't notice my back side was just sticking up in the air. My cheeks turn red even though it probably isn't even that big a deal, but to me it is.

I look to see if they saw but they are both too engrossed in their own conversation to notice. That's when I see Arnold smirking over at me.

Crap, he saw.

Why is he smirking if we just had an argument? I will never understand that boy.

I quickly pull the quilt over the bed and step down the ladder.

"I'm not about to pay three hundred dollars for a new battery," Gerald complains.

"Well you're going to have to if you want to get anywhere," Lila says back. I can tell she's a little annoyed.

"No, no fucking way. It's not worth it." The veins in his neck start to bulge out.

"What about Sid or Harold?" asks Lila. I guess they have more friends here.

"Neither of their parents let them have cars. So basically, we're fucked," Gerald says.

"Zak has a car," I chime in. I know it may be weird for me to offer since we just met, but I may as well ask. They'll probably decline anyway.

All three of them look at me at once. I don't think they expected me to offer either.

"He's coming around six to be with me and you guys can use it while he's here," I say trying to explain myself more since they aren't saying anything.

"Yeah…. yeah that'd be really cool actually," Gerald says slowly. He probably thinks this is just as weird as I do.

"Okay, I'll call him and ask."

I decide going outside into the hall to talk to him would be the best choice in case he gets mad and I don't want them to hear that.

I dial his number as I walk down the hall a couple doors down.

"Hey," he answers on the third ring.

"Hi. I have to ask you something."

"Is everything okay?" he asks. I sense some worry in his voice.

"Yes. But you know that guy Gerald who is Lila's friend? Well his car broke down and… well they want to know if they can maybe use your car," I say. I take my bottom lip in my teeth out of nervousness for his reply.

"Helga…." he sighs into the phone. Not a good sign. "I know you like to help everyone, but I just don't think this is a good idea," he says. Of course it's not but I feel bad since I already got their hopes up.

"But I already said they could use it," I say. I know I didn't tell them that but I hope that will make him give in easier.

He sighs again. "We barely know them and they don't look like the type of people we should just lend our stuff to, not to mention a car."

"I know but they're nice people. I'm sure they know it's proper manners to take care of something that isn't theirs." Arnold isn't exactly nice but Lila and Gerald are.

I can tell he's going back and forth in his head since he takes a while to reply.

"Fine. But if anything happens to it, they're paying me." His tone is almost threatening and I'm taken aback.

"I know. Thank you," I say.

"Will I still see you at six?" he asks. His tone is back to sweet.

"Yes. I'll see you then," I say.

"Can't wait," he says and I can hear him smile through the phone and I smile too.

"Me neither. I'll see you when you get here," I say.

After we hang up I turn to walk back to my room but I'm startled when someone is already right behind me. It's him, of course.

"What?" I ask sort of harshly.

"What did he say?" he asks in a neutral voice barely showing any emotion.

"He said you guys can use it," I say and try to walk around him back to the room.

"Wait," he says and lightly touches my arm. Even that small gesture ignites a shock of electricity in my system that I wish wouldn't happen every time I'm around him.

I turn to face him wondering what he has to say. Is he going to apologize? He doesn't seem like he would but maybe he will actually prove me wrong this time.

"Um," he plays with his lip ring. I guess playing with his lips is a nervous habit too.

"When will he be here?"

I inwardly let out a disappointed sigh.

"Some time around six," I say and make my way around him again. A part of me hoped he would have said something around the matter that he's sorry or he doesn't want to fight anymore, but that hope is immediately demolished.

I walk in the room again and I feel Arnold closely behind my heels.

"He said you guys can use it. He'll be here around six," I say with little emotion. I guess I'm still a little let down.

"Sweet! Thanks so much Helga," Gerald says and whips his phone out to make a call outside. Lila smiles at me.

It's kind of awkward now but I don't really care so I go to sit on my desk. It's even more awkward since I just sit for a moment unsure of what to do. I get out a notebook from the drawer and a pen.

I used to only write when I was alone, but once I came to college I realized that there are only rare times when you are really alone so I learned to let go of the little insecurities that someone will see.

_My feelings are shifting, not where I want them to._

_Everything is changing just because of someone rude._

_I won't let it overtake me, I won't give in._

_I know he's trying to make me commit some sin._

_I have to stand my ground and stay where I know._

_I can't help but feel intrigued what's on the other side though._

"We're going to hang somewhere on campus," Gerald says when he comes back in the room. I turn around and Lila and Arnold are sitting on her bed.

"With who?" Lila asks.

"Harold and Sid, maybe Curly."

"Okay," she says and gets off the bed. Arnold mimics her movements.

"I can call you when he gets here," I address Lila. Mainly because I don't have either of Gerald's or Arnold's number.

"Oh okay, thank you so much!" she says cheerily.

They are out the door but not before Arnold takes one last look at me and closes the door.

**Arnold POV**

"Wait," I say trying to make her stay before we go back to where there's people. I touch her arm gently and her skin is so hot.

I want to tell her I'm sorry. I want to tell her that I wasn't always such an asshole and that I don't want to be this way. I want to tell her everything, but none of that comes out of my mouth.

She looks at me with her big ass blue eyes. They're the fucking brightest blue I have ever seen and it literally draws me in to her. I literally feel myself being drawn closer and closer to her when I'm near her. This is why I have to stay from her but we somehow always end up together.

"When will he be here?"

I can tell she had some hope in her eyes but it immediately left after I asked that stupid question.

"Some time around six," she says and makes her way around me. I don't blame her, but I don't want her to.

I stay close behind her because I want to say sorry, but I just can't. This shit sucks.

"He said you guys can use it. He'll be here around six," she tells Lila and Gerald. She sounds so sad and defeated. Why would she care what I say though? I thought she didn't like me.

Why should I care though? She's just some girl. I don't know her and she doesn't know me.

I have to admit though, I feel a little down about it because she's the only one who actually doesn't take my shit and tells me off in her own weird ass way. So I'm a little thrown off when she acts defeated. I want her to fight me.

"Sweet! Thanks so much, Helga," Gerald says and exits the room to tell the guys we have a ride, I assume.

Helga goes over to her desk and I go to sit on Lila's bed. Lila sits next to me, of course. She's been all over me since I returned this summer.

I admit, I fooled around with her some, but only because she was there. She can be in our group, but I don't want anything more with her, or anyone for that matter.

It only hurts to get attached to people.

Lila leans back to lay on her bed but I stay sitting by her feet with my hands clasped together. I watch Helga as she takes a notebook out of her drawer and gets a pen out to write something.

I decide watching her looks weird, so I lean back against the wall and lay my legs in front of me. They still hang over the edge of the bed.

I think Lila's trying to tell me something but I'm not really paying attention. I don't want to focus on anything right now.

"We're going to hang somewhere on campus," Gerald says as he finally comes back. It feels like forever but it was probably only ten minutes.

"With who?" Lila asks.

"Harold and Sid, maybe Curly."

Oh god, fucking Curly. I can't stand that motherfucker. He's an all right kid, he's just crazy as fuck.

"Okay," she says and gets off the bed. I get off too.

"I can call you when he gets here," Helga says but only looks at Lila. She's probably pissed at me but I don't give a fuck I would be mad at me too.

"Oh okay, thank you so much!" Lila says happily. Too fucking happy.

I take one last glance at her before I close the door.

"They're going to meet us outside the building," Gerald tells us.

"What are we going to do?" Lila asks. What do you fucking think? It's Harold, Sid, and fucking Curly.

"They brought some stuff," Gerald says.

We exit the building, and sure enough they are outside waiting on a bench.

"What's up, guys," Gerald says and gives each of them a handshake. Lila hugs them all. I stand behind with my hands in my pockets and give them all a head nod. Things have been different between us since I came back.

"So are we trying to function?" Harold asks. Seriously, trying to function? What kind of fucking phrase is that. These guys annoy the shit out of me.

"Yeah if you guys got it," Gerald says. I'm used to this shit. It's not that I go looking for any of it, but Gerald does, and since I'm always with him, I just do it for the fucks of it. Then there's Lila who I think is trying to prove something to someone I don't know who.

"'Course we do."

After a couple of hours, Lila gets a phone call from Helga saying that her boyfriend's here.

I don't know where we are all going in the car, but I don't really ask. I just go along with shit. There isn't even going to be enough room for us all but I guess we'll all have to squeeze.

"That's him," Gerald says. I guess he remembers him from move-in day. I don't remember his face, just his geeky outfit.

Gerald knows his eyes are bloodshot so he pulls out his shades. The sun is just about to set.

"Hey, you guys are Helga's friends?" he asks. I can't stop looking at his loafers. Who the fuck wears loafers who is under sixty years old? Apparently this guy. And his damn button up cardigan. Helga would be into this shit.

He looks over all of us and I can tell he's beginning to regret his decision but it's too late to tell us no now. His eyes are a light color, blue I think, but they don't brighten up like hers do.

Shit I have to stop thinking about those damn eyes.

"Yeah, thanks again man," Gerald says.

"No problem," he smiles at Gerald. This guy is literally stupid for letting us use it. "It's that Jeep over there," he says and points to this small ass Jeep Rubicon. How are we all going to fit in that?

"All right, thanks," Gerald says.

"When will you guys be back?" he asks us.

"We'll have it back by ten, no later than eleven," Gerald says. Zak's expression falters for a second but he gives us another smile. Prick.

"Okay, please be careful," he says and hands Gerald the keys.

"We will, let's go guys," Gerald says to all of us and we all follow. Lila walks right next to me and our hands keep bumping. I know she's doing it on purpose but I'm not going to say anything.

They all sit in the back while Gerald and I get the front. They look uncomfortable and Lila has to sit on Curly's lap. I can't help but notice she's wearing a skirt but I don't look back at her.

"Fuck, it's a stick. I don't know how to drive one," Gerald says. Of course it fucking is.

"Do any of you know how to?" he asks and looks in the backseat at all of them. Of course none of them do either.

"I do," I say and get out of the passenger's seat. I can tell it takes Gerald by surprise, but he gets out of the driver's side by the time I get to his side.

I buckle in again, start the engine, and press on the clutch.

"Where'd you learn how to drive a stick?" Gerald asks and looks over at me. I keep my eyes in front of me.

"I've been a lot of places, Gerald," I say and drive out of the parking lot.

I hear the four of them make mindless chatter in the back and that's when I get this idea while I drive.

Gerald gives me directions to the place we are going and we finally arrive after twenty five minutes. Gerald and I get out of the front and pull the seats back for everyone to get out.

"Hey, Curly," I say as we walk.

"Yeah?" he looks at me.

"How much do you have left?" I ask.

He subtly pulls out the bag from his pocket to show me. It's not a lot, but it's enough.

"How much do you want?" I know he's going to be a little fucker about it.

"Thirty," he says without hesitation.

I pull out my wallet and I'm lucky I just got paid last weekend.

I slip him the cash and he gives me the bag. I tuck it safely in the front pocket of my black jeans so I can see what happens to it.

It's still the end of September so the air isn't too chilly which I'm glad since I only wear t-shirts. Today I'm wearing white.

We walk toward this house as I continue to put all the pieces of my idea together.


	9. Chapter 9

**Helga POV**

"I really hope they're careful," Zak says as he enters my room. Sheena left to go eat dinner.

"I'm sure they will be," I try to assure him.

"Do you even know where they went?"

"Um, I didn't ask." I probably should have, but it slipped my mind and I was a little upset about Arnold. But now Zak is here so I feel better.

He sighs again and covers his face with his hand. Something tells me he wouldn't be minding this much if Arnold wasn't there. He made it clear he didn't like him on the first day.

"It will be okay," I say and grab his hand to make him not think about it. He looks down at me and I smile. His dark blue eyes scan mine. What is he looking for?

"I know," he says and leans down to kiss me on the cheek.

We decide to stay in tonight and watch a movie on Netflix.

I haven't seen this movie before and we are both laying side by side on my bed with the laptop on both of our laps.

Zak has his arm lightly around my shoulder and I begin to get bored of this movie. I can't help but think how it would be to have those fiery moments I had with Arnold with Zak. We have never done anything beyond a peck for longer than around five seconds.

I move the laptop more on his lap and turn my body to kiss him. I can tell my actions surprise him because he doesn't respond at first. He starts to kiss me back but I want to take it farther, so I try to kiss him harder and force my tongue in his mouth.

Zak pushes lightly against my shoulders.

"Helga? What's wrong?" he asks me.

I immediately sit up straight and feel embarrassed. I can't believe I just did that. I don't know what I was thinking.

"Sorry," I say.

"Tell me what's on your mind," he says and looks over at me. I'm so ashamed I don't even want to look over.

"Nothing is on my mind," I lie.

"Talk to me," he says and his eyes plead.

I don't want to say it. The words feel weird coming out of my mouth.

"It's just that…. We haven't done much and, I… I just thought maybe we could have tried something a little more…"

He looks at my face for a while and scans me from my left to right eye. Why is he doing that?

"Did something happen?" he asks me.

I know this is where I should tell him. I should tell him how I cheated and I kissed Arnold the first time but then I let him kiss me the second time. I have to tell him, but my pride won't let me. I'm not a cheater. I'm not that kind of person.

"No, I was just curious," I say and try to focus back on the movie.

I can't think of anything else right now except the warm feeling of Arnold's mouth on mine.

**Arnold POV**

We approach the house and apparently it's a kick back. I don't know this guys but apparently Gerald has some ties with him.

Gerald doesn't bother to knock and opens the front door and we all pile in after him. I can tell Harold, Sid, and Lila all feel uncomfortable here since they don't know what to do or where to go. They care too much what other people think.

On the other hand, there are Curly and I who don't give any fucks but for different reasons.

"Sup, Mickey," Gerald says to the owner of the house. He's a little guy with a big nose and he sort of creeps me out.

"Hey, Gerald. These your friends?" he asks and looks behind him at us. I don't know why his vibe just makes me want to punch him in the face with his beady eyes.

"Yeah, these are the guys and Lila."

I feel her shift behind me like I'm supposed to protect her.

"All right, let's go upstairs," he says and leads us up the stairs.

I don't know why we're here but Gerald said he had something to talk about with Mickey.

There is a couch and some chairs set up and I take a seat on one of the chairs. I don't want Lila getting all cozy next to me on the couch.

"Take a seat," he says to them even though I'm already sitting.

"So how are we going to do this?" Gerald asks.

Mickey takes out a bag from a drawer and pulls out a lighter. He joins us on one of the chairs and takes the already rolled up blunts out of the bag. He starts to light one then passes it off.

"We only need one person. They can't be connected to any of us in any way though. It has to be a totally new person."

What the fuck are they talking about? Gerald never mentioned this shit to me.

"Can you explain the plan again? It wasn't so clear when Wolfgang told me," Gerald says before he takes a hit then passes it off to Sid.

"Look, we just need one person with no ties. Once we find someone, we can't give them any reason to be suspicious. The bet is that whoever can get someone first, gets all the money."

"What does the person have to do?" Harold asks and passes the blunt.

"That doesn't matter, we just need someone that has nothing to do with us."

Gerald looks at me and I know exactly what he's thinking. Either the girl or her sissy boyfriend. Even though I don't really give shits about anyone, I would feel only slightly bad since they let us use his car just now, but that shows that you can't be willing to be nice to everyone. Maybe they need to learn their lesson.

"We know some people," Gerald says. I honestly don't want to be involved in all this shit in case it gets messy, but Gerald is the closest thing I have to a best friend so I guess I'm going to have to help him in this shit.

"Great. Talk to them about it and get back to me."

**Helga POV**

It's 10:20 and they still aren't back with Zak's car. I can tell he's getting antsy thinking of all the possibilities than can be happening.

We are currently taking a stroll through campus. I like either taking walks or runs at night, but I prefer to skateboard. However, Zak doesn't skateboard so we are walking with our hands clasped together.

"Have you heard anything from them?" he asks me. It's a warm night but Zak gave me his jacket to wear anyway.

"No, I can text Lila if you want though," I offer.

"Can you?" he asks and I pull out my phone to text her.

I can't help but look up at the sky, but only to be disappointed by the bright lights of LA that limits the vision of stars at night.

"I wish we lived somewhere with no lights. Only the natural lights that we are provided with already."

"How would we see at night?" he asks me.

"If there were no lights, the sky would be a lot brighter than it is now."

"Yes, but what about when we're indoors?" he asks me.

"I don't know," I say. I just thought it would be cool to think. "It would just be nice to see more stars."

"They don't have a lot where my parents live either," he says. I've been to Hillwood once in the summer to visit him and it was a busy city with something happening on every corner.

"Where would be your dream place to live?" I ask him suddenly curious.

"Probably the beach. I love the beach," he says and stares off in front of us.

"I think I would like to live in the mountains. It's quiet and perfect and fresh there," I tell him even though he didn't ask.

I feel a buzzing in my pocket and take my hand from Zak's to answer the phone. It's Lila.

"Hey, Lila," I say in the phone.

"It's Gerald," Gerald's unique voice says in the phone.

"Oh, hey Gerald," I say and look at Zak.

"Where do you want us to park the car?" he says and I hear laughing in the background.

Zak can hear him so he tells me the parking lot in front of my dorm.

"You can just park it in front of my dorm. Parking is free after 10."

"All right, where do we give you the keys?"

"We will meet you there," I say and we start walking toward my building.

I see Gerald, Lila, Arnold and three other guys I don't know waiting around outside when we get there.

"Hey, Helga!" Lila says and she runs over me to give me a hug. I can't help but pull my face in disgust when I smell her.

"Hi." I say shyly. I don't know how to act around her.

"Thanks again Zak," Gerald says and hands him the keys.

"No problem. Have a good night," he says and moves his arm around my shoulders to take me back in the dorms. I can tell he doesn't want to be around them.

"Hey, wait a sec," Gerald says. We turn back around.

"Would you guys be down to go to a party this weekend?" I look up at Zak next to me but he keeps his gaze on Gerald.

"We don't really party, thanks anyway though," he says briefly.

"C'mon, it's gonna be fun!" Gerald says.

"That's cool, but we're not really into that kind of stuff," Zak says. He keeps trying to pull me with him inside but they don't give up.

"A lot of people from our school will be there and probably people you guys know from track. A lot of them party."

Zak's jaw tightens and I see him look at all their faces. Lila is giggling from the fighting and the bigger guy and the smaller guy are having their own conversation. Then there's a guy with black hair and glasses who is saying some things to himself and of course Arnold who remains a neutral expression throughout this whole thing with his hands in his pockets. When I look at him, he glances at me for a second but then looks away.

I think he wants to say something, but he's holding himself back. He notices when Arnold looks at me and stares at him.

"You know what Helga? We should go," Zak says while still looking at Arnold.

What?

"Um, okay Zak. Let's go inside," I say and tug on his hand to bring him inside the building. I've never seen Zak act like this and it's throwing me off a little. I thought he was perfect.

We get inside and I can't help myself.

"You really want to go to that party?" I ask. It's not like him to want to go to a party.

"What do you think?" he asks kind of rudely.

"You don't have to snap at me just because you don't like them. I didn't ask to be associated with them either."

He sighs like he was just holding in a big breath.

"Helga, I know what happened."

My heart rate immediately quickens and my skin becomes icy.

"What do you mean?" I almost feel out of breath from asking that.

"Ludwig told me you went to a party with them yesterday," he says and my heart starts to race.

I hate being wrong, and I hate admitting I was wrong. This is the only thing I didn't want him to know and he found out.

"I…I'm sorry," I say and my face falls. I'm ashamed and I don't want to make up any excuse. I was wrong and I know I have to take the responsibility.

"I wasn't so mad that you went to the party," he tells me and I pick my face up to look at him.

"I was only mad when he told me that Arnold guy kissed you," he says and looks directly in my eyes. I know he wants an explanation but I look away.

"I was a little drunk and I didn't really know what was happening," I say. I know it's not the absolute truth but it is slightly.

"Did he take advantage of you?" he asks.

"No! Not like that," I say. Even though Arnold is a butt head, it doesn't seem like he is out to do that kind of thing with women.

"He just kissed you?" Ludwig must have made it seem that Arnold came on to me, even though it was the opposite in reality. At least the first time.

"Yes that's it. But I ended it right away," I say. It's true we didn't kiss long even if I wanted us to. Crap, did I just think that?

He looks at me for another moment and I keep thinking how did Ludwig know? Is he friends with Arnold? Or did a lot of people find out?

"Okay," he says and moves forward to capture me in a hug. He puts his hand in my hair and kisses the top of it.

"I'm sorry," I say and even though he is hugging me, I don't feel the warmth that used to illuminate from me when he would do this.

I can tell things are going to be different now.

**A/N:**** I am sooo sorry this took me so long to write. I didn't have a lot of time the past couple of days and I was unsure of where to go in this chapter. My goal is to update at least every other day but please bare with me. I'm so sorry I don't like to keep you guys waiting either. I had to walk to Starbucks to update since I didn't have any internet today. Thank you for reading and I will update tomorrow!**


	10. Chapter 10

I'm so excited for classes to start on Thursday. I'm currently putting all the necessary folders or binders in my backpack so I can be ready for them to start in two days.

I don't really have anything to do today expect for practice so I'm going to ask my friends if they want to do something tonight after practice.

Zak called me and asked if he could take me to practice but I politely declined. I like the walk because it helps me clear my mind.

When I get to the field, I join my friends.

"Hey, Helga!" Nadine says when she notices me.

They all look over at me and I immediately have a smile on my face.

"Hey! How is everyone?" I ask.

"Pretty good. What did you end up doing yesterday?" Park asks.

"Zak and I just hung out in my room and around campus." I decide to leave out the part where we let a high Arnold and Gerald take Zak's car to do who knows what.

"That sounds cool. Where is Zak anyway? He hasn't shown up yet," Phoebe looks over to where the distance guys are and I don't see him either.

"Hmm, not sure. He just called me and asked if I wanted a ride. I'm sure he'll be here soon." Maybe there was traffic or someone else needed a ride.

"Hey, are you guys doing anything tonight? I thought we could hang out," I offer.

"I don't have anything tonight, what about y'all?" Stinky says.

"I'm free," says Nadine.

"I don't have anything," Park says.

"Nope, nothing," Phoebe says.

"Great! What do you guys want to do?"

"We could see a movie? I've been wanting to see Evil Twin VI," says Phoebe.

I never liked scary movies before college, but I have grown to really like them once I saw them with my friends.

"I'm up for that," Stinky says.

"Yeah, me too! I've been waiting to see that!" says Nadine. She has always been the one who likes to experience new things.

"So what time should we go?" Phoebe asks.

"I don't have anything to do after practice," I say.

"I have some things to pick up so can we go around seven?" Park asks.

"That's good for me," Nadine says. We all agree that will work.

"Great! Can one of you pick me up?" Not having a car is a real inconvenience.

"I can pick you up Ms. Helga," Stinky says.

"Okay, thank you Stinky," I say.

The coach calls us over to begin warm up. I look over and still don't see Zak over with his teammates. I hope he is okay.

…..

Practice just finished and I begin to gather my things into my bag. I take my phone out and I haven't received any messages but one call from Olga. Oh great.

I decide to call her back on my back to my dorm building. I haven't seen Zak all practice but it is possible he showed up late and I didn't see him. There are a lot of people here.

I start my walk back and call her.

"Hello, Helga."

"Hi, Olga. What's up?"

"Don't use slang, Helga. And nothing new. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Sorry," I say and roll my eyes. Did I just roll my eyes? I never have before. At least at Olga.

"Nothing is new really. I just had practice."

"Oh, how was it?"

"It was just normal. Except I didn't see Zak but I think he just got lost in the crowd."

"Oh that's weird. I thought he gave you rides?"

"Not really. I like to walk." I think she assumes since I have a boyfriend that he should take me anywhere and everywhere I want but I'm perfectly capable of doing things myself.

"Are you sure? I'm sure he would give you a ride if you asked."

"I know but I don't want one. I can do things myself," I say slightly irritated. Does she not know I'm my own person?

"I know you can, sweetie. I'm just saying."

"What are you and Father doing today?" I ask. It's a Tuesday so it's nothing big but I thought I'd ask anyway.

"We are just hanging around the house. I'm making casserole for dinner."

"That sounds nice. Well I'm at my building now and I have to take a shower. My friends and I are going to the movies tonight."

"Oh okay. I hope you have fun and be safe."

"I know. And thanks I'll talk to you later," I say and hang up after she says goodbye.

I still haven't heard from Zak so I text him asking if he was at practice on my way up to my dorm.

I get my things ready for my shower and head down the hall to the restroom.

My phone begins to ring just as I turn the water on. I look and it's Lila?

"Hello?" I ask. Maybe she locked herself out.

"Hey, Helga! What are you doing right now?" she asks excitedly.

"I'm about to get in the shower. Why, do you need something?"

"No! But I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight!"

I'm guessing Arnold and Gerald and their other friends will be there too.

"Um well I already made plans with my friends. Sorry."

"Can't you cancel with them? I really want us to hangout!"

Her behavior is making me a little uneasy and I can't help but think what if this is a set up? I'm not a freshman like her, I know these type of things happen.

"Sorry I haven't seen my friends in a while and we have all year," I remind her. I'm not sure if I want to hang out with her much in the year, but I'm just saying that to get her off my back.

"I guess. But we have to hang out soon, okay!" she says with a lot of enthusiasm.

"Sure, Lila. I'll talk to you later."

In the shower, I keep thinking the possible reasons for Lila's phone call. I think to myself that they are all trying to mess with me. Now I feel stupid for letting them use Zak's car because they're just using us and I know it. At least, now I know. I'm beginning to see their game.

I try to call Zak after my shower since he hasn't replied yet and I want to talk to him about this whole thing, but he still doesn't answer.

There is still about three hours until Stinky picks me up and I don't know what to do. Sheena and Lila aren't here so I take out my notebook.

_You may think I am unaware and vulnerable_

_But I knew from the start you would always be trouble._

_For some reason that is not enough to make me lose hope._

_Because there is still something that holds me like a rope._

_I hope it don't get too sucked in._

_Because I can feel myself getting tucked under your skin._

I lay my head down for a while because I'm tired from practice and I just want to sleep for ten minutes.

…

About an hour later I'm awoken by my phone buzzing loudly on the wooden desk. I snap my head up quickly and look at the caller. It's Zak.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey, sorry I didn't reply. I was busy."

"Oh, that's okay. Did you go to practice?" I ask.

"No I had to miss. One of my roommates cut his finger pretty bad cutting an apple so I had to take him to the emergency room. He's still in there but I'm in the waiting room."

"Oh I see. Is he okay?" I ask. I was worried something serious might have happened but this doesn't seem that bad.

"He'll be okay, they're just giving him a few stitches."

"Oh okay." I look at the clock on the wall and see it is 6:30! Geez I guess I was really tired.

"I think Stinky's picking me up soon, we're all going to the movies tonight," I tell him.

"Oh okay. That's nice. I hope you have fun."

"Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. If you need anything, call me, okay?"

"Oh that reminds me I want to talk to you about something."

"What is it?"

"Well Lila called me right before I was going to take a shower and she was persistent I hang out with her tonight. She even told me to cancel with my friends to hang out with her."

"Really? Something's weird about them."

"I know. I feel like they're using us."

"They might be. Remember what happened to Rhonda last year?"

The thought makes me shudder.

"I feel so bad for that poor girl."

She hung out with a lot of seniors she thought were her friends and they videotaped her while a guy was having sex with her and showed it to all of their friends. She changed schools and no one has heard from her since.

"Just please be careful with them."

"I will." I am glad he is on my side with this whole thing but I feel I will be able to take care of myself if anything ever happens with them. I am not dumb.

After we hang up, Stinky calls me almost immediately to tell me he's waiting outside.

I get excited and make sure to put all my things in my handbag and rush outside to meet him.

"Hey, Stinky!" I say as I hop in his car.

"Hey, Ms. Helga. Are you ready?" he asks before pulling out of the parking lot.

"Yeah I am. I'm excited we're all finally hanging out. It's been a while."

"Yes it has. None of us really hung out much even when we were all in Hillwood, on account of we were all seeing our families."

"Yeah but being with family is good too. Family is always first."

"I suppose you are right."

We get to the theatres and everyone is already outside in line. We join them and talk amongst ourselves until we get our tickets.

"Oh my gosh you guys, look." We all looks over to where Nadine pointed out and it's Lila and Arnold.

"Is that… Arnold? No way!" Park says.

"You guys know them?" I ask.

"Yeah they went to our old school. Well Arnold left after sixth grade and no one has seen him since. But he changed a lot," says Phoebe.

"You mean he wasn't always so rude?" I ask and cross my arms.

"You've talked to him?" Nadine asks.

"Yes. Lila is my roommate and he is always hanging around our room," I say displeased.

"What's he like?" Stinky asks.

What is he like?

"From what I've seen, he's rude and doesn't care about anyone but himself."

"Really? He used to be so kind and caring. I wonder what happened and where he went," says Phoebe.

"I heard they sold his house for some reason and he ended up getting sent off," Stinky says.

"I knew about the house but I didn't know why he left," says Park.

I look over and I see Lila's great green hair sticking out and she's looking up at Arnold with a big smile on her face. Why did she want me to hang out with them if it was just her and Arnold? That would be weird.

Arnold must have noticed all of us staring at them and he looks over. His hands are still in his pockets and I can't help but notice the way his biceps flex.

He says something to Lila and he stares at me. Lila looks over and waves over to us. We all wave back and before we know it, she is dragging Arnold along with her over to us. Oh, great.

"Hey guys!" she says and gives all of them hugs. Arnold stands back. "I haven't seen you all in forever! How is everything?"

"We're good," Phoebe says and I see her look at Arnold. He doesn't notice though because he's looking at the floor.

He looks up at me and it looks like he's trying to tell me something. His eyes gesture to the side and back at me. He wants to talk to me? My arms are still crossed when I look over at my friends and see they're too absorbed in talking to Lila.

I branch off from them and follow Arnold to the side. I don't know why when I just realized they are only using me but I'm still interested in what he has to say. I know that I can take care of myself. Once we get far enough away he turns to face me.

I'm still taken aback by the brightness of his green eyes and the glimmer from his face piercings. I once wanted to pierce my lip in high school, but Olga would have none of that.

"Hi," I say. I uncross my arms and smooth out my skirt.

He looks down at it and I am waiting for a sassy remark from him.

"Why do you wear those long ass skirts?" And there it is.

"They're comfortable and I like them."

"I just wanted to say…. Um.. I .. are you coming to the party this weekend?" he says and his tongue plays with his lip ring.

I'm a little surprised by his question.

"I'm not sure. Zak said we are but I don't know if we really are."

"Well even if he doesn't want to come, you still should," he says. He wants me to come?

"Um…" _Remember he's just using you,_ my subconscious tells me but I want it to go away.

"I guess I may show up…" I say contemplating my options.

"Okay," he says with little emotion in his voice.

I feel out of place now and I cross my arms back across my chest. I don't get how he can ask me to come to a party then act like he doesn't care.

"Why do you want me to go?" I ask. Maybe I'll figure out with Lila wanted me to hang out with her.

"I don't want you to, Lila told me to ask you," he says and my hope drops. Of course.

"Sure she did," I say and roll my eyes. I have never developed this much sass before.

"She did, and I don't have to prove anything to you," he says.

"I wouldn't want you to," I say and I want to turn on my heel to meet up with my friends again but my feet stay planted firmly on the ground.

"Sure, is that why you're so drawn to me?" he says.

"Oh my gosh, can you please think for two minutes that not everything is about you?"

"Coming from you. You think everything revolves around you and everything is perfect in your little world."

"Everything _is_ perfect. You're the only thing in my life that causes me stress. I have to worry about running into you or if you're going to be in my room or what next mean thing you're going to say to me."

"Oh please, open your eyes. Do you even know your own boyfriend?"

"What do you mean?" My heart catches in my throat.

"He hangs out with Ludwig and Wolfgang all the time."

I already knew about Ludwig but Wolfgang too?

"So? He can have friends too," I say trying to show that his words don't have any effect on me.

"Yeah but do you even know those guys? They get high everyday."

"So, Zak doesn't do that stuff. He's just friends with them."

"Yeah believe what you want. I know what I saw," he says and starts to walk away.

I touch his arm to keep him from leaving this conversation too soon.

"What do you mean? What did you see?"

"Why should I tell you? You're not going to believe me anyway. You already put him on this high ass pedestal of who you think he is when really you have no idea."

"Tell me. Tell me right now." I say.

He sighs and looks to the side and returns his gaze to me.

"He was at Ludwig's house today and I saw him getting high with them," he says and my heart clenches.

That's why he wasn't at practice. I can't believe he made up some crappy excuse that his roommate cut his finger. I feel like crying but I can't right now.

Arnold doesn't say anything more and stands there with his hands back in his pockets. I don't have anything more to say because I don't trust my voice right now.

I walk back over to my friends and I don't want to be a party pooper so I quietly excuse myself to the restroom.

**A/N: ****Sorry I didn't update yesterday but I was a little sad I only got one review last chapter. I'm not asking for reviews, but I'm just saying they help me update faster. I hope everyone enjoys Veterans' Day and don't forget to thank a vet!**


	11. Chapter 11

(This chapter is short to warn you).

I go in the restroom and grab a paper towel to wipe my nose. No tears have escaped my eyes yet but I feel them coming soon.

Was Arnold telling the truth about Zak? Is Zak really into that stuff? I'm so confused and I don't know who to trust. Instead of jumping to conclusions, I pull out my phone to call him.

"Hey," he says into the phone.

"Zak."

"What's wrong?" he asks. At least he can tell there's something wrong.

"I have to ask you something," I say trying not to be too dramatic. I have heard that I do that sometimes.

"Okay you can ask me." He doesn't seem nervous but he should be.

I don't know how to ask this so I'll try to be subtle.

"You're good friends with Ludwig, right?"

"Yeah… what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well I know he likes to do bad things…" he doesn't say anything so I continue. "And I was wondering if you do those things with him."

He is silent on the other line for a couple moments.

"You think I smoke and drink with him?" he asks with some edge in his voice. I don't know why but lately he has become more abrasive at times. I don't remember him being like this before.

"I heard some stuff so I'm asking you for the truth before I jumped to any conclusions," I tell him. He doesn't have to get so butt hurt.

"It was him, wasn't it? He told you." He says defending himself.

"Obviously you were then if you know who told me." I can't believe this and a tear escapes my eye.

"Helga, please. Don't think that. I don't do that stuff with them."

"Why couldn't you just tell me that in the first place? If you truly didn't, would it have been so hard to just tell me first thing?" I don't know what to believe.

"Please, Helga. I'm not like that. You know me. Who are you going to believe, your boyfriend or these people you just met?"

I guess Arnold could be lying but his behavior just now is making me confused. I don't know who to believe but I suppose I trust him more than them for now.

"I trust you. I just wish I knew the truth," I say honestly.

"I'm telling you the truth, Helga. Please believe me." I can sense the desperation in his voice and it makes me want to give in. I know I have to stand my ground though.

It takes me a while before I respond.

"My friends are waiting for me outside."

"I know. But please just tell me if you're mad at me or not before you go."

I don't know if I am so much mad at him as I am disappointed.

"I'm not mad," I finally say.

He lets out a breath of air.

"Okay. Thank you. Call me later, okay?"

"Okay," I say quietly even though I'm not sure if I'm going to yet or not.

I check myself in the mirror and wipe my eyes briefly before I head out. I never wear make-up so I don't have to worry about any of that smearing.

I exit the restroom and see my friends still waiting for me outside with Lila and Arnold. They're still absorbed in their conversation but Arnold looks at me with almost, a worried expression? I don't understand him and I don't think I ever will.

"Hey, ready for the movie?" Phoebe asks.

"Yup."

"What are you guys watching?" Lila asks.

"Evil Twin VI!" Nadine says. I can tell she is really excited for this movie.

"No way, so are we!" Lila says. I look up at Arnold and he rolls his eyes behind her back and that gives me some sort of weird satisfaction. At least he thinks she's too much sometimes also.

"We should head in then, on account of it's starting soon," says Stinky.

We all head in and for some weird reason, I want to sit next to Arnold. I feel like we are on the same boat in a weird way since he was trying to tell me the truth about Zak. I still haven't figured out if what he said is true but I feel like Zak is up to something and the thought makes me sad since he's going behind my back.

We find a row that isn't occupied at all and we pile in after one another. I end up sitting next to Park and Phoebe and Lila is the last one to sit down next to Arnold.

The previews are still showing and Park asks if we want any popcorn. Everyone wants some but me, because anything with corn in it makes me cringe. I can't stand it.

Park gets up to get everyone's requests and Arnold is in the seat right next to Park's empty one. We look over at each other but he looks back toward the screen right after.

I do the same and sit up straight in my chair.

Before I know it, Arnold gets up from his chair to sit in Park's seat. I don't know what he's doing and for a second I think he might kiss me again, but instead he just gets up close to my face and says, "Did you ask him?"

It takes me a while to respond because his face seems to glow in the darkness of the theatre. He's beautiful with his light features.

"Um.. yeah. He said he's not doing anything."

"Do you believe him?"

"I don't know. Why should I believe what you say anyway?" I ask. I can't help but be mean to him even though I crave a fight with him every now and then. It makes me mad that I want to be close with him, but I know I can't, so I be mean.

"You don't have to. I'm just wondering what bullshit he was trying to feed you."

I furrow my brows. "Stop cussing. I don't know if it is bullcrap or not, but I will find out," I say and turn back to face the screen. I hear him chuckle.

"What?" I say and raise my brow at him.

"Did you just say bullcrap? That's fucking funny," he says and starts to laugh harder.

I see Lila look over at us and give us a weird look. I offer her a smile showing that everything is okay.

"You don't have to laugh at me because I don't choose the same word choices as you." I feel defensive but there is light humor in our conversation as I crack a smile. I don't get how I can be mad at him one minute, but then be joking with him the next.

"I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at your word choice," he says and shows me a smile that I hardly ever see.

He has a nice smile but I don't want him to see me staring at him so I just laugh with him to not make it weird.

Park returns with everyone's popcorn and he stops for a second when he sees Arnold has taken his seat. I expect Arnold to get up and go back to his original seat, but I'm surprised when after Park hands everyone what they asked for, Arnold stays in the seat. I thought he would be more than happy to go back to his seat, but I guess I am wrong.

The movie starts and I cannot focus the whole time. I don't even cringe like I usually would, but I cannot focus on anything other than the fact that Arnold is sitting next to me and he didn't want to move back. I'm happy, but I shouldn't be.

The movie is scary, but I'm used to seeing so many scary movies last year that I don't think too much about it when it's over. We exit the theatre and I try to distance myself from Arnold because I know if I get too close, I will just want more, like at the party when I was buzzed from the alcohol.

I'm glad for my decision because when we exit the theatre, I see Zak waiting with his arms crossed over his chest as he stares right at Arnold before he shifts his gaze to me.

**A/N:**** I was so happy I got so many reviews last chapter! I almost cried lol I get emotional. I know this is shorter but I didn't want to write a longer chapter that was bad because I'm super tired and still have homework. Thank you so much for the reviews and kind words, I love you all!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Arnold POV**

When Park leaves to go get everyone's shit, I realize this is my time to actually talk to her again. I don't know why, she drives me crazy but no one else has challenged me like she does. I don't usually pursue people, but she's different. Probably because she's the only girl who acts like she doesn't give a fuck about me.

I get up to sit next to her and try to talk to her. I know she won't be crawling in my lap to beg me to talk to her. She's strong.

"Did you ask him?" I ask and I can see she's surprised I sat next to her to talk to her. She looks at me for a couple seconds before she looks away.

"Um… yeah. He said he's not doing anything."

Of course he did.

"Do you believe him?"

"I don't know. Why should I believe what you say anyway?" She has a point. Why would she believe me over her boyfriend? I do say a lot of shit but I know what I saw. I guess this is what happens when I cry wolf.

"You don't have to. I'm just wondering what bullshit he was trying to feed you."

Why do I care so much? She's just Lila's roommate and she can work out her own relationship problems. Dammit, I wish I never said anything.

"Stop cussing. I don't know if it is bullcrap or not, but I will find out," she says and turns her side to me to face the screen.

I can't help but let out a laugh. I feel Lila shift behind my back but I don't care. She touches my arm and I bring it to my front while still laughing, completely ignoring her.

"What?" Helga asks and looks at me skeptically.

"Did you just say bullcrap? That's fucking funny," I say and continue to laugh.

"You don't have to laugh at me because I don't chose the same word choices as you." I can tell she's trying to be serious but she eventually cracks and laughs with me.

"I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at your word choice," I say and I find myself with a goofy ass grin like a little boy who just got his favorite fucking bike on Christmas.

We laugh and smile until Park comes back with everyone's shit. He looks at me and I know he's waiting for me to get up and go back to my seat, but fuck it, I'm actually happy right now and I don't feel like moving. I think Helga expected me to get up to but she doesn't say anything.

The movie is pretty graphic and I'm surprised when I don't see Helga flinch at all. She never looks over so I can sneak glances at her during the movie without her knowing.

When the movie is over and we get up to leave the theatre, Helga goes back to her friends and I'm a little let down but I'm not going to show it. I suppose it was a good thing because I see her dumb ass boyfriend waiting outside the theatre right as we exit.

What the fuck? He has to patrol her all the time? This is why I don't date, you're always worrying about where the other person is and what they are doing. Fuck that.

The prick stares at me and then looks over to her. Of course he only looks at me out of all the people in this group. It's not my fault he does dumb shit right when I come in.

I look over at Helga and she looks surprised but also there's a sign of…. Fear? She's scared? She shouldn't be. Or maybe she should be.

He walks over to her and without saying anything he grabs her wrist and leads her over to a more private place away from us. We can still see them, we just can't hear what they're saying.

Her friends look at each other because I guess they don't know what to do. He has everyone thinking he's a perfect little angel. I hope she finds out the truth.

I can see him getting mad as he raises his voice in front of her. I don't know if he's yelling at her but he is yelling. She doesn't back down though and stands her ground. Damn straight.

I have to keep reminding myself that I don't care so I look away. You just get hurt when you care. Her friends are talking with Lila and I stuff my hands in my pockets.

I'm surprised when I see Helga already back here.

"Are you okay?" Phoebe asks and puts her hand on Helga's shoulder.

Helga nods and gives a small smile. I can tell she's holding back her emotions but she doesn't look at me once as we leave the building and we go our separate ways.

**Helga POV**

When I see Zak, I don't know how to feel. I normally would not be afraid to see him, but the look on his face throws me off. He looks really mad as he stares at Arnold then at me. This obviously has to do with the information Arnold just told me.

He doesn't say anything as he grabs my arm to take me over to an area where there aren't a lot of people and it is really embarrassing. He could have said something or at least said hi to my friends. He knows them.

We get over to a secluded place and he lets go of my arm.

"What the hell, Helga!"

Is he really yelling at me right now? I didn't do anything.

"What? I haven't done anything I don't know why you're mad." I try to not get mad because I really don't feel like fighting with him, but I'm not going to let him talk to me like that either.

"You said you were going to the movies, I didn't know he would be here!" he says and gesturing his hand to where they are all standing. My back faces them.

"I didn't know he was either. We just came here and he and Lila were already here. Why does it matter anyway?"

"You know why it matters! He obviously likes you."

Arnold likes me? The thought makes my stomach flip a little even though it shouldn't but I can't help it.

"No he doesn't. Actually I think it's the opposite," I say. It's true all he does is pick on me and get into fights with me.

"I don't like him," Zak says.

"Why not?" I ask. I still have to know if what he said was true.

"I just don't, okay?" he says and gives me a stern glare. I have never seen this side of Zak before and honestly I don't like it.

"Because he caught you?" I ask. His stance falters for a moment but he gathers himself up.

"No. Is that what he told you? Because he's lying."

I honestly don't know what to believe. The logical explanation is that Zak would not lie to me and Arnold would but I can't help but believe Arnold. How did he know what I was talking about anyway?

"Then why are you so mad about this whole thing?" I'm not letting him get out of this without some sort of explanation.

"Because…. Because you don't believe me! And you're going off with some bad guy you just met!" He is not making any sense right now.

"I would believe you if you were making any sense right now but you are acting weird. And I'm not going anywhere with him," I tell him.

He grabs at his hair in frustration while I wait for him to say something. He needs to explain to me before he gets any forgiveness.

He checks his phone and says, "I have to go."

"No, you are not leaving until you tell me the truth. What is going on Zak?" I ask and grab his arm before he leaves.

"I said I have to go."

And with that he takes his arm back and exits the building.

I really want to cry but I don't want to in front of my friends. I feel it is asking for attention and that is the last thing I want right now.

I walk back over to them quietly trying not to make too much of a deal.

Phoebe asks if I am okay and I reassure her before we all decide to leave. I feel Arnold's gaze on me but I don't want to look at him. I just need time to think by myself.

Stinky takes me back to my room and I thank him after I reassure him that I am okay. It is nice to know that I will have my friends to fall back on even if I can't work things out with Zak. I never thought we would break up any time soon but this is the first time it has crossed my mind since we got together.

The thought hurts but when I remember his behavior, it isn't so hard to think about anymore. I still don't know if he doing the drugs or not. I think I would rather know the truth than not knowing at all because this is causing me a lot of stress mentally and the quarter hasn't even started yet.

To get my mind off of this whole thing, I go online and see if any of my professors have posted any of their syllabi and I see my mythology teacher posted it! I'm so excited because Greek mythology is my favorite subject and it always has been.

I get excited as I scan over the assignment lists and all the books we will need. I grab a piece of paper from desk and start to make a schedule when I can complete all these assignments.

There's a knock on the door that distracts me from my work for a second and I stand up to get it. Sheena isn't here so I don't think who it could be since I was so into my schedule.

I open it and see the familiar shade of dark blue eyes at my door. I don't know how I should act so I just stand with my arms crossed over my chest. I don't even want to invite him inside since he was acting so rude earlier.

We both stare at each other for a while.

Finally he says, "Can I come in?"

"If you don't yell, you can," I say. I don't want him to feel it is okay to act that way towards me.

"I won't," he says and his eyes plead with mine.

"Fine," I say and let him in. He closes the door behind him.

He doesn't say anything for a while but I am not going to be the first to say anything. He needs to apologize.

"Helga, what do you want? Please just tell me."

His question throws me off. That is what he decides to ask me?

"I just want the truth," I say honestly.

He lets out a sigh and I wait for him.

"The truth is… I don't do the drugs," that immediately relieves me. "But I help them… distribute them." I can tell he is picking his words carefully.

"So you sell the drugs?" I want to get to the point. I'm tired of not knowing.

"I don't sell them, Wolfgang and Ludwig do. I just give it to the people who buy them."

I'm glad to know he doesn't use them but some things don't add up still.

"Then why were you so mad earlier? If you don't do them." I'm not sure if I forgive him or even where we can go from here but I just want to get all the facts for now.

He sighs again and covers his face with his hands.

"Today was the only day I did it," he says and my chest tightens. It tightens because I thought he was better, I thought he would never do that, and because he lied.

He doesn't look at me but I don't want him to. I can't look at him either.

"Helga, I'm so sorry," he says and tries to approach me to take him in his arms, but I won't have that. I'm literally disgusted the more I keep thinking about it. I flinch away from his touch.

"Helga, please." I can tell the desperation in his voice but I cannot stand this right now.

"Leave. Please." I say.

"Is this it?" he asks and I finally look at him. His eyes are red.

"Just leave, please," I say. I don't want to deal with him right now and I want to think.

"Just tell me if this is it or not," he says and tries to grab my hand.

"I don't know yet," I say honestly. I am so disappointed in him.

"I'm sorry," he says and exits the room. He lingers in the doorway for another second, probably hoping that I tell him to come back, but that is not going to happen. His shoulders slump over as he closes the door behind him.

I don't want to do anything now as I stand in my empty dorm room at ten pm. I want to crawl into bed and cry. I change into my comfy pajamas, brush my teeth, and climb the ladder to my bed. I already turned the air on so I can snuggle under the warm covers.

My mind begins to think about all the events of today and I involuntarily fall asleep dreaming back and forth between boys with dark blue eyes and bright green ones.

I wake up and it takes me a moment to realize where I am. It is only my third or fourth night sleeping here so I forget every morning for a second.

I get up carefully and see Lila didn't even sleep here last night. Sheena is still sleeping though. It's around seven in the morning so I presume not a lot of people will be up at this time.

I gather my things to take a shower since I feel dirty from last night. All the things Zak told me last night flood my mind and I feel overwhelmed for a moment. I have to remind myself that everything will be okay but it is hard.

After my shower, I decide I should be okay to walk down the hall in my towel so I can change in my room since it is so early in the morning and no one has classes until tomorrow.

I dry myself off some and fold my towel over me and carry my shower carrier back into the room.

I get nervous as I hear some voices coming from down the hallway. I try to hide in front of the nearest door so they can't see me. I know it is silly to care, but it doesn't seem right for anyone to see me when I'm dressed this way, or not dressed at all for that matter.

I don't hear the voices anymore and continue to my room.

I am surprised when I see Lila and Arnold in our room when I enter and I outwardly gasp.

They both look at me and I can see Lila is a little out of it. Maybe she is tired or drunk, or both.

Arnold looks at me but quickly looks away.

"We should let her change," he says and drags Lila out of the room with him.

I am grateful he decided to leave the room but it is not like him to do that from what I have learned from him already. Maybe he wants to start over and be nice? I hope so.

After I change into my long skirt and blouse, I go out there to tell them I am done changing but only Arnold is there, sitting on the floor.

"Where is she?" I ask and look down the hall.

"She wanted to go to the bathroom," he says and stands up from his sitting position on the floor.

"You were right," I say. I don't want to beat around the bush anymore.

"Right about what?" he asks. He doesn't have much emotion in his voice but I am guessing he had a long night.

"Zak. He told me he took the drug," I say and look to the ground. I hate to admit that I am wrong but he deserves to know too, I guess.

"I know he did," he says.

His answer confuses me.

"Okay…"

"You should have just listened to me in the first place," he says.

Really? I was going to thank him for trying to tell me but he doesn't have to act like this. I thought we were moving forward in this… whatever relationship we have.

"I appreciate you trying to tell me the truth, but you don't have to be rude about it," I say. I am really getting tired of everyone's crap lately.

"I'm just saying, if you're not so stubborn all the time, you would have known sooner," he says like it's nothing. Well it is something.

"If you weren't so mean to me in the beginning, maybe I would have had a reason to believe you," I shoot back. He isn't the only innocent one here.

"Gosh, you're so difficult," he says. I think he is going to leave, but he doesn't this time.

"Dealing with you isn't a walk in the park either. I thought we could have….I… I don't know.."

"Thought we could have what? Been buddy buddies now? Just because I told you some stupid shit that doesn't matter, it doesn't mean I was trying to help you or anything like that," he says. His eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep and they seem to add to the fire of his words.

I don't know what his problem is but he needs to stop being so rude.

"What is your problem, Arnold? You always go back and forth between being mean and nice and really, it is infuriating."

"You always ask so many goddamn questions and get in my business and it pisses me off," he says.

"When did I ask you a question today? I was going to thank you for trying to tell me the truth but your alter ego got in the way, once again," I say. I see his eyes narrow in anger, but I honestly don't care if he's mad at me. I know he wants to say something rude but he doesn't.

Lila is walking back toward us and I move back to our door.

"Don't let her in, Sheena is trying to sleep."

And with that, I close the door and he doesn't try to come in.


	13. Chapter 13

I cannot believe Arnold and his dumb actions. If he could just shut his mouth and let me thank him, we wouldn't have so many problems.

I don't want this to affect my whole day since it is so early in the morning so I decide to go downstairs and eat in the dining hall.

I am not sure what I will do today since school doesn't start until tomorrow but I am thinking of doing yoga after practice and maybe starting some of the assignments that have already been posted.

I go upstairs to my room and for the second time today already, I see Lila and Arnold back in here. I told him not to let her in here.

Sheena has got up and I really hope they didn't wake her. She is so nice.

"Hey," I say to her, ignoring Arnold.

"Hey, did you already eat breakfast?" she asks.

"Oh yeah, I just went, sorry," I say.

"That's okay. I think I'm going to get some right now though. I'm super hungry!" she says.

"Okay, I'll see you when you get back," I smile at her and she grabs her keys and exits the room.

Lila is smiling but she quickly makes her way over to the bed and collapses on it. I hope she will be okay.

Arnold watches her fall on the bed and doesn't do anything so I walk over and take her shoes off for her since he obviously won't be doing anything.

"Why do you do that?" he asks me.

"Do what?"

"Treat other people way better than they deserve," he says and looks at me.

I look back for a moment before I respond.

"You have to treat people the way you want to be treated," I say and go over to clean my desk up some. He follows me.

"That's stupid. You just let people walk all over you," he says.

I don't turn around to face him while I put all the pencils in my container.

"No, I know when I need to put people in their place. Like you," I say. I still don't know where this mouth came from but it feels sort of good.

"That's just called being a bitch," he says like it is nothing.

I turn around to face him and his tongue is playing with his lip ring.

"I am not a b word," I say to defend myself.

"Why don't you cuss? Just say it. Say bitch," he says. If he is trying to peer pressure me into it, it is not going to work.

"No. You are annoying me," I say and turn back around.

"C'mon, I know you want to call me something," he says challenging me.

"Calling you a name doesn't change anything," I say and stack the papers on my desk.

"Say it, I dare you," he says and he touches my shoulder.

The touch sends electricity through me and it scares me a little. I have never felt this way from a touch from anyone.

"I am not saying it just because you tell me to. I have to be really angry."

"I bet I can make you angry…" he says and moves his hand to my hip. I can slightly feel the skin of his fingers where my shirt has lifted a little. I know he feels it too as he lifts the shirt with his hand a little more so his whole hand is on my skin.

His hands are soft but hard at the same time. The callouses make a roughness but the softness from his skin gives it the perfect feeling. I know I should take his hand out and tell him to leave, but his simple touch has made every coherent thought in my head disappear.

"You only have to say one word," he says right in my ear. I can smell the mint from his breath and I can feel the heat radiating off his body onto mine as he stands right behind me. His lips lightly touch the skin under my ear and I have to fight a shiver.

"I… I don't know what to say…." I say as the breath is literally drawn from me. I hate this affect he has on me but I love it at the same time.

He turns me around by my hip and I don't have any control as I move the way his hands tell me to. He keeps his blazing hand on my skin and puts the other one on my other hip.

"Or you could just shut that feisty mouth of yours," he says and I am not offended at all. I don't feel he is trying to make fun of me when he says that. It is almost a compliment.

I put my hands on his bulging biceps and they're hard. I can feel the muscles from underneath his plain black t-shirt and I trace the lines of one of his tattoos. I am still mesmerized by how many works of art he has on them. I outline a coy fish he has.

Zak's arms are lanky and they don't have a story like his.

"Why did you get so many tattoos?" I ask staring at them. This is the first time I got to look at them up close for longer than a couple of seconds.

"I don't know. I just felt like it," he says and his thumbs run up and down on my skin.

I look up at him and he is staring at me with the most emotion I have seen from him since I met him. I feel like he is trying to tell me all of his hard times and struggles through his stare with his eyes because he can't find the right words.

I really want to close the space between us, but I feel it is not right. But then I think about how Zak did drugs and that isn't right either.

Before I can think about what to do though, he brings me closer to him by my hips and shoves his lips on mine. This isn't right, I know it is not, but I don't want to be right anymore. I just want to keep kissing Arnold and I don't want to be the perfect person Olga or Zak or my father want me to be. I want to be Helga and I want to be imperfect.

He still kisses me with the same intensity he has the last two times. I want more of him as I grab a tighter hold of his arms and go on my tippy toes to lean into him more. I don't know where this came from since I have never had this much of an intense intimacy with someone, but it feels natural with Arnold.

I break away before we get too carried away even though this whole thing is so wrong. I shouldn't be doing this but I can't help it. I am intoxicated by him.

But when I take my lips off his, he moves his lips to my neck and slides his tongue across my collarbone and I feel him slightly start to suck on my skin. I don't want him to stop but he has to. I try to think of a reason why this should stop but I can't think of one right now, or I can't think about anything right now.

"Relax," he hums against my shoulders and slides his hand in my hair to keep my head just above his.

I try to relieve the tenseness I am feeling in my body but I do as he says. I keep thinking we should be quiet since Lila is sleeping, but she is probably knocked out.

He backs up so he is sitting on my chair and he guides me on his lap and I straddle his lap. My mind says no but my body says yes. He grips the sides of my waist tight and I feel his long fingers etch into my skin but it is a good pain. I rock my hips back and forth on his lap and I feel him tighten under me.

"Fuck," he says.

He sticks his tongue back in my mouth and I can feel the coolness of the metal from his ring against my lips and it makes a contrast to the heat from our kiss and his touches.

He starts to lift my blouse higher and higher and he takes the shirt off completely. I don't know why I let him, but for some reason, I don't tell him no.

He breaks our kiss and looks in my eyes first before his gaze travels down to my chest. He takes his lip in between his teeth and I think it is the sexiest thing ever.

"Fuck, Helga. You're so sexy," he says and goes back to kissing and biting on my collarbones and neck and I let out a moan.

I feel my cheeks flush. I have never been called sexy before and I never thought I looked that way in my plain badge bra. He has probably seen every type of bra, I think. I never had to worry about buying lingerie because no one, literally no one, would ever see them so there was no point. I find myself wishing I bought at least one pair.

To get my mind off of the thought of him doing this with a lot of other girls, I rock my hips harder against his and he moves his arms around my back so our chests are touching.

The door starts to jiggle and the moment has completely left as I push myself off of Arnold's lap as fast as I can and grab my shirt to throw it over my head.

Sheena comes in the door and she takes the sight in front of her. Her mouth forms an "o" and she says she forgot her wallet.

After Sheena leaves, I know this is the part where Arnold is going to storm out and say it was nothing. He always does that.

I look at him and his gaze meets mine.

"So are you just going to leave now?" I ask already ready for his rude comments.

"You want me to leave?" he asks and he looks almost vulnerable and hurt.

"I didn't say that. It is just that you always leave after we get…. close." I try to choose my words carefully.

"You drive me out," he says flatly.

"When have I done that?"

"I know you don't want me here," he says and looks at the floor in front of him.

I start to feel bad for him, but then I remember all the mean things he said to me.

"Maybe I would if you were nicer sometimes," I say.

"I'm mean to everyone, not just you," he says and looks up at me.

"But it seems you take a particular disliking to me," I say.

"I am not meaner to you than I am to everyone else," he says and he has a smirk on his face.

"I knew I couldn't have a normal conversation with you," I say and turn to walk out the door. Even though this is my room, I don't want to be in the same space as him right now. Well maybe I do, but I can't.

I hear him get up from the chair and he grabs my wrist.

"It must be so tiring," he says and I turn to face him.

"What must be tiring?"

"Pretending you don't want me when you obviously do," he says and tightens his grip on my wrist, but in a soft way.

"I… I don't want you. I have a boyfriend." I try to sound confident but my voice fails me. I am not sure if I still even have a boyfriend but it is easier to just say I do.

"Really?" he says and gets closer to me. I try to back away but his hand goes to my back and he brings me closer to him.

"No one else can make you feel this way," he says in a low, raspy voice.

"No one has touched you this way, I can tell," he says and lowers his mouth to the side of my neck so he is talking right in my ear.

"Not even your sissy boyfriend," he adds.

"Yes… yes he has," I lie. It's true though that no one has ever touched me this way.

"Really? You're not a very good liar," he says and he starts to nibble on my ear.

"I know when I touch you, your mouth gets dry, your knees get weak, you can't think…"

My brain literally goes fuzzy because I feel intoxicated by Arnold. I'm already uneasy about our just recent make out session and this again is too much. I feel my legs give out and my sight go black as I fall forward and I'm stopped from falling by a pair of strong, colorful arms.

**A/N:**** I wanted to post this earlier but I had a crazy night and there was this drama situation with my friends which is why I'm posting this at almost four in the morning lol. I have to do homework all tomorrow (Saturday) so I won't post until Sunday! Have a good weekend! (I feel a lot of you will like this chapter ;))**


	14. Chapter 14

I wake up and lift my head off of my desk. Wait, I didn't plan taking a nap? The recent memories of Arnold flood my mind.

I'm sitting at my desk and I turn around and Arnold is still here, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed across his chest.

I am a little embarrassed because I remember feeling overwhelmed by his closeness and it makes me frustrated because I can't do anything about it.

He has a smirk on his face when I look over to him and I am already preparing myself for the mocking things he is going to say.

He walks over to me and uncrosses his arms.

"Do you need help? Or are you going to faint again?" he says with a smirk and I stand up on my own and give him a glare.

"I don't need you to do anything for me," I say and walk towards the door planning to get as far away from him as possible, but grabs my wrist again but this time I jerk it away from him.

"Why do you always grab my arm like that? Do it again and I will smack you!" I say. I try to whisper yell since Lila is sleeping on the bed and I really don't want to wake her up.

He tries to grab my arm again and I don't follow through on my promise.

"What do you want from me, Arnold? Do you want to tell me how desperate I am, to laugh at me for playing your little games again? Because I am not going to play this with you anymore. At times you are nice, and then you purposely try to embarrass me and make fun of me and I don't want to deal with it anymore! I have a boyfriend and you are a horrible person. You seriously need to go see a doctor about your mood swings because I can't keep up with you! I just want you to leave me alone and find another girl to play your games with because I am done!"

"I really do bring out the worst in you, don't I?" I expect him to be smiling or laughing but he looks hurt. But I know better by now to know he really couldn't care any less. "I'm not trying to play games with you," he says and runs his fingers through his hair.

"Then what are you trying to do? Because your mood swings are giving me whiplash," I say. I hate being mean to people, but he really deserves it.

He looks around the room for a second.

"I… I don't know what I'm trying to do. You're the one who kissed me first."

"Yeah, but I was drunk and you kissed me the second and third time," I defend myself.

"You didn't stop me though. I know you like the way I make you feel. You like how you run out of breath quick when I get near you, and you get that feeling… down there. Don't you Helga?"

Everything he is saying is true and the way he says it only makes me want him more. It is unusual to want someone but hate them at the same time, but the attraction I feel toward him is strictly physical which is weird considering he is the exact opposite of Zak. Or who I thought Zak was.

"No, I don't. You're wrong," I say and try to take a step back but I feel the wall behind me as he keeps his grip tight on my arm.

"I'm never wrong," he says and I move myself away from the wall before he gets any closer.

"Why do you always say I am the one chasing after you when you are the one who corners me all the time?"

"I'm not cornering you, I'm trying to talk to you before you try to run away again."

"Why would you care if I leave or not? You always leave me," I say before I can stop the words tumbling out from my mouth. I don't want to sound desperate or needy, but that's exactly how it sounds.

His bright green eyes gleam into mine.

"I wouldn't care if you left," he says and drops my arm. His words hurt a little because I know he doesn't mean it but he says it anyway.

"Sure you wouldn't. That's why you were so intent on me staying here just a couple seconds ago."

"What are you doing on Friday?" he asks and the question startles me. We were just arguing and now he is asking for my plans on Friday?

"I don't know. I have classes then practice. Why?"

"We should do something," he says.

What? He was just saying he wouldn't care if I left him and now he wants to hang out with me? I don't understand.

"I don't know. Whenever we are together, we end up fighting," I say honestly.

"How about we try something else then?"

"What do you mean something else?" I am confused.

"We should try to set some boundaries." Finally he says something that makes sense.

"You mean like being friends? Just friends," I add.

"I think we're going to have to be since you're roommates with one of my best friends," he says and gestures over to Lila. She lets some snores escape her nostrils and I see Arnold cringe at it.

"Okay. So, friends?" I ask for a second time.

"Yeah, friends."

"But you have to try to be nicer to me," I throw in.

"Fine, but you have to try and not be bitchy all the time," he says.

"I am not a bitch, you are just obnoxious," I say and start to laugh because it is true.

"I wouldn't have to be so obnoxious if you weren't so bitchy," he says and joins me in laughing.

"I am not," I say and shove his shoulder.

"Ms. Pataki, did you just shove me?" he teases.

I didn't know he knew my last name.

"Maybe, is that a problem?" I would have added in his last name but I don't know it.

He smiles at me and leans his head down close to my face, but I push him back.

"We are friends, remember? That means no more kissing and stuff," I say. As much as I want to again, this cycle has to stop.

"I know, that's why we're hanging out on Friday, as _friends,"_ he enunciates the last word. I am glad he finally gets the picture.

My phone goes off and I quickly go to turn it off so Lila doesn't wake up.

"Someone calling you?" he asks.

"No I put an alarm to start my assignments," I say.

"You put an alarm for homework?" he says and laughs. "You really are a control freak."

"I am not a control freak I just like to be organized. And what happened to trying to be nicer to me?" I ask.

"Okay, okay sorry. But you're already starting to do homework? Classes start tomorrow."

"I know but some of my professors already posted the assignments and I wanted to start doing them so I will be ahead."

"What does being ahead do?" he asks and backs up to sit in my chair.

"It makes me feel not so overwhelmed in case something goes wrong," I say and move my hands down to smooth my skirt since I was just sitting.

"Those skirts really are hideous, Helga. Don't you own any pants?" he asks as he watches my hand smooth it out.

"Of course I have pants, it is just hot right now."

"What about shorts?" he asks and his tongue plays with his lip ring again.

"I have a few, but I don't particularly like to wear them," I say. I feel so exposed wearing them but I have some just in case there is a beach trip or something else.

"Why not? You should try them on," he says with a smile and gets up from his seat on my chair and makes his way into my closet.

"What? No," I say but I can't help but join him as the smile grows on my face.

"Here," he says and pulls out a pair of light denim shorts and holds them in front of me.

I look at him and I don't know why I sort of want Arnold to see me in them. Zak has only seen me wear shorts a couple of times in the summer but he never said anything about them.

It's nice to feel special. To feel wanted.

"Fine, but you have to turn around while I change," I say and he laughs. I don't know why, I wasn't trying to be funny but he turns around.

I look over and see Lila is still lazily snoring away.

"Okay, I am done," I say and he faces me again.

His eyes go right to my legs and I put my feet together in a self-conscious reaction.

"Damn, you're skinny," he says. I never thought I had that great a body. I was always taller than the other kids in elementary school and I used to be bigger, until my mother left and Olga took over my life making me always eat fruits and vegetables.

I don't know what to say.

"But you have a lot of muscle," he says still looking at my legs. I look down and see my thighs popping out way past my knees.

"I guess," I finally say and he looks up at me for the first time and I see him fiddling with his hands. Is he nervous? I doubt it.

"But you should wear those with a better looking shirt," he says and goes back into my closet to find a shirt. I don't stop him this time. This is kind of fun.

He pulls out a couple that I don't particularly like until he picks one of my favorite shirts. It's a light green button up that is sleeveless with a collar.

"This is my favorite shirt," I tell him and take it from him off of the hanger.

"I think it looks… nice," he says. I can tell this whole "being nicer" thing is hard for him, but at least he is making an effort.

"Turn around," I say.

"It's not like I haven't seen them before," he says and smirks as I smack him on the shoulder.

"Shut up," I say and he turns around.

"You can look now," I say and he turns around again.

He keeps looking from my shirt to my legs and he takes his bottom lip in between his teeth.

"Why don't you wear this type of thing normally?" he asks me.

"I feel weird being this revealed," I admit and look down to play with one of the buttons on the shirt.

"Please, this isn't even that revealing. You have way more respect for yourself than half the girls at this school."

I am not sure if he is trying to compliment me or not but it makes me feel good that he thinks that.

"You just got here, how do you know what the girls here are like?" I ask even though that is mostly true.

"I've been here before," he says nonchalantly.

"What do you mean? You have been here for classes before or just tours?"

"I mean I've been walking around here a lot since we got here," he says with edge in his voice. Geez I didn't realize I hit a nerve there.

"Why are you mad now?" I ask. I wonder why that makes him feel so defensive.

"I'm not mad," he says. "You should wear that to school tomorrow, you know for the first day," he says quickly changing the subject.

"I don't know… I am not so comfortable with people seeing me wearing this," I say honestly.

"How about you just wear it to our date then?" he asks with softness back in his voice.

"It is not a date, we are just hanging out as friends," I remind him.

"Same thing," he says and smirks.

"No, it's not. But I will think about it," I say. I don't know why I am more comfortable with Arnold seeing me like this than Zak or anyone else. I think it's because I don't feel like I have to be someone I don't want to be when I am with him.

"Good," he says and I feel like we should hug now, but Arnold doesn't seem like the hugging type.

There's a knock on the door and I turn on my heel to retrieve it. I know Sheena has her keys so it must be someone else, for Lila maybe.

But I am shocked out of my mind when I see Olga at my door with Zak right behind her. Oh, this isn't going to be good.

I only open the door slightly so they don't see Arnold in my room.

"Olga?" I say and try to hide myself behind the door because I know she won't like what I am wearing.

"Hi, Helga, can you please open the door?" she asks calmly but I know something is wrong.

"Um, now isn't the best time. Lila is sleeping," I say which is the truth but that's not the reason why I don't want her to come in.

"Well then may I talk to you outside please?" she asks and her tone gives me the chills. She is trying to be patient but I can tell something is off. I look at Zak and he gives me a grim expression.

"Sure, just let me grab my keys," I say and mean to close the door to grab them and tell Arnold what is going on, but she stops the door from closing with her foot.

I am terrified of what her reaction will be when she sees Arnold in here and the full aspect of my outfit.

Her eyes go to my body but not in the same admiring way Arnold's did.

"Helga Geraldine Pataki, what are you wearing?" Her eyes go behind me and she obviously sees Arnold.

"And why is this man in your room?" she asks. Zak comes in after her and he glares when he sees Arnold.

"He just brought Lila back here," I say and gesture over to her. I don't bother to whisper because I know she won't wake up.

"Helga, I don't like what is going on here. Zak told me," she says and crosses her arms. He told Olga? I really don't like how he feels he has to keep a watch over me. I am nineteen years old.

"Told you what?" I don't want to say some things she doesn't know already.

"That you have been hanging out with this, bad boy and you two got in a fight."

That is true, but I don't want her to know about the problems Zak and I have. That's supposed to be between us.

"Did he also tell you why we got in a fight?" I say. I fight the urge to cross my arms because I know I only do that out of habit from her.

"He told me you chose to hang out with this guy instead of him," she says and gestures to Arnold behind me.

"She didn't choose to hang out with me, I just came to drop off Lila and I was just leaving," Arnold says from behind me. I am surprised he is taking my side but I am glad for it.

"Well you did what you came for, so you can leave now," Olga says.

"This isn't your room you don't have control over who can stay in here or not," he fires back. This is weird. Arnold and I against Olga and Zak.

"Helga, can you tell him to leave? We need to talk."

As much as I don't want Arnold to leave on these terms, I know it is best if we talk alone. It seemed like Arnold and I were just starting to get along and now he has to leave because of Olga and Zak.

"Can you give us a minute please?" I ask turn around to ask him. He looks at my eyes for a moment before he nods and heads out the door. For some reason I feel he is going to be waiting outside for me to be done.

"Helga, I don't like this behavior from you. And why are you wearing something, dare I say it, slutty."

"It is not slutty, you should see what most of the girls at this school wear compared to this," I defend saying the same words Arnold was saying to me only minutes ago.

"Why are you hanging around him? He is no good for you. Zak is what is good for you," Olga says.

I look at Zak and he gives me a sad look. He is such a fake and now I know he only wants people to know he is a good boy when he really isn't. However, I don't want Olga to know what has happened with Zak and the drugs.

"I know. I am sorry," I say. I know arguing with her won't be much good for either of us so I decide to give in. I hate this feeling she has over me.

"It is okay. I know you are confused," she says belittling me.

"How about we go downtown? I came all the way over here so we could at least do something together," she suggests.

"Okay," I say.

"But please, dress out of those dreadful clothes before we leave," she says and makes a face. It's almost funny how Arnold thought my previous clothes were dreadful and she thinks these new ones are.

"I will, just give me a moment," I say.

Olga and Zak go to wait outside while I put back on the suffocating clothes. Suffocating? What is wrong with me, I love these clothes.

I go back outside to see Arnold waiting on the left side of the door and Zak and Olga are on the right side. Arnold is leaning with his back against the wall and his hands in his pockets and I can't help but sneak a glance at his bulging biceps. I look away quickly though before either Zak or Olga sees.

"We're going downtown," I tell Arnold.

"Oh, okay," he says and looks a little hurt. I think I am too but I don't want to admit it.

Zak grabs my hand from behind me and I want to take my hand out but I don't.

"Do you want to wait inside for Lila to wake up?" I offer.

"No that's okay," he says and turns on his heel to walk out of our hall.

"I really don't like that guy," Zak says in my ear. I don't feel the same heat I do when Arnold talks in my ear.

"Yeah, me neither," I lie.


	15. Chapter 15

The morning with Olga and Zak is going by extremely slow. Olga tells me how wrong I am to hang out with a boy with too many tattoos and face piercings the whole car ride. I kind of find it intriguing. She sees a boy who likes to rebel, but I see a boy with a story. I bet all he needs is someone to care about him.

"Helga?" Zak asks as he gets out of the car and I am still sitting inside.

"Oh," I say pushing away my thoughts and stepping out of the car.

"So where should we shop?" Olga asks.

"We have practice at twelve so we can't stay too long," I remind Olga.

"Oh, I'm not going to practice today," Zak says and I glare at him.

"Why not?" I say harshly. He better not be hanging out with Ludwig again.

"Relax," he says and puts his hand on my shoulder. "I have to meet with my academic advisor to check if I'm getting all my credits," he says and brings me into his chest for a hug.

I know Olga wants to see this kind of affection from us but I see her turn away after her and I make eye contact.

Zak's hugs make me feel at home, but I am not sure if I want to stay at home my whole life, but I take in his cologne scent anyway.

"I want to shop around for some new clothes, I will meet you guys at the car in an hour," Olga says and leaves us to ourselves. I can't help but feel a little awkward with only him.

We begin to walk along the streets of Westwood without any specific direction.

"Please, talk to me. You're never quiet," Zak says.

"I don't know what to say," I reply honestly.

"What do I have to do to prove I'm sorry and I won't do it again?" he says and grabs my hand. I don't pull away.

"You just have to not do it anymore. That is all you can prove," I say and try to quicken my steps. I miss being silly and carefree with Arnold. I feel like I owe these people something and I am limited to being myself.

Is that what they have been doing to me this whole time? Limiting myself to being who I truly want to be? I thought they wanted what is best for me but I guess hanging around Arnold for the last few days has made me see things I haven't before. Or maybe I am just taking this out of proportion.

"I won't. I promise I won't."

"Okay, Zak," I say. I feel slightly defeated after realizing maybe what I thought I always wanted isn't what it really is.

He lets go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulder and bring me close to his side. I usually wouldn't mind but I just want some space right now.

"Can we just walk side by side?" I try to ask politely.

He hesitates for a second, but then lets go. "Sure."

I feel bad because his shoulders slump a little. Even though he lied and did something bad, it hurts me to see anyone upset. There's good in everyone and we all make mistakes.

I grab his hand again, and I see him sneak a glance at me and I give him a small smile. He smiles back and gives my hand a squeeze.

"You look nice today," I say admiring his gray cardigan and black shirt.

"Thanks. You do too, Helga," he says.

I smile because I know I look like hell with my hair messed up still and my clothes put on a little sloppily since I had to change quickly. I know Arnold would tell me how I look in a heartbeat but at least Zak says what I want to hear, even if it isn't the truth. Ugh, I should stop thinking about Arnold.

I pull Zak by his cardigan in to kiss me and he smiles but gently pushes me back.

"Helga, what are you doing? People will stare," Zak says and laughs a little nervously.

"So?" I don't care what they think. "Please, just kiss me," I practically beg.

He must see how desperate I am because he tilts my chin up to his and kisses my lips gently. His kisses are always slow and our tongues are barely touching. His kisses are warm and nice, but I wait for the fire to ignite that never does like when Arnold kisses me. I can't compare Zak to Arnold though. Zak is my boyfriend and Arnold is a moody jerk who hooks up with random girls.

"What has gotten in to you?" he asks as I try to push my body into his and my cheeks heat up as he pushes me back a little.

"Nothing, I just missed you is all," I say and walk alongside him again. I don't think I am going to try that again. "And I am glad you have close relationship with Olga, but could you stop telling her everything about my life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and you both think of me as a child." It feels good to get that off my chest.

"I'm sorry, we just worry about you. I won't do it again though." That is one more thing he needs to not do anymore.

We meet back with Olga after the hour has past filled with Zak giving me compliments about my appearance or my personality even though most of them aren't true. I think I would rather hear the truth than what I want to hear even if it isn't true.

Olga drops us off in front of my building and we wave her goodbye. I am a little scared to go in my room because I know if Arnold is in there, Zak will not be happy. But I am grateful when I open the door and only Lila is in here, still sleeping.

"When are you seeing your advisor?" I whisper to him. Lila may be waking soon.

"My appointment's in forty five minutes," he whispers back glancing at his watch.

I am super exhausted from my long morning already but I have to get ready for practice since it starts in twenty minutes.

"I have to get ready for practice," I say and I expect him to turn around the way around did only hours ago, but he leaves me change in peace and waits outside.

As I change into my clothes, I contemplate on whether I should tell Zak Arnold and I are hanging out on Friday. I know he would be mad if we were but even madder if he didn't know. When I exit the door, Zak is patiently waiting.

"I can drop you off, you only have about fifteen minutes."

Normally I would want to walk but I don't want to be late.

"Okay," I agree and decide I will tell him later.

Zak drops me off and I find my way over to my friends. However, I am very surprised when I see the blonde boy I can't keep my mind off over talking to Ludwig.

**Arnold POV**

I'm a little sad when Helga tells me that she's leaving with her even bitchier sister and that prick. I see the way she stares at the tattoos on my arms and disapproves of them. Not like I give a fuck.

We were actually having a good time and then her fucking people have to come and fuck everything up. Assholes.

I walk away angrily and shove my hands in my pockets.

All I know right now is that girl is different. She drives me nuts but she comes from a hard background, like me. Hers is just the opposite. She grew up with everything and I grew up with nothing and here we are, collided.

I don't know if I like her, but I don't want her to get tangled up in this. We just said we were friends and friends don't do this, right?

I know Gerald and I already told Ludwig and Wolfgang about her and Zak, but I don't want to use her anymore. I don't know what has gotten into me. Normally I don't care this much about anyone. I'm not sure if I care, but I don't want her to get involved. I couldn't give less a shit about Zak though.

I have to find Wolfgang.

I don't know anything about him though. I know he's from Hillwood but I was only there for nine years. I don't know where to find him.

"Hello?"

"Gerald, do you know where Wolfgang is?" I ask into the phone with urgency in my voice. I probably sound like I'm on crack.

"I don't know. I know Ludwig is doing track though. He can probably tell you," he says nonchalantly. It sounds like I woke him up.

"Okay," I say and hang up the phone.

Even though I've spent a lot of time here, I haven't been to the track field but I have an idea of where it's located.

I walk around until I find it and I see a big sea of people standing around. Great, how am I supposed to find one guy?

I get a lot of stares from people as I weave in and out of the crowd but I don't care.

I finally find Ludwig with his weird hair style that parts in the middle.

"Dude, we have to talk," I say right as I approach him. I don't even try to cut around all the bullshit.

"About what?" he asks and looks around nervously hoping his dumb friends don't know what he's up to.

"You know what," I say and give him an angry glare.

"Can we talk about it later? Practice is starting," he says and I see the other people start to go running around the track.

"Fine, give me your phone," I say and he gives me a skeptical look. "So I can put my number in," I explain. Dipshit I don't want his piece of shit phone.

I put my number in, call myself, and toss his phone back in his bag. I'm not letting him get away from me that easy.

As I turn to leave, I see her blonde hair before she sees mine. She's laughing with her friends from the movies. She leans forward and puts her hands on her stomach as she laughs really hard over a joke one of them said. I guess they're all laughing but I can only concentrate on her.

She has a bright smile and I can't help but notice her legs now. They looked so good in those shorts and I just wanted to touch them. Legs have always been a thing for me.

She notices me staring and she stops laughing. I don't know whether to wave or pretend I didn't see her because I don't know if we are still on good terms from earlier, or if she changed her mind already.

I decide to pretend I didn't see her and make my way out of here.

**A/N: ****Sorry this was short but I'm going out tonight for my teammates birthday! And I have to get ready lol. Thank you all for reading I love you all! I'll update tomorrow **


	16. Chapter 16

I know he saw me but I watch him as he continues to make his way out of the crowd of people starting their warm up laps. I don't know if I am hurt or not that he didn't even wave or at least pretend he acknowledged me.

The whole practice I keep thinking how I will tell Zak about me hanging out with Arnold or if I still even want to go. It seems he is fine when it is just us two, but when there are other people around, he turns into the jerk he was when I first met him.

I somehow get through the whole practice even though my mind isn't in sync with what my body is doing. I change my shoes and grab my bag to start walking back to my dorms.

"Hey, Helga," I turn around and see that guy Wolfgang again. I remember briefly meeting him at the party and Lila thought he was cute. I don't really see it.

"Oh, hi. Wolfgang, right?" I say. I am tired from a long day and I just want to go back to my room to take a shower and maybe a nap.

"Yeah, you have a good memory," he says and smiles at me. Something about him creeps me out and makes me want to run as far away from him as I can.

"Well I will see you around," I say and turn around again to walk back home.

"Wait," he says and briefly touches his harm against my arm. All I feel is coldness from his touch and I almost shiver but it is blazing hot today.

"What?" I ask. I am prepared if he tries anything on me. I keep all my senses ready just in case.

"Are you coming to the party on Saturday?" he asks me. He is going too?

"I don't know, I haven't decided yet," I say truthfully.

"Oh well you should come. And bring Zak," he says with a smirk.

"Zak doesn't go to parties," I tell him. It is true he hasn't been to any parties. Well for all I know.

"You should convince him to go," he says and I see his eyes flicker down to my shorts briefly then up to my face again. Ugh this is why I want to run away from him.

"Okay I will talk to him," I say with no intentions of mentioning any of that information with Zak.

I don't want to be rude, but I try to make it obvious that I am trying to leave.

"Well, see you later," I say with no intentions of doing that either as I walk away.

"Bye, Helga," he says and smiles again. He is a creep.

When I finally get in the lobby of my building, I see Arnold pacing back and forth. He looks up when I walk in and stares at me. It makes me mad he does that. Why can't he just say something?

I am still annoyed he purposely ignored me at my practice so I roll my eyes when I see him and walk toward my hall.

"Helga," he says and grabs my arm that shoots electricity through me but I try to push that thought from my mind. I jerk my arm away from his.

I am sick and tired of everyone touching my arm.

"What do you want?" I ask him harshly. There are other people around so I don't want to make too big a deal but I can't help but want to treat him how he treats me.

"I saw you talking to Wolfgang," he says.

"So what if I was?" I say with attitude. I didn't want to talk to him but maybe this will make him jealous. I know it is wrong to use people's feelings, but Arnold is making me mad.

"What did he say?"

"Why does it matter?"

"What did he say?" he asks me again.

I sigh.

"Nothing important," I say. I want to walk away again but my feet stay in their spot.

"Just tell me, Helga," he says with some edge.

"He only asked if I was going to the party on Saturday and then I left," I say and cross my arms. I remember Olga doing that earlier today and uncross my arms.

"Can't decide if you want to be like her anymore or not?" His question catches me off guard since that is exactly what I was just thinking.

"How… did you know that?" I ask. That kind of scares me.

"I noticed her doing that when she blatantly came barging through your door," he says.

"So? A lot of people cross their arms," I say and resist the urge to do so again.

"Are you finally starting to see how crazy she is?" he asks me.

I have seen things just this morning that I didn't realize before, but I am not going to let him know that. I just met him I am not going to tell him all about my life or problems.

"She is not crazy and neither am I," I defend.

"I didn't say you were crazy," he says and a smile starts on his face. He is infuriating.

"I know you were thinking it," I spit back but I can't help the smile that starts to form on my face.

"You don't know what I'm thinking," he says and steps toward me making my breath hitch.

I don't want him to know the effect his has on me so I take a step back. There are other people around and I don't want them to think we are dating. I would never be ashamed of who I am dating, but it is just the fact that I am already with Zak. I am starting to learn that being in a relationship is a bit of a burden having to worry about them all the time.

"What? Are you afraid, Helga?" he asks me with a glint of something different in his eyes I haven't seen before. Maybe it is actually an emotion.

"I am not afraid," I say and stand my ground.

"Not even of me?" he says and he smirks and tucks a piece of my fallen hair behind my ear. I can't help but think how undeniably attractive he is when his lip ring moves as he smiles. His smile in general is just attractive.

I know if I don't say anything now, he will win.

"No," I say and make my way to my hall.

He follows me, of course.

"I don't know if Lila is still sleeping or not," I say as we climb the stairs. I go a little slow since my legs are tired from practice.

"Geez, go slower will you," he says and passes me on the stairs but I can tell the humor in his voice.

"You try doing sprint intervals for thirty minutes straight," I say to him sarcastically.

He scoffs, "Yeah right. I don't really work out." I find that hard to believe since he looks like he is in good shape and his muscles look hard. He isn't too big, but he definitely has some tone.

"But you are skinny and you have muscles," I say trying not to sound creepy. I hope he doesn't take it the wrong way.

He climbs to the top of my stairs and waits for me at the top while I am taking my time going one at a time.

"It's just genetics I guess," he says and I see his face turn into an angry expression as he looks toward the floor and walks towards my hall door for me to open it.

"What's wrong?" I ask. I didn't realize working out set something off for him.

"Nothing," he says bluntly.

"Did I say something?" I ask. I hope I didn't but maybe I should.

"No." I expect him to want to leave now since he just got mad but he follows me all the way to my door.

I open the door and Lila is gone. Sheena is at her desk though.

"Hey," I say as I walk in. She turns around and says hi to both of us but Arnold doesn't say anything back.

"Where were you when you saw me talking to Wolfgang?" I ask him as I put my bag away in my closet and take my shoes off.

He sits in my chair.

"I was on the other side of the street," he says. I don't know why I didn't recognize him.

"Oh. I saw you at my practice," I say trying to call him out like I know he would call me out.

"So?" he says and gives me a hard glare.

"So why didn't you say anything? I know you saw me," I say. I don't have as much confidence as I wish I did but I want to know why.

"I didn't see you," he says and looks away.

"You looked right at me," I say. Not crossing my arms anymore is going to be a hard habit to break.

"Whatever. If you're just going to accuse me of shit, I'll leave," he says and stands up from the chair.

I kind of don't want him to leave, but I have to take a shower and I don't know if Sheena is comfortable in the room alone with Arnold.

"I am not accusing you of anything, I just wanted to know why you didn't say hi or anything," I say.

He looks away again for a second but comes back to my gaze.

"I just didn't," he says. His tall frame stands over my smaller one and I have to move my neck back to look up at him. I want to get closer but I can't.

There's a knock on the door and I am thankful because I didn't want us to get carried away again.

I open the door and I see Zak. He looks mad.

"I have to talk to you," he says and pushes the door open and he pauses when he sees Arnold in the room.

"Are you serious, Helga? I just came here to talk to you about this!" He is yelling and it is scaring me. The thing I hate most is yelling. I think I would rather get beat up then be yelled at.

"About what?" I ask keeping my voice neutral. I look over at Sheena and she gives me a look that asks if I am okay.

"About him! Do you know what he did?" he says and I look behind me at Arnold to see him giving Zak a hard glare.

Sheena decides to excuse herself and I feel so bad.

"No, what are you talking about?" I say. If this is another secret about either of them, I don't know how I will manage to recover from it.

"This fucking guy put drugs in my car!" Zak yells. I gasp because I cannot believe he just cussed. I have never heard him say anything out of proportion.

But Arnold put drugs in Zak's car?

I turn around and look at him.

"No I didn't, those must be your own fucking drugs that you forgot to take out of your own goddamn car," Arnold says. He doesn't look at me.

"These aren't mine," Zak says and takes a bag of brown pills and throws them on the floor of my room. I am frozen in my spot as I stare down at them.

"Those shits aren't mine. I don't do PCP," Arnold says.

PCP? I look and I notice Zak's eyes are a little bloodshot and his pupils are dilated.

"Zak, are you on it right now?" I ask with urgency. If he is, he has to get out.

"No! Yes. Ugh," he says and grabs my chair and throws it against the door.

"Zak! Stop it."

"What? You think I can't lift another chair? Because I can!" he says and grabs Lila's chair to throw it against the door. He goes over to grab Sheena's chair too but I go over to stop him.

"Stop!" I say and try to grab it from his grip. His hands immediately go to my wrist and I get scared. I know he would never hurt me, but he is acting crazy.

"What, you don't think I can throw you too?" he asks and grits his teeth. I cannot believe this is happening. I want to cry again.

"Get the fuck off of her," I hear Arnold say from behind me and for once I am glad to hear his voice.

"Shut up," Zak says and tightens his grip on my wrist.

"Zak. Please. You're hurting me," I plead with him to let go.

"I said get off," Arnold says and comes from behind me to shove Zak off of me. Zak immediately lets go of my wrist and focuses his attention on Arnold.

"Fuck off," Zak says and I still cannot believe he said another bad word. I can't help the hot tears that stream down my face as I begin to wonder how I got my life in a place where Arnold and Zak are fighting.

Zak tries to throw a punch at Arnold, but he easily dodges it and jabs Zak right in the eye. Zak stumbles back some but punches Arnold right in the cheek. Arnold punches him in the stomach and he hunches over.

"Stop it!" I try to scream, but I don't do anything to stop them. The tears are getting heavier from my eyes.

Even though Zak is being a jerk, I don't want Arnold to beat him up that badly.

I put my arm on Arnold's back, and the strained muscles immediately soften.

"Please, just stop," I beg. He turns around to face me and his bright green eyes are wide and wild.

"Fine, let's leave," he says and grabs my hand to lead me out of the room.

"Helga! Don't leave with him!" Zak yells from the floor after Arnold hit him in the stomach. I cringe at the volume of his voice.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't," I say and my voice cracks. This is too much to deal with right now I can barely find my voice.

"Because… Helga… I… I love you," he says.

I can't believe what I am hearing. Zak loves me? We haven't said that to each other before.

"You what?" I ask shocked.

"He's baiting you, Helga. Let's go," Arnold said and pulls my hand to lead me out the door.

A part of me knows Zak is only saying that because he knows that is the only thing that will keep me from leaving him for good. The other part of me wants to believe him and put all of this behind us, but it isn't good. For either of us.

I know for sure Arnold does or at least has done drugs but the thing is he doesn't try to hide it. I know he hides stuff about his past but he doesn't try to hide who he really is. I know if I asked Arnold if he has ever done drugs, he would flat out tell me. Zak, on the other hand, lied to me at least a couple times about this whole thing and I don't want to be in that situation anymore.

I can't help but to admit to myself that maybe I want my relationship with Zak to end because I am starting to grow some feelings for Arnold. The thing about Arnold is that, he makes me feel alive. He makes me happy, angry, upset, laugh, frustrated, and infuriating all in one and I have never felt this many emotions before. And I have already kissed him, what, three times? It is better this way and I think now is a good time to end it.

I don't want to be held back by what Olga, Zak, or my father want me to be anymore. I want to be Helga Geraldine Pataki.

"Goodbye, Zak," I say and Arnold closes the door behind us as he leads me out of the room.

**A/N:**** Sorry this took me long to update today but I'm uploading before midnight and I haven't even started my homework yet lol. I don't think I can update again until next week because I have many events planned for the rest of this week. I'll try on Friday but we'll see. Have a good rest of the week!**


	17. Chapter 17

I can't hold the tears that are coming down my face as Arnold pulls me away from my room and down the stairs. I don't know where we are going but I am not particularly paying attention. I just follow where Arnold is taking me.

I notice we exit the building and he takes me in between my building and the next. I am still not aware of everything but I seem to forget it all as he takes me in his warm arms. I bury my face in his chest and let out some more sobs, not only from what just happened but how this whole week has been hell.

I realized my boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, has been using drugs, Arnold has been messing with my feelings, Olga has been making me mad, and I am not sure if everything is what I once thought it was.

Arnold rubs one hand up and down my back and the other is stroking my hair. I can't help but admit it is extremely comforting and it is hard for me to focus on my life dilemmas as he does this. I want to stay here forever.

"Are you okay?" he asks when I pull away to wipe my eyes.

"Yeah." I don't want to look at his face because I am embarrassed I just cried my eyes out in front of him. I know when this is over he will bring it up again to make me feel bad.

I think he wants to say something but he decides not to.

"I just thought… he would never do that," I admit and I want to cry again but I swallow my tears.

"Not everyone is who you think they are," he says.

"Coming from you," I say and roll my eyes. I don't even know who he really is.

He surprises me when he smirks and tucks another piece of hair that has fallen behind my ear. I haven't even showered yet and I just want to sleep and never wake up. I am so exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

"If you knew everything about something at first, you wouldn't stay around to discover more," he tells me and looks directly in my eyes.

His intensity makes me want to kiss him again, but I know I can't do that. I am not even sure where this leads Zak and me now, but I don't want to be with him anymore. It is weird how feelings can change in just a short week.

"Helga," he says and brings his mouth down to my ear. He places kisses on and around my ear, but I lightly push him away. I have never pushed or shoved anyone before Arnold.

"Please, I can't do this. Not right now," I say and look at the ground. My heart hurts more than it ever has. Zak has been the only boyfriend I have ever had so I never had to deal with heart break before.

"Fine," he says and we stand for a couple moments.

"Did you put the drugs in his car?" I ask and look up at him.

"No. I don't deal with those kinds of drugs."

"Then what kind of drugs do you deal with?" I ask. I am curious.

"I don't do any drugs. My friends do them and I'm just there," he says and I feel like I should believe him. He seems like he is too cool for drugs anyway.

"So you take them just because your friends do?" I ask. I really want to cross my arms but I can't in front of him.

"No, I always have to watch their stupid asses get fucked up and take care of them because of their shitty ideas."

"Could you put anymore cuss words in that sentence," I say and roll my eyes at him. "Why do you hang around them then if you don't like their habits?"

"I don't know, I just do," he says and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"What kind of stuff do they do?" I ask. I can't help but want to know.

He looks away. "Stuff you don't want to know about," he says and something in his voice sounds finalized like I shouldn't press it anymore.

"Now what do we do?" I ask.

"We could… go eat something?" he offers and he looks nervous.

"Um, sure," I say. I am actually really hungry.

"Well I am still in my practice clothes," I point out. I can't go in public wearing this.

"So? Who cares," he says.

"I can't just go in front of people wearing this," I say.

"People wear workout clothes in public all the time. You'll be fine," he says and takes a light hold of my wrist this time from in between the two buildings.

"How will we get there?" I ask. I don't really want to take the bus because it takes double the time and I don't want to pay for a taxi.

"I have a car," he says and we walk towards the parking lot.

"You do? Then why did you guys have to use Zak's that one time if you already had one?"

"I don't want them to know I have one. They'd take advantage of it," he tells me and I am surprised when he clicks the unlock button to an all-black BMW 3 series. It's a really nice car.

I am even more surprised when he moves his hand to hold mine for a brief second before he opens the passenger door for me.

"Thank you," I say as I step in.

He gets in the driver's side and starts the car. Loud screamo blasts from the speakers of the car and I immediately go to turn it down.

"Don't touch my radio," he says harshly and goes to turn it back up again.

"You actually like this music?" I ask and sit back in the gray leather seats.

"Yeah, why is that a problem?" he says and backs out of the spot.

"It's just not good music," I say and he laughs.

"I'd like to think what you think is good music," he says.

"I like all kinds of music that actually have words and meaning. Not just gothic people screaming," I say.

"Just because it's called screamo, doesn't mean all they do is scream," he says.

"Then why do they call it that?" I ask him. He is being stubborn.

"Does it look like I invented it? Damn," he says.

I don't feel like fighting anymore today so I decide to drop it.

"Do you know where we are going?" I ask him. I am not sure if he knows this area so well but he said he was here in the summer some.

"Yeah. What do you feel like eating?" he asks me.

"I don't know, anything is fine," I say. I don't want to be picky since he is taking us.

"Mexican?"

"Sure," I say. I love burritos.

We enter and I kind of hope he holds my hand again, but he doesn't. He opens the door from behind me and I step inside the restaurant. There aren't many people since it's four o'clock but I didn't eat lunch so I am starving.

I take my time looking over the menu even though I always end up getting the same thing every time but Arnold already knows what he wants and goes to order it without even looking at the menu.

"What do you want?" he turns around to ask me. I think he is offering to pay for me but I don't want him to. I didn't grab my wallet when we left my room but I don't want him to think I am expecting him to pay for me.

"I can pay," I say. For some reason, I know he is going to defy me and tell me to stop being difficult but at least I didn't make it seem that I want him to pay for me.

"I know you didn't grab your wallet so just order and don't be stubborn," he says. The cashier look from me to him and he finds this entertaining.

"Fine," I say.

"Can I have a chicken burrito without corn or guacamole?" I ask. I know they don't usually put corn in but I always want to make sure. And anything with avocados makes me want to throw up.

Arnold pays and we go to sit at a booth while we wait for our food.

"You don't like corn or guacamole?" he asks me. I expect him to mock me but he doesn't seem like he is trying to.

"No, I think they are disgusting," I say and scrunch my face at the thought of them.

"I hate strawberries," he tells me.

"Really? I am allergic to those but I think they taste good," I tell him.

"What are you allergic to next? Breathing?" he asks and shows me a smile.

"Shut up," I say and playfully kick his legs under the table.

"Oww, you hurt me," he says like a little boy and sticks him bottom lip out at me.

"Really? Do you need someone to make it better?" I joke back. Even after all of the events of today, I am surprised that Arnold is the one I ended up with and making me feel better.

"Yeah, you have to kiss me to make it better," he says and smirks.

"I am not going to kiss you," I say even though it is extremely tempting. I stare at his lips when he talks and watch his lip ring.

"Then why do you keep staring at my lips?" he asks and smiles even wider.

"Because… you were pouting," I say.

"C'mon, just give me a kiss," he says and even leans forward in the booth.

I don't know why Arnold always makes me feel pathetic. He makes me feel pathetic when he says mean things to me and he makes me feel pathetic because I want him so, so bad and I swear he knows it and he uses it against me.

"You just want me to kiss you so you will win," I say.

He looks surprised when I say that and leans back.

"Win what?" he asks.

"I don't know. Whatever game you are playing with me," I say. I don't want to ruin this neutral mood we were in but I have to get the truth out.

"I told you I'm not trying to play any games with you," he says and he looks angry.

"Then why do you always mess with my emotions? You are always nice to me like this, but then you go off and say something mean to me that makes us mad at each other. It is always back and forth," I say.

"Order number 72," the lady says. Arnold gives me a cold stare before he gets up from the booth to get our tray. I see him ask the worker something and she pulls out a side of guacamole and looking at it makes me want to find the nearest bathroom.

He walks back to our table with the tray and sets it down. I try not to look at the guacamole.

Arnold grabs one of his taquitos and dips it in the guacamole.

"Mmm, I love guacamole," he says and dips it again. I try not to let the smell or sight get to me but it is literally making me sick to see him with guacamole and the fact that he is doing this to me just to get back at me.

"You're sick," I tell him.

"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure you're the one who's getting sick," he says dipping it again and I get up from the booth. My appetite for my burrito and being with Arnold is gone.

I don't say anything as I stand up from the booth and walk quickly out of the restaurant. I am tired of his mood swings. I hear him get up and run to follow me outside. I run down the streets and I know this must look weird and people may get the wrong idea when they see Arnold chasing me down the street but I don't care. I want to get away from him.

I hear his footsteps nearing me and I try to run across the street to get away. A car comes rushing from my side and I freeze in my place. I feel someone grab the back of my shirt and yank me back on the sidewalk.

"What the fuck, Helga!" Arnold screams in my face. I hate yelling.

"You could have been hit!" he says when I don't reply.

"Why do you even care! You always make me feel like shit! I thought you would have loved it if that car hit me!" I yell back at him. I am not going to let him walk over me anymore.

"I'm not as evil-rooted as you think I am, Helga! Do you know what would have happened if you got hit?" he says and lowers his voice some. People around us are staring but I am starting to not care about what they think anymore.

He takes my silence as his chance to answer.

"I don't know what I would have done," he says and runs his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I wasn't trying to get hit," I say honestly. I was just trying to get away from him.

"If you were, you'd be pretty fucking sick. And not just from guacamole," he says and smirks.

I can't help the smile that tugs on my face either.

"Shut up," I say and we laugh together. I love the way his laugh sounds because it isn't a side of Arnold I get to see too often.

He puts his fingertips to my chin to make my face look at his.

"Don't do that again, okay?" he says and I nod.

He lifts my face up and gives me a light kiss on my lips. It's different from our other kisses which have been hot and heated and I like the change. I love his intense kisses too though.

At this point, I feel like we are those people who are in a broken relationship who can't live with each other and can't live without each other either.

"We should go, our food's getting cold," he says and winks at me.

"No more guacamole though," I say.

He laughs and takes my hand in his as we walk back.

"No more guacamole."


	18. Chapter 18

We are in the car after we go back to the restaurant to finish our food. I caught him sneaking glances at me while we were eating and I have to admit, I was glancing over at him a few times.

"So what are you going to do when we get back to campus?" I ask Arnold and look over at him. The wind from the open window is blowing through his hair making it messy and I just want to run my fingers through it to smoothen out the tangles.

"I have some stuff to do so I'll just drop you off," he says keeping his eyes on the road.

"Oh, okay." I try to hide my disappointment even though I shouldn't be. Something about Arnold makes me want to stay as far away from him as I can, but I want to be with him at the same time.

We approach my building and I am not sure if I should hug him goodbye or what. But I am glad when I unbuckle my seat belt and he leans over and gives me a kiss goodbye. It's soft at first, but then I can't help but press my lips on his harder, and he opens his mouth so I can feel his lip ring against my own lips.

I want more, but I remember that we are in his car in front of my building with many people around and I don't feel comfortable with people seeing me and Arnold. I just feel this whole thing still isn't right since I am not sure where Zak and I are in our relationship but I know that I am done with him.

But before I can back away from him, his phone starts ringing in his pocket. He takes his lips off mine and pulls it out. I see the name 'Connie' on his phone and I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy that it's another girl.

"What?" he says in the phone. I suddenly feel out of place and this is just a reminder that I am not the only girl he fools around with. I don't know the girl I have become in such a short amount of time.

I hear some talking on her end and Arnold says, "No I won't be back until later tonight and no one can go in my room while I'm gone."

"Well, it's locked so good luck trying," he says and hangs up the phone.

"Sorry," he says as I sit back in my seat and I reach for the door handle.

"I'll….see you around," I say trying to think of the right words to say as I exit the car.

I hear his car door open up but I don't turn around.

"Helga!" he yells. There are other people outside and I don't want to make a scene like we almost did earlier.

"What is it Arnold?" I ask annoyingly. I feel embarrassed of myself for hanging out with Arnold when it's obvious he does this with many girls.

"You….. I thought you dropped something but you didn't," he stammers. What the hell?

"Goodbye Arnold," I say and turn my back on him to walk away.

When I get to my room, Lila and Sheena are both there and I am a little relived and guilty as I enter. I am relieved because I am finally around girls after being around Arnold and Zak and I feel guilty for Sheena having to leave the room while they fought.

"Hey," I say and walk over to my desk. I keep thinking of Arnold sitting in my chair as I walk over and sit in it.

"Hello, Helga," Lila says in a creepy way.

"Sheena I am so sorry about earlier. I didn't mean for that to happen," I say sincerely.

"Oh, don't worry about it. Are you okay?" she asks me.

Am I okay? Probably not but I have to not be such a baby and suck it up.

"Yeah I am. I just felt bad you had to leave," I say.

"What happened?" Lila asks from her desk. I don't know how or if I should tell her but I know lying isn't the answer.

"Zak and Arnold got in a fight in our room," I say. My emotions have already been tossed around enough for today and I am tired from everything so I don't want to sugar coat it.

"Arnold? He was here?" she asks. Did I not just say that?

"Yes."

"Why did they fight?" Lila asks. I don't want to tell her, or anybody about the drugs thing.

"I don't know. They were just being guys," I say and go in my closet to get my things for the shower. I still haven't taken one and I feel gross.

"Where were you just now?" Lila asks me. I am getting somewhat annoyed since I want to shower.

"I was with Arnold," I say. I am too tired to worry about if she likes Arnold or if I even like Arnold. It's been a long day and I just want to sleep.

Lila doesn't ask me any more questions as I head out the door to the bathroom. I take my clothes with me this time just in case we have visitors again without notice.

After I have showered, dried, and dressed myself, I go back in our room and I am glad there isn't Arnold or Zak in here. I didn't think they would be but I didn't think that last time they both came to our door.

Lila is gone again but Sheena is still here.

"Where did she go?" I ask Sheena.

"She said someone was here to pick her up."

If it is Arnold picking her up, I think I might vomit. I don't know why I can't stand the thought of him with any other girls. But he said he doesn't want them knowing he has a car so I'm not sure.

"I hope she isn't mad I was with Arnold," I tell Sheena. I really need to get this off my chest.

"Why would she be mad?"

I climb the ladder on my bed in hopes of taking a nap.

"I think she has some sort of feelings toward Arnold," I explain. I lay on my bed and grab my favorite blanket I have had since I was a girl and lay my face on it.

"I'm not sure. I remember Arnold when we were younger," Sheena says.

"Oh yeah, I forgot everyone here is from Hillwood," I say and laugh. "Were you two friends?"

"Not particularly, but he was always there for everyone."

"What about you and Lila? Didn't you two know each other?"

"Yes we knew of each other but this is the first time I have had a real conversation with her," Sheena explains.

"Wow, you two got lucky then you already sort of knew each other."

"I guess. I'm glad we have you though, because it's a little awkward since we never talked before."

"Aww, thank you." Sheena is so nice. "Yeah I wanted to have random roommates too so I could meet more people. I mean, I love my friends but it is always good to know people from everywhere."

"That's true," she says.

I can't help myself from asking.

"So how was Arnold before he left Hillwood? Like as a person, how was he?" I ask and stare up at the ceiling not sure if I am ready or willing to hear the answer.

"Arnold was… very kind and he always wanted to help everyone. It's hard to believe he is the same person."

"He doesn't sound like the same person," I say.

"Maybe he isn't," she says solemnly.

I sigh and let sleep overtake me as I drift off in my thoughts of a once nice boy with blonde hair and no tattoos.

I wake up to the sound of people talking. I roll over and see Lila with Gerald. I haven't seen him in a while and I don't see Sheena in the room. I quickly roll back over though because I'm curious why he is here and I don't feel like getting up yet.

"You're sure she's sleeping?" Gerald asks.

"Yeah, she's been out for like an hour."

"Well Arnold said we should just use Zak. He doesn't want to use her anymore," Gerald says.

Use Zak? For what? He wanted to use me for something? I am so confused.

"I think we should still use her," Lila says and I narrow my eyes at the ceiling. That bitch.

"Good luck convincing Arnold," Gerald says.

"I'm pretty sure I will be able to convince him," Lila says and I am sure she means she is going to try to come on to him and that thought makes me sick.

I shift some on the bed pretending I am waking up because I can't hear more. Not right now at least.

"I should go, I'll talk to you later though," Gerald says and I hear the door close behind him.

I wait a couple of minutes before I get up out of bed and head down the latter.

I guess I should still pretend we are friends since she doesn't know what I heard.

"Where did Sheena go?" I ask trying to make conversation.

"Um, I'm not sure. Probably to meet people," Lila says. Her mood seems neutral.

"Oh okay. Well I am going out," I tell her. I don't know exactly where but I don't want to stay in the same room as her.

"See ya later," she says and in my head I think no.

I grab my phone, keys, and wallet and this is the first time I have checked my phone since Arnold dragged me out after their fight.

I have many, many missed calls from Zak and a few text messages saying he is sorry. I don't have anything from Olga so I guess he hasn't told her anything which is good.

I don't want to talk to him because I admit, I am a little afraid of him acting this way. I have never knew him to be violent but I know I have to get this confrontation over with.

"Helga," his voice says into the phone and I want to cower down but I know I can't. I called him for a reason.

"Can you come here right now?" I ask. We have to talk in person.

"Yes. Yes, of course," he says and I hear rustling in the background.

"Okay, I am in front of my building," I say and hang up the phone.

I try to organize my thoughts as I wait for him on the bench of what I will say to him. I don't want to keep seeing him. I want us to break up. I am not sure if I want to be with Arnold but I don't want to be with Zak anymore. His behavior is out of line.

I know I could say the same about Arnold's behavior, but I think I feel different about his because of the fact that I have never known him before so this is the only Arnold I have gotten to know. People have told me things about him but I have never known that Arnold.

The only Arnold I know is the one who is mellow, angry, silly, funny, and unpredictable.

I see two blue beam lights approach the curve but I can barely see the car since the night has already fallen. I am surprised when I see Arnold get out of the car and walk over to me.

"What are you doing out here?" he asks as he walks towards me. He is only wearing a black t shirt and black jeans with his black Vans. Original.

"What are you doing?" I ask. I live here, why wouldn't I be here?

"Get back in your room. It's…. cold," he says trying to make an excuse. I stand up from the bench.

"Um, no it's not. I am waiting for Zak anyway," I tell him, hoping that will make him a little jealous.

His eyes widen but he covers it up shortly.

"So you're back with him?" he asks. I am not but I want to see if he will reveal anything if I make it seem so.

"Maybe. Why do you care?" I ask.

"Because he's a drug addict and you shouldn't hang around him."

"You don't have a say in who I can or cannot hang out with," I defend. "Besides, you said your friends do that stuff."

"Yeah, but it's different."

"No, it really isn't," I say. Can he see how dumb that sounds?

I see Zak's jeep pull up and I know this won't end up well.

"You should leave," I tell Arnold. I don't want them getting in another fight.

"I'm not leaving."

"Then go in my room or something. I don't want you here while I talk to him."

He doesn't say anything but he doesn't make any move to leave either.

"Helga! Are you all right?" Zak asks as he approaches us. I sort of want the comfort of Zak right now because I know he wasn't intentionally trying to hurt me while Arnold would.

I don't know why but I immediately retreat into Zak's arms when he comes over. I hate thinking how Arnold has done so many things with so many other girls and I am just another who has fallen into his trap.

"Why are you here?" Zak asks Arnold as he puts his arm around my shoulders.

Arnold glares at his arm around me and he looks straight at me.

"I was just… leaving," he says and adverts his eyes to the ground and walks back to his car. I feel a little bad for him, but I just get the image of him with another girl and my anger returns.

Zak turns me to face him and I can see his eyes are a little red and glossy. Was he crying?

"Helga, please please please forgive me. I am so sorry. I don't want to hurt you anymore," he says and his eyes seem sincere.

"You said that last time," I remind him. I look over and see Arnold pull away from the building.

"I know. But when I saw you almost left me, I couldn't… I couldn't cope with you going off with that…. that gang banger."

I don't know why I feel defensive when Zak says that when I am mad at Arnold, but I do. I think the truth is that I have these deep feelings for Arnold that feels for him and wants to dig deeper to his core to maybe help mend him, but he keeps pushing me away and that makes me mad.

"He is not a gang banger. He is just misunderstood."

"Oh my gosh, Helga, please don't defend him. He's nothing, he's just a random guy who wants to cause trouble."

Arnold may be a random guy and he may cause a lot of trouble, but everyone is something to someone and we just have to find it.

"He is not nothing. Stop talking badly about other people you don't know."

I can't keep doing this. I feel my feelings shift back and forth between both boys I have feelings for. I don't know what caused this to happen, but ever since I met Arnold, everything in my life has altered.

I'm going to parties, cheating on my boyfriend, somehow involved in a massive scheme with Arnold's friends, drugs are involved, and I can't think or see straight. Everything in my vision is blurry.

I don't know who I want to go with now either. I don't want anyone for the moment and I want to go crawl and hide in my bed forever and never come out. However, I know with one touch from Arnold, and all of my feelings will change. He gives me the fire and energy I wish I always had in myself.

"You know it's true," Zak says.

"There is good in everyone, Zak. Don't be such a jerk."

"Me? Helga, you know I'm not the bad guy here. He is."

"He is the bad guy? You're the one who went off doing drugs," I say and cross my arms. I know he won't call me out on crossing my arms.

"I know. But I've seen Arnold at that house too."

"Was he doing drugs?" Arnold said he was only there because of his friends and he doesn't do it.

"I'm assuming so. Why else would he be there?"

I don't feel like explaining the small part of Arnold I do know to him because it doesn't seem worth it. He will only shoot it down.

"You can't just assume things about people."

Zak breathes in a big breath of air and exhales loudly.

"I don't want to talk about him. I thought we were going to talk about what's going on between us?" he says. It's funny how a lot of our conversations in the last week have been about Arnold.

"What _is_ going on between us?" I ask. I want to know what he thinks about this too.

"I… I don't know Helga. All I know is I want us to be together again. I promise to not do that again," he says and grabs for my hands. I don't back away. I am not sure if I want to get back with him, but he is my safe haven. Everything with Arnold is so unpredictable and I know he can't give me the type of relationship I want and need. Still, I can't help but feel drawn towards him.

"O-okay," I stammer. He brings me into a hug and I can't help but want to cry and think, what did I just do?

**A/N:**** I hope everyone had a good weekend! This chapter was harder to write, but just so you guys know, this story isn't even close to being over! There is still a lot to go through! I would love to talk to any of you guys through PM so don't be shy ****. Thank you for reading!**


	19. Chapter 19

I step out of Zak's arms and he gives me a smile. I am only able to return a fake one, but he won't know that.

"I am so glad you are giving me another chance. I promise not to mess it up again," he tells me and I keep thinking of other ways how I am going to break this off again.

Another car pulls up to the curb and the headlights shine on us. I don't recognize it at first since it is dark out, but I recognize Gerald as he steps out of the car with two other guys. As they step into the light, I see Wolfgang and another kid who is really short and he is wearing a hoody.

I am guessing they are here to see Lila but I am proven wrong when I see her come out of the car with them. I look away from them because I don't think they are here for us. But I see them approach us from the corner of my eye.

"Sup, Helga," Gerald says in his cool demeanor.

"Hi," I say a little nervously.

"What's up bro," Wolfgang says to Zak and they do a handshake.

"Hey, Mickey," Zak says to the guy with the hood. He creeps me out as much as Wolfgang does. I wonder if Zak knows Wolfgang trying to hit on me?

I look at Lila and slightly smile at her and she does the same back. I'm still not sure if she likes me or not but if she doesn't, I will feel slightly uncomfortable since I have to live with her for the rest of the year.

"What are you guys up to?" Zak asks them as I wonder the same thing.

"We just came to hang out," Gerald says and I can't help but notice that is a lie since he left his car at the curb. You can only leave your car there if you plan to be here for less than fifteen minutes.

"So you're coming to the party this weekend, right?" Wolfgang asks Zak.

Zak looks to me and I shrug. I don't want to think about this weekend when I am trying to just get through this long, hectic day.

"I think we are," he says and pulls me into his side. I make a discomforting face that he can't see because I don't like Wolfgang and I don't want to be with Zak anymore. I think I have already detached my feelings from him the day I kissed Arnold.

Another car pulls up to the curb and I think it may be for someone else, but of course I see Arnold come back.

He gets out of the car and slams the door. He looks angry and Zak holds me closer to his side and I want to make him let go.

"Gerald," Arnold says in almost a warning tone.

"What's up brotha. You came just in time," Gerald says.

That doesn't sound good.

Before I know it, Gerald, Wolfgang, and Mickey all surround me and Zak trying to grab us. Wolfgang grabs Zak as Gerald and Mickey strip me from his grip. Panic courses through me and I kick and scream trying to get out of their grip. How is anyone not noticing this?

I see Wolfgang stick Zak in the back of Gerald's car, but not after the both shout profanities at one another.

I look to Arnold with large wild eyes pleading with him to help me. They won't budge their grip on me. It is almost funny how they need two guys to handle me and one for Zak. Lila stands back with her hands behind her back as if she doesn't know what to do with herself.

"Take her in my car," Arnold tells them and all three of us stop in our tracks. Arnold moves closer towards me and puts his arm up like he is going to take their hands off me, but he puts his hand back down.

"No, he's just gonna take her away," Gerald says and I somehow plead to get out of this. How did I even get involved?

"You can't put them in the same car. They'll collaborate," Arnold says and I am hoping they let me go in his car. I am scared out of my mind.

Gerald thinks for a second and I still try to wiggle my arm out of his grip. His hands are cold and not comforting.

"Fine. But Wolfgang goes with you and you go straight to the house," Gerald says.

Arnold takes me from Gerald and Mickey's grip like I am a baton in a relay race and I immediately feel the warmth and softness from Arnold's touch. I love how his callouses give them that perfect feeling of soft and hard.

Gerald says some words to Wolfgang by his car and Arnold shoves me in the backseat of his car. He hurries to the driver's side and drives as fast as he can out of the parking lot.

"Slow down! I don't even have my seat belt on!" I scream at him. My emotions are over the edge.

"Do you want them to catch us!?" he yells back equally as loud.

"No but please, I don't want to get pulled over," I say with a lower tone and sit back to pull the seat belt over me.

"What the hell was that? And where are you taking me? Are you taking me to the frat house?" I can't help the questions that flood out of my mouth.

"Calm the fuck down. We're not going there," he says and gets on the freeway.

"What are they going to do with Zak?" I ask. I only feel guilty because I don't feel bad about what is happening with him. It's his own fault he got into this mess and now I am involved.

"I don't know and I don't give a fuck," Arnold says while switching lanes. At least his metal music isn't blasting through the car.

"Why?" I ask.

"Why would I give a shit about him?"

"No, why did you take me?" I ask. He always seems like he doesn't care about anyone else.

He stays quiet for a moment and I think maybe he didn't hear me.

"Did you hear me?" I ask softly. I am a little afraid of his mood right now.

"You wanted me to leave you with them?" His tone is a little angry but it isn't as bad as it was before.

"No, but why did you come back?" I ask. His eyes flicker to mine in the rearview mirror but they go back to the road quickly.

"I just…. I don't know. I just did." I am not satisfied with his answer but I am glad he did take me from them. I know I shouldn't be trusting Arnold but I trust him more than Gerald.

"But-"

"Just drop it," he says.

I sit back in the seat and decide to drop it. Fighting with him wouldn't be ideal right now since he could literally drop me off the road and leave me.

"Well, thank you," I say and finally relax a little in the leather seats. They are really comfy….

"Get up. We're here," Arnold says. I must have fallen asleep.

He has opened the door and shook my arm some to get me awake.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and step out of the car. It must be around nine o'clock and I have to go to bed soon since we start classes tomorrow. I still can't believe this whole thing and I just want to go back to my dorm.

"Where are we?" I ask. We are in a parking lot of what seems to be an apartment complex.

"My apartment," Arnold says.

"I thought you lived in the frat house?"

"I do. But I have this in case they all piss me off."

"Why would you waste money on a frat and apartment?"

"Can you stay in your own business for once? Shit."

"I am just curious. You don't have to get defensive," I tell him. Of course I want to ask a lot of questions when he never gives me any answers.

He doesn't say anything as he leads me to the lobby of the building and we go in the elevator to the fourth floor. On the way up, I picture his apartment being dark and gloomy for some reason. It probably doesn't have any customization or style to it.

He leads me down the hallway to his room, I suppose, and pulls out his set of keys to open the door.

He flicks on a light and I take in my surroundings. There is a black couch with a few pillows in front of a medium-sized TV right next to a kitchen. There are a few dishes in the sink and some things still laid out on the counters. The floor of the room is gray concrete, and the walls of the whole place are red brick and it catches my eye. I see a balcony with a bench outside.

There is another hallway that I assume leads to the bedroom and bathroom.

"You can stay in my room. I'll sleep on the couch," Arnold tells me.

"Um, okay." I don't want to sleep here since I have my first day of school tomorrow and I wanted to have enough time to get everything ready, but again Arnold comes in and changes my plans.

"I don't have anything to sleep in though," I say and play with the sides of my skirt.

"I have some things you can wear," he says and disappears down the hallway into the bedroom. I don't know what to do so I just stand where he left me.

I look around and feel the urge to clean the counters that he has left dirty. I can't help it as I walk over to the kitchen to get the sponge and start scrubbing some of the dirty spots on the counter.

I pick up one of the dirty dishes right when Arnold comes back in the room.

"What are you doing?" he asks. He doesn't look angry, just surprised.

I feel slightly embarrassed he caught me cleaning up his own apartment without even asking me so I put the dish back in the sink and walk out of the kitchen to stand in front of him.

"Um, I was just… picking up," I say. I notice he changed his black shirt to a white one and he's wearing loose exercise shorts.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just saw the things on the counter and I just wanted to… I'm sorry," I say. I look down at the concrete floor at Arnold's bare feet. His legs are long and his feet are bony but they are tan and they attract me. He has some clothes in his hand that I am guessing are for me.

"You're saying sorry for picking up my shit?" he asks. His foul mouth still amazes me.

"Um, yeah. Are those for me?" I ask trying to get the subject off of my cleaning habits.

He looks down at the clothes in his hand and holds them out for me.

"Yeah. Here."

"Thanks," I say and stand there. I don't know if I should go change in them now or later. He's already dressed for bed…

"Are you hungry?" he asks me.

"No," I say. My stomach growls loudly right when I say that and I put my hand over it to try and silence it.

He smirks at me. "Really? Because it sounds like you are," he says and smiles like he wants to laugh.

"I guess. I haven't eaten since that burrito."

"How about I order a pizza while you get changed," he offers. Pizza for dinner? Olga would never let me have that. She always served me weird plates that were colorful, but not very tasty.

"That sounds… good," I say still contemplating in my head if I am allowed to do that or not. But then I remember I am an adult and I can make my own decisions.

"Okay. The bathroom is down the hall on the left."

I thank him and go down the hall to the bathroom.

I take my skirt off first and put on the same pair of exercise shorts that Arnold was wearing. They're loose and baggy and I like them a lot. My legs feel so free but I feel almost bad for wearing them because I know Olga wouldn't approve.

I take my blouse off and put on the black shirt he gave me to wear. As I pull it over my hair, the scent of him overwhelms me and I can't stop putting my nose to the shirt. It smells just like him and I can't help but stay in the bathroom a little longer just smelling it. I am guessing it was the shirt he was just wearing today. But I exit eventually so he doesn't wonder why I am in here so long.

I walk back down the hall and Arnold is on the couch flipping through the channels. I walk over to him and I am not sure if I can sit on the couch or not but I don't see why not.

"The pizza will be here in twenty minutes," he tells me.

"Okay, thanks for ordering it," I say and decide to take a seat on the couch but a little farther away from him.

He is flipping through the channels and I see a glimpse of my favorite show.

"Go back! I love Friends," I say excitedly and pull my legs up on the couch so I am sitting cross-legged.

He groans but I can see the hint of a smile on his face. I put my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands as I watch and laugh at the funny parts. Arnold doesn't laugh but I see him smiling too.

There is a knock on the door and Arnold gets up to get it. I get up too and my first instinct is to get some plates out but I feel weird rummaging through his things so I walk over to the table set out.

Arnold looks through the peep hole and opens the door. The pizza guy hands over the box and Arnold gives the guy money.

He turns around and sees me at the table.

"I was just going to… eat on the counter."

"You don't eat at the table?" I ask. Then why does he have it?

"No. I never eat there," he says and places the box on the table and goes in the kitchen.

"We don't have to sit here if you don't want to," I tell him.

Arnold grabs two plates from one of the cupboards and walks over to put one in front of the place I am sitting and puts one on the place across from me. I guess we are sitting at the table today.

I grab myself a slice and he does the same. We don't really talk as we eat and I am not even sure what to say to him.

"Thank you for paying for this," I say after a while. He is almost done with two slices while I am halfway done with my first one.

"It's not a problem," he says and doesn't make eye contact with me.

I grab one more slice but I can't finish it since I was already sort of full after the first slice.

"I can take your plate," I say as I stand up and grab my own. He looks at me like he is trying to figure something out.

"You want to wash my dish?" he asks.

"Yes. You paid for the food and you saved me from those creepos so the least I can do is wash your dish," I say.

He smirks again and my insides turn to butterflies but I try to make them stop.

"Creepos?"

I roll my eyes at him, take his plate, and head into the kitchen to wash our dishes and the few dishes that were already in the sink. I love having everything cleaned and ordered so I am very satisfied when everything is put away. I managed to figure out where all of the plates and dishes went.

I turn to the table and Arnold is gone but the pizza is still on the table so I wrap it in aluminum foil and put it away in the fridge. I throw the box in what looks like the recycling can and I am not sure what to do now. I don't want to go snooping through his apartment to look for him because he may get mad and I don't want to deal with mad Arnold right now.

I go to sit on the couch again and I turn the TV back on and I am happy when Friends is still playing. I don't hear Arnold come back in the room so he surprises me when he sits on the couch again.

"I tried cleaning the room up for you," he admits and looks over at me. He must have seen how I like things clean and that makes my heart swell.

"Thank you," I say and give him a smile.

He inches closer to me while I am watching the TV thinking I don't notice, but I do. I suddenly find it hard to focus on the episode and if I hadn't seen it twenty times before, I wouldn't know what was going on.

"When do you usually go to bed?" I ask him looking over at him. His face is close to mine.

"I dunno. Whenever I feel like it," he says. His voice is low and raspy and I find it very sexy.

"When do you feel like going to bed tonight?" I am honestly really tired and I don't want to keep him up if he is tired too.

"Are you tired?" he asks. The flickering from the TV shine in his eyes and the pupils of his eyes get smaller making the green more prominent and bright.

"A little," I say.

"You can go to bed whenever," he says and keep his eyes locked on mine. I feel nervous and my adrenaline is up for some reasons unknown to me.

"Okay, I think I will go now then," I say and stand up from the couch.

He looks up at me but doesn't get up from his spot.

"My class starts at ten tomorrow. Can you take me back then?" I ask.

"Sure," he says and doesn't keep his eyes off me.

"Thank you. Good night," I say and I lean down to give him a hug because it is just instinct for me to give hugs since he said we were friends and I don't care if he thinks it's weird. He surprises me when he puts his arms around my lower back and holds me there for a couple seconds. I didn't expect him to hug me back.

"Good night," he says in my ear and he releases me.

I give him a small smile and pad over to the hallway where I am guessing is the bedroom.

I enter the room and I see a larger bed with the sheets lazily tucked under the mattress. The closet is closed and I don't even want to know if he stuck in a bunch of dirty clothes that are unfolded and dirty. I take my bra off and pull the comforter over and snug myself under the sheets.

I have to admit they are comfy and they smell of Arnold which is comforting. I reach over to turn the light off from the lamp that is on the night stand.

Sleep quickly takes over me and I take advantage of the fact that I am sleeping in an actual bed after sleeping in my top bunk the past week.

In the middle of the night I hear Arnold's voice yelling from the living room.

"No!"

"Arnold?"

"Stop! Please!"

I bolt out of bed to go and try to wake him up.

**A/N: ****Heyyy everyone. I'm not sure if I can update tomorrow, but if I do it will be at night. If not, I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and remember to eat lots and give thanks :). I am thankful for all the readers I have. I love you guys!**


	20. Chapter 20

"Please! Stop!" Arnold cries. I make my way down the hall as fast as I can even though I can't see anything. I turn the light on in the living room and I see Arnold cringing in his sleep as he screams.

"Arnold! Wake up!" I say and without thinking I sit on his lap to grab his wrists in hopes of waking him up. His skin is blazing hot. His head snaps to the side but he doesn't wake up.

"Arnold!" His eyes shoot open as he sits up from the couch. He is breathing hard and his wild eyes meet mine. They are first filled with terror, confusion, and then relief. There are little beads of sweat on his forehead.

"Helga," he says in a way that breaks my heart then puts it back together. He untangles his arms from the blanket underneath him and wraps them around me and I lay back down with him so I am atop his chest. I can hear his heart beating rapidly and I bring my hands to his sides to hug him. He strokes my hair and whispers things I can't understand.

"Arnold, are you okay?"

"No," he admits.

I am not going to make him tell me if he doesn't want to. I try to get up off of him to go turn the light back off but Arnold tightens his grip on me.

"Stay," he says.

"I am just going to turn the light off. Unless you want them on?" I ask.

He shakes his head and says, "Off."

I get up to turn them off and try to find my way back to the couch without hitting my toe against anything.

The couch is small, but it somehow feels comfy laying on Arnold's firm body. I drift off to sleep again while hearing the soft breaths fill his lungs, then escape his mouth….

I wake up with Arnold shifting underneath me. My neck is a little stiff due to the weird positioning of sleeping on Arnold last night. That is when all the memories of last night come flooding back to my mind and I prepare myself if Arnold is going to lash out at me.

I don't want him to be mad that I may have seen him in his most vulnerable state.

"Good morning," he says as I look up at him. He is smiling so I am glad he is in a good mood.

"Good morning," I say and try to make my way off him.

"Don't get up yet," he says and I can tell he is in a playful mood. Out of all of the mood swings of Arnold, this is my favorite one.

"I have to get ready for school. And my neck is hurting," I tell him. Even though I want to stay on him, I don't want to be late for my first day.

He surprises me by shifting us so my back is pressed against the back of the couch and our bodies are facing one another. He brings his legs over mine and starts gently massaging my neck and it actually feels a lot better. His touches are gentle and soothing and I close my eyes as the knots untangle.

"Thank you," he says before I can.

"For what?" I ask confused. Maybe he wants me to thank him for the neck rub?

"For coming here… for staying." His cheeks flush red and he darts his eyes away from mine when his voice almost cracks. I can't believe he is embarrassed.

"You don't have to thank me, you did save me last night. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I nod my head and don't ask any more questions even though I really want to know what his dream was about.

"I have to get ready," I remind him again. I can't be late and I have to make sure everything is in order before I leave.

"Don't worry. We have time. Besides, you look sexy in my clothes," he says and nudges my head to the side to wrap his lips around my earlobe and tug gently with his teeth. I feel him hardening against me already and that makes me have a tingly feeling in between my thighs. It gets me excited that someone as sexy and handsome as Arnold gets excited by me. I never knew something could feel so good before I met Arnold.

"Arnold," I chirp. He chuckles at the way my voice tries to tell him no when my body is saying yes.

"I want more of you," he whispers in my ear and brings his hand up the shirt I am wearing to cup my breast and he slides his thumb over my nipple. I am slightly glad I decided to take the bra off.

I don't know if I trust Arnold yet or what his intentions even are. I'm not sure of my own intentions either but I know that when he is like this with me, I feel good. I feel wanted. I have a feeling this won't last though so I might as well make the most of the good mood he is in.

"Then kiss me," I tell him. He doesn't hesitate to put his lips on mine. He keeps his hand on my breast and moves his lips perfectly in sync with mine. I feel his tongue on mine and the metal from his lip ring.

"Helga," he groans and moves us so he is completely hovering over me.

"The things you do to me…." He says and starts kissing down my neck. He lifts the shirt I am wearing so my stomach is showing and he starts kissing and moving his tongue above my belly button. I close my eyes trying to focus on my feelings and how I want to feel. I still feel myself restricting against his touches and I am trying to let go but it's hard for me.

"Relax, baby," he says in a seductive tone that has me under his spell. I try to do as he says as he moves his hands up and down my sides trying to make me not be so tense.

He is still kissing my stomach when his fingers play with the band of his shorts that I am wearing.

"You're so pure. So fucking pure," he says and nips at my skin lightly.

He looks up at me. "Can I take these off?" he asks.

I nod, feeling intoxicated by Arnold. I want to do everything he says. I can't resist him.

Just as he is about to take them off, his phone on the coffee table rings. We both look over and I see the name 'Connie' again on his phone. I immediately scout myself up on the couch and bring my knees up to my chest. I feel myself put my walls back up as he reaches over to answer the phone.

"Hello?" he asks irritated. At least I am not the only one.

"I was fucking sleeping, what is so goddamn important right now?"

I can't hear what she is saying but Arnold's face twists into anger.

"I'm not at the house find someone else," he says and hangs up the phone.

"Who was that?" I ask.

"No one," he says and gets up from the couch. I follow him into the kitchen.

"What did they ask?" I ponder.

"Nothing, it's none of your business," he says and gets out a box of cereal.

I hate when Arnold is guarded. It's worse than angry Arnold.

I knew his good mood wouldn't last and I don't want to be around him when he is like this so I decide to walk back into the bed room to finally get ready.

"Wait," he says and grabs my elbow. "I can… make you breakfast… or something?" he says and he sounds nervous. I can't keep up with him.

"No, thanks," I say without looking at him and try to go back to the room. I am only crossing my arms over my chest now because I am not wearing a bra and I feel uncomfortable now.

"Why are you mad?" he asks as I turn my back to go to the bedroom.

"I am not mad," I lie and I stand by the counter.

"Yes you are. Stop acting like a child and tell me."

"I act like a child? You are the one who runs away from everything and everyone."

"I don't run away from shit," he says but even I can tell even he is unsure of his words.

"Just tell me why, Arnold. Tell me why you don't want to get close to anyone," I challenge.

He glares at me but I don't falter my stance on him. I can tell he is fuming and trying to control his breathing. He grips the edges of the counter tightly and clenches his jaw.

"Fuck you," he says and I am not offended. I know I got him in a vulnerable state that makes him uncomfortable so maybe he will break and answer some questions I have about him.

"You are only mad because you know I can see you. You know that I…."

Arnold knocks the box of cereal across the kitchen and the flakes spill everywhere.

"You don't know me! You think you have everything figured out and you're so smart but you don't know shit about anything, especially about me," he says and leans forward over the counter to get in my face.

"I do know shit. I know you only push people away because you don't want to get hurt by them! We aren't as different as you think, Arnold," I say and lean against the counter as well.

He doesn't look as pissed as he was but he stares at me with confusion.

"Get out," he says and my heart drops but I am not backing down. I walk over to him in the kitchen.

"Don't get close to me," he says and backs up against the pantry.

"Don't push me away." I don't know where all of this sudden confidence is coming from but it feels good.

"You… you don't know what you're saying," he says and I find it funny how I am the one trapping him against the corner finally.

"I don't?" I say and I feel a smirk tug on my lips. Arnold looks absolutely horrified.

"Why won't you let anyone help you?" I continue to ask him questions as he is backed against the wall.

"I just… I don't want help," he says and I can tell he's trying to act angry but his eyes tell me to keep going. To save him.

"Bullshit." I hope he finds humor in it from the last time when I said bullcrap.

He doesn't smile though.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks me.

"Because everyone is someone, Arnold. Everyone just needs a chance."

**Arnold POV**

"I can… make you breakfast… or something?" I ask like a stupid little boy. I don't why she has this effect on me.

"No, thanks," she replies coolly and tries to walk out of the kitchen. I grab her elbow.

"Why are you mad?" Because I took the phone call?

"I'm not mad," she says obviously lying. Now the counter is the only thing in between us.

"Yes you are. Stop acting like a child and tell me." I don't want to run circles around this bullshit.

"I act like a child? You are the one who runs away from everything and everyone."

Fuck. I didn't want her to notice that. It's just better when you're on your own.

"I don't run away from shit," I say and I can tell she knows I'm faltering. No one has ever pressed me with all these questions and no one has even gave two shits about me. I only ever made friends because they thought it was funny how many shots I would take and how many random girls I could fuck.

"Just tell me why, Arnold. Tell me why you don't want to get close to anyone." She's pissing me off by challenging me but I thrive for it at the same time. It gives me an adrenaline rush that I haven't had in a while and I don't know what to call it. I am beyond pissed, but I am also beyond amazed and all of the things she makes me feel.

"Fuck you," I say. She doesn't back down.

"You are only mad because you know I can see you. You know that I.." I don't let her finish the sentence by knocking the stupid box of cereal across the damn kitchen.

"You don't know me! You think you have everything figured out and you're so smart but you don't know shit about anything, especially about me." I lean over the counter to hopefully scare her from pressing this anymore. I'm so mad and I can't control my anger right now.

"I do know shit. I know you only push people away because you don't want to get hurt by them! We aren't as different as you think, Arnold," she says and leans from the other side of the counter. Fuck she's tough.

"Get out," I say. I don't want her to leave but I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to feel vulnerable but I also want her to keep fighting me. It's a weird fucking feeling and I'm not sure if I love it or hate it.

Instead, she does the exact fucking opposite and walks over to me. I don't want her to get close to me. Physically or spiritually or emotionally. Well I do, but I'm afraid. I am fucking afraid.

"Don't get close to me," I warn her but I back against the pantry like a coward.

"Don't push me away." Fuck.

"You… you don't know what you're saying," I tell her. I think I'm trying to convince myself more than her.

"I don't?" she says and fucking smirks at me. I'm the one who is usually smirking at her innocence.

"Why won't you let anyone help you?"

_Because no one can fix me!_ I want to scream.

"I just… I don't want help." No one can help me. I'm already broken.

"Bullshit," she says. I know she is thinking of that one time I made fun of her for not saying that but I can't find the humor in that shit now.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because everyone is someone, Arnold. Everyone just needs a chance."

The moment she says that, I stop everything. I stop thinking, I stop moving, and I stop pretending. She literally said what I have been waiting to hear for the longest ass time but I'm still a little taken aback by it. I can't just take her word for it right here and right now. She could be fucking with me.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks me and tilts her head. I've been silent for at least a minute or two.

"I'm thinking…. I don't know. You put too much belief in me," I say honestly. She probably believes more in me than I do myself.

"Everyone needs someone to believe in them."

"Why do you? I've been nothing but an asshole to you."

"That is true. But you have shown me some times where I can see it."

"See what?" I ask. My heart is hammering through my chest as I wait for her answer.

"See the light in you."

I don't let her speak anymore as I crush my lips onto hers.

**A/N:**** I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving if you celebrate it! I just couldn't go to bed without posting this chapter :). I might be able to update on Saturday or Sunday because I have a lot of stuff to prepare for finals. Tell me if you guys are liking Arnold's POV! I love you all!**


	21. Chapter 21

Arnold kisses me so hard, it almost hurts. I don't know what I said to make him do this, but I am secretly glad I did.

Usually he kisses me with lust, but this kiss is different. It's like he is trying to break through something. He's trying to break down my walls? Do I have any walls to break down? I'm not sure but I keep fighting him with our tongues.

I break our lips apart but he keeps kissing down my neck.

"Arnold…" I say through my deep breaths. "We have… school…"

"Shhh," he says and continues on my neck.

"But… we have to go soon." I look over to the clock on the microwave and it's 9:23 and I haven't even gotten dressed yet and all of this has happened. He doesn't say anything but I feel his moans against my neck and it's hard to resist this, but I can't be late.

"Arnold, please," I say and lightly push him away but he doesn't give up that easily. He only returns with more force and bites down on my neck before giving it a kiss.

"I know you can't resist me," he says in a raspy tone. "Just as I can't resist you."

He slides his hand underneath my shirt to cup my breast again and the other steadies me on my hip.

"You're so good. I can't believe no one has fucked you before…"

Arnold's dirty mouth never ceases to amaze me. It still shocks me every time he says something like that.

I can hear my alarm going off in the other room and I try to get him to stop kissing me.

"Arnold… my alarm."

"Fuck your alarms," he said and I hate to admit the way he says that turns me on. I have never even been turned on before. What is happening to me?

"I just want to stay here.. with you," he says and kisses my face all around my mouth.

He wants to stay with me?

"But what about Wolfgang and Gerald?" I ask.

He immediately stops kissing and looks at me like a deer in headlights.

"You should try to stay away from them," he says coolly and goes back in the living room. I follow and I already feel cold from his lack of contact.

"Are they going to hurt us?" I ask as I follow him into the room. I'm a little afraid of his answer.

"Not if they don't find you," he says and puts his phone in his pocket and heads down the hallway to use the bathroom.

I'm left in the living room alone now and I can't believe him right now. His mood switches from hot to cold so quick and it frustrates me.

I fold the blanket he used last night and arrange the pillows nicely and go back into the bedroom to finally change. Arnold come walking out pulling a new shirt over his head and doesn't say anything to me.

I put on my clothes and I check my phone to see I don't have any missed calls or text messages. I am sort of glad though because I don't want to have any more stuff to deal with. I have to use the bathroom but Arnold is still in there doing gosh knows what so I sit on the bed and wait for him to be done.

I'm getting more anxious by the minute because I hate being late to anything and I haven't really had a chance to prepare for today. I don't even have my backpack. Will he be willing to take me back to my dorm first? Or will he just leave me after he drops me off? I can never tell with Arnold. He always changes his mind.

He finally exits the restroom after what seems like hours. What was he doing in there for so long anyway? I don't really care I just need to use the restroom and leave. He goes back toward the front of the apartment and I enter the restroom.

I feel disgusting; I can't even brush my teeth here. I use the restroom, try and wash my face off with the sink water, and I try to fix my hair as best I can. I look around for a brush or maybe a comb but he doesn't have one. That would explain his always messy hair.

I comb my fingers through my hair and decide I am ready enough.

I grab my phone and shoes from the bedroom and make sure to make the bed even though I only slept in it for a couple of hours.

"Are you ready?" Arnold asks as I join him in the front.

"Yes."

"Okay, let's go."

**Arnold POV**

"What about Wolfgang and Gerald?" she asks me. Fuck, I almost forgot about them. I could only think of her and how much I want her. I know she's too good for me but I can't help the way she makes me feel. Like she actually gives a shit about me.

"You should try to stay away from them," I say and go back into the living room. I guard myself from her knowing how I really feel.

"Are they going to hurt us?" she asks and I can sense the fear in her voice. I want to tell her not to worry. I want to say I won't let them hurt her or even come close to her.

"Not if they don't find you." And they won't.

I go in to the bathroom to try and collect myself. I piss first but then I wonder if Zak or anyone else has been trying to contact her. I open the bathroom door slightly and I see she is still standing by the couch but she grabs the blanket and starts to fold it.

I quietly go into the bedroom and see her phone on the nightstand. She has a few missed calls. Three from Zak and one from Olga, her annoying ass sister. I go into her call log to erase them quickly and she has a text from Olga saying to call her when she can. I delete that one too. I don't know what I'm trying to do or prevent, but I just do it. I throw a clean black shirt over my head just in case she sees me in here and I need to make an excuse.

Good thing I did because she comes in the room just as I throw it over my head.

I turn the sink water on and splash the water on my face for a good five minutes. I'm trying to control myself. All my emotions are going wild.

I want to reassure her. She has shown me that she cares and it scares me. I don't want to get close because I know I won't be able to cope with it if I commit and she decides she doesn't care anymore.

Goddamn she's driving me crazy and the school year hasn't even started yet. I remain in the bathroom for a couple more minutes because I don't want to lash out at her like I have been doing. She doesn't deserve it. She's just a girl who cares too much.

I exit the bathroom and I see her sitting on the bed in the bedroom out of my peripheral vision but I don't act like I see her. I go to the front of the apartment and wait for her to be done. I hear the bathroom door close and I sit on the couch to wait for her.

Some of the pillows fall over but I put them back the way she did. It actually looks nice the way she arranged them and I smile a little, but then I realize what I'm doing and get up from the couch quickly.

I know the cereal is still all over the floor and the kitchen but I don't want to clean it up. I probably should because of ants but I don't give a fuck. I'm rarely here anyway.

She finally comes out of the bathroom and over to me.

"Are you ready?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Okay let's go," I say and grab my keys.

"I don't have any of my things," she says. I knows she's trying to control her usual urgency but I can tell she's freaking out on the inside.

We walk down the hallway to the elevator.

"Do you need to get them first?" I ask and push the button to the first floor.

"Well, it would be nice." She doesn't look at me and keeps her eyes on the doors in front of us.

I want to reach out to her, but I keep my hands to myself.

"I can drop you off at your dorm then take you right to your class," I offer. We only have fifteen minutes but I can drive fast.

"Really?" she says and finally looks over at me. She tucks her hair behind her ear and I can see her blue eyes cascading. She has so much behind those eyes. So much passion, determination, so much in her that is being held back. I know she is too.

"Y-yeah," I say and my voice cracks like an idiot. I clear my throat to try and cover it up.

We get downstairs without another word and I can tell she's trying to walk fast because she doesn't want to be late but she doesn't say anything to me as I trail behind. My class is at ten too but I'm not freaking out. It must be a woman thing.

I unlock the car and we get in. My music is turned off from last night as I was rushing to campus to stop Gerald and them from doing whatever the fuck they did. But I turn it back on and put the volume on high. I see Helga scrunch her face in disgust so I turn it down and she smiles and I get the butterflies like a little schoolboy.

"Do you have a job?" she asks me as I pull out of the parking lot. What the hell?

"No," I lie.

"Then how do you have such a nice car?" she asks as she glides her fingertips along the leather of the door.

"I don't know. I just do," I say. I don't want anyone knowing.

"Of course," she huffs and sits back in the seat and crosses her arms.

"Of course what?" I ask.

"You always say you don't know when you obviously do," she says and looks out the window. Dammit.

"Why does it matter how I got the car? I got it and that's it. You don't have to question everything," I say harshly. I feel bad and almost want to take back my words, but I don't.

"You rarely ever open up let alone answer any questions I ask you, so of course I want to question it."

It's weird for me to have to worry about someone else worrying about me. But I don't feel like telling her about my job yet. I want to see if she's going to stay around.

"I don't ask you questions about your life," I say back to her.

"Well sorry for wanting to know," she says and she sounds annoyed. I would be annoyed of me too. I'm an asshole and I know it.

I don't say anything as I drop her off in front of her building. I watch her go in through the doors as I wait for her to return. It would be easiest to just drop her right now and leave the parking lot so she doesn't have to deal with me anymore. I don't want to fuck up her life like I have fucked up others, but I don't lift my foot from the brake.

It's been ten fucking minutes and I'm debating whether to just leave her ass here or not. What the hell is taking so long? Oh, fuck...

I don't bother parking my car in the parking lot and I rush into the building.

I climb the stairs as fast as I can and make it to her hall. You need an actual key to get inside the hall, which I don't have, so I bang on the door as loud as I can hoping for someone to open it. It's about two minutes before an annoyed looking girl who obviously just woke up opens it.

"Who are you here to see?" she asks me but I ignore her and sprint down the hall. I don't give a fuck if she calls security on me.

I get to her door, and before losing my shit, I press my ear against the door to see if I can hear anyone talking.

I can hear light, muffled talking, but it doesn't sound like anything bad is happening.

I knock on the door and Lila opens it. Shit.

"What are you doing here?" she asks. I look down the hall and see the annoyed girl go back into her room after she sees me knock on the door. Damn, everyone is so paranoid lately.

"Is Helga in here?" I ask trying to keep my emotions neutral even though they are threatening to spill over the edge. I don't know where she would be if she's not in here.

I see Lila try to hide a little smirk on her face but her mouth goes back into a straight line. Fucking Lila.

"Maybe. Why, do you like her now?" she asks and says it in a way you would talk to a baby which pisses me off.

"Answer the damn question."

"Who is it?" I hear her voice ask from behind the door. Thank god.

"No one," Lila says and she's trying to shut the door on me. I don't fucking think so. I stick my black shoe in the door frame right before she closes it on me and I force the door open.

Lila stands back and I see Helga putting things into her backpack. I almost had a damned heart attack.

"What's wrong?" she asks me as I stare at her.

"I thought… I just thought…. You took a long ass time," I say and furrow my eyebrows.

"Sorry, but I'm ready now," she says unaffected by my harsh tone.

"Where are you guys going?" Lila asks.

"I'm taking her to class," I say. I hope Lila gets the point and leaves me the fuck alone now. She will probably always be a part of our group, or the group, but I don't want her anymore, even to mess with.

I close the door behind us.

"How come you're not freaking out? It's ten right now," I say glancing at my watch.

"It's the first day so they will probably just hand out the syllabus and go over how the class will pan out. I already looked at it online though and did the first couple assignments," she says. I think she is trying to assure herself it's going to be okay and it makes me have this warm feeling inside. Happiness? I almost laugh because it is such a foreign emotion to me now I have to really think if things make me happy.

She's still talking, something about what she's doing today, but I cut her off.

"You're cute sometimes," I say as we walk down the stairs. I'm one stair ahead of her and I look back at her. She looks confused which makes my smile grow and she eventually cracks a smile too.

"Shut up," she says and she keeps trying to hide her smile as she passes me on the stairs and turns so her back is facing me.

"Don't make me tackle you right here," I say and wrap my arms around her from the back.

She tenses but then releases her shoulders into my arms.

"We have to go to class," she says and fights her way out of my arms. I only oblige because she's right.

"Fine, but don't forget about our date tomorrow," I say.

"It's not a date! You said we were friends." I can tell she's trying to make a joke but it makes me feel bad inside and my face falls involuntarily.

"I know," I say.

We walk back to my car but she grabs my hand before I walk over to the driver's side.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asks and her eyes plead with me to finally give her an answer this time. I know that's what she wants, that's why it's hard for me to deliver.

"I'm just tired. It's been a long twelve hours," I lie. Even though it has been, I slept the best I have in a long ass time after she came in and slept on top of me for the rest of the night.

She looks at me for another moment then lets go of my hand.

"Okay," she says and gets in the car. Fuck. I hope she's not upset.

I get in the seat and turn the car back on.

"Where's your class?"

"Sproul Hall."

"Oh. That's… where mine is too," I say. Do we have the same class?

"Really? What class is it?" she asks ad sits up in the seat.

"Greek mythology."

"Really? That's mine too!" she says. I smile at her excitement because I have to admit, I'm excited too.

"Greek mythology is my favorite subject, ever. I just love it," she says and stares out the window.

"It's always been my favorite too," I tell her. I don't think anyone has ever known that.

I park in the closest parking lot to the building and we walk semi-fast to class. She has her big backpack filled with a bunch of shit and I'm not even sure if I have a pencil in my car.

We get to class and the professor is already talking and explaining the syllabus.

"I wanted to sit in the front," she whispers.

"Sit in the front another day. We'll draw attention," I whisper back.

She has a pout but goes down a row in the back and she sits next to… goddammit out of all the people in this school.

Eugene smiles at her as she sits down and I want to smack the damn smile off his face. He sees me and he better not wave to me. He doesn't, thankfully, and I face toward the front. I can't pay attention with all these damn people in the class so I zone out.

**Helga POV**

After the class finishes, I pack my bag up and Arnold is already out of our row waiting for me at the end. _At least he's waiting,_ I think.

"Hey," I say to the boy who was sitting next to me. He has orange curly hair and wears socks under his flip flops which I think is funny and unique. I want to make sure I have friends in all my classes.

"Hey, I'm Eugene," he says and puts his hand out for me to shake it.

I return the handshake and say, "Hi, I'm Helga." I walk down the row with Eugene following behind me.

"Eugene, this is Arnold," I say. He better be nice.

"Hi," Arnold says and walks out of the classroom. Would it kill him to be nice? I'm embarrassed by his behavior.

"I'm so sorry. He is like to everyone, trust me," I say trying to apologize for Arnold's behavior. Eugene doesn't look affected though and he even laughs.

"That's okay. I already know Arnold. He is difficult," Eugene says and confusion arises in me.

"You know him? Wait, are you from Hillwood too?" I say as we make our way out of the classroom as well. I don't see Arnold anywhere.

"Well, yes. But… well I don't want you to associate me with him…" he says.

"What do you mean?" I ask. I know I just met him, but I feel like he is already my friend. He seems like a really nice kid, but is he really if he is associated with Arnold?

"Well you see… Arnold's uncle is dating my mom, so we're almost like step-cousins."

"His uncle? What about his parents? Is that why he left Hillwood?" I can't help all the questions that come flooding out of my mouth.

Eugene just laughs at my excitement at maybe finding something out about Arnold.

"Well, I don't think his parents are in the picture," he says and looks sad. "His uncle says his brother and his wife died a long time ago, which I'm guessing are Arnold's parents."

My heart breaks at the words. I can't believe so….

"Oh my. That is horrible." The thought almost makes me want to cry for him.

"He only left Hillwood after-"

"Bye, Eugene," Arnold says after coming out of nowhere. I didn't even see him coming. Arnold grabs my arm and we walk to his car. I await his blow up.

**A/N:**** I'm so happy I got over 100 reviews! And I got a lot last chapter so thank you to everyone! I'm so happy haha. I hope you guys are liking this story. Just so you know, you can picture Arnold with or without his football head (if you can). Either way works and the same goes for Helga's eyebrows. It's really up to you. Have a great weekend! I love you all!**


	22. Chapter 22

I would normally jerk my arm out of Arnold's grasp, but after what Eugene just told me, I can't help but try and make sure I don't tip anything over the edge with Arnold. I'm not sure if he heard Eugene tell me, but I do feel so bad for Arnold. Maybe that is why he is so angry all of the time.

Before we get to the car, he stops us completely outside of the sea of people and turns me to face him.

"What did Eugene say to you?" he acts me sternly. I don't want to say anything that may hurt him. He probably would say something just to hurt me, but I am not like him.

"We were just talking about the class," I say.

"What did he say to you?" he asks me again, completely disregarding what I just said.

"I just told you. We were talking about the class," I say and fight the urge to roll my eyes at him.

"I heard him say my name and Hillwood," he says and stares at me waiting for my response.

"I just asked if you knew him because he said he is from Hillwood too," I say quietly. I don't feel like fighting it has been a long 24 hours, or longer, and I don't want to fight. I still don't even know where Zak is or what they are going to do with him.

I tried asking Lila what happened when I went back in my room to get my backpack before Arnold came back in.

_I opened the door with key and they were both already awake._

"_Hey," I said to them both._

"_Good morning," Sheena had said and left to go brush her teeth._

_It was a little awkward with just me and Lila in the room because of the night before, but I decided not to make it awkward. And I really wanted to know what happened._

"_So where did you two go last night?" Lila asked me before I could bombard her with questions._

"_Umm, we just went to his house," I said. I don't know if it is apparent that Arnold has an apartment. I know he keeps a lot of things to himself so I am pretty sure his apartment would be one of those things._

"_The frat house?"_

"_Yes," I lied._

"_Where did you guys take Zak?" I asked. I was a little nervous to know the answer._

"_I didn't go with them. I don't know where they took him," she said and went over to her closet not satisfied with the outfit she already had on._

"_They didn't tell you at all?" I had asked. I feel she might have been lying but I am not sure._

"_Nope. I just came back to our room after they left," she said nonchalantly while picking out a black shirt and holding it up to her torso to see if she should wear it with her maroon shorts and black tights._

"_Okay…" I said and went over to my desk to grab my backpack and start putting my notebooks and pens and pencils inside. I knew I was going to be late so I tried to remain cool on the outside even though my insides were trembling and I couldn't control it._

"_Would you tell me if you did go with them?" I had to ask. I had to know._

_She faced me and gave me the most artificial smile I had ever seen._

"_Of course," she said and put the black shirt back in the closet when there was a knock on the door._

Arnold stares at my eyes before he releases my arm from his grip.

"Next time, tell Eugene to mind his own damn business," he says angrily.

"You can't get mad at me because I talked to someone you happen to know."

"I'm not mad because I know him, I'm mad because I'm sure you're already buddy-buddy with him and he told you all this shit about me," he says.

Eugene did tell me things about Arnold, but I don't want him to know I know because he will get more mad.

"I just told you we were talking about the class and that was it." I am only not saying the truth because he will become more angry. Maybe he'll tell me another time when he decides to be open.

"Sure. I'm actually not surprised you guys hit it off so well. Your boring and plain personalities reflect each other quite nicely," he says and starts walking in the parking lot. I only follow because he is not going to get away with talking to me like that.

"You know what? I don't know why I keep trying with you! You always do this. You pretend to be nice to me but then you say things to purposely hurt my feelings that I know you don't even mean. But if you are going to keep being such a jerk, then don't worry. I won't bother you anymore because clearly you don't want me around," I say.

He turns around sharply and I almost run into him.

"I don't know why either! You just can't take a hint I guess," he says. Ouch.

"Well I got it now."

"That's it? That's your rebuttal?" he asks.

"Yes, Arnold. You don't deserve any more of my time and you obviously don't want any of it either. You don't even deserve to have me talk to you because all you do is ruin it! That's what you do Arnold, you ruin things and I am tired of being one of those things!" I say and turn to walk away. I am done with him. But I am stopped by him grabbing my arm, again. That is really starting to piss me off.

"You're right," he says so quietly I barely hear him.

"Don't tell me I'm right! I already know that. Just stay away from me. I can't keep up with you and I don't want to anymore," I say.

He steps forward and puts his hand on my cheek. It makes me take in a breath of air, but I take his hand off of me.

"Please, just leave me alone and I'll leave you alone," I say without meeting his gaze.

"I don't want to leave you alone."

"Then why are you always so rude to me?" I ask.

"I'm rude to everyone. I can't help it."

"That's not an excuse, but you seem to always be particularly rude to me." I feel like we have had this conversation before.

"I know it's not an excuse," he says. I hate how he only picks out one thing I say and uses it.

The tone and intensity of our conversation has gone down drastically and I don't know why. It always does this.

"Then don't do it," I say and lower my voice.

"I'm…. I'm trying."

"You can't just make up excuses to lash out at people. You have to learn to control your anger," I tell him.

"I know, dammit," he says against gritted teeth.

I glare at him and he lets out a sigh.

"Sorry. I'll try," he says and I give him a light smile. That's better.

He glances at his watch and says, "I have to go," and turns walk back to his car.

"Bye!" I say loudly to mock him because I know he hates when I do that and that was a rude way of dismissing himself.

But he surprises me when he turns around and gives me a wave.

**Arnold POV**

"Bye!" she says loudly. I know she does that in her hopes to embarrass me, but I'm not going to let her know that. I turn around and give her a wave and I can tell she looks shocked. I lightly chuckle to myself as I make my way back to my car.

I hate saying those mean things to her, I really do, but I don't want her to get close to me. It's no good for either of us, but I can't help it. Her intensity and fire attracts me to her almost as much as her body does.

That's why I caved and said I don't want to leave her alone. Because it's true, I don't.

All these thoughts swarm my head as I drive to the hospital.

I approach the parking lot and decide that I'm just going to be here early since my shift starts in thirty minutes. Maybe they'll pay me more or even like me more.

I go in my trunk to pull out my fancy ass white coat that has my name on it and everything and pull it over my black shirt. They normally don't let you wear black shirts, only white, but my tattoos on my chest are visible through the white shirts I wear, so they gave up and let me wear black. Damn straight.

I'm the only intern who has to wear this so the coat sleeves cover the tattoo sleeves on my arms.

I go in and check in early. The receptionist named Kelly gives me a warm smile that I ignore and go over to my station in the Emergency Room building. She always stares at me and giggles annoyingly if I talk to her, which is why I rarely do.

My boss, Larry, is sitting in his chair in his own personal office.

"Morning," I say through a fake smile even though sometimes I want to rip the remaining hair he has left off his bald head.

"Good morning," he nods back at me.

I go into the office where I am supposed to record all of the people who have signed in the past twenty four hours.

I sit down at the computer and start to type in the countless, boring names that will never have any effect on me…..

'Zakary Thomas.' That's not his last name, is it…..

I go through the records to see what time he checked in. 10:30. That would sort of make sense if it was Helga's Zak since Gerald and them came around 9 and… oh shit he checked in the emergency room. Did they beat him up that bad?

I check over my shoulder to make sure no one is looking at what I am doing since I am off task, but I came in thirty minutes early so they can back off.

I find his name and which room he was staying in, but it says he checked out at 11:00 last night which means there probably wasn't much damage done. I smirk to myself knowing that he was stuck here at night while his girl was at my place.

I know the nurse who was on duty last night and I silently hope she is here in her work room so I can ask her some questions.

"Hey, Trish," I say. She's in the lunch room getting her brown paper bag out of the fridge. She's in her mid-thirties with blonde hair, a little chubby, but she has kind eyes that are coated with make-up.

"Hey, honey. What's up?" she says and sits at the big round table set out. No one else is in the room.

I close the door behind me and take a seat across the table from her.

"You were on duty last night, right?" I ask her trying to ease into this. If I rush she will get suspicious and not answer any of my questions since the patient's medical records are supposed to be confidential.

"Sure was," she says and takes out her sandwich. It looks like turkey.

"I saw one of my close mates was here, I mean one of my friends, and I was wondering if you know what happened to him?" I ask. He sure as hell isn't my friend but it will make her tell me.

"Which one was that?" she asks and takes a bite of her sandwich.

"Zak…. Well Zakary Thomas," I say.

"Hmm that name sounds familiar," she says while chewing her lunch. I hope she remembers.

"He has brown hair," I say trying to help her memory. "He's tall…" I say. Explaining him to her makes me almost nauseous. I don't like him at all.

"Blue eyes?" she asks me and takes a sip of her water bottle. How the fuck am I supposed to know? I don't gawk at him and pay attention to the little shit like that. I only pay attention to Helga's blue eyes because they shine out and beg for me to grasp at them, it seems.

"Yeah, I think so," I say trying to hide my annoyance.

"He had a few bruised ribs and his lip split open. Nothing too serious. He was in and out quickly," she says and I am almost disappointed they didn't beat him up worse.

"Oh okay. Thanks Trish. I'm glad he's okay," I lie and walk out of the room.

"No problem, sweetie. Have a good day," she says before I close the door behind me.

**Helga POV**

I walk back to my dorms a little steamed, but I don't know which makes me even more mad, even though my sub conscious knows that I am only mad because Arnold is back in his guarded mood, which is the one I hate most of all.

I wonder how Zak is doing, or where he even is since Lila didn't help at all. Not that I expected her to, she is their friend not mine.

I ponder over if I should call him or not. He hasn't made any attempt to contact me so I am not sure if he is mad at me or not. I wouldn't blame him if he was.

I want to call him, but I don't want to go crawling back to him either. I know how I will feel once I see him again. I will feel I have to be with him again because Olga and he have made me feel he is the best for me. But if they are forcing me to think that, is he really?

I decide to wait until practice. If he still isn't there, I will call him and ask… I don't know what but I feel like I should at least make sure he is okay.

I go back to my room, and thankfully no one is in here. I just want to be by myself. I feel like writing a little poem to express how I am feeling, but I am literally too tired right now and I don't want to make any words rhyme.

I have about forty five minutes until practice starts so I suppose I can lay down for fifteen minutes before I have to get up and get ready. I make sure to set an alarm that reminds me to get up.

I lay in my bed letting all the events that have happened reel around in my head. Them taking Zak, Arnold trying to save me, his kindness in letting me stay over, his nightmare, him kissing and touching me, guarding himself, Lila being a jerk, Arnold being playful, meeting Eugene, Arnold's parents, and him obviously being mad at the end. And me still wondering where they took Zak and where he is now. I just don't know.

My alarm goes off too soon and I am brought back to reality and the fact that even though my life seems to have become a soap opera in the last week, I still have practice.

I climb down the latter and change into my running clothes and make sure to put my wallet, keys, and phone in my bag.

When I get to the field, I see my friends and head over to them. I don't know what to tell them about what happened since so many things have been happening.

"Hey," I say to them all and give them smiles.

I can tell something is off with them because they either don't look at me, or they give me weird smiles back that aren't true.

"Is something wrong?" I ask. I feel almost like an intruder.

None of them say anything and I feel my heart beating fast. Are they mad at me? What did I do?

"We heard about Zak," Phoebe speaks first.

"What about him?" I ask. I wonder what they heard.

"That he was taking drugs," Phoebe says. They are all quiet.

"Oh, I know. I just found out a couple days ago." I don't know how to react to that. That seems like it happened ages ago even though it was only a few days ago.

"Are you two broken up?" Nadine asks.

"Well, I'm not really sure. We haven't talked about it," I say honestly.

"You probably should soon and tell him you don't want to be with him anymore," Nadine says and I can't help but grimace my eyes. I know they are my friends and want what is best for me, but they can't tell me who I should date and what I should do with my relationships.

"Yeah, you can't date a guy who does drugs," Park says.

"I reckon he is no good for you if he does that," Stinky says.

"I know you guys are my best friends and you want what is best for me, but I can decide who I should be with. Thanks," I say and leave to go pretend and get some water. I know I probably seemed childish just then, but I can't help it. I'm tired of everyone telling me what to do.

I go over to the water fountain and I look over and see Coach Wittenberg talking to… Zak?

Zak pulls up his shirt and shows Coach a bandaged wrap around his torso. Oh my gosh, is he okay? I decide to hover by the fountain until they are done talking to approach him.

"Hey," I say from behind him. He turns and faces me and it is hard to read the emotion on his face.

"Hey," he says. His lip is red and purple and he looks beaten. Literally and figuratively.

"I saw you show Coach the wrap around your torso," I admit. I don't know why I feel shy around him all of a sudden.

"Yeah. I have three broken ribs," he says. His tone is flat and it makes me sad to see him this way.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I say. "What happened last night?" I ask. I hear the coaches tell everyone to start doing the warm up laps but I don't care. I want to know what happened.

He looks over to the field. "I think you have to go," he says.

"I want to talk to you though," I admit.

"Why? You've been ignoring me anyway," he says in a harsh tone.

"I didn't know how to approach you," I say truthfully.

"You could have answered my calls for one thing," he says. He is mad.

"I didn't get any of your calls," I say. There was nothing when I woke up.

"Sure you didn't," he says and looks away from me. I can tell he is angry and hurt at the same time.

"Pataki!" Wittenberg yells. "Start your laps or you'll have to do five extra!"

I look back at Zak but his gaze is still distant.

"I have to go," I say.

"I know you do."


	23. Chapter 23

I can barely focus on anything during practice except my talk with Zak. It was so short and brief and I am still not sure where this leads us. I don't feel the same way about him anymore but I don't know how he feels.

This whole thing makes me feel like the bad guy which is dumb because I'm not. I haven't done anything wrong. I don't want to have Zak and Olga both walking all over me like they have been.

I decide after practice I am going to try and find him and try to settle this. I try to gather up the confidence that I always seem to gain when I am with Arnold.

Practice ends, and I grab my phone out of my bag and start to walk back to the dorms. I call him but he doesn't answer on the first ring. I am not giving up though and I call him again. This time he answers on the first ring.

"Hello?" he says in the phone.

"Hi," I say. I am not sure how to start this off.

"Hey," he says nonchalantly. There is a bit of an awkward silence before I speak up again. I know he is expecting me to say something since I called him.

"We have to talk."

"Yeah, we should." I have to admit I expected him to fight it more but hopefully we are on the same page.

"Okay, when can you come here?" I ask.

"Why do you always assume I want to go there? You could make an effort too, Helga," he says harshly. What the hell?

"You live in a house off campus and I don't exactly have a car like you do," I say. I am not going to let him walk all over me this time.

"I know you have a skateboard," he says and I curse him in my head. I hate riding the skateboard because it scares me even though Zak taught me over summer. The way we would laugh when I would trip or stumble seems so foreign and far away now.

I huff and say, "Fine, I'll be there in an hour," and hang up. I am mad that he is making me ride over to his house. I guess it is a little unfair that he always comes here, but if I had a car I wouldn't mind going to his place too. Not to mention his house is fifteen minutes away by car so it's probably thirty if I skate. I really need to invest in a car.

I go back to my room first and I feel I should shower and change into nicer clothes, but I remember Arnold saying that people are always out in workout clothes. I just never considered myself to be one of those people but I guess I will have to be today. I am just not up for taking a shower and changing then getting sweaty again.

I keep my bag on my back, but change into my gray Converse and grab my Penny board. It has a pink deck with white wheels and although is not the safest board, it does get me from place to place.

I feel a little jittery since I am not sure what will happen but I feel that Zak is done with this too. I just hope he doesn't yell. Anything but the yelling.

I said I would be there in an hour so I guess I have some time to relax. I don't want to lay down again because it will be hard to get up since I am already tired from practice.

Maybe I will find out what happened last night when I go to talk to him. I hope he will be okay.

I sit at my desk and pull out my backpack. I decide on completing one assignment before I leave that my Greek mythology teacher has already posted.

I get so lost in the story of all of Apollo's sons that I lose track of time. It has already been an hour and I still haven't even left yet. Crap. I hope he won't be mad that I am a little late. Ugh, I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't my fault and I shouldn't be worried about being wrong.

I make my way downstairs and out the front doors and make a shaky start out of the parking lot. I decide it would be best to go slow at first because if I try going fast and I fall, that would only slow things even more.

I have only been to his house once, last year when he was looking if he wanted to live there for sure or not. It is a little fuzzy in my mind where he lives but I decide to get as close as I can remember and see where I will go from there.

Zak is already mad so I don't want to make it worse by calling and asking for directions. He will probably make an excuse to be mad at me by saying I never even tried to learn where he lives.

I feel I have been skating around for a while, and although I feel more comfortable on the board, I just want to get there already. There are a lot of hills in Westwood and each time I go down them, I scrunch up my toes and my stomach feels weightless, but I always end without falling which I am thankful for.

I still don't know which house is his and the sun is starting to set. I know it will get dark in about thirty minutes so I think maybe now is a good time to call him.

I pull my phone out from my bag right when I hear my name being called.

"Helga!" I look and Arnold's car is parked across the street with him getting out of it over to me. Seriously? Maybe a fight with Arnold is just what I need to get my anger out.

"What?" I say with an edge in my voice. I am already frustrated I can't find his house and I am not looking forward to what will happen with me and Zak.

"What are you doing?" he asks me in a low tone as he stands directly in front of me.

"I am going somewhere, isn't that obvious?" I say and move past him on the sidewalk.

"I can give you a ride," he says and I hear him following me.

It is tempting but it would be weird to ask Arnold for a ride to Zak's house.

"No, thanks," I say and keep walking.

"You can skateboard?" he asks still trailing me. Doesn't he get I want to be alone?

"A little," I admit.

"Hey," he says and stops me by tugging at my arm. I turn around and face him. Even though it is getting chillier, his touch gives me warmth.

"Let me take you wherever you're going," he offers. His eyes look soft and bright, and the falling sun is reflecting off the metal of his lip and eyebrow rings.

I feel like finally breaking down because it is one of those moments when you only realize how hopeless you are when someone else notices.

"I… I don't know where I am going," I say and look down. This whole thing seems dumb now and I am not even in the mood to go see Zak anymore. If I am mad, and he is mad, only bad things can happen.

"I'll take you home," he says and I almost think that by home he means back to his apartment, but I realize that is his home, not mine.

He doesn't wait for my answer as he takes my hand and guides me back across the street after we wait for the bustling of cars to go by.

I know I have to go see Zak, but right now I just want to be with Arnold. All of my anger dissolves as Arnold squeezes my hand, which causes the crease in my brow to disappear as well.

When Arnold drops me off, I will call Zak right away and say I couldn't make it.

"Where were you trying to go anyway?" Arnold asks as he starts up the car. I take a note of how he turns off the radio when he is trying to talk to me.

"I was…." Should I be honest?

"Tell me."

"I was trying to find Zak's house."

I notice the temperature in the air go down drastically and Arnold tenses his knuckles around the steering wheel for a split second, and then releases.

"Oh."

"I was only going to end things with him. To tell him it's over."

"Do you still want to go there?" I like how he only offers to help me continue my journey if it was to end it with Zak.

"I don't feel like going there anymore," I say truthfully.

"So then where do you want to go?"

I don't know why Arnold is being so cooperative right now. It is not like him at all.

"Do you want to go back to your room?" he asks since I realized I haven't said anything for a couple of moments.

"No," I say and look down at my lap. Lila will be there and I don't know what I want.

I kind of just want to be alone but Arnold driving me and offering to take me places is a little comforting.

"Are you hungry?" he asks. Now that I think about it, I haven't eaten anything all day but I am not in the mood to eat either.

"Not really," I say.

We are driving right through downtown Westwood as we pass by Diddy Reise, one of the best ice cream places in LA.

"Oh, can we go there!" I ask excitedly looking out the window.

"Where?" Arnold asks gingerly.

"Diddy Reise! It's my favorite ice cream place ever," I say.

He groans but I can see the hint of smile on his face. He pulls over to park and my mood has gone up quickly due to the unexpected ice cream run. With Olga, we would have had to plan it out at least a couple hours before, but this would never even be happening because she only fed me perfect meals without carbs and low calories.

This place is the best because you pick your choice of two cookies with whichever ice cream you want, and they make it into an ice cream sandwich and it is the best thing ever.

"What do you want?" he leans down to ask me. The place is a little crowded.

"M&M cookies with cookie dough," I say excited to order it.

"Go sit, I'll order it," he instructs me.

I was planning on ordering it myself but Arnold is being so nice so I decide to just go with it and not ruin his mood.

Arnold comes to join me at the table I have picked with our orders.

"Thank you," I say sweetly before I dig in and look like a pig. I don't care what Arnold thinks anymore since he has seen me in my many states of Helga.

He only chuckles and takes a bite of his own.

"Someone's hungry," he says smiling at me. He is really cute when he smiles and I like the way his face piercings look. And I like that he has tattoos. It shows that he has a passion for something and he isn't afraid to show it. Maybe because I have always wanted a piercing or two and something that stands for something, but Olga would have my head.

"This is the only thing I have had to eat all day," I say after scarfing down another big bite.

"Arnold?" a man says as he stops in front of our table. Arnold looks up at him and immediately his eyes narrow.

"Um… hi," he says and the man smiles. His smile is warm like Arnold's when he isn't trying to be a jerk. I can tell right away that this man is somehow related to Arnold. Except for the fact that the man is wearing black slacks and a gray button up shirt. Is this his uncle?

"Hi, I'm Helga," I say and shake the man's hand. Arnold glares at me but it is not like he was going to introduce us anyway.

"Jonathan, but you can call me John. I'm Arnold's uncle," he says and confirms my suspicion.

John has Arnold's blonde hair, but he has brown eyes and he is a little thicker, but just as a grown man should be. He looks he is in his mid to late forties.

"Nice to meet you," I smile up at him.

John's kind gaze goes back to Arnold.

"Arnold, I didn't know you had a girlfriend. You two should come over for dinner sometime. I'm sure Jenny would love to cook a great meal for us all." I want to tell him that I am not Arnold's girlfriend, but Arnold speaks up before I can.

"We are really busy and she doesn't want to come," Arnold says and I gasp at the way he talks to his uncle. The man's face drops and I feel so bad for him.

"Actually, I would love to come, I am friends with Eugene too," I chirp up. I know I just met Eugene but I am sure that we could be good friends.

I feel his angry gaze on me once again, but I ignore him while I look up at John.

His smile brightens instantly and it makes me happy.

"That would be great! How does tomorrow sound?" he asks.

"That sounds perfect," I say and smile at him. Arnold is still sending me daggers through his stares but I don't care. He is being so rude to this man who obviously cares a lot about him.

"What time should we be there?" I ask and I feel the intensity from Arnold's gaze become hotter.

"We?" he asks and I nod. "How about seven? I have to give Jenny some time to prepare or she will have my head," he says with a light chuckle.

"Seven sounds good," I say and smile.

"Okay great, I will see you two tomorrow. Have a good date," he says. He says goodbye to Arnold, who completely ignores him despite me kicking his legs under the table.

Once his uncle leaves the store, Arnold stands up abruptly, slams the chair so hard that it falls over, he kicks it, and exits the shop leaving me to deal with all of the curious stares by the other customers.

I pick the chair up and rush out to go chase after him. Why does this always happen when we go out to eat somewhere?

I call his name countless times but he still doesn't turn around. Right as I am about to catch up he turns and faces me so fast that I almost run into him.

"What the fuck was that, Helga! What game are you trying to play here?" He is angry, beyond angry.

"I am not playing any games! Didn't you see how much he wanted you to come over? And you were being so disrespectful to him after he was only trying to reach out to you!" I counter back.

"Reach out to me? Are you fucking kidding me? Maybe he should have fucking reached out to me when he was abandoning me out on the fucking streets!" The vein in his neck is bulging and the people around us are giving us stares but I forget about them as we continue to argue.

"Stop cussing at me! And maybe he is trying to reach out to you now! People make mistakes Arnold and he obviously cares about you. Why can't you just give him a chance?"

"Don't fucking lecture me, Helga. You don't know shit about him! You don't know how he lives in a big ass mansion with his fucking new girlfriend and her perfect-ass son who are way better for him than I ever could be!"

"Don't say that Arnold! You are better than you think!" I try to remind him.

He stops looking angry but he looks more confused and hurt.

"Mind your own damn business, Helga," he says and turns away from me to go back to the car.

"Fine, I will mind my own damn business, but I am going to that dinner whether you are or not!" I say. So much for Arnold being nice today.

"No you're not!" he says and gets in the car and slams his door shut.

If I had known that accepting his uncle's invitation to dinner would have led to this, I wouldn't have done it. But Arnold has to know that I won't be yelled at and I won't let him. That is one quality that Olga has taught me. She showed me exactly how to not be treated by a man or anyone else for that matter.

I get in the car just as angrily as he does.

"In case you haven't noticed Arnold, you have no say in what I do and I am going. Maybe I should invite Zak?" I say even though I have no intention of doing that at all and I know I have gone too far when Arnold aggressively pulls over the busy road.

"What the fuck did you just say!?" he asks angrily. There are some horns beeping at him from his sudden driving behavior.

"What the hell is your problem? Pulling off the road like that!" I shout angrily.

"What the hell is your problem is the question! You think you can go eat dinner with my uncle and his new family, and then you have the common sense to mention bringing Zak!?" His pupils are so dilated that the ring of his now dark green eyes are barely noticeable.

"Oh yeah sorry, you probably wouldn't want anyone else to find out that you actually do have people who care about you."

"You know that's why I don't want Zak to go with you," he says in a much calmer tone.

Even though my anger is rising, some hope bubbles through me at Arnold's jealously.

"Well if you don't go, I will have to invite him," I say even though I have no intentions of doing that at all.

"Helga, I really don't want to go. I avoid them for a reason. They're too perfect for me and my bad boy tattoos," he says with a serious face.

"I like your bad boy tattoos," I say and look over at him. He gives me a look that asks why I just said that. I don't know why I said that either. Arnold makes me actually turn off my brain and say and feel exactly how I want to.

"Well I won't force you to go if it will hurt you, but I am going either way." It was so nice of John to include me even though he just met me and I don't want to pass up on his offer of a home-cooked meal after I haven't had one for about a week.

"Hurt me?" He sounds astonished.

"Yes, Arnold. I wouldn't want you to come if you feel that uncomfortable about it." I know I couldn't make Arnold do anything he didn't want to.

"Why would you care if it hurt me?" His eyes meet mine and I try to look away, but once again, I am under his spell.

"Of course I would care, why wouldn't I?"

"Why would you is the question." His eyes are silently begging me to say the words but I can't. I know he will eat them up, and spit them back out at me later to use against me just to hurt me and he will probably never want to hang out with me again. I will become just like those other annoying girls who think Arnold is what they want.

"I care about how you feel," is the only thing I can muster out.

A ring from my phone interrupts us but I take it out and press ignore.

"Who is that?" He is so nosy.

"Zak."

"And you're not going to answer it?"

"No, we are talking," I say.

"Oh," is the only thing he says but the smile is evident on his face.

"So will you come with me? I really miss home cooked food already and I don't want to miss this."

"I thought we were hanging out tomorrow?" he says and he looks hurt that I would rather go to a meal his uncle invited me to than hang out with him, which isn't true.

"We are. We can go afterwards," _if we last that long without getting in another fight_, I think to myself.

"I don't want to go though."

"Will you be mad at me if I do go? I think it will be good for me to get to know Eugene more too since he is in our class."

"I'm always mad at you, Helga," he says and I laugh.

"I'm always mad at your too, Arnold," I say and he laughs back.

"Can we go back now? I don't want to get in trouble for parking here without paying," I say glad no cops have shown up.

He pulls back over into the road safely and the fight had ended sooner than I had expected it to but I am glad it did.

**A/N:**** The next chapter should be interesting ;)**


	24. Chapter 24

The car ride back is silent. It isn't awkward, it is just quiet.

"So, um, what are you doing the rest of the day?" I ask even though I promised myself I wouldn't.

"Why are you asking?"

"You said you were really busy when we were talking to your un- I mean John," I catch myself. He probably doesn't like to be reminded of his uncle.

"I don't know. There is a kickback at the frat house tonight so I'll probably just go to that," he says nonchalantly and I am glad he isn't mad I mentioned John.

"Do you go to parties a lot?" I ask.

"Yeah, the frat has one every Friday and Saturday. They're only having one today because it's the first day of school though," he explains as he pulls up to my building. I am little sad we are already here, but I would never say that out loud or make it evident.

"But you said you don't even like parties," I remind him. He told me that on the first day I met him.

"I don't like a lot of things," he says and smiles over at me.

"Like me?" I say and smile back.

"Exactly, Pataki," he says and I laugh.

"What is your last name?" I ask. I am still not sure how he knows my last name and I don't even know his.

His smile fades away as he pulls up to the curb.

"Phillips."

"Oh," I say and look down at my skateboard that is on the floor of his car.

"Well thanks for picking me up and taking me to ice cream," I say as I put my hand on the door. It was almost a perfect time with Arnold for once. Even though we always argue, I feel we get somewhat forward in this whatever relationship we have.

"Sure… No problem," he says and scratches at the back of his neck. I want to make an excuse for why he should come up but I know there isn't one.

"Bye, Arnold," I say and grab my things from his car and make my way upstairs.

Lila and Sheena are both in the room when I drop my things by my desk.

"Where you have been all day!" Lila asks me jokingly. I thought she was mad at me.

"I was just skating around," I say and smile at her. At least she is trying to be nicer. I don't know if I should call Zak or take a shower first.

Lila goes to lay on her bed while playing on her phone, and Sheena sits at her desk. It looks like she is writing a letter.

"How were your classes today?" I ask to both of them.

"They were good. I really like my English professor," Sheena says.

"That's good! What about you Lila?" I ask.

"Mine was good. I only had math today," she says and sits up to talk to us. I am glad she is being nicer.

"That's nice. I just had Greek today," I explain and go in my closet to get my towels and shower carrier out.

There is a knock at the door a couple minutes later and Lila gets up to retrieve it.

"What are you doing here, Arnold?" she asks and my pulse quickens. Arnold is here? I look up nervously and Arnold walks over to my desk. He stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"Did I leave something in your car?" I ask. I hear Lila gasp and I have to make sure to explain to her later of how and why this happened earlier.

"Uhh… no. I was going to offer to drive you to my uncle's house, you know, so you don't have to skate," he says. He obviously doesn't care that both of my roommates are in the room listening with their jaws on the ground.

"If not… that's okay too. I just thought I would offer." He pulls his lip in between his teeth and I love when he does that. I am surprised by his offer and it takes me a while to respond.

"Sure, that would be great. Thank you," I smile.

He smiles back and it's a warm smile that makes my stomach heat up. He takes one hand out of his pockets and pulls his floppy hair back before stuffing it back in his pocket.

"Okay… when should we leave?" he asks.

"How about 6:30?"

"Okay… well see you later then," he says and turns on his heel to walk out the door.

"Thank you, Arnold," I say before he reaches the door.

"Helga," he says in a calm tone and closes the door behind him.

"What the hell was that!?" Lila squeals.

"I don't know actually," I admit. Just when I think Arnold can't get any more confusing, he does things like this that make me question why he would offer to take me to have dinner at his uncle's house. I am sure I will find out though and I just hope it is for the best.

"I can't believe that just happened! I mean the way Arnold… he looked like he was nervous or something! And he offered to drive you to his uncle's house! Wait you're going to his uncle's house? Why? And you asked if you left something in his car which means you were with him today! Or was that yesterday? I need details!" she squeals and sits on her bed and Sheena also seems interested in what has happened.

I just laugh at her excitement and explain to her what happened. I feel more close to Lila for some reason. She doesn't seem as cold or distant as she was when she first learned I was spending time with Arnold. Maybe she got over it?

"I still can't believe he took you out and everything! And you guys are having a date tomorrow!" I want to tell her it isn't a date but she continues.

"I wish I could have recorded the way he looked when he came in here!" she says and laughs again. We both join her and these are the moments that I am glad to have roommates. Everything is better when you have people around you to share them with.

I still haven't called Zak to tell him I couldn't find his house so I decide to do that before I get ready for bed and take a shower.

He answers on the second ring.

"Where are you?" he asks in the phone hurriedly.

"I… I couldn't find where you live and it was getting dark so I just went back," I say. I don't know why I am so nervous all of a sudden.

"You could have asked where I live, Helga," he says obviously not impressed with my excuse.

"I didn't want you to get more mad," I say as I exit my hall doors to sit on the floor while I talk to him.

"So when are we going to talk?" he asks.

"I don't know." I don't want to keep dragging this out and I just want to get it over with already.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he says softly. Now anything Zak does just annoys me so I am repelled from his nice behavior. Maybe because I am used to being around jerks all day now, or maybe because Zak in general annoys me because I don't think I want something perfect anymore.

"We aren't going to work out," I say bluntly. There is no point in beating around the bush.

He sighs into the phone.

"I know," he says.

I don't feel it is right to end a relationship over the phone but this may be the only time we can talk for a while.

"So it's over?" he asks me when I don't respond.

I nod but remember he can't see me.

"Yeah," I say. I feel so bad and I almost want to take it back, but I have to remember that I have to stand my ground and make him know that I won't be walked on. Just like how I have no problem reminding Arnold.

"Okay. I am so sorry, Helga. For everything," he says and my heart feels heavy.

"I am too," I say and let out a breath of air. I didn't picture us ever breaking up before this week and I would never have pictured it this way over the phone. It feels disrespectful but this is the only way that would have worked for us.

"You know I meant what I said," he tells me.

"About what?" I ask.

"When I said I love you. I meant it," he says and it only makes me more sad.

I don't know what to say since I don't feel the same way.

"I'm sorry," is the only thing I can say. I want to hang up now because the conversation has gotten very uncomfortable.

"I guess I'll see you around then," he huffs in the phone.

"Yeah. I hope your ribs get better soon," I say honestly. I hope we can still be friends but it is too soon to push that into his face right now.

"Thanks," he says and I hang up after we say goodbye.

I stand up and immediately feel a heavy weight being lifted off my shoulders. I no longer have to worry about what Zak will think of my decisions, or him and Olga talking together about me and what they think is best for me. I can now be my own independent person and not have to worry about being someone I don't want to be anymore.

I walk back into my room and I try to contain my current happiness as I gather my shower things once again and make my down the hall to the bathroom.

Just as I get in the shower, I begin to think of all the down sides of this. I won't have someone understanding to help me get through when I do bad on a test, or when I do bad in a race, there won't be anyone at the finish line waiting for me after I finish.

I feel the tears threatening to spill in my eyes and I let them flow under the running water so it is hard to tell how much is coming from my eyes and how much is coming from the running faucet. It hurts because I feel I have lost a part of me. We have been dating for a while and we spent a lot of time together and now it is all over.

I keep my thoughts to myself as I dry myself off and change into my pajamas and head back into my room.

I take one of my books about Greek myths and bring it with me up the ladder as I lay in bed.

Sleep quickly overtakes me as I read of how cruel Hades forcefully made the beautiful Persephone betroth him and trapped her in the Underworld.

My alarm wakes me up in the morning and I get up quickly to get ready. My class is in an hour but I need enough time to actually brush my teeth, wash my face, and get dressed. I felt gross yesterday morning when I couldn't do any of that at Arnold's place, but I wouldn't have taken that morning back for anything.

After I finish getting ready I grab my bag quietly and close the door behind me gingerly since they are both still sleeping. I guess they have later classes.

I go to my Literature class and sit in the front when I see a familiar head of curly orange hair.

"Hey, Eugene," I say and take the seat next to him.

"Hi, Helga. Wow we have two classes together," he says and I smile.

"I guess so," I say and I am excited I know someone in two of my classes now. I hope we become close this year.

"Hey, John tells me that you're coming over for dinner tonight?" Eugene asks me.

"Yeah! He saw me and Arnold yesterday and invited us. Well, I don't think Arnold is coming but I am," I say and smile. I don't know why I am so excited to have dinner with Eugene and his mom and Arnold's uncle, but my subconscious tells me it is because I am indirectly getting closer to Arnold by becoming close to his family. Maybe I will find out more about Arnold's background without Arnold there to yell and get mad when I ask him one question about him.

"That's great! I'm excited you're coming over. Oh, my mom is excited too," he adds and I smile.

"I'm so glad. It was so nice of John to include me even though he just met me. Well he thought I was Arnold's girlfriend but I am not," I clarify.

"Oh okay. I wasn't sure of that either," Eugene admits. I notice we are the only two talking in the classroom since it is the first day and no one really knows each other yet.

"No, we are not dating," I say and begin to take my notebook out of my backpack to distract myself from the nagging thought in my head that wants to be his girlfriend.

_We are no good for each other,_ I tell myself. I know I am only saying that so I don't get hurt, so it will have to do for now.

"Well that's good. You are too good for him," he says and I smile at him. Eugene is so nice and I just met him.

"Thank you, Eugene. That means a lot," I say and move my hair behind my ear.

The teacher walks in and the class period goes by quickly as he explains the syllabus in more depth even though I have already read it.

"I'm excited for the works we are going to read this quarter!" Eugene says as we walk out of the classroom.

"Me too! I love Wuthering Heights," I say. I got to read it the first time in high school and I loved it so much I bought my own copy.

"It's such a great book!" he says.

"Catherine is just so passionate and strong and she is my favorite," I gush.

"Heathcliff is my favorite. He's mysterious and he made a mistake with another woman, but he is eventually with the one he loves."

We both laugh over our gushing of the book but I stop laughing when I see Zak looking over at me. He is with Ludwig and his expression is confused, like why I am laughing with another guy right after we broke up? I guess it didn't take me as long to get over it as it will take for him.

I steer Eugene the other way and continue to ask him questions about himself.

I have been looking forward to practice ending the whole time and I am glad it finally is. I am just so anxious for today in general. I don't know where Arnold is taking me and I am nervous for the dinner as it keeps getting closer to the actual time.

It was a little awkward with my friends today since I avoided them yesterday and I didn't talk to them at all today. I hope they aren't too mad at me.

I go back to my room quickly to take a shower and get dressed. I am not sure if I should wear one of my skirts or that outfit Arnold had picked out for me before Olga had come in and ruined my day.

I decide that I am going to have more confidence and wear the shorts and tank top he picked out for me.

I am not sure when or where he is picking me up exactly, or if we are even still going, since I haven't heard from him all day. I don't even have his number to call him.

I am already ready and my hair is still waiting to dry so I sit at my desk and take out my assignments that I have already done and study them.

I hope Arnold isn't too late because then we won't have enough time to hang out just the two of us before he takes me to his uncle's.

I hear some talking going on outside my door and a key go in the slot. Lila opens it and Arnold comes in behind her. I have to admit I feel a pang of jealousy of the thought that they were together, but I remind myself that Arnold told me specifically he doesn't like her.

"Hey," I say and stand up from my desk.

"Hi," he says and glances down at my legs before looking back at my face. "You ready?" he asks and licks his lips. I simply nod and grab my Vans and bag and head out the door after saying goodbye to Lila. She doesn't seem mad or jealous and I am glad.

"So where are we going?" I ask as we head down the stairs.

"Shh, it's a surprise," he says and smirks. I am glad he is in his playful mood.

I try to race him down the stairs but he obviously beats me and I almost trip and fall straight on my face on the last stair, but Arnold turns around just in time to catch me.

My cheeks immediately flush as he sets me back down gently.

"Watch out for the ground, it's everywhere," he jokes.

"Ha ha, very funny," I say and give him a shove.

I walk past him out of the building but he catches up quickly.

"Don't be butt hurt because you don't know how to walk," he says and laughs.

"Shut up," I tell him.

"I like your outfit," he remarks and I look over to see him staring at me, well at least my body.

"Thanks, I had my professional tailor pick it out," I tease.

He only smiles and it makes my stomach flutter.

We get in the car and Arnold's music immediately blasts from the speakers and I move to turn it down again. It hurts my ears.

"Didn't I tell you before not to touch my radio?"

"Yes, but it was really loud and I don't want to have to buy a hearing aid at nineteen years old," I counter back. I silently praise myself for coming up with such a sassy remark so fast.

"Don't touch it again," he says harshly and backs out of the spot.

"Why do you even have it so loud?" I ask.

"Because I like it loud."

That isn't very helpful.

"So where are we going?" I ask again.

"I'm not telling you. You don't have to know everything."

"I know I don't have to, but I want to," I say back.

"Can you just stay quiet for like five minutes? Damn…" and there goes his playful humor. I feel hurt by his words but I don't want him to know that he hurt me.

He drives around a while until we reach a gravel road. There are no buildings, no cars, no one and we are entirely alone.

"Don't worry, I didn't take you here to kill you," he says and I am more afraid of what I would do with him alone than if he were to kill me.

"This is one of my favorite places," he says and gets out so his shoe crunches against the road. I get out from my side as well.

I look up and see nothing but grass littered with yellow and white flowers and trees all about. There is a nice breeze and it feels like we are in a different world.

"What are we going to do here?" I ask.

"We still have a bit of walking to do," he says as he leads me through the grass. I can see why Arnold likes this place; it is so quiet and I could stay here for hours on end. We are mostly quiet except for a few rude remarks from him of me being too slow, but I am too busy taking in the scenery around me to even care. It is so nice here.

He eventually leads us off the trail to a wooded area and there is a stream, or maybe it is a river but it looks quite big and deep.

Arnold immediately takes off his shirt and bends over to untie his shoes.

"Why are you undressing?" I ask. "You are going to swim? In that?" I ask pointing to the water.

"Yeah, I do it all the time. You are too," he says and unbuttons his pants. I have to look away when I see his back muscles moving under his skin as he pulls his legs out from his pants.

"No way! I am not swimming in that," I say. I don't mind swimming, but not in a random stream in the middle of nowhere.

"Why not? It's clean enough so you can see the bottom," he points out.

"Fish swim in there and pee and god knows what else is in there!" I counter. I know I sound dumb but I don't care. "And you didn't tell me we were swimming so I have nothing to swim in."

"Aren't you wearing a bra and panties?" he asks and smirks at me. Is this why he asked me to hang out? So he could swim practically naked with me? My stomach stirs at the thought of being close to naked in the water with Arnold but I have to shoot those thoughts down. I have never even imagined these types of things before. What is he doing to me?

"I am not only swimming in a bra and panties you creep," I say and sit on the grass. "I will just watch you from here," I say and look up at him. His black boxers are tight against him and I have to force myself to look at his face.

"Fine but you're missing out," he says and jumps in the water. I pick at some of the pieces of grass and tie them together.

"The water is warm, Helga," he says from the stream. There are water droplets covering his face and he brings his hand to push back his hair and he wipes his face.

For a moment, I wish I was someone else who was more fun. I wish I could be someone like Lila or the other girls Arnold knows who are brave and be able to strip off my clothes and be carefree with Arnold in the water. But I am not those girls, I am Helga.

"At least put your feet in. The water will get cold soon," he says and I contemplate in my head that doing that wouldn't be so bad.

I take my shoes off and walk over to the edge of the stream and dip my feet in the water. He is right, the water is warm.

"Isn't it nice?" he asks and I nod. "Just come in the water," he says.

"No," I say and he splashes me with water. I scoot back and give him an angry glare.

"If you come in, I will answer one of your many questions. It can be any question, but only one," he says and swims around the middle of the stream.

My curiosity is getting the best of me as I debate in my head whether to take his offer or not.

"My offer expires in one minute," he says and I can see his long body clearly swimming under the water. It does look like a lot of fun and Arnold drives a hard bargain.

"Don't overthink it, just jump in," he says.

"But I won't have anything to wear afterwards to your uncle's," I remind him.

"Then take my shirt," he says. It is very uncharacteristic of Arnold to offer me wearing his shirt.

"It is long enough to cover you, and you can keep your bra and panties on, if you want," he smirks.

"Fine. But don't look while I change," I say and he just laughs. He turns his body the other way and I take my shirt off quickly and put his on. He was right. It goes to my mid thighs and I can still smell the faint cologne on it, like the one he gave me to wear as pajamas.

"Hurry the hell up or I will turn around," he says and I wish I had a branch to throw at his head. I quickly take my shorts off underneath and fold my clothes neatly and put them next to my shoes.

Arnold turns around and I try to tug on the bottom of his shirt. His eyes rake down my body and I put my feet together in a nervous state. His cheeks flush and he takes his lip ring in between his teeth. The water must be getting colder because I know it isn't me that is making him react that way.

"Uh.. just come in the water."

"I am! I am!" I say and he laughs.

"Get a running start," he says and I do, but just as I am about to jump from the edge, I stop myself.

"Oh, come on! You were doing so well!" he laughs with his head back and he looks so adorable. Arnold, adorable?

I don't know what is stopping me. I know the water is deep since it goes to Arnold's chest, which would be just under my chin.

"Are you afraid?" he asks.

"I don't know. Sort of," I admit.

"Sit on the edge and I will help you in," he says and walks over in the water towards me.

I sit on the edge and close my legs as tight together as I can so he can't see my panties. He only laughs as he reaches out for me. His palms grab onto my thighs and once again, my skin is on fire. Why do I react to him this way? He moves his hands to my waist and gives me a small smile.

"Ready?" he asks and I nod. A moment later, he is lifting me up and into the water. It feels nice and amazing against my hot skin. I stand in the bank so the water hits just below my chest.

"Don't just stand there," he says and I move to walk but the t-shirt flies up and I squeal and pull it down and it stay in place for the most part.

"You know you could just take it off," he suggests and I splash him.

"Did you just splash me, Pataki?" he laughs and I nod, splashing him again. He shakes his head and lunges for me through the water. His arms hook around my waist as he pulls me under the water and I throw my arm up to plug my nose. When we surface the water, Arnold cracks up and I can't help but laugh with him. I can't believe I am having actual, real fun. Not staying in all night watching a movie fun.

"I don't know which is more amusing, the fact that you're having a good time with me, or that you need to swim with your nose plugged." I ignore his comment and get a wave of bravery through me. I walk over to him and the shirt goes up again, but I push it down quickly. I try to push him under water by his shoulder, but he only laughs harder when I realize he is too strong for me. Why can't he be like this all the time?

"You owe me an answer to a question," I remind him.

"Fine. Just one though."

I have so many questions in my head, I don't which one to ask. But my mouth talks before I can think.

"Who do you love the most in the world?"

Why did I ask that? Why didn't I ask why he left Hillwood, or what happened to his parents, or where he went after Hillwood?

"Myself," he says and goes back under the water.

"That can't be true." I say when he emerges. I know he is mean sometimes but there has to be someone he cares for and loves. "What about a close friend or family member?"

"Don't talk about my family again, okay?" he snaps and I want to bash myself for ruining or good time.

"I'm sorry. You said you would answer one question," I say. His face softens a little and he steps toward me, the water rippling around us.

"I really am sorry Arnold. I won't mention them again," I say. I don't want to fight with Arnold out here because he will probably leave me here without a way to get back.

He surprises me by grabbing my waist and hoisting me in the air. I kick my legs and yell at him to put me down, but he tosses me in the water a couple feet away. I submerge my head from the water and go to swim back to him.

"You are going to pay for that!" I say and he laughs. He grabs me again but this time I wrap my legs around his middle. A gasp escapes his lips and I unhook my legs. "Sorry," I say. But he only moves to wrap them back around him. The electricity between us is back and I hook my arms around his neck.

"What are you doing to me, Helga," he says quietly and runs his thumb over my bottom lip.

"I don't know," I say honestly. The question is what is he doing to me.

He laughs lightly, still tracing my lip.

"These lips… what you could with them…" he says seductively and slowly. I feel the burn deep in my stomach and I am under his spell once again. "Do you want me to stop?" he asks and I shake my head no.

His eyes are so dilated.

"You do know that we can't just be friends, don't you?" He starts kissing my jawline and I know he is right, that we can't only be friends. He kisses that spot just under my ear and I hear myself moan as he sucks on the skin.

"Arnold," I say and wrap my legs tighter around his torso. I bring my hands down his back and I feel I can explode just from him kissing my neck.

"I want to make you feel so good, Helga. Please let me?" There is so much desperation in his voice that I can't think to say no.

"Say it," he says and take my earlobe in his teeth. "I need you to say it out loud, baby. So I really know you want to."

"I want you to," I say too fast and he smiles against my neck. Instead of continuing this like how I thought he would, he picks me up higher on his chest, and carries me out of the water. He lets me go when we reach the grass and I feel cold at his lack of contact. All I know right now is that I want him, and I need him.

"Do you want it to be here? Or my room?" he asks and I shrug nervously. I know if we go to his room, it will give me enough time to think over what I am about to do.

"Here," I say.

"Eager?" he smirks and I only roll my eyes.

"Come here," he says. My feet carry me closer to him as he takes his soaked shirt I am wearing off my body. I love the way his eyes look when he is looking at me. It makes me feel like I am wanted and maybe I am good enough.

"Lay down on the shirt," he instructs as he puts it down on the grass. I do as he tells me and he lays down next to me sideways so he is facing me on his elbow. No one has ever seen me this exposed before and I can't keep thinking about how Arnold has probably seen so many other girls that are much better looking than me.

I move my hands to cover my body but he leans over and takes both of my wrists in his hands and puts them back to my sides.

"Don't cover up. Not for me," he says.

"But, it's just…"

"No, do not cover up. You have nothing to be ashamed of Helga." Does he really mean that? "I mean look at you," he says seeming to read my mind.

"But you've been with so many other girls…"

"None that are like you," he tells me and I know I could take that in many different perspectives but I decide to drop it.

"Do you have a condom?" I ask trying to remember the things I remember learning about sex from school.

"A condom?" he asks and laughs. "I'm not going to have sex with you," he says and I start to panic. Was this all a part of his game too? To humiliate me?

"Oh," is all I say and I begin to lift myself up but he pushes my shoulders back down.

"Where are you going?" he asks. Realization fills his eyes. "Oh, no. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that you haven't done anything before so I am not going to have sex with you. Today," he adds.

"There are so many other things I want to do with you first," he says in my ear and climbs over me so he is directly on top of me with his hands supporting all his weight in push up position. He stares at my face for a while.

"I can't believe no one has fucked you before," he says and goes back to lay on his side.

He moves his hand to my neck, and trails it all the way down. Over my chest, through the middle of my breasts and down just above my panties. I can't believe I am really doing this with Arnold and I am not even sure what we are about to do.

I have so many thoughts in my head but they all disappear when Arnold sticks his fingers into my panties. He draws in a breath and brings his lips to mine.

"Does that feel good," he asks in my mouth. He is only rubbing me, how does that feel so good? I nod and he slows his fingers down.

He keeps kissing me and his fingers keep moving up and down.

"You respond so quickly to me, you're so wet," he says. Why is it so hot when Arnold says those dirty words?

I feel a slight pinch and it shocks my whole body.

"Wh… what was that?" I ask through gasps of air and he chuckles and does it again. I feel my back arch off the grass. He brings his mouth to my neck and his tongue dips into the cup of my bra while his other hand squeezes my other breast.

I feel the pressure build in my lower stomach and it is the greatest thing I have felt. I close my eyes shut tight and take my lip into my teeth as my back arches off the grass once again. My legs begin to tremble.

"That's right, Helga. Come for me," he says and my hormones are out of control. "Look at me baby," he purrs against my chest and I open my eyes to see him nipping at my breast and the sight makes my vision blurry.

"Arnold," I say and I can tell he loves the way I say his name when his cheeks flush.

He pulls his hand out and rests it on my stomach and I try to make my breathing go back to normal. I have never felt so relaxed before as the sun sets and I turn my head to stare over at the boy with bright green eyes and a dark past that I know will always have an effect on me.

**A/N:**** This chapter was so long. I've been working on it all day haha. I hope you like it. Please leave a review, it would mean so much I worked really hard on this chapter. The next chapter will be the dinner. Thank you.**


	25. Chapter 25

"I'll give you a minute to recover," he laughs and gets up to move away from me. I frown because I want him to stay close. I sit up after the best two minutes of my life and see Arnold putting his jeans and shoes back on.

"We are leaving already?" I ask with desperation clear in my voice. I don't want to leave yet.

"Yeah, we have to go to my uncle's, remember?" After all of the events that happened within the past hour or so, I almost forgot about the dinner. I was so lost in Arnold I forgot about everything.

"We? You are coming too?" I ask and a smile is evident on my face.

"No I am just dropping you off," he says and the air around us has changed from passionate to distant. Of course now Arnold is going back to his mean ways and I don't think I can handle it after I have just shared my most intimate experience with him.

I get up and throw my tank top back over my head and the wetness in between my thighs is uncomfortable. Arnold hands me his black shirt.

"To wipe it off," he says taking in my confused expression. Oh. Arnold doesn't bother to turn around as I wipe myself and I hand him the shirt back. He doesn't seem bothered by it as he carries it in his hand and I put my shorts and shoes back on and Arnold leads me back to the car. He isn't saying anything which makes me uncomfortable and I find myself wanting to be as far away from him as possible.

I wait for him to say something as we walk back to the car, but he doesn't. My mind starts to think of all the horrible scenarios that will happen after this.

He opens the trunk and gets out another t-shirt, but this time he puts a white one on. He has shirts galore in his trunk and I wonder why that is so.

He opens the car door for me and I nod to thank him.

"Is something wrong?" he asks as he drives back down the gravel road.

"I don't know. Why are you being so weird now?" I ask even though I'm not sure if I am ready to hear the answer or not.

"I'm not, you are."

"No. You haven't said a word to me since… you know."

"Since I gave you your first orgasm?" he says and my jaw drops. His dirty words still amaze me.

"Um, yeah. That. You just got up quickly and didn't say anything to me after so it makes me think you are using me or something." I just want to be honest with him.

"What? Of course I'm not using you. In order to use you I would have to get something out of it," he says and I feel the tears forming behind my eyes. I do my best to hold them back but one escapes my eye involuntarily.

"Are you crying? What did I say?" he leans over and puts his warm hand on my thigh and I have to admit the gesture is comforting. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. I'm just not used to what is supposed to happen after messing around. You're the only one I have stayed with after."

His admittance instantly picks my heart back up and I smile. I don't know why Arnold makes me so emotional, but he does. He makes me feel every emotion possible and I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

It makes me more upset than it should to think of Arnold using me, and for the first time since he picked me up, I remember about Zak. We would never do these kinds of things but I am not sure if I would want to do them with anyone else other than Arnold.

My feelings for Arnold are so confusing. One minute I hate him, then next I want to kiss. He makes me feel things I never thought I could, and not just sexually. He makes me laugh and cry, fight and yell, but most of all, he makes me feel alive.

We still have forty five minutes until seven and I want to change out of these wet clothes. My bra and panties are going to soak through my clothes.

"Can you take me back to my dorm to change? I don't feel comfortable in these clothes," I ask.

"You're fine," he huffs.

"Please? I want to make a good impression," I say.

"For what? You don't even know them and you're already kissing their asses."

"I am not! It is just normal for me always to look presentable. Not in tank tops and short shorts," I defend. I have always been this way and these clothes don't seem form fitting for a dinner that I am sure John's girlfriend is spending hours preparing.

"Fine. Just hurry up," he growls and drives back to my building.

I climb out of the car and I hear Arnold close his door too and he follows me.

"You don't have to come in with me," I say looking back at him.

"I know," he smirks. I really don't understand him.

We enter the room and only Lila is here.

"Hey," I say as we enter.

"Hey! You guys are back early," she says and sits up on her bed.

"Yeah, I have to get ready for dinner," I say and go over to my closet and plan on wearing my navy blue dress with the sleeves.

"You're not really going to wear that, are you?" Lila asks me as I pick it out of my closet.

"Yes, I am," I say.

"Wear one of my dresses," she says and gets up from her bed to her closet. Arnold hangs by the door with his arms crossed. I am scared to see what she thinks is appropriate for a dinner with Arnold's family.

She pulls out a black dress that is incredibly short and strapless.

"No way! It doesn't even have straps," I counter.

"It looks short," Arnold chips in and this is one of the few times I am glad he said something.

"Fine, I have others," she says and pulls out many different ones that are either too short, or the chest is too small. I can't help that my bust is bigger.

Lila finally gives up and lets me wear my dress. I smile and look at Arnold when I am about to change. I give him a glare and he only laughs but turns sideways and I stick my legs through the dress.

"At least wear some stockings," she says and goes through her closet to pull them out. "I have lace or fishnet, pick your poison," she says and I go with the fishnet. "Do you want heels?"

"No, I am okay," I say. I have never been able to walk properly in them and when I do I look like a penguin.

"Please, Helga. Your Converse aren't going to cut it," she says as she sees me reach down for them.

"Don't wear heels," Arnold says. I want to look as presentable as possible so I think the heels are a good idea even though I am not confident in walking with them.

"Sure, I will wear them," I say ignoring him. He doesn't say anything but he looks mad. Good, he can't tell me what to wear.

"I still have to do your hair and make-up!" Lila says. I look at the clock and it is 6:30 right now.

I look to Arnold and he looks to me.

"I'll be outside," he grunts and I nod. At least he isn't leaving me completely. Or maybe he is.

"Will it be quick? I don't want to be late," I say.

"Of course. Don't worry I am a pro," she smiles and sits me down at her desk. I am glad she is good at this because I would have no idea what to do. It's not that I don't like make-up, I just never learned and never wore it.

I fear that she is going to put a lot on and make it look caked, but when she shows me in the mirror, it looks very natural and I am impressed.

"I don't think we have time to do your hair, but we can brush it out smoothly."

It only takes her a couple of minutes to brush it out and she looks at me one last time before she lets me go.

"You look hot! Dang I'm good," she says and I laugh with her.

"Thank you, really," I say and gather my things together. I decide to put my Converse in my bag with me just in case.

"No problem! Have fun," she says and I smile. I am glad we are on better terms now.

Arnold is waiting outside the door like he said he would and I am glad. But I think I am more nervous about the car ride there than the actual dinner.

He looks at me and takes in my appearance.

"Wow, Helga, you look… um nice," since when does he always say um now?

"Thank you," I say. I thought he was mad at me but I feel happy that he thinks I look nice.

We get into the car and Arnold turns the volume down this time. I am starting to get nervous for this dinner with people I barely know and Arnold is acting weird and it is awkward.

"I don't get why you had to get all dressed up to eat dinner with my uncle when I'm not even going. It's weird," he snaps and I roll my eyes. I knew his nice behavior wouldn't last.

And he doesn't take any time to bring on the next mean thing.

"Just so you know, I won't be picking you up," he says and I only nod. I don't want to fight with him and go to his uncle's in a bad mood.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes, I heard you. I didn't expect you to pick me back up," I sigh. I know me not fighting with him is making him more annoyed but I don't care.

"Why aren't you talking?" he asks loudly.

"Because you are in a bad mood for no reason and I don't feel like fighting with you."

"For no reason? Really?"

"How much longer until we are there," I ask completely ignoring him.

"Dammit, Helga! Why are you so difficult all the time!" he says and slams his hands against the wheel.

"I am not the one who is being difficult here! You always try to pick fights with me and I am tired of this back and forth shit! Either you be nicer to me or I will not talk to you," I say. He gets me so mad sometimes.

"That isn't what I am trying to do."

"Yes it is. Here I am trying to look decent for your family dinner that you won't even think of going to and you make fun of the way I look and insult me."

"I wasn't making fun of the way you look. I was just… I don't know what but I am mad that you are going." I want to reach over to him and touch him. Maybe caress his cheek if he was a normal guy, but Arnold is not a normal guy.

"Then why did you offer to take me? And ask to hang out with me?"

"I don't know Helga, maybe so I could see you," he says. What?

"Don't play games with me, Arnold."

"I'm not. Look, can we talk. Really talk?"

"Right now? But I don't want to be late for the dinner." The truth is I would love to talk to him but I am not sure if I am ready for it. I am not even sure what he is going to say, but I don't know if I want to know. Well, of course I do I just don't think it will turn out well.

"I will be busy after dinner."

"Well, Arnold, it seems that your frat party is more important than talking to me so forget it. I don't want to hear what you have to say anyway," I huff. I hate how I am developing feelings for Arnold and he doesn't even try to make time for his "talk" with me.

"It isn't that it is more important, I just want to talk now." We pull into a neighborhood and we are passing by many big houses so I am guessing we are close.

"Well I have dinner plans that you refuse to attend with me," I remind him and roll my eyes. I am getting more confident with Arnold each day and I am glad.

"That happen to be with my uncle, whom I don't speak to," he says and pulls up to the long driveway. The house is huge and beautiful with vines covering the outside and a garden in the front.

"Well I would stay and chat but I have a dinner date," I smile and get out of the car.

I walk up the steps on the sidewalk and the white flowers litter the sides of the sidewalk and I hear Arnold's car door shut with his footsteps on the sidewalk. I turn and he is only a couple of steps behind me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm coming with you, obviously," he rolls his eyes and takes one last long stride to join me on the top of the steps.

"Really?"

"Yes. Now let's go in there and have the worst night of our lives," he says and his face twists into the fakest smile I have seen. I shove him and ring the doorbell.

"I don't do doorbells," he says and turns the knob. I guess it is okay since it is his uncle's house, but I would not feel comfortable doing that.

We walk through the front room and the surprise is evident on John's face when he sees us both since he didn't expect Arnold to come. John goes to hug Arnold but he dodges the gesture and there is a flash of embarrassment on his face but I look away before he realizes I saw.

"Helga, thank you for coming. Eugene has already told me some about you. He seems very fond of you." I smile and follow him to the living room.

"Thank you again for inviting me."

Eugene is sitting on the couch with our Greek book in his lap. His face lights up when he sees me and closes the book.

I sit next to him on the couch since I am unsure where Arnold went but I am sure he will appear soon.

"I'm glad you came," he says next to me. I smile.

"Me too."

"You were right when John thinks you and Arnold are dating," he laughs and I laugh with him, trying to make it sound not as fake. "I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise but I'm sure Arnold will," Eugene says and I feel my heart become heavy. I know Eugene doesn't know what is going on between me and Arnold but he seems to think that I don't want anything to do with him, which should be the case but I know better by now.

"You must be Helga!" a woman's voice cheers from the room. Eugene's mom walks over to me and I stand up to shake her hand. Her smile is bright and she is wearing an apron over her purple dress that looks close to the similar style of mine. "I'm Jenny."

"It is nice to meet you. Thank you for having me. This home is beautiful," I compliment.

"You are so welcome. It is my pleasure, sweetie."

A timer goes off from the kitchen and she rushes back to it. "I still have some things to finish preparing but I will see you all in the dining room in a few minutes," she says.

"What are you working on?" I ask Eugene.

"Next week's assignments. I can't believe we have an essay due a week from now."

"I know it took me hours to write and I am still not satisfied."

"Well if you two nerds are done comparing notes, I would love to have dinner within the next year," Arnold voice booms from the front of the living room. I glare at him but Eugene only laughs. I guess he thinks Arnold is joking.

Eugene sets his book down and I follow him and Arnold into the dining room. The table is long and beautifully decorated with platters of food and place settings already out. Jenny really worked hard on this and if Arnold messes this up, I will kill him.

"Helga, you and Arnold will sit on this side," she instructs and shows us to the right left side. Eugene sits across from me and John and Jenny take their spots a few seats down.

I thank her and sit next to Arnold. He is quiet and he seems uncomfortable. Jenny fills John's plate and hands it over to him and he thanks her with a brief kiss to the cheek that is so sweet, I have to look away.

I fill my plate up with meatballs, mashed potatoes, and green beans and Arnold laughs.

"What? I am hungry," I whisper.

"Nothing," he says and piles his plate higher.

"So, Helga, how are you liking UCLA so far?" John asks me as I am taking in a bite of mashed potatoes. I swallow quickly and answer.

"It's great! I really enjoy it. Well this is my second year," I tell them. Even Eugene looks shocked when I say that.

"Wow, I am glad you like it. Are you in any clubs on campus?"

"No, but I run for the track and field team so that takes up a lot of my time," I explain.

"Really? You know Arnold used to be quite the runner," John says. I look at Arnold and his eyes are narrowed and he looks annoyed.

"So how do you like living so close to LA?" I ask to dodge the attention from Arnold. His eyes soften and I would like to think he is thanking me.

"We love it. When John first became the Chancellor, we lived in a much smaller home, but we found this place and fell in love with it," Jenny explains and I drop my fork.

"Chancellor? Of UCLA?"

"Yes, you didn't know that?" John asks and looks over to Arnold.

"No… I didn't," I say and look over at Arnold.

Eugene looks over at Arnold.

"No! Okay, I didn't tell her. I don't know why it fucking matters. I don't need to use your name or position," Arnold shouts and stands up from the table and leaves the room. Jenny looks so sad she might cry and John's face is red.

"I am so sorry. I didn't know…" I start.

"No, you don't have to apologize for his poor behavior," John says and I hear the back door shut.

"Excuse me," I say and stand up from the table.


	26. Chapter 26

I rush out the back door to find Arnold. He has knocked over the patio table and he is pacing back and forth on the deck. I don't know what to say to get him to calm down but I would feel uncomfortable staying in there with his family after his outburst. I also slightly feel like this is my fault since he didn't even want to come.

Arnold gives me an annoyed look and turns away from me.

"Arnold…"

"No. Don't, Helga. I know you're going to tell me to go back in there and apologize for ruining their dinner, but I'm not going to! So just go back in there and finish your dinner and leave me the hell alone."

"I don't want to go back in there," I admit.

"Why not? You fit in perfectly with their boring and desperate personalities to get any attention from me."

Ouch. Why am I here again? Oh yeah, to be Arnold's personal punching bag.

"You know what! Fine, I will go back in there. I don't know I keep trying to help you when you obviously don't want help from anyone!" I say.

"I don't know why you keep trying either! You don't get the picture I guess!" I feel the lump build in my throat.

"Well I get it now," I say. I try to swallow down the sting but it doesn't make it any less painful. I look up and Arnold's cold eyes meet mine.

"That's it? That's all you have to say?" Arnold laughs and moves his hair with his hand.

"Yes. You don't deserve to have me say anything more to you. I have tried to be nice to you and help you but all you do is push me away and all those people in there who care for you. You will end up alone because you don't want anyone in your life, and I am done being in it," I shout.

Tears are already soaking face when Arnold steps towards me. I try to take a step back but my heels disagree and I stumble back and Arnold reaches out to help me balance but I grab the railing instead. I don't need or want his help.

"You're always right," he says quietly.

He takes me by surprise but I don't show it.

"I know I am," I turn away from him.

Arnold grabs my wrist and pulls me into his chest and I fall into his chest involuntarily. I want to touch him so badly, and I can't do anything about it to resist. My heart is thumping loudly from my chest and I swear he can hear it. His eyes are full of anger and I know mine look exactly the same.

I am not prepared when Arnold crashes his lips down on mine. It is full of so much desperation and hunger. I am so lost in Arnold. Lost in the way his fingers thread through my hair, in the saltiness from my tears on both of our lips. He moves his hands from my hair to my hips and he lifts me onto the railing.

My legs part for him and he moves in between them, our mouths never lose contact from each other's. We are all gasps and passion, our tongues are tangled with each other's. I pull on his bottom lip and he groans while pulling me closer.

The back door creaks open and I am brought back to reality. Eugene's wide eyes meet mine and I am horrified. His cheeks flush and I push Arnold away from me and jump off the railing.

"Eugene, I…"

"I thought… I thought you guys weren't dating? And here you are, kissing… Arnold?" His tone is soft but his words are harsh.

"We aren't. I don't know what this is," I say gesturing between me and Arnold. Thankfully, Arnold stays quiet.

"I heard you say you have a boyfriend though," Eugene says. I feel Arnold tense up next to me but I don't care.

I feel like lying and saying I still have one just so Arnold will be jealous, but I know that lying will only cause more problems and complications in the future.

"We broke up," I admit and put my head down. I feel Arnold relieve a breath of air and it actually feels easier to breath, but I feel like I lost something. Maybe it's this game Arnold claims he isn't playing with me.

"Oh. Well my mom and John wanted me to make sure you guys are okay," Eugene says and goes back into the house.

I step away from Arnold and I feel a gust of cold air brush past us and I hold my arms.

"It looks like it's getting colder," Arnold says and I grit my teeth together. I look over and Arnold is looking up at the sky in wonder and although his appearance is flushed, his voice is calm.

"Really? You care about the weather right now when Eugene just caught us kissing?" I feel the intensity between us slowly diminish.

"He's fine."

I look up at him and I expect him to be smirking, but there is no trace of one. He brings his hand to my back and begins to rub gently. The fire is back and I don't know how such a gentle touch can be so comforting from him. I am still trying to come back from the kiss, and now he is comforting me? I don't know which one is more shocking.

"Do you want to go back inside, or do you want me to take you home?" he asks while staring in my eyes. I don't understand how his mood can change from angry, to lustful, to calm.

"I would like to go in and finish dinner. What do you want to do?" I ask.

"I guess we can go back inside. The food is pretty good," he smiles and I giggle.

"That's a lovely sound," he tells me. I meet his gaze.

"You are in a much better mood," I point out.

"I don't understand it either," he admits and smiles again.

So is he just as confused about his behavior as I am? Maybe that means he doesn't want to act like a jerk all the time, but he can't help it. That isn't really an excuse but it hurts me to think of him trapped inside himself, trying to dig himself out.

I wish my feelings for him weren't so strong, because it may be easier for me to deal with him. But I notice myself standing up for myself way more with him now than I have ever been with anyone, and I mentally thank him for that. If we didn't fight all the time, I wouldn't know how strong I really am.

I wish he would feel the same way, but Arnold doesn't think I am his type. I have to admit, I would never think Arnold was my type either, but here I am, kissing him on a rail less than a week later.

The wind blows harder and he takes my hand in his.

"Let's go back inside," he says and I follow him back to the dining room.

He doesn't take my hand out of his as we go back into the room and I see Eugene stare at our hands, but he doesn't say anything as he looks down at his plate. I hate to admit it but I love the way Arnold's hand feels over mine too much that I don't want to pull away. We take our seats and Arnold lets go of my hand too soon.

"I am sorry for yelling at you like that," he mutters.

There is a shocked expression on everyone's faces and Arnold looks down at his plate.

"I hope I didn't ruin the dinner that you worked so hard on," he continues and my heart swells. I can't help but lean over and put my hand on his and squeeze it.

"It's okay, Arnold. Let's not let this food go to waste then," Jenny smiles. He looks up at her and gives her a small smile back which I know takes a lot of effort from him. John doesn't say anything but nods at Arnold as if to reassure him that it's okay.

I start to pull my hand away, but Arnold laces his fingers through mine. It makes me feel giddy inside but I try not to overthink it. I feel slightly intimidated of John now that I know he is the Chancellor of UCLA because that is such a huge deal. He tells us the story of how is was originally from Argentina, but he moved to America and now he loves it.

Arnold is still holding my hand as we struggle to eat with only one hand, but I don't think either of us mind.

"So Helga, what are your plans after college?" John asks me and I set my fork down while I answer.

"I want to stay here in LA and find a children's hospital to work. I want to become a pediatrician," I say with confidence.

"Pediatrician? Have you looked at the hospitals UCLA offers? I am sure you could get a volunteer or even intern job at Mattel Children's," he says referring to UCLA's children's hospital.

"Yes, I tried getting a job there last year, but I never got a call back," I admit.

"Well, I am sure I could call and get you a position right away. You seem like a very bright woman and it would be a great opportunity for you. One of my greatest friends from Argentina runs the place, you know," he smiles and I take my hand from Arnold's to place them under my chin.

"Really? That would be fantastic! I really appreciate it," I say and move my hand back to hold Arnold's but he moves his away. Well, that didn't last long.

John tells me he will call his friend on Monday and I thank him repeatedly, but he assures me it isn't a big deal at all. Arnold excuses himself as Jenny starts to pick up the table. Instead of following after him this time, I stay and offer to help Jenny.

"Can I help you?" I ask and she smiles appreciatively.

"That would be lovely, thank you," she says.

I gather all the plates and bring them to the kitchen where she is washing them. After she washes all the food off, I dry them and put them into the dishwasher.

"I am so glad you came over dear, it was really a pleasure," Jenny says sweetly to me.

"Of course. Thank you again for having me. The food was great," I beam at her.

"Excuse me for asking, but how long have you and Arnold been seeing each other?" she asks.

"Oh, I only met him on the first day of school. He is friends with my roommate, Lila," I tell her. I don't exactly mention we aren't dating and dodge the question.

"We have only met a few of Arnold's friends. And you… well you aren't like them at all," she says and I know she is trying to say that I am not tattooed and pierced like they are, but she is too nice to say that.

"Yes, Arnold and I are very different," I say and mean that in many ways.

The wind blowing harder, and we see a palm tree almost bend all the way over. There are particles of trash in the air and I think I see some raindrops starting to fall. It is only the end of September so this kind of weather confuses me.

"Wow, it's really windy. And it's already starting to rain," Jenny says and brings the window shut.

"Arnold isn't as bad as he seems," she says and I almost want to laugh but I don't want to seem rude. I can't imagine all the rude things he has said in front of her.

"He is just hurt. I believe that he won't always be like this. John told me of how… Arnold's parents died when he was so young. I can't imagine how that was for him. Then all of the foster homes…" What?

"Foster homes?" My curiosity is taking over.

"Yes," she looks over to the entrance of the kitchen to make sure no one is overhearing our conversation.

"Arnold's grandparents took care of him until his sixth grade when they both passed in a car accident," she tells me and I instantly cover my mouth with my hand. I see the tears begin to form in her eyes before they form in mine.

"After that there was no one to take care of him so he kept switching from foster to foster home."

"What about John? Couldn't he have taken care of him?" I ask. I know I am being nosy but I have been dying to know more about Arnold since I met him.

"John was… different back then," she admits and looks to the floor before she continues. "He was still in Argentina at the time but he didn't have his priorities straight. He didn't want any responsibility so he… didn't take any action with Arnold. Oh, he wishes he did though. After he got his life back in order, he realized what he did was wrong, so he came here in hopes of finding his little nephew, but he wasn't the same little nephew anymore," Jenny tells me and I feel all of the wheels in my brain turning. I don't even know what to say after all of that information. It explains so much.

"Wow, that is…. horrible," I say. Poor Arnold.

"It is a terrible thing," she says and we both stand in silence for a while.

"I was very surprised that he came tonight, and I can only believe that it was you who had that influence on him," she says and she is the one who surprises me when she brings me in for a hug. I hug her back, not knowing what to say, but she keeps her hands on my shoulders when she pulls away.

"Really, thank you," she says and I see her eyes gleam.

I don't have the heart to tell her that I don't have any influence on him. He only came because I did, and he loves to annoy me. I help her finish the dishes and I stare out at the window with the raindrops trickling down the glass panes.

It is amazing to me that Arnold has all of these people who care about him so much, myself included, but he refuses to let himself get close to them. He only cares for himself and possibly the only people he had cared for aren't alive anymore and that makes me feel for him. I only have Olga and my father but both of them combined don't even care about me as much as his uncle's girlfriend seems to care about him.

I know that I would do anything for Arnold just like them, but I would never admit that to him. It is hard enough for me to admit that to myself.

"I am going to go check on John. Make yourself at him, dear," she says and heads out of the kitchen. I decide to go find Arnold, or Eugene. Whoever I find first.

Eugene is nowhere to be found downstairs, so I make my way upstairs in hopes of finding them. There are many rooms down the hallway, but one is slightly open so I decide to knock lightly. I hope this isn't John and Jenny's room.

Arnold opens the door and looks at me, not saying anything.

"Can I come in?"

He nods once and I close the door behind me. There is a breeze and I can smell the rain from outside. Arnold doesn't say anything to me as he walks over to sit on the built in bench that surrounds the window. This house really is something else.

He sits and brings his knees up so he is hugging them and stares out the window. I sit across from Arnold and wait as the tapping of the rain against the house creates a calming rhythm.

"What happened?" I finally ask and he looks at me confused.

"I mean when we were at the table. You were holding my hand and then, you pulled away…" I say and I am embarrassed by how desperate I sound. I wonder why I make myself sound so needy, but the words have already been spoken.

"Do you want me to not take that job for a reason?" I ask. I notice that was around the time in the conversation when he pulled away.

"That's just it, Helga. _I_ want to be the one who helps you. Not _him,_" he says.

"Since when do you want to help me? And this isn't a competition. I am glad you want to help me though, so thank you but you never even mentioned it to me before."

He sighs and puts his head down between his knees.

"I wanted to. But I didn't know you wanted to do that. I could have helped you," he says and stares out the window once again.

I am very surprised by Arnold's reaction to all of this. It makes me happy that he wants to help me, but he can't help if he doesn't communicate with me.

"It means a lot to me that you want to help me," I say trying to ease this whole situation but he still only looks out the window. The trees are swaying back and forth and the rain has gotten heavier.

"Do you want me to leave now? I can get myself picked up," I say. I don't want to leave but I don't want to sit here with Arnold not saying anything. It is driving me insane.

"Leave? How did you get that from me wanting to help you?" he says raising his voice.

"I don't know. You aren't talking and the storm is getting worse," I explain and I curse myself for stuttering.

"You are infuriating, Helga. Absolutely infuriating."

"How?"

"I try to tell you that… that I want to help you and I hold your hand but… that still doesn't make you get it. I don't know what else to do…" he puts his face in his hands. This can't really be happening, can it?

"Get what? I don't get what Arnold?"

"That I want you. More than I have ever wanted anyone or anything in my entire life," he says and looks away from me.

My stomach flips over and my head is spinning. The air between us has shifted again and his confession has hit me hard. I want him too, more than anything. I have never felt these feelings I have for Arnold for anyone else.

"I know you don't… you don't feel the same way, but I…" and I am the one to cut him off this time.

I move his hands off of his knees and pull them, bringing them to me. His upper body hovers over mine and confusion as to what I am doing is clear in his green eyes. I hook my finger into the collar of his shirt and bring his face down to mine.

"Kiss me," I beg and he moves his head closer. He brings his arm around my back and guides me down so my back is now lying flat against the cushioned bench. I open my legs for the second time today for him and he lays his body between them.

His face is inches from mine and I lift my head up to kiss him. I can't wait any longer, but our lips brush and he gently pulls away and nuzzles his head in the crook of my neck to place a small kiss there, then he slowly brings his lips back up to me. He kisses the corner of my mouth, then my jaw and shivers of pleasure run through me.

He brushes his lips against mine again and he runs his tongue over my bottom lip before he closes his lips around mine. The kiss is gentle and slow as he laps his tongue around mine. One of his hands rests on my hip where my dress is bunched up at my thigh and the other goes to my cheek as he kisses me. I bring my hands around his back, hugging him tightly to me.

I want to bite his lip, pull his shirt over his head, but this soft and gentle way he is kissing me feels even better than the usual fire I feel from his simple touches.

Arnold's lips hold onto mine as my hands travel up and down his back. His narrow hips grind down on mine and I whimper against his lips. He only swallows my gasps and his lips stay on mine.

"Oh, Helga. The things you do to me… the way you make me feel," he whispers into my mouth. His words make me unravel and I reach for the bottom of his shirt. His hand on my cheek travels down to my chest, and down my stomach. The goosebumps on my skin are only being covered by the thick fabric of my dress.

His hand rests down the small space between our bodies where my legs are parted and I gasp as he rubs gently over the tights I am wearing. He gives it more pressure and I groan and arch my back off of the bench.

No matter how mad or angry he makes me, one touch from him and I am under his spell once again. He brushes his nose against my cheek as I try and pull the shirt over his head. It gets caught in his hair but he reaches his hand up to take it off and lifts off me. He throws the shirt and immediately dips his head down to kiss my lips again. I grab his hand and put it back between my thighs.

I feel his chuckle vibrate through my chest as he looks down at me.

"What do you want to do, Helga?" he asks. His voice is raspy.

"Anything," I say and mean it. I, too, have never wanted anyone more than I have wanted Arnold. I don't care about the fight we will have tomorrow. He said he wants me and I am his to take. I have always been since the first time I kissed him.

"Don't say anything. There are many things I could do to you," he groans and pushes his thumb against my tights and panties. My imagination is going wild with all of the different things he could do to me.

"You choose," I moan as he runs his thumb in a circle.

"You're so wet for me already. I can feel you through the tights," he licks his lips and I hear myself moan again. "Let's get them off, okay?" he asks but before I respond, he is already lifting himself off me. He brings his hands under my dress and grabs the tights and my underwear at the same time, pulling them down. The cold air hits me and I buck my hips up off the bench involuntarily.

"Fuck," he mutters as he looks at my body and stops in between my thighs. Unable to control himself, he reaches down and slides his finger down in the area but brings his finger back to his lips. He sucks on them with hooded eyelids and watching him suck on his fingers makes my whole body feel heated.

"I want to taste you, Helga," he says and his expression is eager. I am embarrassed at the thought, but him just rubbing me feels so good, and if it feels even better than that, then I want him to. He licks his lips again and his eyes drive into mine.

"Do you want me to?" he asks.

I don't say anything but I nod and swallow the lump in my throat.

"Please don't make me say it this time," I beg. He moves his hands to my hips and rubs wide circles around them.

"I won't," he promises. I am relieved.

"We should go to the bed so we have more room," he suggests and grabs my hand. I pull my dress down as I stand up and he smirks at me. He pulls the string so the curtains are closed and the room is much darker now.

"Take it off," he demands quietly and I do just that. The dress lands at my feet and I am only in front of Arnold in my plain white bra. There is a small pink bow in between the cups. I should really get better undergarments if Arnold is going to keep seeing them.

His eyes widen as he takes in my appearance and they linger on my chest. He reaches his long fingers and brings the small bow between them.

"Cute," he smiles. I try to cover my naked body from him. It is weird how I am more comfortable with Arnold than I am with anyone else, but I am still shy standing in only a bra. I look over to the door and he walks over to make sure it is locked.

"Are you smirking at me?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"Never," he laughs and leads me to the bed. "Here, lay towards the top of the bed," he instructs. I scoot to the top and he follows me.

He holds my thighs in his arms and crouches down in front me, right between my legs. The anticipation of how this will feel is driving me crazy. I wish I had more experience so I would know how it will feel. Arnold's hair tickles my legs as he lowers his head.

"I'm going to make you feel so good," he says lowly against my stomach. My pulse is quickening and I almost forget we are in a large house with other people, but thankfully it is big.

"Spread your legs, baby," he whispers and I do as I am told. He gives me a smile and brings his mouth down to kiss just under my belly button. He tongue swirls around my skin and he closes his eyes. He nips lightly at my soft skin against my hip and he sucks. It stings but I love the sensual feeling.

"Arnold, please," I whimper. I need some relief from all of this torturing tension. Without warning, Arnold presses his tongue against my center that makes me whimper out in pleasure. He goes in small strokes and my arm goes out to fist my hand on the comforter. I move underneath Arnold's skillful tongue but he tightens his grip on me to keep me in place. I feel Arnold's finger rub along with his tongue and I feel the burn in my stomach. The coolness of his metal ring also adds to the sensation.

Without saying anything, Arnold slowly slides his finger inside me and gently eases it inside. I shut my eyes tight, waiting for the uncomfortable sting to go away.

"Are you okay?" he asks and lifts his head up slightly. His lips are plump and glistening from me. I can only nod and he slowly takes his finger out but then slides it back in. It is an incredible feeling and I move my hands into his hair, threading and tugging. He slowly keeps pumping his finger.

"Arnold," I moan as he sucks against that overly sensitive spot. I never knew anything could ever feel this good. Sensation and pleasure has overtaken my body and I look up at Arnold who looks incredibly sexy between my thighs. The muscles on his arms and shoulders contract as he brings his finger in and out.

"Oh, Arnold," I breath and he groans against me, sending the vibrations straight through me. My legs go stiff as I come undone. I bring one hand from his hair to my mouth so I don't scream. Seconds later, my head hits the pillow and I try to catch my breath. My body is still tingling and I feel Arnold move on the bed to lay next to me.

He props himself up on his elbow and brings his hand on my face to caress my cheek with his thumb. He lets me try to come back to reality.

"How was that?" he asks. His voice sounds uncertain as I roll my head to look at him.

"Mhmmm. Better the second time," I say lazily and he laughs. It was the greatest feeling I have experienced. Now I know why people do this all the time.

"That good, huh?" he teases. He brings his thumb down to my lower lip and I move my tongue out to lick my lips and it touches Arnold's thumb.

"Thank you," I smile. I still feel shy, I don't know why after Arnold has seen me in my most vulnerable states. That thought scares me but excites me at the same time.

"I should have told you when I was going to use my fingers. I tried being gentle," he apologizes and I shake my head.

"No it felt good." I rush the words and I blush. He tucks my hair behind my ear.

I shiver and his eyes narrow. "Are you cold?" he asks and I nod. I'm only in my bra and nothing else. He surprises me when he brings the comforter up and covers my body.

I feel closer to him after this, so bravery causes me to scoot closer to him. His eyes watch me carefully as I curl against him and place my head on his hard chest. His skin is cold, so I pull the covers over his shoulders and my head is hidden underneath. He lifts the blankets but I duck my head away to hide from him and he laughs lightly at our game of hide and seek.

"When do we have to go back downstairs?" I ask and he shrugs. I want to stay here for hours, just hearing his heart beat in his chest.

"We should probably go down now before they think we're fucking up here," he says. I think I am getting a little used to his dirty mouth but the things he says still shocks me. But the most shocking thing is how my skin tingles when he says them.

I groan and get out of the bed. I feel Arnold's eyes on me as I pick up my clothes from the ground. I toss him his shirt and he puts it on over his head and ruffles his messy hair.

I shimmy my panties on while I feel his gaze on me and I start to put the tights on but I almost trip.

"Stop watching me. You are making me nervous," I glare at him but he only smiles.

I finally get them on and pull my dress up and hold it to my shoulders.

"Can you help me zip up my dress?" I ask him. He is still lying on the bed.

He looks at my body and replies, "Uh, yeah. I'll help," he gulps. It still amazes me how someone with as much confidence as Arnold has with girls, he gets nervous from the way I look. I never even considered myself to have a great body before he pointed it out. No one has ever mentioned it before, not even Zak, and I find Arnold to be incredibly handsome and sexy which doesn't make sense to me why he would be affected by me.

I don't have tattoos or piercings and I dress in conservative clothing. I turn away from him and lift my hair from my back waiting for him to zip it up. His fingertips graze across my skin, skipping over my bra strap before he zips it up. I shiver and lean my back against him and I purposely stick my behind on him. He sucks in a break and moves his hands to my hips. I feel him hardening against me which only makes me more heated and feels like the hundredth time we have done this today.

"Arnold?" Jenny's voice calls from the hallway. Arnold rolls his eyes and brings his lips to my ear.

"Later," he whispers and walks over to turn the lights on and opens the door. I am glad we are both dressed.

"I am sorry for intruding but I have made some desserts and I thought you two would like some?" she asks sweetly. Arnold turns to look back at me for my reply.

"We would love some, thank you," I say and smile at her.

"Great! I'll see you two downstairs," she says and walks away.

"I've already had my dessert," Arnold teases and I swat at his arm.

We walk downstairs and he places his hand on my lower back to guide me.

**A/N:**** I hope everyone has a fun and safe Friday night! I have my first final tomorrow :/ wish me luck! I'll try to update tomorrow night. I have been loving the reviews I have been getting! Thank you, you guys are the best!**


	27. Chapter 27

Jenny has placed a great variety of sweet out on the dining room table, but it is currently only Arnold, John, Jenny and I sitting at the table. Eugene decided to stay in his room to work on our essay that is due next week. Well that's what he claims but something tells me it is because he is uncomfortable around Arnold and me now.

"These desserts are delicious, Jenny. Thank you," I smile at her while stuffing an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie in my mouth.

"No problem, honey," she says.

"Jenny is quite the baker," John compliments. I see Arnold keep his eyes on the plate in front of him but he still holds my hand under the table. He lightly runs his thumb over my knuckles which gives me the butterflies.

"Oh stop John, they don't want to hear about me," Jenny says modestly.

"I love baking too! I am just not so good at it," I say.

"I would love to show you some things I know," she offers.

"That would be great, thank you," I smile.

Arnold gets up from the table and drops my hand. I look up at him confused and he speaks to all of us.

"I'm just going to the loo," he says and clears his throat right after. I think he is embarrassed he said loo but I only smile and Jenny and John don't seem to notice. I watch Arnold as he makes his way down the hall.

"We cannot thank you enough. It is so nice to have Arnold here, even if it is only for one night," Jenny says and John takes her hand in his above the table.

"She is right. Arnold was so angry growing up and it is nice to see him so happy and in love," John says and I choke on my breath. I know it would be rude to laugh at them for thinking Arnold is in love with me because they obviously don't know Arnold. I take a drink of my water and shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to make this weird for you… I just never knew if he would be capable of loving from his poor childhood…" John says and looks down. Jenny rubs his hand soothingly trying to comfort him. I don't know what to say.

Thankfully, Arnold comes back in and puts his hands on the back of my chair.

"We should get going. I have to take her back to school," Arnold says and I feel myself have a bit of a frown. I am having such a good time here with Arnold and his extended family and I don't want to leave yet.

"Don't be silly. It's still pouring outside and we have many open rooms. Right John?" Jenny offers and I feel my heart pick back up.

"Of course. You are both welcome to stay," John says. Arnold looks to me to answer them.

"I don't mind," I say and hope Arnold isn't mad that I want to stay. I try and make eye contact with him but his expression is unreadable. He doesn't look angry though.

"Great! It's settled then. Helga, would you like your own room or will you be staying in Arnold's with him?" she asks with no accusation in her voice.

"I would like my own, please," I say and Arnold glares at me. He wanted me to stay with him in his room? The thought makes me happy but I feel uncomfortable with them knowing Arnold and I are on the level where we stay in the same room together. I have to keep reminding myself that Arnold and I aren't even dating.

Jenny leads me upstairs to the room directly across Arnold's. The room and bed are both a little smaller than Arnold's room but it is perfect for me. It is still beautifully decorated and I thank her again before she gives me a hug and exits the room.

I immediately go to the window to stare out at the droplets covering the pane of the glass. The backyard is much bigger than I thought it was. I was only out there for a little while and half of the time my eyes were closed while feeling his lips on mine. I see a pool, barbeque, and patio with a table that is probably very pleasant during the summer.

Today has been a good day with Arnold despite his couple of outbursts. But he was nice, for Arnold, and his confession still replays over in my head. A part of me tells my conscious not to let it get to me, but the other part can't help but feel giddy.

I am so proud of him though for apologizing to them at the table when we came back in from the backyard. I know it is difficult for him to do those types of kind gestures and I am so happy he did.

There is a knock on the door and I go to answer it. I suspect it to be Arnold or Jenny but it is Eugene.

"Hey," I say and give a small smile. I am not sure how I should act around him but I am going to be nice to him either way. He has been nice to me since he met me, which was yesterday and I still find that hard to believe.

"Hey, can I come in?" he asks.

"Of course," I say and lead him. I sit on the bed while he grabs a chair and sits in front of me.

"I," we both say at the same time and laugh.

"You first," he says.

"I am sorry you saw me and Arnold out there. I know how uncomfortable that must have been for you, but I didn't go out there with that intention. I was just trying to calm him down and then he kissed me and I don't know why," I start off. I am glad we are talking this out and I am grateful he is so nice because I already know how hard it would be for me to set Arnold down and talk about our problems.

"I was just surprised to see you two making out in the backyard. You said you two weren't dating so I thought you didn't like him, like at all," he says and smiles nervously. "I just thought, that you are… really pretty and I guess and I had a bit of a crush on you…"

"Oh. Eugene I am flattered but…" I don't know how to say this without hurting his feelings.

"But you like Arnold, I know. Don't worry it was only a little crush. I'll be fine," he says and smiles.

"I don't even like Arnold. Well, only sometimes. Sometimes he is really mean and sometimes he is sweet so I don't know. He confuses me," I admit and look down at my hands. It helps to talk this out with someone. I just realized I haven't been able to talk about this relationship thing with Arnold to anyone. Well Lila only slightly but I just told her what happened. But it feels good to talk to someone about it.

"I am worried about you two. I have known him since we were kids too and knowing him now is shocking. I don't want him to hurt you, but I know he will. I'm sorry to say that but it's true. I'm just trying to help you out in the long run," he says and I want to get mad and defensive, but I know he is right in away.

"I hope you don't think any of different of me though. I know we just met but I don't want you to think I am one of those girls who just kiss guys they aren't even dating," I admit shyly.

"Don't worry. I don't think that about you. And hey, we still have all year to get to know one another," he reminds me and I smile.

"Yeah we do. I'm just glad you aren't mad at me," I say.

"I was being a jerk earlier. I'm sorry."

"No, I was too. I completely understand," I say. We both stand up and he gives me a hug as the door opens.

"Am I interrupting something?" I hear Arnold's voice before I see him walk into the room.

"No, come in," I say and he rolls his eyes. I hope he is still in a good mood.

"I brought you some clothes to sleep in," he says and sets a pile of clothes on the bed. He turns on his heel to go walk back out the door.

"Thank you, you can stay." I don't want him to leave.

"Na, I'm good," he says and closes the door behind him.

"He is so moody!" I say and plop on the bed.

Eugene just laughs and sits back in the chair. "Yeah moody is one name for what he is," he says and we both bust up laughing.

Eugene and I talk a little more and he tells me the story of how his parents got divorced and how his mom and John met at an art museum in LA. They moved into this house over the summer once Eugene got into UCLA and he said Arnold was basically admitted because of his uncle. Arnold hates that that is the reason why, but he claims he is only doing it for free schooling. Eugene thinks there is a different reason but he isn't sure.

Eugene keeps talking but I can only think about Arnold's words and actions to me today. I feel like something between us has changed but I don't want it to only be in my head. He said he wants me, more than he has wanted anybody, but that doesn't necessarily means he likes me. After talking for an hour from Greek and English to our favorite places in LA, Eugene finally says good night.

I grab the clothes Arnold brought over for me. His white shirt lays on top of blue and yellow plaid pajama pants that say UCLA on the side. Something tells me these are John's doing and these are the pants Arnold doesn't like to wear. I put the pants on after taking my tights off and they are extremely big for me, but they are comfy.

It is obvious to me that the shirt he brought is the one he was wearing at the dinner. I pick it up and bring it to my nose to sniff it. It is an indescribable smell, but it smells exactly like Arnold and it is my new favorite smell.

I put it on and move to take my bra off again. My mind goes back to the first night I spent at Arnold's when I took the bra off and I ended up having to run over to wake him up. I am sure he won't have another one of those nightmares again and I decide on taking it off. It is much comfier without it.

I lay on the bed and bring the covers over me. It is funny how the weather here changes so quickly. I stare at the fan on the ceiling while thinking of all the events of today. I start to drift off to sleep thinking about angry eyes and white shirts.

"Stop!" I hear his voice yell.

"Please!"

I rush across the hall to find him again. My eyes are shot wide open and my body reacts before I can think.

I open the door and turn the light on. I see Arnold fidgeting back and forth in his sleep with his eyes still closed.

"Arnold!" I shout and climb on the bed before I can think. I sit on him so my knees are on either side of his hips and I grab his wrists to shake them.

"Arnold, wake up!" I yell. His skin is hot once again even though the weather outside is cold.

His body immediately shoots up and his eyes pop open. They are filled with fear until they meet mine and he rests his forehead on my collarbone. I can hear and feel his high heartbeat begin to slow as I wrap my arms around his upper back and rub circles. I can feel the sweat that brims off his skin. He brings his arms to hug me by my lower back and we stay here for a little while.

Neither of us say anything this time, possibly because I understand what has happened this time. He starts to guide me back down to the bed with him, but I get up to go turn the light off. He tightens his arm around mine, but I assure him I am just turning the light off and he lets go.

I climb back in the bed and instantly fall asleep.

I wake up hot, too hot. Arnold's head is on my stomach with his arm lazily over me. The events from him having a nightmare last night flash back in my mind. I look down at the boy and I feel so bad for him. I remember all of the things Jenny and John told me last night about him. His parents, grandparents, and foster homes? That must have been so hard for him and I can't even imagine what I would do.

I lightly graze my fingers through his messy hair and glide my fingertips over his bare back. He really needs a haircut. I can't help but stare at him, wanting to take in every detail. He looks so peaceful and perfect in his sleep. Punk guys never caught my eye before, but there is something about Arnold that makes me attracted to him. I don't know what it is yet but hopefully I find out soon.

He starts to stir in his sleep and he rolls over so the back of his head is resting on my stomach. He looks up at me and I only pray that he is in a good mood.

My doubts diminish when he smiles up at me and he moves so now he is on top of me with his knees at my sides. His eyes are still half way open when he leans up and gives me a kiss on the nose. I don't know why I think that is really cute and it doesn't seem like Arnold at all. He probably is still half asleep.

"Good morning," he says in a raspy voice.

"Morning," I say quickly. Our positioning is making me nervous and I feel my pulse quickening and the tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Arnold rolls off of me and I assume he is going back to bed. I decide to get out of the bed and back to the room I was supposed to stay in to put my bra back on.

I am not sure if I should go downstairs now, or back in my bed, or back in Arnold's bed. It is always weird when you are the first one to wake up at a sleep over and that is exactly how I feel right now.

Before I can decide what I should do, the door creaks open to reveal Arnold. He looks so sexy in only his plaid pants and his tattoos exploding vibrantly off his skin.

"What are you doing?" he asks lazily while brushing some sleep from his eyes.

"I don't know, what are you doing?" I ask. I know that sounds like a stupid question, but that's all I can think of to say to him.

"Are you coming back to bed?" he asks. I find it weird that he is already asking me that. Don't married couples do that?

"I don't know, I'm not tired anymore," I say. I still don't feel right sleeping in the same bed with a boy that I am not married to, or even going out with, and I know I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep anyway now that I am awake. I would be thinking too much about it.

"Just come back," he snaps.

"I'm not tired anymore," I repeat. He gives me a mean stare but I give him one back.

"Fine," he mumbles and walks back to his room. I feel weird being here now because I am not sure at what time people wake up here and I debate whether I should leave now or not. I would definitely have to leave at least a note to John and Jenny for having me over for dinner and spending the night.

I only have the dress I wore last night so I decide to put that back, save the tights, and slip my Converse on. I am so glad I brought these.

I go downstairs and I see Eugene is already up sitting at the counter reading a book while eating an orange.

"Good morning," I say softly.

"Good morning! How did you sleep?"

"Pretty well," I say. It's true that I slept peacefully after going into Arnold's room.

"That's good! It looks like the rain is clearing up," Eugene remarks and I look out one of the large windows to see that he is right.

"Oh yeah! I am glad, I don't really like the rain," I say and scrunch my face.

"Really? I like it because that means we get to stay inside," he says.

I only shrug. The rain makes everything wet and ruins things.

"Are you leaving soon?" Eugene asks.

"Um, I'm not sure. I assumed Arnold would take me back, but he is still sleeping and I have practice at 12," I say. I am stressing out a little that I won't be back in time for practice since I didn't plan for any of this. This is why I like my plans so I know exactly what is going to happen.

"I can take you back whenever you want if he doesn't wake up in time," Eugene offers. I feel Arnold would be mad if Eugene took me back, but I don't care because I have practice and he was being rude this morning when he came back in my room.

"That would be great actually. Thank you."

Eugene and I are in his car back to my dorms twenty minutes later and Eugene keeps telling me about this play he is trying out for. I tell him my roommate is into plays as well and he gets excited over the thought of someone else sharing his passion. It makes me happy to see someone living for something.

Eugene drops me off and I thank him and wish him good luck on the essay. I walk back up the stairs to my room and find it empty. Maybe they are out to breakfast or something else.

I drop my things and decide to change into more comfortable clothing since the dress isn't very comfortable to wear anymore. I just put on my running clothes early and I start reading Wuthering Heights for English.

Twenty minutes into reading, there is a pounding at the door. I don't think it would be Arnold, but of course I am wrong when I open it and he is standing there fuming.

"What the fuck, Helga!" he says to me. A girl passes behind him in the hall and she gives me a weird look and I pull him inside quickly.

"What?" I ask. Is he really mad because I left without saying bye to him? I thought he would yell at me for waking him up.

"You just left! You didn't even fucking say anything! Right after I… basically spilled my feelings to you! And you leave like that doesn't mean shit to you!"

"You did _not_ spill your feelings to me! All you said was you _want_ me, Arnold. That doesn't mean you have any sort of feelings toward me at all. And you know what?" I say. The wheels are turning in my head. "I know you are only used to having girls sexually and that's all you want from them and I don't want to be one of those girls anymore Arnold," I say and look away from him.

He only stares at me with intensity and anger blazing through his eyes.

"You know what, you're right," he says and laughs. I feel nauseous. "I only wanted you because you have a body. There is no other explanation of how I could keep up with your whining, impulsive need to control everything, and your annoying ass schedules," he says and my heart sinks.

"You are not easy to deal with either Arnold! And you don't see me saying terrible things to you! I try and work with you and instead you just push me and everyone away! You are so difficult and I'm done Arnold! I mean it! Stay away from me!" I shout at him. I know it isn't any good for me to get close to him anymore.

"Don't worry I will. And don't come close to me or I will ruin you!" he says and slams the door behind him.

I feel myself crumbling and my heart hits my stomach before my knees hit the floor. I can't help but let the tears flow freely from my eyes. I keep thinking that Arnold is going to be different, I keep thinking he will be better, but he always does something to mess it up. I know that after today, I want nothing more to do with him.

**A/N:**** Sorry I didn't post last night but it is currently 5:30 in the morning and I haven't been to bed yet because I had to update this! I won't be able to update until Monday night though. Thank you everyone! Oh and shout out to my good friend Andrea for helping me with some parts of this chapter! You rock, Andrea :)**


	28. Chapter 28

The weekend was long and treacherous. I decided not to go to the party just in case Arnold or Zak were there and I didn't think I was emotionally stable of seeing either of them. I spent most of the time in my room which only made me think more about what happened.

Lila went though and she said she only saw Arnold there, which is why I am glad I didn't go. She told me he was with a girl with orange hair. Maybe that is the Connie girl. Whatever, I hope they are happy together. I don't need him.

On Monday morning, I force myself out of bed to get ready for class. I still feel like I could cry any minute so instead of continuing to be upset, I put on tight jeans and a tank top and grab Lila's make-up bag from her closet. I sit on the floor in front of the mirror and start putting a thin line of eyeliner on my eyelids. I put powder to hide the bags under my eyes and give my face some color. I look like a new person after I add some swipes of mascara.

I do feel a little exposed in just a tank top so I grab a white cardigan and start out the door.

I walk into our mythology class and see that neither Eugene nor Arnold are here yet. I decide to take a seat in the front because there aren't many people here and the front is the best seat.

I take my seat and set my backpack on my desk. I start to pull out my notebook when someone comes in the door and I look to see it's Arnold. I keep my eyes on my backpack and make sure to not make any eye contact. I really don't like Arnold.

He sits right next to me and I force the urge to tell him off right here and right now. I know he is only sitting next to me because he knows I don't want him to.

"Helga?" he whispers as the room fills up.

Don't respond to him. Just ignore him, I tell myself.

"Helga," he says again.

"Do not speak to me, Arnold," I tell him. I sound mean and rude but I don't care.

"Oh, come on," he presses.

"I mean it, Arnold."

"Fine, have it your way," he huffs and I sigh and hope Eugene comes in soon.

He does and takes the seat on the other side of me. I want to ask him to switch seats with me but I don't want to make too big a deal about this.

"Hey, you look different today," he says.

"I put on make-up," I say and smile at him.

"It looks nice," he says and takes his notes out as well.

"Thank you." I can hear Arnold's breathing go up but I don't know why. He is confusing.

After class is over, Arnold makes his way out of the classroom quickly and doesn't try to talk to me again. We continue to ignore each other for the rest of the week and each day it is easier to start forgetting what happened between me and Arnold. Lila and Sheena are out with their friends a lot which gives me a lot more time to study, but it leaves me alone with my thoughts about Arnold.

I decide to wear a little bit of make-up this whole week but continue to wear my conservative clothes. Everyone is already talking about a party this weekend at the frat house and how they are so excited for it which I don't understand since they have one every weekend. By Friday, I am over the whole thing with Arnold.

I have to admit that this week has been lonely without Zak here and without Arnold's unpredictable behavior to keep me on my toes, but maybe I just needed some time by myself.

I wonder how Zak is doing, I haven't talked to him since that last time on the phone. Should I call him? Just to see how he is doing? My thumb keeps going over back and forth over his name on my phone until I finally press the call button.

"Helga?" His voice sounds surprised.

"Hey," I am really starting to regret this decision to call him but I can't go back on it now.

"Is something wrong?" he asks,

"No, I was just wondering how you are doing," I say honestly. He pauses for a moment.

"I'm… okay I guess."

"How are your ribs?"

"Better. I should be able to run in two weeks."

"That's good!" I say trying to bring his spirits up.

"I'm going to be really out of shape though," he says.

"Yeah but you will get back in it quickly," I reassure him.

"I guess. So how are you, Helga?" he asks.

"I'm good. I feel better than I have in a while." I feel bad after I say that because it makes it seem like I feel better that we aren't dating but that is not at all what I mean.

"Oh that's good, Helga. I'm happy for you," even though his voice sounds defeated.

"I miss you, Helga," he admits.

"I… I miss you too," I admit. My heart is clenching and I suddenly feel on edge again. I am just so confused. I know I can't go back to Zak just because I feel lonely, but it is nice to just talk to him again.

"We should hang out some time," he says and I shake my head. We can't.

"I don't know if that is such a good idea, Zak," I say honestly. It isn't good to get back into old habits.

"Why not? We both said we miss each other so it would be good if we hang out," he pleads with me. I feel so bad and not fighting with Arnold this week has made me less confident.

"I know, but it just wouldn't be right," I say trying to come up with excuses. I don't want to hang out with him, I just wanted to talk to him.

"C'mon, Helga. I really want to see you."

"Why so badly?" I ask genuinely curious.

"I don't know, I just do," he says.

"What would we even do?" I ask trying to see if this will be a good idea or not.

"We could just hang out. I could go to your room and we can watch a movie. Whatever you want," he says and I start to weigh my options. I know there is a party tonight that I don't want to go to even though I have been asked to by a few people, but I don't want to see Arnold.

"I guess we could hang out," I say even though the voice in my head is screaming, no!

"Okay," he says and I can tell his mood instantly went up. I don't know how we are going to act or what will happen but I will be waiting for it to be over.

We agree on hanging out tonight and I hang up the phone.

I walk to my English class and sit next to Eugene.

"Hey," I say to him.

"Hey, are you all right?" Eugene asks me. I didn't want it to be evident that I am down but I guess I failed at that.

"Yeah. It's just…" I don't want to bring my problems on to Eugene, but we have gotten closer this past week. "Well remember Zak?" He nods. "I just called him to see how things were going, but then he _insists_ that we hang out today and I couldn't say no…"

"It's better to tell the truth, Helga. No matter how much it hurts them," Eugene tells me.

"I know that but I just feel so bad."

"To me, it seems that you have a hard time standing up to him from what you have told me. It only shocks me because I know you have no problem putting Arnold in his place."

The mention of Arnold makes my heart beat quicken and I know he is right.

"I know. I don't know why I am more comfortable raising my voice with Arnold than with anyone else. He just, drives me nuts…."

Eugene only laughs. "He drives everyone nuts," he says and I smile at him because I know he is trying to make me feel better.

Zak comes over to my room later and we settle on watching a movie on Netflix. I suggest we go out but he said it is too late to be outside. I get a little down but he lets me watch A Walk to Remember, which is my favorite movie ever.

We sit on my bed, just like last time with the laptop on both of our laps. I am reminded of the last time we did this and I tried kissing him passionately but he only pushed me off him.

The key jiggles in the key hole and I expect to see Lila or Sheena but it is… Arnold?

He looks up at us and I already feel my blood begin to boil. What is he doing here? And where did he get the key to our room?

"What are you doing here?" I snap. I feel slightly embarrassed that he found me and Zak in the same bed. I can tell he is surprised but so am I.

"Um, Lila just told me to get her jacket," he says and reaches in her closet to grab one. Zak takes my hand in his and it disgusts me. They think this is some competition but I can't pull my hand away.

"Nice to see you again, Zak," Arnold says and gives his fake smile. Zak tightens his grip on my hand and even in the dark, Arnold sets his gaze on our hands.

"Are you two coming to the party?" Arnold asks.

"No we are not. We are trying to watch a move," I reply.

"That's too bad. Oh and Zak…" he says and I am afraid he is going to tell him about my experience I had with Arnold at the stream.

"That's a nice cardigan you're wearing," he says and smirks. I know he is making fun of him but I don't think Zak gets it.

"Thanks," he says and smiles.

"Where did you get it?" Arnold asks and smiles. I really want to smack that dumb smile off of his face.

"I got it from GAP," he replies and I can tell he is proud but I keep my mouth shut about it.

"I'm sure you did. Have fun you two," he says and walks out the door.

I feel the heat in the air dissolve the moment he closes the door.

"I guess he isn't so bad," Zak says when he leaves.

I can't help but how dumb that sounds. It was so obvious Arnold was making fun of him.

"What?" he asks when I give him a weird stare.

"Nothing, I am just surprised you said that," I say.

"I am not saying I want you to hang out with him, but I guess he is nice enough."

If only he knew all the mean things Arnold has said to me. All of the things he has made me feel. The way we kissed, the way I would moan his name, the way… just stop Helga you're only making it worse.

I start to get tired and I feel myself dozing off. I can't help but close my eyes and I feel my head rest on something hard.

"I think I should go," Arnold says.

"Go where?" I don't want him to go.

"Back to my house. It is getting late," he says and I lift my head from his chest. I look up and Arnold's face shifts into Zak's. I jolt up, wipe my eyes, and realize it was never Arnold.

"You're obviously really tired and I can't stay the night here," he says. Of course he wouldn't want to stay the night here. He and Arnold are complete opposites. I would be too afraid of what I would say while I am in my sleepy state with him here anyway.

"Okay," I say and move so we can get off the bed. But he grabs my wrist.

"It's okay, you're tired. You don't have to get up," he says and his reassurance that it is okay settles me back in the bed.

He is on the ladder when he gives me a kiss on the cheek that I am barely aware of.

"Can we get breakfast tomorrow?" he asks. I only nod my head.

"Good night, Helga," I hear before letting sleep completely take over me.

I wake up to my phone ringing. Zak is calling me and asking when I will be ready for breakfast. I tell him thirty minutes and roll out of my bed into the showers. Sheena is here but Lila isn't.

I take a shower quickly and change into my black pleaded skirt and white shirt. I dry my hair and decide to put on more make-up from Lila's closet. I will have to get my own now that I know how it looks.

He calls me to tell me he is outside and he compliments my appearance when I climb in the car. I still don't know why I agreed to this but I only did because I was half conscious at the time and I would feel bad taking it back now.

He takes me to a little diner and asks what I am doing the rest of the day.

"I think I will just do homework and study," I say and take a sip of my orange juice.

"Oh, well I was thinking, we could maybe go to a park and walk around?" he suggests.

I know I can't keep this stringing out. I no longer have those feelings for Zak and it would be wrong to keep him around making him think that I do have feelings for him.

"I'm not sure if that is the best idea," I say.

"Why not? Please, Helga. I miss you so much," he says and his words pull at my heart.

"I know but, the truth is that I just don't have those feelings for you anymore," I say. Eugene said the best way is to tell the truth even if it does hurt.

"You don't? Not at all?" he says and his blue eyes turn sad.

"I'm sorry," I say and look away.

Zak takes me back to my room but he is lingering for a while. I have practice in two hours though.

He continues to talk to me about how his classes are going and what he has been doing this week. Apparently Wolfgang and Ludwig had a fight but I am barely paying attention to what he is saying as I think about when I should get ready.

My phone starts ringing on my desk and Zak sees it first.

"Who's Eugene?" he asks as he hands it to me.

"My friend. Hello?" I ask into the phone. Maybe he got stuck on our assignment.

"Helga?" he says loudly in the phone.

"Yeah, is everything all right?"

"Um, well no actually. I hope you're not busy but…" he trails off.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I ask. I am starting to panic.

"Yes, it's not me. It's Arnold," he says and my heart starts to race.

"Arnold?" I ask and I hear a big crash in the background. I am already throwing my shoes on before I can think.

"Yeah, do you think you can come here? I'll text you the address," he says and I hear another large noise. My heart drops.

"Is he trying to hurt you, Eugene?" I ask. I am panicking inside.

"No, no."

"I'll be right there," I say and hang up the phone.

"What's wrong?" Zak asks me.

"I need to use your car," I say. I know it is wrong to use him for his car when we aren't dating anymore, but I have a feeling this is important.

"What happened?" he asks me.

"I don't know, but it's Arnold," I say and he reaches for his keys in his pocket.

"I'll come with you," he says and moves to head out the door but I push him back.

"No, I should go alone," I say and snatch the keys from his hand. I know it is wrong but it would be even worse if he came with me and the only thing I can think about right now is getting to Arnold.

I rush to Zak's car and Eugene texts me the address. I put it in the navigation in my phone and start the car. Luckily, Zak taught me how to drive stick shifts during the summer so I know how to drive this thing.

It says I will be there in fifteen minutes and I can't help but think what is happening that Eugene needs me there to be for. I try to think what the crashing could be but I am still confused. Arnold and I aren't even on speaking terms. Zak tries to call me twice on my way there but I need the navigation to stay on this screen.

I recognize the big houses on the street and park in the long driveway.

I take a deep breath as I walk up the steps and knock on the big mahogany door.

Eugene answers it within seconds. "Helga, thank you for coming."

"It's not a problem. What is going on? Where is Arnold?"

"He is in the backyard. He's out of control," Eugene says.

"And you asked me to come because?" I try to ask in the nicest way possible. Why do I have to be here just because Arnold has anger issues?

"I know you don't like Arnold but he is completely drunk. He came here and opened one of John's scotch bottles and drank over half the bottle! Then he started breaking things. All of my mom's dishes, a glass cabinet, and basically anything he could get his hands on."

"What? Why?" Arnold told me he doesn't drink.

"John told him that he and my mom are getting married."

"So? He doesn't want them to get married?" I ask and we start walking to the backyard.

We walk through the kitchen and I gasp at the mess he made. There is glass, literally everywhere and broken dishes littering the floor. The cabinet is knocked to the side and the panels are missing. I look to the backyard and see a shadow sitting on a chair outside. Arnold.

"Well it's a long story. Right after John told him, they left for the weekend. Thank god they didn't see this mess. I think Arnold came here to confront John because he never comes here. Well only that one time last week," he says and all of that seems so long ago.

"I don't know what you think I can do, but I will try," I tell Eugene and he nods.

Eugene puts his hand on my shoulder and leans down to tell me quietly, "He was calling for you," and my heart stops and my eyes go wide.

I walk out to the backyard and Arnold looks up at me. His eyes are bloodshot and his usually crazy hair is put back under a gray beanie. His eyes go wide, then they darken and I want to take a step back. The sun is shining right through him but he still holds a dark glow.

"How did you get here?" he raises his voice and stands up.

"Eugene… he" I stumble and I wish I didn't bring him up.

"You fucking called her?" he shouts at Eugene behind me. Eugene walks back inside, ignoring Arnold.

"Don't yell at him, Arnold. He is only worried about you," I scold him and he sits back down. He gestures for me to sit with him and I take a seat across from him. He takes another drink from his bottle, finishes the whole thing, and throws it on the cement floor and it makes me jump. Thankfully it didn't break.

"Aww aren't you two the heroes. Poor little Arnold is upset so we have to call the forces in because he ruined some shitty china," he says with a sick smirk.

"I thought you didn't drink?" I ask and lean forward in the chair.

"I don't. Until now I guess. But don't try to patronize me, Helga. You are no better," he says. I can't deny that even in Arnold's drunken state, being around me brings a breath of life into me that I have missed this past week. I missed the feeling that Arnold gives me.

"I didn't say I was better than you. Why did you drink now?"

"Why does it matter to you? And where is your boyfriend?" His eyes bore into mine and they are filled with so much intensity that I have to look away. I am not sure what emotion it is, but it must be hatred.

"He is not my boyfriend, Arnold," I say honestly. "I just want to help you," I say and try to grab for his hand but he recoils away.

"Help me?" he laughs. I want to ask why he was calling out for me and now he is being so cruel, but I don't want to call Eugene out again. "If you want to help me, then leave."

"Why did you break all of the stuff?" I ask ignoring what he last said.

I look down at my hands and Arnold only huffs, takes his beanie off, runs his fingers through his hair, and places it back on. "John just told me that he is marrying Jenny next month and he only told me now. But I am sure perfect little Eugene knew."

Oh. I hadn't expected him to actually tell me so I am slow to respond. "I am sure it was for a good reason," I say.

"You don't know shit about him! You know how many times I have talked to him in the last year? Ten! Maybe if that much! All he cares about is his big house, his fancy ass school, his new soon to be wife and new son," Arnold slurs.

I stay quiet and wait for him to continue. "You should have been there when I was out on the street, sleeping in parks while he was getting drunk at all the different bars around the city. He didn't even give a shit that I was placed in home after home. Some of those houses were smaller than the bedroom he has now! Only recently he practically forced me to come out to his stupid ass school because he wants to 'tie up loose ends.' Bullshit there was never a start to us," he confesses and tries to take another drink until he realized he already finished it.

With this little bit of information that Arnold has told me himself, I feel I can understand him better. His guardians passed away and he had to find a way on his own at such a young age and the only family member who could help him didn't and now he is creating a better life for himself.

"How old were you when you were first put in the homes?" I ask lightly.

"Eleven. But he never wanted to take care of me because he was too busy getting drunk and hanging in bars. But now he is Mr. Perfect with all of this shit," he says and waves his house towards the house. So he was eleven when he was supposed to be taken care of by his uncle but he was too busy getting drunk. That's exactly when my mother left because of her alcohol problem. We have more in common than I thought. This drunk Arnold seems so much younger, so much more fragile.

"I am sorry that he left you guys but.."

"No, I don't want your pity."

"I am not trying to pity you. I am trying to.."

"To what?"

"To help you. Be here for you," I say and he smiles. It is a beautifully haunting smile that gives me the shivers and I know what he is about to say.

"You are so pathetic. Can't you see I don't want you here? I don't want you to be here for me. Just because I messed around with you doesn't mean I want anything to do with you, yet here you are, leaving your little boyfriend who can actually stand to be around you to try and 'help' me. That, Helga, is the definition of pathetic," he says using air quotes. His voice is filled with hate just like I thought it would be.

"You don't mean that," I say trying to ignore the sting in my chest. It hurts more than he will ever know. I think back to a week ago when he was laughing and throwing me in the water. I can't tell if he is a great actor or liar.

"I do though. Go home," he says and tries to take another sip of the scotch. I grab it from him and throw it across the lawn in the grass.

"What the hell?"

I stand up to go walk back in the house but he steps in front of me. "Where are you going?" he asks with his face inches from mine.

"I am going to help Eugene clean up the mess you made and then leave," I say with my voice much calmer than I expected it to be.

"Why would you help _him_?" he asks with disgust on the word him.

"Because he, unlike you, deserves my help," I say and his face falls. I should be saying much worse to him, like he does to me, but that is exactly what he wants. He wants everyone to be miserable because he gets a kick out of it.

He steps out of my way and I go inside. Eugene is crouched on the floor picking up pieces with a dust pan.

"Where is the broom?" I ask and Eugene looks up at me with a smile.

"Right over there," he says and points to the corner of the kitchen.

"Thank you for everything," Eugene says as I start to sweep up the pieces. There are so many broken pieces. I feel terrible for how Jenny will feel when she returns to find all of her dishes gone. I hope they didn't have any sentimental value to her.

"Ouch!" I gasp when I pick up a piece that digs into my finger. Blood droplets fall to the floor and I rush up to wash it in the sink.

"Are you okay?" Eugene asks and I nod.

"It's just a little piece. I don't know why there is so much blood," I say and continue to watch the cold water run the blood out of my finger. The back door opens and I look over my shoulder to see Arnold in the doorway.

"Helga, can I talk to you please?" he asks. I know I should say no but something about the redness in his eyes makes me comply. His eyes look to my finger an then the blood on the floor.

"Are you okay? What happened?" he asks and walks towards me.

"It's nothing, it's just a little glass," I say. He was just calling me pathetic, and now he is concerned about my health? Arnold is going to make me crazy, literally crazy, as in locked in a padded room crazy. He reaches for my hand and pulls it out from the water. Even with his touch, I feel the electricity coursing through me. He frowns and lets go, walking over to the cabinet.

"Where are the Band-Aids?" he asks Eugene. Eugene tells him they are in the bathroom and Arnold is back within a minute with a Band-Aid in hand. He grabs my hand again and puts it around my finger. Eugene looks just as confused as I do.

"Can I talk to you, please?" he asks again.

"Yeah, I guess," I say. I know I shouldn't be nice to him, but when do I ever do what I should when it has to do with Arnold? He wraps his hand around my wrist and leads me outside to the backyard.

**A/N:**** Just want to say happy birthday to CartoonGurl06! Sorry I don't know your real name but happy birthday! Haha I hope you like this chapter! And that goes to everyone else. My English final today was so easy ;) but I have homework due in four hours so peace!**


	29. Chapter 29

He leads me back to the table, lets go of my wrist, and pulls out a chair for me to sit down. My wrist feels like it is on fire from his touch and I rub my fingers over it. He grabs another chair and drags it across the concrete and sits it directly in front of me. He is so close that is knees are almost touching mine.

"What could you possibly want to say, Arnold?" I ask him in the meanest way that I can.

He only takes a deep breath and takes his beanie off again to place it on the table. I watch as he runs his long fingers run through his hair and he looks into my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he says and I look away and focus on the big tree in the backyard. "Did you hear me?" he asks and leans in.

"Yeah, I heard you," I snap. He is even crazier than I thought he was if he thinks that just saying sorry will make me forget all of the terrible things he does to me on a daily basis.

"You are so fucking difficult to deal with," he says and sits back in his chair. I see he has grabbed another bottle of dark liquor and he takes a drink. How has he not passed out from drinking so much?

"I am difficult? You have to be kidding me, Arnold! What do you expect me to do? You are so, so cruel to me," I say and pull my bottom lip between my teeth. I will not cry in front of him. No one has made me cry this much before. If I cry, he wins because that is what he wants.

"I don't mean to be." His voice is quiet.

"Yes you do and you know it. You do it on purpose. I have never been treated this poorly by anyone in my entire life." I bite my lip harder because I can feel the knot building in my throat.

"Then why do you keep coming around? Why not just give up?"

"If I… I don't know but I can assure you that after today I am not going to. I will drop Greek and take it next quarter," I say. I hadn't planned on doing that until now, but it is exactly what I should do.

"Don't. Please don't do that."

"Why would you care? Then you wouldn't be forced to be around someone as pathetic as me, right?" My blood is boiling. I wish I knew what to say that could hurt him as bad as his words hurt me.

"I didn't mean that. I am the pathetic one." I release my lip from my teeth and my mouth falls open.

"Well I won't argue with that," I say and he takes another drink. I reach for the bottle but he pulls it away. "So you are the only one who can get drunk?" I ask. He has a small smile on his face. The sun shines bright off his eyebrow ring and he hands me the bottle.

"I thought you were going to chuck it again," he says and I put the bottle to my lips. The liquor is warm and it tastes like burnt licorice dipped in rubbing alcohol. I gag and Arnold chuckles.

"How often do you drink?" I ask him. I need to be angry with him after he answers.

"Before today, it has been about six months." His eyes fall to the floor like he is ashamed.

"Well you shouldn't drink anymore. It makes you an even worse person than usual."

"You think I'm a bad person?" His tone is serious. Is he that drunk that he would consider himself a good person?

"Yes."

"I'm not. Well maybe I am. But I want you to…" he stops.

"Want me to what?" I have to know what he was about to say. I give him the bottle back and he puts it back on the table. I don't want to drink and that one drink was bad enough and I already have terrible judgment around Arnold as it is.

"Nothing," he says and I know he is lying.

Why am I even here? Zak is waiting in my room with nothing to do while I am here wasting even more time on Arnold.

"I should go," I say and stand up. I have practice in an hour.

"Don't go." My feet stop in their tracks at the pleading in his voice. I turn around and he is less than a foot from me.

"Why not? Do you have more cruel things to say to me?" I shout and turn away from him. His hand wraps around my arm and he jerks me back.

"Don't turn your back on me!" he shouts even louder than I did.

"I should have turned my back on you a long time ago!" I yell and push his chest back. "I don't know why I am even here! I came all the way here the second Eugene called me! I left Zak, who like you said is the only one that can stand to be around me, to come here for you! You know what? You are right, Arnold. I am pathetic. I am pathetic for coming here, I am pathetic for even trying-" I am cut off by his lips crashing on mine.

I try to push at his chest to make him stop, but he doesn't budge. Every part of me wants to kiss him back, but I know I have to stop myself. I can feel his tongue trying to make its way in between my lips and he grabs me from behind my back to bring my closer to him despite me pushing against him. It is no use, he is stronger than me.

"Kiss me, Helga," he says against my lips.

I shake my head and he grunts in frustration.

"Please, just kiss me. I need you." His words make me melt in his arms. This indecent, drunk, broken man just said he needs me and it somehow sounds like a bird's finest melody. Arnold is like a drug to me: even if I take the tiniest bit of him, I crave more and more. He consumes my thoughts and invades my dreams.

The second I part my lips, his mouth is on mine again and I don't resist this time. I can't. I know this isn't the answer to our problems and I am only digging myself deeper into this hole, but that doesn't matter to me right now. All that matters is his words, _"I need you."_ Could he possibly mean that he needs me the way that I desperately need him? I doubt it but for now I pretend he does.

He brings one of his hands to cup my cheek and he runs his tongue along my bottom lip. I shiver under his touches and he smiles. His lip ring tickles the corner of my mouth. I hear a rustling noise and pull away. He lets me stop the kiss but he keep his arms around me tightly, his body is pressed against mine. I look towards the back door and pray that Eugene didn't see my terrible sense of judgment, but thankfully I don't see him.

"Arnold, I really have to go. We can't keep doing this. It isn't good for either of us," I tell him and look down.

"Yes we can," he says and lifts my chin so I have to look into his wild green eyes.

"No we can't. You hate me and I don't want to be your punching bag anymore. You confuse me. One minute you tell me how much you can't stand me or you're making me feel like poop," he opens his mouth to cut me off but I silence him by putting my finger up to his pink lips. "Then the next minute you are kissing me and telling me you need me. I don't like the way I am when I am with you and I hate the way you make me feel after you say terrible things to me."

"Who are you when you are with me?" he asks.

"Someone I don't want to be. Someone who cheats on their boyfriend, has screaming matches, and cries constantly."

"You know who I think you are when you are with me?" he runs his thumb along my jawline and I try to stay focused.

"Who?"

"Yourself. I think this is the real you. You're just too busy caring about what other people are thinking about you to realize it." He sounds so honest and sure of his words that I take a second to think about his answer. "And I know I always take my anger out on you, but I always feel terrible about it afterwards."

"I doubt that," I snap, remembering how many times I have cried after he says mean things to me.

"It's true. I swear it. I know you think I am a bad person.. but you make me.." Why does he always stop?

"Finish that sentence or I am leaving," I say and mean it.

"You… you make me want to be good, for you… I want to be good for you, Helga."

"What?" I try to take a step back from him but his grip is firm on me. I must have heard him wrong.

"You heard me."

"No, I am sure I have misunderstood." I feel dizzy.

"You didn't. You make me feel things that are unfamiliar to me. I don't know how to handle these types of feelings, Helga. So I do the only thing I know how to do, which is be an asshole." I can't believe his words.

"This could never work, Arnold. We are so different and you don't date," I say and feel my own face fall at my own words.

"We aren't that different, we are very similar. We like the same things. Like Greek, for example," he says and I can't wrap my head around the idea that Arnold is trying to convince me that we could actually work.

"You don't date," I remind him again.

"I know. But we could… be friends?" And there it is. We are back to square one.

"I thought you said we couldn't just be friends? I won't just be friends with you because I know what you mean by that. You want all the benefits of being my boyfriend without actually having to commit to me." His body sways and he leans on the table and loosens his grip on me.

"Why is that so bad? Why do you need the label?"

"Because, Arnold. I have self-respect. I will not be your play thing, especially when it involves being treated like dirt by you."

"And yet look where you are right now," he points out. I can't deny that he is right but I do not want to be his friend with benefits.

"At least Zak loves me and he is trying to still hang out with me even though we aren't together anymore," I say. I know I shouldn't be using my relationship with Zak to be getting back at him but I can't take back the words after I have said them.

I watch Arnold's expression change. He lets go of me and stumbles over the chair.

"Don't say that shit to me," he slurs and I forgot how drunk he is.

"You are only saying all of this to me because you are drunk. I know tomorrow you will go back to hating me again."

"I don't hate you."

"If you can look in my eyes and tell me that you want me to leave you alone and never speak to you again, I will. I swear, from this point on I will never come near you again if you say the words."

I open my mouth to tell him exactly that. To tell him to stay as far away from me and I never want to lay my eyes on him again.

"Tell me, Helga. Tell me you never want to see me again." He steps towards me again.

He runs his hands along my arms and goose bumps immediately rise on my skin even though it is a hot day.

"Tell me you never want to feel my touch again," he whispers and brings his hand to my neck.

His index finger traces along my collarbone and back up and down my neck. I hear my breathing increase as he brings his lips less than an inch from mine.

"That you never want me to kiss you again," he says and I can smell the scotch on his breath.

"Tell me, Helga," he coos and I whimper.

"Arnold," I whisper.

"You can't resist me, Arnold. Just as I can't resist you." His lips are so close to mine, they are almost touching.

"Stay with me today?" he says and I want to do whatever he says.

A movement by the door catches my eye and I jerk away from Arnold to see Eugene's face twisted in confusion. He tries to give me a smile to assure it is okay but I can see the disappointment in his face as he turns away from the door.

I am brought back to reality.

"I have to go," I say and Arnold curses under his breath.

"Please. Please stay. Just stay with me today and tonight. If you decide in the morning you don't want to see me anymore…. Just please stay. I am begging you, Helga and I don't beg." I feel myself nod before I can think.

"What about Zak? I drove his car here." I can't believe I am actually considering this. I know I have practice but staying here with Arnold is so tempting and practice doesn't even seem important right now.

"Just tell him you have to stay because… I don't know. Don't tell him anything. What is the worst he can do?" he asks.

He will call Olga and they will call everyone they can think of to try and find me. Irritation towards both of them fill me because I should not have to worry about my ex-boyfriend calling my sister to take me away.

"He is probably going to class or something," Arnold says.

"No he was planning on hanging out with me all day."

"Then he will have to sleep in your room tonight."

"He doesn't sleep in my room with me," I explain as if that was out of the question.

"So you would sleep in his room with him?"

"No, he sleeps in his room and I sleep in mine."

"What is wrong with him? Is he straight?" Arnold asks and his bloodshot eyes are full of amusement.

"Of course he is!"

"Sorry but something isn't right there. If you were mine I would not be able to stay away from you. I would fuck you every chance I had."

My mouth falls open even though I should have expected him to say something filthy. The thing most confusing about them is that they have the strangest effect on me. I flush and look away from him.

"Let's go inside. The tree is swaying back and forth and I think that is my cue I need to lay down. I had way too much to drink."

"You are staying here?" I ask. I had assumed he would go back to either the frat house or his apartment.

"Yeah and so are you," he says and grabs my hand as we walk to the back door.

I will have to find Eugene later and try to explain to him what he saw through the door. I don't know what is happening myself but I will have to make him understand somehow. When we walk through the kitchen, I see the mess is almost completely cleaned up.

"You need to clean the rest up later," I say and he nods.

"I will," he promises and I will hold him to that promise.

He keeps his hand in mine and leads me up the grand staircase. I hope we don't run into Eugene and I am relieved that we don't.

Arnold opens the door to his pitch black room and gently pulls me in.


	30. Chapter 30

**Please read the author note at the end!**

"Arnold?" I say. The room is pitch black.

I hear him curse after he stumbles until the light switch is turned on.

"I'm right here," he says after he turns the desk lamp on.

"So what are we going to do?" I ask. I am still having unsure feelings if I should stay or not but I feel he would be mad if I left again like last time.

"I don't know. Do you want to stay here or go out?" he asks me with only honesty in his eyes. They are still red around the rims of the green.

"I like it here," I say. It's true that I really do like this house and I think I saw a greenhouse in the backyard. I used to love to take care of the greenhouse that we own at my home.

"Okay," he says and goes to lay on the bed and watch the TV. This room feels different during the day than it did at night.

"You are just going to lay in bed all day?" I ask as I stand by the edge of the bed.

"Well there is nothing else to do," he responds while looking at the TV. He wants me to spend the day with him and he doesn't even want to do anything more interesting than watch TV?

"You're welcome to join me," he says and pats the spot next to him on the bed and smiles at me.

"We could work on some of our homework together," I suggest since that seems like a better use of our time.

"Homework is your idea of a good time?" he asks and laughs.

"It would be beneficial for us to work on it together anyway. Group work is always good," I say.

"I don't really do homework," he says and turns his head back toward the TV.

"Then how do you expect to pass your classes?" I ask. He just wants to go to one of the top colleges in the nation to not do homework?

"Passing classes isn't really important to me."

"Then what is important to you?" I ask and I mean that in many ways.

He pauses for a minute and I can tell he is nervous by the way he is fidgeting on the bed.

"Not much," he says in a flat tone.

"I'm sure there are some things," I press. I know he always gets mad when I keep asking something, but I am curious and I can't help it.

"Yeah but they don't concern you," he says in a sharp tone that tells me to drop it but I can't.

"Don't you have something or someone that means a lot to you?" I ask.

"I already told you I only care for myself."

"That can't be true. There must be someone, or at least something…."

"That's not your business," he says.

"But-"

"Just drop it, Helga," he says raising his voice.

"I don't know why you even asked me to stay with you when you only want to lay around and watch TV and be cruel to me."

"I am not being cruel to you. You are just asking a lot of questions and it's annoying," he says. His breathing has gone up and he looks like he is about to throw the remote.

"Well sorry for caring," I say and leave the room before he has another outburst.

I go down the stairs to hopefully find Eugene again and explain to him what is going on. I know he is probably disappointed in me for seeing me under Arnold's spell once again, but I will need to assure him that what he thinks he saw isn't true.

Arnold doesn't come out of the room so I climb down the staircase to see where Eugene is. I walk around all of the rooms before I find him in the backyard throwing the glass away.

"Hey," I say and he turns around to meet my gaze.

"Hey."

"Do you need help?" I ask and hold my hands behind my back.

"That's okay. I think I got it all, thanks though."

"Eugene, I just have to tell you that what you saw wasn't what you thought it was," I say and watch his expression change from neutral to confused.

"What do you mean?" he asks while walking back in the house. I follow.

"Well I am assuming that you saw me and Arnold…" He doesn't say anything so I continue. I am not sure what I am trying to get across to him but I keep talking. "I just… don't want you to think that we are doing anything."

He smiles at me in a way that gives me some relief. "I am not judging you, Helga. I just think Arnold isn't the best guy for you. You are too nice for someone like him." I know Eugene is on my side but I can't help but hope that he is wrong.

I smile and we walk in the kitchen and I see a heart-warming scene. Arnold is bent over on the wood floor picking up the remaining glass that he shattered. He is gathering it in his hands and when he stands up, he notices us both giving him a surprised look.

"Um… I… where do I put this?" he asks with the bits in his hands.

"You can put it in the trash outside," Eugene answers. Arnold looks to me for a second but walks to the backyard without another word.

"That was surprising," Eugene says when we hear the backdoor shut.

"I told him he would have to," I say.

Arnold comes back in with empty hands and shuts the door behind him.

"Do you want to work on homework?" Arnold asks me and I am so shocked that my breathing hitches in my throat.

"Um yeah," I say and smile. "Do you want to join us, Eugene?" I ask. It would be rude to not invite him since he is in our class as well. I feel Arnold's blazing glare on me, but I don't care. I am not going to ignore Eugene right in front of us.

Eugene must get the vibe too though. "That's okay. I am basically done with the assignments anyway," he says and I hear Arnold let out a breath. He is so dramatic.

"Okay, well we will see you around," I say and Arnold and I go back upstairs to work on homework.

**Arnold POV**

Helga passes me on the stairs and I can't tell if she is mad or not.

When she left, I sat on the bed for ten fucking seconds before I decided to get up. I can't help but feel magnetized to her and always want to be close to her.

When I saw the glass that is still on the floor, I suppose I had to clean it since I already told her I would, and maybe it will make her not have such an attitude with me, even though I secretly love it.

I don't have any of my work stuff at this house so I'm not sure how we are going to do homework, but I only offered to make her happy.

We get back in my room and I can tell she doesn't know what to do.

"I don't have my work," I tell her.

"I didn't bring mine either," she says and looks at me. "He posts the assignments online though so we can look at it on there."

I really don't want to do work but it will be the only way I can talk to her without worrying about fucking it up.

"There's a computer in the office," I say and walk down the hall with her trailing me.

While we are working, I can't help but stare glances at her. She looks really cute when she gets frustrated and can't figure out the right way she wants to say things. She furrows her brows and tucks her hair behind her ear while she writes. And I secretly love when she isn't afraid to tell me what I am doing wrong and how I should reword something.

The sad part of it is that I know what I am doing, but I want her to correct me.

The hours go by without us fighting. I actually make her smile at times when I pretend to play dumb.

We are working quietly when her phone goes off.

Her face falls when she sees who is calling her.

"Hello?" I can't tell what they are saying but it sounds like a guy's voice.

"I'm fine," she says and doesn't look at me.

"I don't know…. I am sure…. Zak…," she says in a warning tone and I feel my grip tighten around the pencil I am holding but I let it go right after. I don't want her to know I'm jealous. Am I even jealous? Damn.

She gives me a look and gets up to continue her conversation outside in the hall. I can hear her soft voice raising but I don't get up from my seat on the desk to eavesdrop. He is just butt hurt because the girl he likes is here with me.

She comes in minutes later and she looks disheveled. I can tell she has been flipping her hair over and over again because it isn't down in its normal, perfect way.

"That was Zak?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says and tries to grab her pencil again to continue on the work.

"What did he want?"

She sighs before she answers me.

"He was just wondering where I went and if he can pick his car up."

I can feel my anger raising. "So he's coming here to pick it up?"

"I don't know. Either that or I could just go back and give it to him and stay at school." She isn't looking at me and I don't know why.

"You want to leave?"

"I was going to ask you that. What you would prefer?" she asks me.

I am a little surprised and I don't know how to respond. No one has ever asked about the fucks I give before. Even though I didn't give any, but it's still weird to have someone ask.

"I will follow you back to campus, then we come back here." Right after the words leave my mouth, I wish they didn't. I sound like a crazy, overly-attached guy and I have to remember that being close with her is bad for us, but I can't help it.

There is a glimpse of emotion in her eyes for a split second. It looked like happiness but I'm not sure because it is gone as quickly as it came.

"Okay, should we go now?" she asks. She's playing with her hands. Why is she nervous? Maybe Zak said some shit to her on the phone.

"Fine," I say and get up from the desk. I don't wait for her as I make my way down the stairs and I hear her silently making her way downstairs as well.

"Are you mad?" she asks as I grab my keys off of the stand by the door.

"No," I say. I'm not mad, just annoyed. We were having a decent time then Zak has to come in and fuck it up. Well she's a girl I just met, I shouldn't be this hung up on it.

"You seem mad," she presses. Why is she always in my damn business? I don't know how to handle all of these questions.

"I said I'm not. Can we just go?" I huff.

"I can just ask him to get a ride here if…"

"No. I said let's go," I say shutting down whatever she was about to say. I don't want him knowing about any of the places that I go to, even though I don't live here but it is still something.

We walk out the front door and I hear her say something under her breath but I don't catch it exactly.

I step into my car and she gives me a weird stare before she gets in the dumb Jeep.

I turn the car on and move to turn the dial down on the volume. I guess I do put it really loud but I barely notice since I am always thinking about other shit.

She pulls out of the driveway before I do but I somehow make it to the school before her. I park in the parking lot by her dorm because I am assuming that is where she is giving it to him.

I see her pulling in a few minutes later but I stay in the car. I haven't seen him so I don't know where the fuck he is. She spots my car, parks in a spot a few spaces down, and gets out to walk over to my car. She stands in front of my window and I can't roll it down, so I open it without hitting her.

"Where is he?" I ask sharply. I don't want to wait here forever.

"I don't know. He hasn't texted me back," she says looking at her phone. I look to the front and I see fucking Wolfgang and Ludwig standing around. What are they doing here? Maybe Lila is hanging out with them.

I see them spot us and Wolfgang nudges Ludwig. They both stare and I give them a mean glare. All they care about is their dumb drugs and fucking people over.

"Helga, get in the car," I say calmly when I see them calling someone.

"What?" she asks and doesn't move.

"Get in the fucking car," I say louder. She still doesn't get it so I literally grab her by the waist onto my lap, and place her on the passenger seat. I don't want them to see her.

"What the hell?" she yells at me but I don't care.

"What did Zak tell you?" I ask and lean toward her.

She seems confused but she answers anyway. "He was asking where I am and if I was okay and when I was coming back because he needs his car. That's all…" she says and glances to the side.

"Don't lie to me," I press and move her head to face me again. I know there is something else when she went out in the hall to talk to him.

She stays silent for a minute.

"Answer me."

"He was just mad at me for hanging out with you, okay? Just like how everyone else is," she says and turns away from me but I hold her right arm to make her look at me.

"What do you mean by that? How everyone else is?" I'm not talking loud anymore.

She looks away again until I shake her arm. She looks at me and I see tears threatening to pool out of her eyes. What the fuck did I say? I will never understand her.

"Please," I ask. Maybe if I be gentle with her, she will spill.

"It's just that…" she lets out a sob. "People are… saying things."

"What things?" I ask again and move my hand to her cheek.

"I don't know. But now my friends barely talk to me and Zak told me that…." she sobs again and I remove the tears from her eyes with my thumb. She smiles up at me appreciatively and I can't believe how nice she is.

"Told you what?" I look out the window behind her to see those pricks still out there.

"He basically said that I am making a mistake and Olga is… going to be so upset and that… my father would be ashamed and…" she says between sobs. I lean forward and pull her into my chest. Fuck that guy for saying that shit to her. I know I sound hypocritical because I always say shit to her, but I'm doing it because she shouldn't be hanging out with me. Zak is just a dick in general.

I run my fingers through her hair hoping to calm her down. Because honestly I don't know what the fuck Wolfgang and Ludwig are up to and I don't want to stick around to find out. I really don't like them.

I pull her out of my chest softly because I know she is still upset.

"Ludwig and Wolfgang are here," I say bluntly.

She stops crying and wipes her eyes to look out the window directly at them.

"What are they doing here?" she asks still looking at them.

"I don't know but it's probably not for anything good." They probably are up to more shit that I won't be a part of anymore.

"Where is Zak?" I ask again. I want to get the hell out of here.

"I don't know," she says and pulls her phone out again.

"Hey, are you here?" she asks softly. She is too damn nice.

"Well we are here… how long? Fine, bye," she says and hangs up.

"He said he will be here in ten minutes," she says and looks down at her hands.

"What the fuck? I don't want to wait here that long. Can't we just leave the keys on the wheel or something?"

"Arnold…" she says.

"What?"

"You can't just do that. It is rude." I can't believe how nice she is when both of us have treated her like shit.

"Rude? Do you even know what rude is?" I ask and almost laugh at the irony of all this because I out of all of the people must be the rudest to her.

She looks at me with sad eyes that make my breath hitch in my throat. How can someone look so captivating with one look?

"Of course I know what rude is. I have to deal with it on a daily basis from you," she says and her expression changes to anger. I have to hide back a smile for some reason even though she is being serious with me. I love how snappy she is.

"Are you seriously smiling right now? I can't believe this," she says and gets out of the car. Fuck.

"I wasn't smiling because of that," I say getting out of the car as well.

**Helga POV**

"Then what was it? Were you smiling because you finally got me stupid enough to spend the day with you and help you on work after you say hateful things to me? Then you make me think that you care about me when you comfort me, but only to make fun of me because you are an asshole?"

I don't know if this is all an act or not, but I feel emotionally unstable right now because of all of the things Zak was saying to me and now he brings up being rude to me? He is the rudest person I have ever met.

"No. I was smiling because… I don't know because I am an asshole. But I wasn't making fun of you. Just get back in the car," he says as I walk away.

"No I don't want to be around you anymore," I say even though the truth is that I just want to be alone in general.

"Helga, come on. I didn't even say anything," he says and I hear his steps following me on the asphalt road.

"It is the fact that you didn't say anything." I know right now I am just saying random things, but I am hurt and I want to be alone.

I have half the mind to go up to Wolfgang and Ludwig right now to confront them and ask if they know where Zak is and maybe to make Arnold mad. I know he doesn't like them.

My strides walk in the direction straight towards them and I hear Arnold's pace quicken as mine do.

"Don't fucking think about it," he says but I do.

"Where is Zak?" I ask them. I feel Arnold stand right behind me.

They smirk at me and I am starting to regret this decision. It is not that I am scared of them, it is that I know they are jerks.

Wolfgang looks to Ludwig before answering.

"We don't know, we were just looking for him ourselves," he says.

"For what?" I ask. Are they going to try to kidnap him again?

"Just a business thing. Don't worry about it," Wolfgang says and smiles with his teeth.

"I will worry about it. What did you guys do to him that night?" I ask. I never found out except that they beat him up a little.

"Like I said, don't worry about it. It doesn't concern you," he says calmly and turns from me.

I am so infuriated right now that I don't know who this person is in me that is begging to be broken out of her cage.

I feel Arnold step forward, but I put my hand on Wolfgang's arm to make him face me again.

"Of course it concerns me. I used to date him before you guys corrupted him and made him a drug dealer! And made him this person that he never wanted to be," I add.

They only seem to find my own outbursts funny which makes me even more infuriated.

"Are you sure? He talked to us about it first," Wolfgang says and the words don't hurt me as bad as they would a few weeks ago.

"Whatever." I only walk away because I don't know what else to say to them and I am a little embarrassed I approached them in the first place. However, I am not dumb enough to give them Zak's car keys, so I go up to my room and wait for him.

"Where are you going?" Arnold asks me, following. It seems one of us is always following the other. Why can't we ever be on the same page?

"My room, what do you think?" I say sassily.

"So that's it? You're just going to stay here?"

I turn around on the staircase and face him.

"Yes, Arnold. I am staying here. Why would you want to be around me anyway? So you can make fun of how desperate I am?" I feel the tears threatening to spill again and I know I won't be able to stop them once they do.

"Then why the fuck did I come if you were just going to stay here!" he shouts.

"I don't know, why did you! All you probably do is sit in your room and plan on scheming of ways you can make me more mad and get in my head. I know you don't care for me so stop pretending like you do," I say and turn on my heel. I just want to be alone I am too tired of all of this heart break and back and forth nonsense.

"Don't turn away from me! You're being so dumb right now. If you even-"

"Even what?" Now I am the one to cut him off. "Even gave in to your games like I was supposed to from the start? Well, guess what? I did. And I fell for you harder than I have for anyone in my life and you couldn't care less." I run up the stairs with the tears flowing down my face. I cannot believe I just admitted that to him. That is exactly what he wants and I gave it to him.

He doesn't follow me, I'm assuming because he got what he wanted, and I go in my room to lay on my bed and cry. I am thankful Sheena and Lila aren't here to see me as I feel my own self crumbling at the thought of me losing myself. And I only have Arnold to thank for that.

**A/N:**** Hey sorry this took so long to post, but my finals are over and I am on break so that means more updates! Also I had this idea. I know there are many talented artists out there and I was hoping some would be willing to draw some pictures for the story and I would make an Instagram just for Blurred and post them there whenever I have an update or just something to tell you guys! You can PM me if you would like or say in a review what you guys think if that is a good idea or not. I would really appreciate it. Have a great Friday!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Arnold POV**

"Even what? Even gave in to your games like I was supposed to from the start? Well, guess what? I did. And I fell for you harder than I have for anyone in my life and you couldn't care less," she tells me and turns on her heel to run up the stairs.

She fell for me? I didn't think she had those feelings toward me and the thought both warms my stomach and makes it clench at the same time. I honestly don't even know my feelings for her either except that I don't like to be away from her but I can't stand to be with her at times when she is.

I know she thinks that I am messing with her, but I'm not. That's just the way I am and I can't help but react based on impulse all the time.

I walk away from her before I mess up any more shit. I don't know what to do and I feel the anger raising in me as I exit the building and I see those assholes still outside. They are too busy laughing and talking to notice me approaching them. This will be the second time today I use my anger to release the pain.

"Wolfgang."

He turns around and his smile fades off of his face. Damn right.

"What's up," he tries to calm me. I know he is afraid of me and he should be.

I don't say anything, but instead I take a swing right at his jaw. Ludwig tries to come at me but I kick him in the stomach and he doubles over.

"What the fuck, man!" Ludwig says as he tries to catch his breath.

Wolfgang recovers and tries to hit me but I block it and get him square in the eye again.

"What the hell is going on!?" I hear and I see fucking Zak running over. Fucking perfect.

"What is wrong with you?" he has the nerve to fucking ask me. I have so many emotions coursing through me and I don't know how to handle them, and the only one to blame is the girl who is upstairs probably crying her eyes out. So I am just going to force everything out the best way that I do know how.

"Fuck you!" I yell and swing at him too. I wonder how long it will be until a staff member comes to break up the fight but I don't care. Zak stumbles back, but doesn't fall and he comes on to me and gets my jaw. It isn't long until I have him on the floor and I am punching his face in, hit after hit.

Wolfgang and Ludwig are trying to get me off him but I won't budge. I only stop when I hear a loud scream. I look behind my shoulder to see her standing with more tears coming out of her eyes and her mouth open in disbelief.

"Helga…" I say and get up off him. I didn't want her to this side of me.

I try and reach out for her, but she turns away and goes straight to the bastard that I almost killed. She gets on her knees and holds his face trying to make him become conscious. I notice she has taken all of her make-up off but she looks even better without it.

"You fucked up," Wolfgang says behind me.

"Helga, I am-"

"Shut up," she says and I do. I watch her shake him and he stirs a little.

Ludwig pulls out his phone to call someone.

"Who are you calling?" I ask. He better not be calling the cops.

"The ambulance," he says and I feel fucking guilty. Not that I should, they beat him up just last week but it didn't seem this bad when I saw the medical records.

I don't know what to do so I turn to walk back to the car.

"You are leaving?" Helga asks me. She sounds beyond pissed.

"Um, yeah…."

"Of course you are," she says and looks back at Zak.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask. I am aware that we are having another one of our famous fights in front of three other people but I don't try to stop it.

"That's what you do. You do your damage, and then you leave. I am actually not as surprised as I should be," she says coldly but I know I deserve it.

"You're staying here?" I ask softly. I know I don't have the right to be raising my voice right now. It's weird how she makes my moods change so quickly and so sharply.

"Of course I am staying here," she says like it is the most obvious think in the world. And maybe it is but I just had to ask. "I am not going back with you," she has to add to make my chest tighten.

Wolfgang and Ludwig are smirking at me and I want to knock them off again, but I know that will only make all of this shit worse so I decide to turn around and leave. My heart feels heavy in my chest and I don't know how to deal with it. I get in the car and slam my palms against the wheel.

"Fuck!"

**Helga POV**

I continue to cry into my pillow when I receive a call from Zak. I try my best to clear my throat before I answer so it doesn't sound like I was just bawling my eyes out.

"Hello?"

"I'm here," he says.

"All right I will meet you in the front," I say and get myself together. I check myself in the mirror and my make-up is smeared all around my face so I grab the remover Lila has to wipe it all off my face. This is why I don't wear make-up, it is stupid and annoying.

I walk down the stairs and when I go out the front door, I see someone with blonde hair punching something… or someone on the ground. Is that? Oh no…..

I run out the front doors and see that my assumptions are true. I can't help the scream that comes out of my mouth.

Arnold turns around and he looks shocked. He gets off and tries to reach out for my hands but I step away from him and go over to Zak. His nose is bleeding and he is barely conscious. I can't believe Arnold. He is fueled by anger and hate. He could never be fueled by love and become better. He is one of those people who will only become worse.

I try to shake Zak to get him to come back to me. His eyes are blinking but he isn't saying anything. Poor Zak, they are always beating him up. I know I should think that he deserves it after what he told me, but no one deserves this. Maybe Arnold, but that's it.

"Helga, I am-" he tries to tell me but I don't want to hear it.

"Shut up," I tell him. I am glad that he actually listens.

Arnold walks away just as I expected him to.

"You are leaving?" I am beyond mad at him.

"Umm… yeah…"

"Of course you are," I huff and turn my attention back to Zak.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asks. He doesn't sound mad, but if he was I would be even more mad.

"That's what you do. You do your damage, and then you leave. I am actually not as surprised as I should be." I can't handle Arnold right now. I don't ever want to see him again but I know well enough now that that probably won't happen.

"You're staying here?" he asks me. Is he serious? I am not going anywhere with him.

"Of course I am staying here. I am not going with you," I say. I can't be around him right now.

Arnold finally leaves without another word and I cradle Zak's head in my arms. More tears fall from my eyes and I think this is the most I have cried in the span of twenty four hours. I know I said that last time, but this beats that time.

"Did you call 911?" I look up to ask them. They only nod and give me a solemn look. This whole situation is weird considering they are friends with him but he is working for them but they beat him up just last week and I don't even know the whole story.

I hear a car alarm go off in the distance but I don't look up and keep my eyes on Zak. He is conscious, but he doesn't look good. He will probably have a black eye and it looks like his lip is busted open again.

The ambulance finally comes and I go with him to the hospital. They take him in and I step in the back with him. They set him on the gurney and I sit in the chair on the side. I don't grab his hand though, because I am still hurt by the words he said to me on the phone.

I start to wonder why I always give so much to people when they don't treat me half as well. I can't help it though, that is just what I do.

They take Zak to a room and I sit out in the waiting room of the Emergency Room. They took him to the UCLA hospital and said he should be fine. They are just going to give him some ice.

I wait and wait for what seems like a long time. The magazines don't interest me so I only have my thoughts with me. The ticking of the clock is the only noise in the room until a bustling comes through the door.

I look over and it is Arnold running through the door.

He is out of breath looking over at me.

"Helga," he says and I look away from him.

"Helga, please," he said and walks over in front of me. I only look up at him and wait for him to apologize. It is what I need to hear right now, and if he doesn't open up to me now, I am done. I have already told him how I feel. He said he wants me but that isn't enough for me.

"Please, just give me one more chance. I know you have already given me so many, but I just need one more to prove to you that I am not such a bad guy. I know I do some fucked up things, but I just… stand up," he says and grabs my arms to lift me up from the chair. He holds my head in his hands to make me look at him and I can see his eyes are blazing.

"Why should I Arnold? I have continued to give you chances to be my friend over and over and I don't think I have it in me to keep trying if you keep being hateful to me."

"I don't want to be just friends… I want more." His words make the wind go right out of me. Is he really saying…?

"No you don't." He said he doesn't date.

"Yes, I do. I do, Helga."

"You said you don't date and I am not your type," I remind him. I still can't comprehend that we are finally having this talk after it seems I have played this moment over and over in my head.

"You aren't my type, just the way that I'm not yours. But that is why we are good for each other. We are so different, we are the same. You told me before that I bring out the worst in you, but you bring out the best in me. I know you feel it too, Helga. And yes, I do not date, until you. You make me want to date and you make me want to be better. I want you to think that I'm worthy of you, I want you to want me the way I do you. I want to fight with you, even scream at each other until one of us admits we are wrong. I want to make you laugh, and listen to the way you ramble on about Aristotle, Socrates, Plato... I just, I need you, Helga. I know I am cruel at times… well all the time, but that is only because that is the only way I know how to be. This has been me for so long, I have never wanted to be any other way. Until now, until you…" his voice is so quiet and his eyes are wild. This is so unlike Arnold, but the way his words came out in a rushed tone and his heavy breathing after his revelation somehow make it so natural. I am flabbergasted.

"What the hell?" Zak says from behind us. I can't believe he heard the whole thing. Zak walks so he is trying to come between us.

"You should go," I say not breaking eye contact with Arnold.

"You heard her. Leave," Zak says.

Arnold looks heartbroken, and absolutely crushed.

"Zak, I said you should go," I repeat. I hear them both take in a sharp breath. Relief washes over Arnold's features and I reach for his hands, intertwining my small fingers through his trembling ones.

"What? Helga you cannot be serious. We have known each other longer and Arnold is just using you. He will toss you aside as soon as he is done with you, and I love you. Don't make this mistake, Helga," Zak begs. I know now that I cannot be with Zak, I want Arnold. And Arnold wants more; more with me. My heart flutters again and I look at Zak.

"I would stop talking. Now." Arnold warns Zak.

"I'm sorry," I say and look at Zak. He doesn't say anything else and walks out of the room. He probably doesn't want to cry in front of Arnold.

"Helga… I… Do you really feel the same way?" Arnold asks and I nod. How could he not know I have feelings for him by now? I thought he thought I was desperate and needy with my feelings.

"No nodding. Please say it," he says with desperation.

"Yes, Arnold. I do," I say. I don't have a beautiful, meaningful speech like him, but those small words seem to be enough.

The smile that plays on his face heals some of the pain he has caused me over the past weeks I have known him. I am still reeling in what Arnold has just said. It is everything I have wanted him to say but I never thought he actually would.

"So what do we do now?" he asks. "I'm new to this," he flushes and this feels unreal, like a dream.

"Kiss me," I say and he pulls me to his chest with his hand fisting the loose fabric of my shirt on my back. His lips are cool and his tongue is warm and he slips it in my mouth. Despite the chaos that has occurred in the waiting room of the Emergency Room, I feel calm. I somehow know that this is the calm before the storm, but right now Arnold is my anchor. I just pray that he doesn't pull me under.


	32. Chapter 32

**This chapter is inapropro :/**

"What are you planning to do the rest of the day?" Arnold asks after finally breaking our kiss. He keeps his arms around my backside.

"Nothing, just studying." I feel nervous now, like I should be acting a certain way now that we are… more. But I don't know which way that is.

"Cool. We could finish at John's house. Well you said you like it there so…" he says and he seems nervous. I am glad that it isn't only me.

"Yes, I would like to go back there," I say and he takes my hand to walk back and I can't help but feel giddy.

"Arnold?" a woman's voice says behind us.

"Hey, Trish," he says and I feel his body stiffen which tightens the grip he has around my hand.

"What's up? Is everything all right?" she asks and her eyes dart to me and gives a smile.

"Yeah. Oh, this is Helga," he says and gestures to me. She only brightens her smile at me and I let go of Arnold's hand to shake her hand.

"Nice to meet you," I say.

"You too, honey," she say and turns her attention back to Arnold. "When are you working next week?" she asks him and my eyes shoot wide open.

"Um, only Monday through Thursday," he says and I can tell his voice is shaking. Why is he so nervous for me to know where he works?

"Sounds good, I will see you then," she says and gives us both a good bye as we head out to his car.

He doesn't say anything as he opens the passenger door for me and I thank him.

He starts to pull out of the parking lot and I can't help all the questions flooding my mind begging to be spoken.

"So you work at the hospital?" I ask trying to be gentle. I know he gets set off when people try to pry their way into his life.

"Yeah," he says and pulls out of the parking lot.

"Do you… do you like it?"

He takes a minute before he replies. "It's all right." That's not much of an answer.

"We're going to have to go to the frat house first. All of my school stuff is there," he says quickly changing the subject.

"That's fine," I reply. Neither of us say much after that and I can't help but feel a little awkward.

The music is the only thing doing the talking.

We get to the house, and Arnold insists I stay in the car, but I don't want to so I follow him in. He only rolls his eyes but doesn't fight me too much.

There are some people in the living room whom I haven't seen before, but I do recognize Gerald. He and Arnold only exchange glances but Arnold looks away quickly.

"What's up, Arnold!" some guy says.

"Sup, Anthony," he says. Anthony is Asian descent with dark skin, black hair, and very thin. He doesn't seem like much of a frat boy, but then again neither does Arnold.

"Where have you been, man! We miss you," he says and some other people on the couch nod.

"This is Helga," he says and gestures to me. I feel they give off a weird vibe so I only give a simple wave to them all. Some of the girls give me weird looks but I chose to ignore them.

I don't know if Arnold is going to tell them that we are dating, but I decide to be quiet since I don't know these people and I don't want Arnold to get mad in front of them.

They tell him about some party they had last night that he didn't go to.

"It seems I didn't miss much," Arnold says and they shrug.

"Until Connie gave us a strip show. She was completely naked! You should have been there," Anthony adds and I stay quiet even though my insides are clenching.

"Nothing I haven't seen before," Arnold smiles and I gasp but try to hide it as a cough. I can't believe he just said that. Arnold's face falls, seeming to understand what he just did.

Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea. It is already a little awkward and now that we are in a room full of people, it is intensified. Why didn't he tell them we are dating? Are we dating? I don't really understand our situation myself. I thought that after his confession we were, but we never actually said we are.

Maybe we don't need to? This uncertainty is driving me crazy. The whole time I was with Zak, I never had to worry about his feelings for me. I was Zak's first girlfriend and I honestly like it that way. I wish Arnold hasn't done anything with another girl in the past, or at least less things.

"We are going bowling right now, do you want to come?" one of the girls asks.

Arnold looks to me before he answers but I shake my head.

"I really want to catch up on my assignments. But you can go." I don't want to stop him from hanging out with his friends.

"Na, we're going out. But we'll catch you guys another time," he says and I feel my heart pick up. He leads me up the stairs to his room and he gathers worn out notebooks and binders in his backpack. For someone who doesn't do work, he sure has a lot of papers.

"Who is Connie? That girl they were talking about?" I ask as my curiosity gets the best of me.

"This one girl. She hangs out with us a lot… Why?" he answers casually.

"I was just wondering…" I say and he grins.

"She is always going to be around. She's a part of our group," he says and I nod. I know it is silly to be jealous of her, but it only bothers me because I have seen her call him twice, and I am sure there were many other times, so she must like Arnold. Or maybe not? I haven't even seen her yet. I just don't want her anywhere near him.

"You aren't worried about me fucking her, are you?" he asks and I swat his arm for his language. I like when he says dirty words, but not when other girls, especially her, are involved.

"No. Well I… maybe. I have seen her calling you twice so I don't want her to like you," I admit. I turn my head sideways because I am sure now he is going to mock me or laugh but he steps forward and moves my head gently so I am looking at him.

"I wouldn't do that…. not now. Don't worry about her, or anyone else for that matter. Okay?" His words are gentle and soft and I believe him.

"Why didn't you tell anyone about us?" I know I shouldn't ask but it has been bothering me.

"I don't know… I wasn't sure if you wanted me to. Besides, what we do is our business, not theirs," he explains. His answer is much better than what was going in my mind.

"You are right. I just thought you might be embarrassed or something?" I say and he laughs.

"Why the hell would I be embarrassed by you? Look at you." His eyes darken and he moves his hand to my stomach, tugging his fingers up my shirt. He draws circles on my bare skin and goose bumps rise and he smiles.

"I love the way your body responds to me," he breaths.

His fingers climb up my shirt further, causing my breath to accelerate. His smile grows on his beautiful face as he realizes.

"One touch and you're already panting," his voice whispers, becoming raspy. He leans down to move to my neck and I can feel his tongue gliding across my skin, making me shudder. My fingers thread through his messy hair and I tug as he bites at my skin. His other hand goes to slide down between my legs, but I grab his wrist to stop him.

"What's wrong?" he breaths and looks at me.

"Nothing… I just thought that I could do something for you this time?" I look away. His fingers cup my chin so I am forced to look at him. I can tell he is trying to hide his smirk but I see it.

"And what would you like to do for me?"

"I don't know… I was thinking I could, you know. What you did to me last time, but me doing that to you," I say shyly. I know Arnold always says anything and everything he is thinking, but I cannot bring myself to say 'blow job.'

"You want to suck my dick?" he asks, very surprised. I am officially horrified, but turned on at the same time.

"Uh, yeah. I mean if you want me to…" I hope that as our relationship progresses on I will be able to say these things to him more easily.

"Of course I want you to. I have wanted your lips around me since I saw you," he says and I am surprisingly flattered by his crude remark.

"Are you sure though? Have you ever… seen a dick before?" I know he knows the answer, but maybe he is just trying to remind me before I agree to do something I want to back out of later.

"Of course I have. Not a real one, but I have seen pictures. And one time I walked in on my neighbors watching a naughty movie," I say and he laughs.

"Stop laughing at me, Arnold."

"I'm not baby. I'm sorry. It's just that I have never met anyone with such little experience. It's a good thing though, I swear. Sometimes your innocence throws me off a bit, but it is also a huge turn on that I am the only one who has ever made you come, even yourself." He doesn't laugh this time which makes me feel better.

"Okay… so let's get started," I request. He smiles and runs his thumb along my cheek.

"Sassy, I like it," he says and begins to unbuckle his belt.

"What are you doing?" I ask and he smiles.

"I'm just taking my pants off."

"But… I wanted to do that," I pout and he laughs and puts his pants back on.

"There ya go, babe." He puts his hands on his hips.

I smile and move forward, pulling his pants down. Should I pull his boxers down too? Arnold steps back and sits down on his bed.

I drop to my knees in front of him and he takes in a deep breath.

"Come closer babe."

I scoot closer and place my hands on his bent knees.

"Are you okay?" he asks carefully. I nod and he pulls me up by my elbows.

"Let's just kiss for a minute?" he suggest and pulls me on top of him. I am relieved. I still want to do it, I just need a minute to process and kissing will make me feel more comfortable.

He kisses me, slowly at first, but within seconds the electricity fires between us and takes over my thoughts and body. I grip his arms and rock myself back and forth on his lap. I can feel the bulge growing through his boxers. I reach down to palm him through the boxers and my own actions surprise me.

"Fuck, Helga. If you keep doing that I will come in my boxers," he moans and I stop to climb off him to get on my knees again.

"Take your skirt off," he commands and I nod before pulling them down. Feeling brave, I pull my shirt over my head as well and toss it aside. Arnold takes his lip between his teeth as I move back in front of him. My fingers grip the waistband of his boxers and I tug them down. He lifts his hips off the bed enough for me to take them off completely.

I can feel my eyes widen and hear my own gasp as Arnold's manhood comes into my view. Wow, it is so big, much bigger than I expected. How am I supposed to fit that into my mouth? I stare at it for a couple seconds until I touch it with my index finger. Arnold chuckles as it moves but bounces right back.

"How… I mean… What do I do first?" I stutter. I am intimidated by his size, but I still want to do this.

"I'll show you. Here, wrap your fingers around it," he says and grabs my hand to wrap around him. His hand stays on mine. The skin is much softer than I thought it would and I know I am poking it and looking at it like it is a science project, but this is so new to me. I grip it tightly and he guides my hand to move up and down on him.

He removes his hand but I continue. "Like this?" I ask and Arnold nods with his chest rising and falling.

"Now… just put your mouth around it. Not all of it, well if you can. Just put as much as you can," he explains and I take a deep breath and lean my head down. I take him in my mouth, but only about halfway. He hisses and moves his hands to my shoulders. I pull back slightly and taste something salty. Is that come already? The taste goes away and I move my head up and down. An instinct tells me to move my tongue up and down as I move as well.

"Holy fuck. Yeah, like that," Arnold groans and I keep doing it. His grip on my shoulders tighten and his hips rock upwards to meet my mouth. I push myself further to take almost all of him in and I look up at him. His eyes are rolled back and he looks heavenly.

"Use your hand on… on the rest," he gasps and I follow. My hand moves up and down the bottom of him while my mouth works on the top. I suck my cheeks in and he groans again.

"Fuck… Fuck. Helga, I am… so close," he strains. "If you don't want it in your mouth then… then you have… have to stop. I keep looking at him because I love the way he is losing control because of me.

"Shit… keep looking at me." I can feel his body tense as he watches me. I even bat my eyelashes at him and Arnold curses my name and I feel a slight jerk in my mouth. The warm liquid shoots down my throat in short spurts. I gag and pull back. It didn't taste as bad as I thought, but it still doesn't taste good. He moves his hands from my shoulders to my cheeks.

"How was it?" He is out of breath as I get up from my knees to sit next to him on the bed. His arms wrap around me and he lays his head on my shoulder.

"I thought it was nice," I say and he laughs.

"Nice?"

"It was fun, sort of. To see you that way. And it didn't taste as bad as I thought," I admit. I should be embarrassed that I just confessed to liking it, but I am not. "How was it for you?" I ask nervously.

"I was pleasantly surprised. It was the best head I have ever gotten." I blush at his words.

"Sure it was," I laugh. I do appreciate him trying to make me feel better about my lack of experience.

"No, really. The way you are so… pure. It does something to me. And fuck, when you looked up at me…"

"Okay! Okay!" I cut him off and wave my hand at him. I don't want to relive the details of my first time doing this. He laughs and gently pushes me back against the mattress.

"Now let me make you feel as good as you did me," he growls in my ear and sucks the skin on my neck. His fingers find their way to pull down my panties. "Do you want my finger or tongue?" he whisper seductively.

"Both," I say and he smiles.

"As you wish," he says and dips his head down. I rake my fingers back in his hair and he seems to like it. He takes me on a euphoric ride and after he says, "I will try two fingers next time," against my sensitive area. He makes me call out his name as I come undone.

He stays quiet and he lays down next to me, letting me enjoy the blissful state he has put me in. I roll over and bring my fingers to trace the ink on his chest. He watches me carefully, but doesn't stop me.

"No one has ever touched me this way," he says and I keep all of my questions to myself this time. Instead of bombarding him with questions, I give him a small smile and quick kiss on his chest.

"Stay with me tonight?" he asks.

"Here?" We don't have school tomorrow but I thought we were going to John's house.

"Please."

"I don't have any clothes to wear tomorrow."

"Wear what you wore today. Just one night."

"I don't know…."

"If you do, we will work all tomorrow on homework," he compromises and I can't believe he did. "We can even get coffee in the morning, like you always do."

"How did you know I do that?" Eugene and I have been getting coffee every morning before class this past week.

"I watch you… I mean not all the time. But I notice you more than you think," he says and my heart swells. I am falling for him too hard and too fast.

"I will stay," I tell him and he smiles. "As long as we work on homework tomorrow."

"Done."

I smile at his simple answer and he pulls me closer to his chest.


	33. Chapter 33

After laying in Arnold's arms for a few minutes, I begin to think over my agreement to stay here with Arnold tonight.

"I don't have any of my books or a toothbrush. And I haven't taken a shower," I say. He sighs and lifts himself up, detaching from me.

"We can get your books in the morning and work at John's house. Or we could even go get them now as long as you come back with me. You promised," he reminds me with a smile. He starts kissing up and down my jaw which causes all my judgment and common sense to blur, and he knows it.

"What about my shower?" I remind him.

"You can take one here, down the hall."

"In a frat house? Who knows who will come in."

"One, the door has a lock and two, I would accompany you, obviously," he says.

I scowl at his tone but decide to ignore it. "Fine. I would like to take a shower now, before it gets too late."

He nods and gets up from the bed to put his black jeans back on. I do the same and reach for my skirt, but I decide to leave my panties off. I don't want to wear these same clothes tomorrow but if we get my books in the morning, I can change then.

"No panties?" he smirks and I roll my eyes at him.

"Do you have shampoo? I don't even have a hairbrush." I start to feel anxious when I think about all of the things I don't have here with me. "And Q-tips? Dental floss?"

"Relax, we have Q-tips and floss. We probably have an extra toothbrush and I know there are at least a couple hairbrushes in there. There are probably even extra panties in every size if you want to wear some," he tells me.

"Panties?" I ask before I realize he means they were left by other girls. "Never mind," I say not wanting to know the answer. I hope Arnold doesn't have a weird collection of girls' panties that he has slept with.

He shows me to the bathroom, turns the water on, and pulls his shirt over his head.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Taking a shower?"

"Oh, I thought I was going to take one first."

"You can take one with me," he says casually.

"Uh, no! I won't," I laugh. I can't take a shower with him.

"Why not? I've already seen you and you've seen me. What's the big deal?" he complains.

"I don't know. I just don't want to." I know he has already seen me naked but taking a shower together just seems so intimate, even more intimate than what we just did.

"Fine. You go first then," he says with a slight edge to it.

I smile at him sweetly and ignore his attitude and undress. He scans my body with his eyes but looks away. I reach my hand behind the curtain to check the temperature of the water and I step in.

Arnold stays quiet as I wet my hair. Too quiet. "Arnold?" I ask. Did he leave?

"Yeah?"

"Oh, I thought you had maybe left," I admit. He pulls the curtain back and pops his head in.

"Nope, still here."

"Is something wrong?" I ask. He shakes his head but doesn't say anything. Is he really pouting like a little boy because I won't take a shower with him? I almost want to tell him to join me, but I want him to get the point that he can't always get his way all of the time. He retreats his head from the shower and I hear him sit on the toilet.

The shampoo and body wash are both strong scents, but I miss my vanilla shampoo. But this is fine for one night. It may have made more sense for us to stay in my room, but my roommates would be there and it would be awkward to explain everything and Arnold probably wouldn't be as affectionate if they were around. The thought bothers me and I push it back.

"Can you hand me a towel, please?" I ask him and turn the water off. "Or two, if you have enough." I like to have one for my hair and body.

He pushes two towels through the curtain and I thank him and he mutters something I don't understand.

He pulls his jeans off and turns the water back on while I dry myself. I can't help but stare at his naked body. I wish I did take a shower with him, not because he was pouting, because I really did want to.

"I'm going back to your room," I say. He is ignoring me anyway.

He pulls the shower curtain back. "No, you're not."

"What is your problem?" I ask. He is starting to annoy me.

"Nothing. There are thirty guys living here and you don't need to be wandering the halls alone."

"There is something else. You have been pouting since I said you couldn't take a shower with me," I call him out.

"No I haven't," he defends.

"Tell me now or I will go out in the hallway in this towel," I say with no intentions of doing that, but it will get him to answer me. He narrows his eyes and reaches out to grab my arm, splashing water on the floor.

"I just don't like being told no," he admits in a much softer tone.

I imagine Arnold hardly ever hears the word no from girls. Even when he touches me, I have a hard time saying it myself.

I swallow my jealousy and say, "Well I am not like other girls, Arnold."

He smiles at me and drops my arm. "I know, Helga. I know," he says and disappears behind the curtain again. I pull my clothes back on and he shuts the water off.

"You can wear some of my clothes to bed," he tells me and I only nod. I am barely able to focus on his words as I stare at his glistening body. He shakes the towel against his hair and then wraps it around his waist. The way it hangs so low makes him look like pure sex. It feels like the temperature in the room has raised thirty degrees. He bends down to open the cabinet to retrieve a hairbrush and he places it in my hand.

"Come," he says and I shake my head to rid the dirty thoughts from my mind. We walk down the hall and turn the corner as a guy almost runs into me. I look at him, and it is the same guy that was trying to chase me during the party on the first day.

"Haven't seen you in a while," he purrs and I feel nauseous.

"Arnold," I chirp and he turns around.

"Get away from her, Mark," he snaps and Mark pales. He must not have noticed Arnold before he turned the corner.

"My bad, Phillips," Mark says and walks away.

"Thanks," I whisper to Arnold and he grabs my hand to hold in his and unlocks his door.

"I should just beat the shit out of him, don't you think?" he asks and I sit on the bed.

"No! You shouldn't," I plea. I don't know if he is being serious or not but I don't want to find out. He grabs the remote off his dresser and turns on the television before he opens a drawer to toss me a t-shirt and pair of boxers.

I take my skirt off and pull the boxers on, rolling them a few times at the top.

"Can I maybe wear the shirt you wore today?" I ask. I don't notice how weird that actually sounds until the words are out in the air.

"What?" he smiles.

"I… um… never mind. I don't know what I was saying," I lie. What was I supposed to say, I want to wear your dirty shirt because it smells good? That sounds crazy. He only laughs and picks the shirt up off the floor to hand it to me.

"Here babe," he says and hands me the shirt. I am glad he doesn't say anything to embarrass me further, but I still feel shy.

"Thanks," I squeak and pull off my shirt and bra to pull his over me. It smells just as amazing as I thought it would. His eyes soften as he looks at me.

"You're beautiful," he says and looks away. I feel he didn't mean to say that out loud, which make my heart swell even more. I smile at him and step towards him.

"So are you," I say and his cheeks flush.

"Enough of that," he laughs. "What time do you need to get up in the morning?" he asks and sits on the bed while trying to find something to watch.

"Five, but I will set my own alarm."

"Five? In the morning? But we have literally all day tomorrow and it's Sunday. Why do you need to get up so early?"

"Well you said we could get coffee and I like to get it before eight… I mean if you still want to take me," I stammer. I feel my cheeks flush and I don't know why I feel embarrassed. I guess being rejected is one of the things that makes me feel insecure.

"Of course I still want to take you, my body just doesn't function before seven," he says and I groan. We are so different.

"Six thirty?" I offer trying to compromise.

"Fine, six thirty," he agrees.

The rest of the evening is spent watching random television shows before Arnold falls asleep with his head on my shoulder. I lightly run my fingers through his hair making sure not to wake him. I eventually decide to turn the TV off and I move so we are both facing the ceiling.

"Helga?" he groans out in his sleep. His hands move in front of him as if he is reaching out for me.

"Here," I whisper next to him and he turns over to wrap his arms around me before he falls back asleep. He says that he sleeps better when I am with him, and that is true for me as well.

..

My alarm goes off a six thirty and I rush around trying to put on my clothes from yesterday and getting Arnold up and dressed. He is so hard to get up. I feel anxious and unprepared but we somehow make it to my room by 7:15. I have plenty of time to brush my hair and teeth again and I decide to wear jeans and a plain purple shirt today.

Both of my roommates sleep through us being there.

"See it's only 7:45. We have plenty of time to get your coffee and go to John's house."

"I know," I say. I am not used to whatever has changed between us. It will be nice to not have to worry about avoiding Arnold or running into him. I wonder what Eugene will think? "What should we do for fifteen minutes?" I ask and smile.

"I have some ideas," he says with a smirk and he pulls me to him.

"But they are here," I remind him as he sucks under my ear.

"I know, we are only kissing. And those jeans make your ass look amazing," he laughs and presses his lips to mine.

Thankfully, neither of them wake up and as we are leaving, Arnold offers to carry my backpack, which is a nice, unexpected gesture.

We go get my coffee and head over to John's house. Arnold says coffee is gross and I used to think the same until my first year at college.

We arrive at John's house and John and Jenny still haven't arrived home yet. Eugene sees us walk through the door and he seems surprised to see me here. I want to explain to him what has been going on, but Arnold pulls me up the stairs before I can say anything.

Arnold pulls out the papers from his backpack and I can't help but notice how messy it is with his papers sticking out from his binders instead of being placed neatly in the three holes.

"You know binders have rings for a reason," I say and smirk at him.

"Shut up," he says and leans over the table to kiss me.

We are working just like we were yesterday, quiet, but comfortable. Arnold asks me some questions even though I am sure he already knows the answer.

"How is John related to you?" I ask out of the blue. I hope he isn't mad by me asking but he doesn't look angry.

"He is my dad's brother," he tells me and looks at me. I am so happy he is trying to be open with me instead of usually telling me to drop things.

"So his last name is Phillips too?" I don't know why I have never bothered to know the name of our own Chancellor.

"No, he has a different last name. I changed mine," he says and picks his pen back up.

I really want to ask why he changed his name, what John's last name is, and even what happened to his parents and grandparents, but I know it is too touchy a subject for anybody, not just Arnold. Anyone would have a hard time talking about that.

I decide to shut my mouth and continue with my work.

"What? No questions?" he says and when I look up, he is smirking at me.

"I didn't want to… I mean I didn't think you…" I say trying to find the right words.

He only laughs which eases my fears of him lashing out.

"It's okay baby, just don't worry about it," he says and tucks my hair behind my ear. I smile at him and go back to my work. I am so happy we are communicating better, well for us.

My thoughts are cut off by someone calling me. Uh oh, it's my coach.

"Hi Coach," I say and clear my throat. Arnold looks at me but I look down at my paper. I am honestly really nervous and I know this won't be good.

"Helga," she says in a warning tone. I get up from my seat but I stay in the room. "Why weren't you at practice yesterday?"

I don't know how to answer. What do I say? This guy that I can't stay away from had a temper tantrum and I am so attracted to him that I couldn't leave him?

"There was an emergency," I say, only half lying. Arnold stands up and walks over to me.

"What kind of emergency?" she asks not seeming to buy it. I am nervous because I know I have a scholarship and I don't want it taken away since it pays for all of my schooling.

"Zak, you know Zak Thomas, he got beat up and I had to go with him to the hospital," I say only half lying again. Arnold stares in my eyes and grips one of my hands in his as I talk. I do have to admit that it is comforting in this stressful situation.

"I did hear he got hurt again, but I didn't know he was beat up," she says.

"Yeah I don't know how long he'll be out for."

"Okay well just make sure you come to practice tomorrow. And call when that type of thing happens again. I wasn't sure if there was an emergency or you just decided not to come," she says and the relief starts to dissolve from my chest.

"I know, I am sorry. I will see you tomorrow, Coach," I say and we both hang up.

"That went better than I had expected," I say and Arnold smiles down at me until I get another phone call that is Olga.

I groan and want to answer but Arnold grabs my phone.

"What are you doing?" I ask frantically. I know Olga will lose her marbles if she hears him answer the phone.

"I don't like when Olga talks to you. She makes you be like her," he says softly.

"I know but she will lose it if I don't pick up," I say and grab my phone from his hand to answer.

"Hello?"

"Why didn't you go to practice yesterday?" she asks before even saying hello.

"How did you know I didn't go?" I ask. I didn't think the coach would call her.

"Your coach called me to make sure everything was all right. Now why didn't you go?" she asks again.

"Zak got in a fight, so I had to take him to the hospital," I say. Even thought that is true, it is what I already told my coach and I don't want to tell them different things.

"Oh my, is he okay?" she asks and I say he will be fine. Arnold gives me a look and goes to sit back at the desk we were working on. I guess now is a better time than ever.

"Zak and I broke up, Olga," I say and Arnold looks up at me.

"You what!? When!? Why!? How?" She reacts just as I expected her to.

"I don't know, Olga. I just didn't want to be with him anymore," I admit.

"Are you crazy? He is perfect for you, you are perfect for each other. What happened? Was it that punk boy and your silly roommate that put you up to this?" she asks and I get defensive.

"No Olga, it was my decision. I was tired of the same old thing and it is my relationship so you don't have a say in it," I say and I cannot believe I just said that to Olga. I see Arnold smirking but I turn my back to him.

"So what now, you are just going to go around now like the school whore?" she asks and I gasp.

"No. I am not. And just because I have decided to live my life, the way you never got to live yours, doesn't mean you have to butt in and make me miserable," I say. I seriously don't know where this is all coming from but I am glad I am saying it. It is better to get the truth out. I feel Arnold come from behind me and wrap his arms around my waist and rest his head on my shoulder.

"I am trying to do what is best for you but you are being so naïve, Helga."

"I am doing just fine, now if you will excuse me, I have homework to finish," I say and hang up the phone. I really do hate talking to Olga. She makes me feel so terrible about myself and I feel she does it on purpose. She always says she wants the best for me, but how can that be so when she is always so hard on me?

"Are you okay?" Arnold asks and cups my face in his hands.

I give him a small smile and nod and walk over to the desk to continue our work. Arnold doesn't say anything but I catch him giving me glances every now and then. I feel slightly okay even though I know Olga is mad at me. Maybe because I have felt worse before. It is nice to be here with Arnold though instead of me usually by myself.

All I know is at the end of the day, Arnold will be the only one who will be able to tear me down the most, but build me up the highest.


	34. Chapter 34

Arnold takes me back to my dorm room before John and Jenny get back because he doesn't want to confront them. I only oblige because I know it won't turn out well if we are there when they return.

He wants to take me to his apartment or back to his room, but I have to make him take me back to my dorm because I feel bad I haven't been in my own room in about two days. He grumbles and complains but he finally lets me go. It isn't that I want to be away from him, it's that I do like having my own alone time once in a while.

The next morning, I meet Eugene normally twenty minutes before class, but I receive a text message saying _*Can I meet you and Eugene at the coffee shop?*_

I am not sure who it is until I get one right after that says, *_It's Arnold ;)*._ I smile at the message and realize it is weird how we haven't had each other's numbers until now. He probably got mine from Eugene.

*_Yes of course*_ I say back. I am surprised, but glad he wants to meet us.

I get there and Eugene is already waiting outside for me and I smile when I see Arnold next to him. I am glad they are getting along better.

"Hey," I say to the both of them and I am not sure if I should hug them both or not, because if I hug Eugene I have to hug Arnold and I am not sure if he wants that yet. But before I can think, Arnold steps forward to give me a hug and I see Eugene's face from behind his shoulder and I give him a look that says, "I will explain to you later," and Eugene smiles as I give him a hug as well.

"Have you been reading Wuthering Heights, Helga?" Eugene asks me and hands me my coffee.

I thank him and reply, "Yes, I read a lot last night. It gets better every time I read it," I say and giggle.

"Well I better get going, I have classes to sleep through," Arnold says.

I am sad he has to leave so soon and I assume I will just hug him goodbye, but he totally takes me surprise by hooking his arm around my waist, pulling me to his chest, and kissing me. I didn't see this coming and when I kiss back, he releases me.

"See you later," he says and looks to Eugene. This couldn't be more awkward. I am embarrassed by Arnold's bold move and Eugene's jaw is literally on the floor.

"Um, sorry about that," I say. I am not too used to public displays of affection. Zak and I have never done anything like that except when we were downtown and I tried to kiss him to get my mind off Arnold. "I have a lot to tell you," I laugh nervously as we start to walk to class.

I tell him how I officially decided that I don't want to be with Zak anymore and how Arnold and I are sort of dating, even though we haven't discussed it much. Eugene stays quiet during most of it.

"I know I have already warned you so I won't do it again, but please be careful with him. I will admit he seems infatuated with you though, well as infatuated as he can get."

"Thank you," I say and we take our seats in the front of Literature. It means a lot to me that Eugene is trying to be supportive even though he doesn't like our situation.

After class is over, I walk out with Eugene, but the professor stops me.

"Excuse me, Ms. Pataki? The chancellor would like a word with you," he tells me and I become nervous until I remember that Arnold's uncle is the chancellor. Wait, what does he need to talk about with me? Is it about the plates Arnold destroyed? Even though I have been out of high school for a year, it still feels like I did something bad and I am asked to be sent to the principal's office, but the principal is my… boyfriend's? uncle.

I pull my bag over my shoulder and tell Eugene I will see him later. I make my way across the campus and it takes me over thirty minutes to get the administration building. This school is so big.

I go to the front and tell the secretary my name and that John has requested to see me. She picks up the phone and I hear her say "Dr. Matthews." So he has a doctorate and his last name is Matthews? I don't know why I never picked up on these things before.

"He is ready for you now," the secretary says and I thank her before disappearing down the hall to the big wooden doors she points out to me.

I walk over and before I can even open the door, John opens it to greet me with a smile. "Helga, thank you for coming," he says and gestures for me to sit in one of the chairs in front of his large, cherry wood desk. He takes a seat in his own big swivel chair and I suddenly feel much more intimidated of him here than I did at his home.

"Sorry for calling you out of class, I didn't know what other way to reach you. And you know Arnold can be…. difficult," he says and I laugh.

"It's okay, really. Is something wrong?" I ask nervously. Arnold breaking the dishes and the cabinet come to my mind.

"No not at all," he says and I feel a relief wash over me. "I have a few things to talk to you about. First, I talked to my friend in the hospital and he said he would love to meet you with for an intern job. The sooner the better. Are you free tomorrow?"

"Really!" I say and stand to my feet. I notice it is weird that I am standing. "That is so great! Thank you so much! You don't know how much I appreciate it!" I say and sit back down. I cannot believe he would do this for me.

"Great. Should I tell him you will meet him tomorrow?" he asks. I don't really want to miss classes, but I am ahead anyway and this is a great opportunity.

"Yes that would be great. Thank you again. Wow," I say and he laughs.

"Now for the second thing. If you say no, it is perfectly fine and it will have no effect on your internship with Mattel's if you decline," he says and I grow nervous. "I don't know if Arnold told you or not, but Jenny and I are getting married next weekend."

"I knew it was coming up," I say. I didn't know it was that close. My thoughts keep drifting back to Arnold drinking that whole bottle of scotch, and almost a second one.

"I was wondering if there was any way you could… talk to Arnold and convince him to come to the wedding." His eyes leave mine and he looks to the wall behind me. "I know this is overstepping my boundaries, but I would hate for him not to be there and I believe you are the only one who would be able to convince him. I have asked him a few times but he always says no immediately," he says with sad eyes.

I don't know what to say. I don't know why everyone thinks I have some controlling effect over Arnold. I would love it if he came to the wedding but I am not sure if he will listen to me either. I think back to when they thought Arnold was in love with me and I almost laugh.

"I will certainly talk to him. I would love it if he went," I say honestly.

"Really? Thank you so much, Helga. I hope you aren't pressured into doing this. I look forward to hopefully seeing both of you there," he says. A wedding with Arnold? That sounds nice but it will be hard to convince him. "Jenny is very fond of you. She loved having you over last weekend. You are welcome anytime."

"I really enjoyed being there. I will have to get in touch with her about those baking lessons she offered," I laugh and he chuckles. I do see the resemblance between Arnold and John and it breaks my heart to see John trying desperately hard to have a relationship with his angry, broken nephew. If I can do anything to help John, I certainly will.

"She would love that! Come by any time," he says and I stand up.

"Thank you again for helping me with the internship. It means so much to me," I say.

"I have looked over your grades and accomplishments and they are very impressive. I believe Arnold could learn a lot from you," he says with hope in his brown eyes.

I say goodbye and have to walk all the way back towards campus and go to Greek class. I get to class five minutes before it starts and I see Arnold in his usual spot next to mine.

"Why were you so late?" he asks as I take my seat.

"I will tell you after class." I know if I bring this up now, he will make a big scene and leave. Eugene walks in and sits on the other side of me.

"Tell me."

"I said I will tell you after class. It is no big deal," I say and he sighs but lets it go.

After class, Eugene and Arnold both stand up and I am not sure which one to talk to. I usually only talk to Eugene, but now Arnold is here so I am unsure.

"Are you going to the bonfire this weekend? You could come over for dinner first. I'm sure my mom would love it," Eugene says before Arnold can speak.

"That sounds great! Just tell me the details and I will be there," I smile. I almost forgot about the bonfire.

"Okay, I'll text you," he smiles and walks away.

"I'll text you," Arnold says in a mocking voice.

"Don't make fun of him," I say.

"Oh yeah, I don't want to see Helga Pataki pissed off for making fun of her friends," he laughs and I shove his shoulder.

"Leave him alone, Arnold. Please," I add to soften the mood.

"He is living with my uncle, I have the right to make fun of him," he smiles and I laugh. As we walk out of the building, I decide it is now or never.

"Speaking of your uncle…." I start off slowly but I can feel him tense up next to me. "That's where I was today, talking to him in his office. He said he set up an interview for me with Mattel's tomorrow. Isn't that great?"

"He what?" he scoffs. Here we go.

"He set up an interview for me. It is a great opportunity for me, Arnold," I say and plead for him to understand.

"Fine," he sighs.

"There's more…"

"Of course there is."

"He invited you to the wedding next weekend. Well us. He invited us to the wedding next weekend," I stutter and he glares at me.

"No. I am not going. End of discussion," he says and turns to walk away from me.

"Wait, just hear me out. Please?" I ask and grab his wrist but he jerks it away from me.

"No. You really need to stay out of this, Helga. Mind your own damn business for once," he snaps and I frown.

"Arnold…" I say but he ignores me and walks to the parking lot. My shoes have grown roots to the ground that keep me from following after him.

I watch as his black car fleas the parking lot. He is overreacting and I am not going to feed into it. He needs time to cool off before we speak again. I knew he wouldn't want to go but I had hoped we could have at least discussed it.

Who am I kidding? We only started this "more" thing two days ago. I don't know why I keep expecting so much to be different. They have been in some ways. Arnold has been nicer to me mostly and he kissed me in public this morning which was really surprising. Arnold is still essentially Arnold and he is stubborn with an attitude problem. Sighing, I adjust my backpack on my shoulder, and walk back to my room.

Lila is in the room sitting cross-legged on the floor watching TV.

"Where were you this weekend!" she says and laughs.

"I was… out," I answer. I don't know if I should say I was with Arnold.

"With Arnold," she adds and I look away.

"I know you were. It makes perfect sense since he hasn't been around all weekend and neither have you," she smiles. She doesn't seem like she is judging, she just wants to give me a hard time.

"Don't tell anyone, I don't know exactly what is going on myself," I say and she promises not to say anything.

She talks to me until I have to go to practice of this boy named Harold she has taken a liking to. It seems she likes a lot of guys but they are going out for dinner tonight.

Practice is still weird because my friends aren't talking to me and I don't know why. Is it because they found out I am officially done with Zak? Or did they find out I am semi-dating Arnold? If those are really the reasons why they won't talk to me, then I am starting to wonder if they were ever my real friends in the first place.

After practice, I study and work on work due next week. I haven't spoken to Arnold in hours but I don't want to be the first one to text him. Petty, I know but I don't care. As I gather my things to take a shower, my phone buzzes with a message and my heart leaps when I see it is from Arnold.

_*Stay with me tonight?* _it says. He wants to ignore me for half the day then he wants me to stay with him? Again?

*_I am going to take a shower* _I respond.

_*Can I join? ;)* _I roll my eyes.

_*You're sick* _I reply and smile. Even though I am annoyed with him, I still want to see him.

_*I'm on my way, be ready* _he says and there is no way I am going to be stinky in front of Arnold so I go in the shower regardless if he is coming or not.

Just when I am rinsing the soap out of my hair, I hear the door to the bathroom. I don't think much of it since everyone in this hall uses these dumb community bathrooms.

"Helga?" I hear his voice call.

"What do you want?" I snap from behind the curtain knowing exactly who it is.

"Can you hurry?" he asks and I can see his silhouette from behind the curtain.

"No," I say but I put on the body wash quickly because I would feel bad if he would have to wait long.

I turn the water off and reach for my towel, only to realize it isn't there.

"Where is my towel?" I ask raising my voice. If this is one of his games…

"I don't know, Helga. Maybe if you look out here, you will find it," he says in a mocking voice and I pull the curtain back while covering myself to see him holding the towel about six feet away. I scowl at him.

"Give me the towel," I say and reach my hand out for it.

"Only if you stay with me tonight," he says and his eyes mean it. Looking at his face, I see the sad little Arnold who just wanted someone, anyone to care for him and my heart melts making me want to do anything he says.

I was already planning on staying with him, I just wanted to shower first and give him a hard time about it so he knows that I am not just begging to spend every waking minute with him, even if I truly am.

"I will only stay with you if you give me my towel," I say and he smiles. His face piercings are shining from the manmade light bulbs.

He walks over to hand me the towel, but not before he whispers in my ear, "Are you sure you need the towel? Because I can dry you off…" he says and begins to kiss under my ear.

I am shocked into place and literally have to resist myself from throwing my naked body on him and pull away from him.

He only laughs as I pull the towel over me and walk out of the shower.

"Ha-ha, I have to change," I say and grab the skirt and shirt I brought in here with me to go to the stalls and change.

"You're wearing the skirt? Don't you have more shorts?" he asks as I shut the stall door.

"I can't wear them all in one week," I say making up excuses.

"That is a bull shit excuse," he calls me out.

I change into my normal, conservative clothes and go back in my room to gather my things for tomorrow. I have to make sure to bring something to wear for the interview.

Arnold grabs my bag. "Is this all?" he groans since I packed a lot of things for school, practice, and the interview tomorrow.

I smile and nod and we head back down to his car.

**A/N:**** I have bad news :/ I'm visiting my best friend this week at his school! I won't be back until late Friday night so I won't be able to update again until Saturday. I don't want to work on the story while I am with him because I only see him so rarely now and I want to maximize the time that we have lol. I hope everyone has a great week and I'll upload Saturday!**


	35. Chapter 35

Arnold pulls out of the parking lot and I look out the window. I don't want to be the one who speaks first because I want to be able to see his mood first. He turns on the radio too loud and I roll my eyes and try to ignore it, but I can't. I lean forward to turn the knob down because his style in music is giving me a headache and Arnold looks over at me.

"What?" I snap.

"Woah, someone is in a pissy mood," he says.

"No, I just didn't want to listen to that. And if anyone is in a pissy mood, it is you. You were being rude to me earlier then you text me and ask me to stay with you. I don't get it."

"I was pissed because you brought up the wedding. But now that it's settled that we aren't going, there is no need for me to be pissed," he says in a calm and sure voice.

"It is not settled. We didn't even talk about it."

"Yes we did. I told you I'm not going so just drop it, Helga."

"Well you may not be going but I am. And I am going over to your uncle's house to learn to bake with Jenny this week," I tell him and I can see his jaw clench and he glares at me.

"You're not going to the wedding. And what, are you and Jenny like best friends now? You barely even know her. Why do you want to go to the wedding so bad anyway?"

"Yes I am going to the wedding, and so what if I barely know her. I barely know you," I say and his face falls, but it is the truth.

"Why are you being so stubborn about this?"

"Because you cannot just tell me what to do, Arnold. That isn't happening. If I want to go to the wedding, I can, and I would really like if you came with me. It could be fun, you may even have a nice time. It would mean a lot to your uncle and Jenny, not like you care anyway."

He doesn't say anything in response. He lets out a large breath and I look back out the window. The rest of the ride is silent since we are both too angry to speak. We pull up to the frat house and Arnold grabs my bag out of the back and carries it over his shoulder.

"Why are you part of this frat anyway?" I ask. I have always wanted to know since he has his own apartment and these cost money too.

He takes another deep breath before he answers and we walk up the steps. "Because, when I actually decided to live here, the dorms were all full and I sure as hell didn't want to live with John. I got the apartment later."

"Then why stay in it?"

"Because I don't want to live with my uncle, Helga. And this house is nice and I do get the biggest room. Plus, free food," he smirks and I am glad to see his anger dissolving slowly.

I follow him quietly up the stairs and wait as he unlocks the door. I don't get his obsession with no one going in his room.

"Why don't you let anyone in your room?" I ask and he rolls his eyes while setting my bag down on the floor.

"Why do you ask so many questions?" he complains and sits on the chair in front of his desk.

"I don't know. Why don't you answer them?" I ask but he ignores me, of course.

"Can I hang my outfit up for tomorrow? I don't want it to get wrinkled in my bag."

He thinks about it for a second, then nods and walks over to his closet to hand me a hanger. I grab the skirt and blouse out and hang them on the hanger, ignoring his sour expression at the outfit.

"I have to get up earlier than usual tomorrow so I can be prepared for my interview," I let him know.

"Interview where?" he asks even though I am sure he already knows.

"At the children's hospital," I say quietly.

"You're going there tomorrow? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I would have if you didn't leave me earlier," I fire back.

"I'll drive you there. You shouldn't be walking around by yourself and you don't need to go on a long ass bus ride with pervs." I want to decline his offer just to annoy him but I decide against it. Arnold's car is a much better way to get there than a crowded bus.

"I need to get a car soon. If I get the internship, I would have to take the bus three days a week."

"I would drive you," he says so lowly I barely hear him.

"I will just get my own car. The last thing I need is for you to be mad at me and not pick me up," I say.

"I would never do that," he says seriously.

"Yes you would. Then I would be stuck either walking or trying to find a bus route back. No thanks," I half joke. I think I could depend on him if he was in a good mood. The thing is he changes moods so quickly that I don't want to take any chances.

Arnold turns on the television and stands up to change his clothes. No matter how mad I am at him, I would never turn down a chance to watch him undress. He pulls his shirt over his head first, then I watch the muscles contract under the skin of his back as he unbuttons and pulls off his black jeans.

When I think he is only going to wear boxers, he pulls out a pair of baggy shorts from his dresser and pulls them on but he stays shirtless, lucky for me.

"Here," he says and hands me the shirt he just took off. I can't help but smile as I take it from his hands. It must be our thing now. I am guessing he likes me wearing his shirt to bed as much as I love the smell of him.

Arnold focuses on the television as I copy his actions and change into his shirt and a pair of yoga pants. They are more like spandex leggings, but they are comfortable and I love them. After I fold up my bra and clothes, Arnold finally looks at me again. He clears his throat and his eyes graze down my body.

"Those um… pants are sexy," he compliments and I flush.

"Thanks."

"Much better than those pajama pants with hearts all over," he teases.

"How did you know I have those?" I ask and tilt my head.

"You were wearing them when you fell asleep outside your door and I had to carry you… I mean Gerald carried you inside," he says and shifts on the bed.

I remember him saying Gerald carried me inside but I slightly hoped it was Arnold who did. Did he really?

"Oh… I remember that. You were so mean to me," I say and almost smile at the memory even though it was only a couple of weeks ago, and here I am now, sleeping over with him, wearing his shirts. I sit on the floor as he sits in a chair.

"I still am mean to you," he smirks over at me.

"I know," I say and look up at him. I can't help but look over his face and want to mend all of his broken pieces.

"Did you mean it in the car when you said you barely know me?" he asks quietly. I didn't expect him to ask me that.

"Sort of. You aren't the easiest person to get to know," I admit.

"I feel like I know you," he locks his eyes on mine.

"Yeah because I let you. I tell you things about myself."

"I tell you things too. It may not seem that way, but you know me better than anyone else does," he says and looks to the floor then back to my eyes. He looks sad and vulnerable which is such a difference from his normal moods, but just as captivating.

I am not sure what to say to his admittance. I feel like I do know Arnold on a very personal level, for example we somehow connect much deeper that just knowing simple things about each other, but I would like to know more about him.

"You know me better than anyone too," I tell him. He knows me, the real Helga. Not the Helga I have to pretend to be around Olga, my father, or even Zak. I have told Arnold things about my mother leaving, my sister's criticism, and the things I fear that I haven't told anyone else.

Arnold seems pleased with my statement as a smile forms on his beautiful face and sits on the floor with me and takes my hands in his.

"What do you want to know, Helga?" he asks me and my eyes almost pop out of my head. Arnold is finally willing to tell me more about himself. I am this much closer to figuring out this angry, complicated, yet sometimes lovely man.

Arnold and I both lay on the floor as I ask him at least a hundred questions. He talks about where he grew up, in Hillwood with his grandparents. He says his parents were doctors in South America but they didn't come back after one trip. He grew up in a boarding house taking care of all the other boarders which didn't give him much time to be a kid. He tells me growing up, he had many friends and wanted everyone else to be happy because he was secretly miserable inside. He said he and Gerald were best friends, but once he left Hillwood, they didn't keep in touch and now his feelings toward Gerald are indifferent.

Then he mentions how his grandparents were killed in a car accident in sixth grade. They were the only guardians he had and there was no one else to take care of him. There was John who was currently living in Argentina, but he was too busy getting drunk everyday to come up to America to take care of him. Eventually, the state placed him in foster homes and Arnold was angry. He would hardly stay in the homes he was forced to and he went out every night. He found a group to hang out with that did many bad things because it helped him get rid of the pain of being alone. He got kicked out of high school for fighting but his foster parents at the time made him go back.

He began getting tattoos when he was sixteen. His friend would do them in his basement. His favorite tattoo is a sparrow on his shoulder blade. His least favorite one is a stick figure. He and his friends were both drunk when they did that one. He doesn't have a specific reason why he doesn't have any tattoos on his back, he just hasn't gotten there yet. He hates the beach and he loves parks. He wants to become a doctor one day in honor of his parents. There isn't a day where he doesn't think about them. John stopped drinking when Arnold was fourteen and he has been trying to make up for the years he wasn't there, but Arnold isn't having it.

My head is swimming with all of this new information and I feel like I finally understand him. There are many more things I would love to know about him, but he falls asleep while telling me about how he and his friends once saved the neighborhood from being torn down to make a mall and it was one of his best accomplishments.

As I watch him sleep, he looks so much younger now that I know things about his childhood. It seemed okay until his grandparents passed away, creating the angry Arnold that he is today.

I lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek before crawling in the bed to sleep. I don't want to wake him up so I pull the sheets over me to cover myself. My dreams are filled with a little blonde boy petitioning for everyone in his neighborhood to listen to him to shut off all their lights in order to see Halley's Comet.

"Stop!" I jolt awake at the pained sound of Arnold's voice. His body is fidgeting on the floor. I hurry out from under the covers to get down from his and shake his shoulders to wake him. I wrap my arms around his shoulder and he tries to jerk away from me. A whimper escapes his perfect lips and he wakes up.

"Helga," he breaths and wraps his arms around me. He is panting, out of breath, and sweating. I should have asked him about the nightmares, but I didn't want to be greedy. He told me much, much more than I ever expected him to.

"I'm here… I'm here," I soothe him. I pull his arm, gesturing him to get up and come to the bed. When his eyes meet mine, the fear and confusion slowly fades from them.

"I thought you left," he whispers. We lay down and he pulls me as close to him as possible. I run my hand through his damn and floppy hair, and his eyes flutter closed.

I don't say anything, but I continue to run my hand through his hair to calm him.

"Don't ever leave me, Helga," he whispers and falls back to sleep. My heart nearly bursts at his plea and I know that as long as he wants me here, I'm here.

**A/N:**** Hey I'm back! My trip was awesome and I miss it already but I missed you all!**


	36. Chapter 36

**:/**

The next morning I wake up before Arnold and manage to detach him from me without waking him. The memories of him saying my name in relief and the secrets he confessed to me makes my stomach flutter. He was so unguarded and open last night that it made me care for him even more. The depth of my feelings for him scare me and I am not ready to face them yet.

I get my curling iron and small bag of make-up I borrowed from Lila, with her permission of course, out of my bag and walk down the hall to the bathroom.

The hallway is empty and no one knocks on the door while I am getting reading, but I am not as lucky as I am making my way back to Arnold's room. Three guys walk down the hall and I recognize one of them as Anthony.

"Hey! Helga, right?" he asks and flashes me a bright white smile that contracts against his tan skin.

"Yeah. Anthony, right?" I smile even though I already knew his name. I feel awkward with all three of them staring at me.

"Yeah! Are you like moving in here or something?" he laughs.

"No, definitely not. I am just… um visiting." I have no idea what to say. The tall guy bends down to whisper something in Anthony's ear but I can't make out what it is so I look away.

"Well, I will see you guys later," I politely excuse myself.

"Yeah see you tonight at the party," Anthony says and walks away. What party? Why wouldn't Arnold mention a party to me? Maybe he doesn't plan on going?

_Or maybe he doesn't want you to come,_ my subconscious says. Who throws a party in the middle of the week anyway? When I reach Arnold's door, it opens before I can turn the handle.

"Where were you?" he asks and opens it wide enough for me to walk in.

"Doing my hair. I wanted to let you sleep," I say.

"I told you not to be wandering the halls, Helga," he scolds me.

"And I told you not to boss me around, Arnold," I say sarcastically and he laughs lightly and I can see his features softening.

"Touché," he says and steps closer to me. He places one of his hands on the small of my back and the other under his shirt on my stomach. His fingers that are rough with callouses, but gentle on my skin, move higher and higher up my stomach.

"However, you really should wear a bra while roaming the halls of a fraternity house, Helga," he says and brings his mouth to my ear exactly when his fingers find my breasts. He rubs over the sensitive area with his thumbs, making them harden under his touch. He sucks in a sharp breath and I am frozen but my heart is racing.

"You never know what kind of perverts are lurking the halls," he says softly into my ear. His fingers swirl around my nipples before he pinches them softly between his thumb and forefinger. My head falls onto his chest and I am unable to control my moans as his fingers continue to assault me gently.

"I bet I could make you come just by doing this," he says and applies more pressure. I had no idea this simple thing could feel this… good. I nod and Arnold laughs against my ear.

"Do you want me to do that? Make you come?" he asks and I nod again. Does he really even have to ask? My heavy breathing and shaky knees should give it away.

"Good girl. Now let's move to the-" he starts but the alarm on my phone interrupts.

"Oh gosh! We have to leave in ten minutes and you're not even dressed! I'm not even dressed!" I say and pull away. He shakes his head pulls me back to him. This time he pulls down my panties and pants down my legs. He reaches over and shuts the alarm off.

"I only need two minutes and that leaves eight to get dressed," he says and lifts me off the floor to place me on the bed. He sits me down on the bottom of the bed, kneels in front of me, and pulls me by my ankles to the edge.

"Spread your legs, baby," he coos and I oblige. I know I wasn't planning on this for the morning, but I can't think of a better way to start my day. His long fingers trace up my thighs and he holds me down with one hand.

His head dips down and he licks up and down my core once before puckering his lips and sucking. Oh lord, that spot. I grab his hair and my hips thrust off the bed and he pushes me back down but continues to hold me down.

With his other hand, he inserts a finger in me pumping faster than he ever has before. I can't decide if his fingers or his mouth feels better, but the combination is mind-blowing. Within seconds I feel that burn in the bottom of my stomach and he pumps his finger faster.

"I'm going to try two fingers, okay?" he says and I moan in approval. The feeling is strange and uncomfortable like the first time but he places his lips back on me and sucks again making me forget about the pain.

I whimper as Arnold removes his mouth again. "Shit, you're so tight, baby," he says in a raspy voice from just waking up and those words alone are enough to make me feel over the edge.

"You okay?" he asks and I grab his hair tighter to push his face back down. He only laughs but attaches his lips again.

I moan his name and pull his hair as I experience my strongest orgasm. Not that I have had many, but this one was definitely the strongest and the quickest. Arnold swiftly kisses my hip bone and stands up to walk to the closet.

I lift my head and try to catch my breath as he walks back over and wipes me with a t-shirt. I would usually be more embarrassed, but I still am not all the way back to reality yet.

"I'll be right back. I'm just going to brush my teeth," he smiles and leaves the room. I stand up to get myself dressed and see we have three minutes until we have to leave. When Arnold gets back, he gets dressed quickly and we are on our way to the hospital.

"Do you know how to get there?" I ask as he pulls out of the driveway.

"Yeah it's just on the third floor of the building I work at. Plus, Rick Harrison is the executive director of pediatrics and John's best mate from university," he says in a nonchalant way.

Sometimes I feel Arnold has spent some time in England with his choice of words, but I don't feel the need to bombard him with questions about it since he has been very open with me lately.

"Oh… wow. I didn't know they were best friends," I say and suddenly feel nervous.

"Don't worry, he's a nice guy. He's a bit of a square, but nice. You'll fit right in," he says and smiles. "You look lovely by the way," he compliments.

His smile is contagious. "Thank you. You seem to be in a good mood this morning," I tease.

"Yeah having my head between your thighs this early in the morning has to turn out to be a good day," he laughs and takes my hand in his.

"Arnold!" I scold him and he laughs again. The drive is quick and we are pulling into the parking lot behind the large building. It is a seven story high building with glass windows all around.

"I'm nervous," I admit to Arnold as I check my make-up in the mirror.

"Don't be. You will do fine. You're so smart and he will see that," Arnold says in a way to comfort me. I love when he is nice like this.

"Thank you," I say and lean across to give him a sweet and simple kiss.

"I'll be waiting in the car for you," he says and kisses me again.

I decide on taking the elevator up to the third floor and I feel a warm welcoming as I set my eyes on the "welcoming wall" they have. It is a twelve foot wall full of photos, children's art, and messages of hope, healing, and recovery of the people at the hospital that stretches about sixty feet wide.

The receptionist tells me to go to the fifth floor where Mr. Harrison's office is. The walls of the hallways are filled with different fictional characters and I love it.

I give the young man who works on the fifth floor my name and he gives me a smile before walking me to the large office.

"Mr. Harrison, Ms. Havena Pataki is here," the boy tells Mr. Harrison. I hate people knowing my real name but I suppose it is necessary to be professional here. I am waved in by a middle aged man with a clean-shaven face. His blue eyes are seen from across the room as he walks towards me and shakes my hand. His smile is comforting and relaxes me as he tells me to have a seat.

"It's very nice to meet you, Havena. Thank you for coming," Mr. Harrison greets me.

"Helga, you can call me Helga. Thank you for having me," I smile.

"So Helga, you are a second year pre-medical major?" he asks and I nod.

"Yes, sir," I answer.

"John Matthews gave you a great review. He says you're an athlete too and I would be missing out if I didn't give you an internship," he smiles.

"John is a very kind man," I say and he nods rubbing his care cheek with his fingers.

He asks the reason why I would love to become a pediatrician as opposed to a regular doctor and he nods through my answer and smiles when I finish.

"Well, Helga when can you begin? John has agreed to have your schedule altered so you can be here three days a week and take classes the other two," he says and my mouth falls open.

"Really?" is all I can say. This is beyond my expectations. I had assumed I would have to take night classes and come here during the day _if_ I had gotten the offer.

"Yes, and you will also receive credit hours towards your degree for all your time spent here."

"Thank you so much. This is such an amazing opportunity. Thank you again." I can't believe how lucky I am.

"We will discuss your pay when you start Monday."

"Pay?" I had assumed it would be an unpaid internship. This is the best day ever.

"Yes, of course you will be paid for your time," he smiles and I nod. I am afraid if I open my mouth I will thank him for the thousandth time.

I just about run to the car when Arnold gets out as I reach it.

"Well?" he asks and I squeal.

"I got it! It's paid and I will be here three days a week and school two and I get college credit and he was so nice and John is so wonderful for doing this, and you too of course. I am just so excited and I…. well I guess that's it," I laugh and he wraps his arms around me and squeezes me tight to lift me in the air.

"I'm happy for you," he says and I bury my fingers into his hair.

"Thank you," I say and he puts me down. "Really, thank you for driving me and waiting in the car."

He assures me that it is no problem and we both get back in the car.

"What do you want to do for the rest of the afternoon?" he asks me.

"Go back to school of course. We can make it to Greek and I have practice later."

"We could find something much more fun to do."

"No I have already missed one practice and I don't want to miss any classes. I am going to Greek and you should too," I smile. He rolls his eyes but nods in agreement.

We make it just in time for Greek and I gush to Eugene about the internship. He congratulates me and gives me a tight hug. Arnold rudely makes gagging noises behind us and I kick his legs.

After class, Arnold walks out with me and Eugene as we discuss the details for the bonfire this weekend. We agree that I will meet Eugene at his house at five for dinner and we will go to the bonfire at seven. Arnold stays quiet during our discussion and I wonder if he will come with me. Eugene says goodbye as we reach the parking lot.

"Phillips!" someone calls. We both turn and we see Gerald walking over with a girl with orange hair. It was the same girl I saw Arnold with at the party whom he had his arm around after I kissed him the first time. She is only wearing a tank top and a black leather skirt. I try to keep my bad thoughts down.

"Hey," Arnold says and takes a step away from me.

"Hi, I'm Connie," the orange-haired girl says and smiles. I feel my insides clench but I manage to shake her extended hand anyway.

"Helga," I say and I have to try my hardest to give her a smile back. I stand awkwardly as Gerald and Arnold exchange hellos.

"You're ready, right?" Gerald says and I see it is clear that Arnold told them to meet him here. I don't know why I had assumed we would hang out again. It's not like we can hang out everyday and he would wait for me after practice, even though I wish he would.

"Yeah I'm ready," Arnold tells them and looks at me. "See you around, Helga," he says casually and turns to walk away from me.

Connie looks back at me with a smirk on her make-up covered face as they all climb into Gerald's car while I stand on the sidewalk and wonder what the hell just happened.

During my walk back to my room, I realize how foolish it was of me to expect Arnold to be different than before. I should have known better. I knew that this was too good to be true. Arnold kissing me in front of Eugene, Arnold being nice and saying he wants "more," Arnold telling me about his past. I should have known that as soon as his friends came along he would go right back to the Arnold I despised up until two weeks ago.

I walk into my room and Lila greets me. "Hey girl! You coming tonight?" she asks as I set my bag down by my chair. A boy is sitting on her bed and staring at her the adoring way I wish Arnold would look at me. Maybe this is Harold, the guy she has a crush on.

"No I am just going to study and do homework," I say and get my clothes out.

"Oh by the way, this is Harold!" she says and smiles.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Helga," I say and smile at him even though it is a fake smile.

"But you should come. Arnold will be there," he smirks and I force a smile back to her too.

"Really, it's okay. I need to call my sister and plan my assignments for next week."

"Lame!" she teases and grabs her purse. "Suit yourself. I'll be out all night so let me know if you need anything. Sheena is out at an audition," she says and hugs me goodbye.

Practice goes by slow as I anticipate the phone call with Olga and I keep thinking about the way Arnold just left me, and the fact I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. Maybe I should try to make new friends, but my mind is too occupied to be trying to acquaintance the people around me.

I call her on the walk back to my room and I am anxious as I await for her to answer the phone. I hope she will be happier with me when I tell her about the internship. Of course I tell her and she is beyond pleased. I leave Arnold out of the explanation but I do mention John and how he is Eugene's soon-to-be step father, which is true. She tries to ask me about Zak, but I dodge her questions. I actually haven't thought about him in a while.

We finally get off the phone after she tells me she is sure her new co-worker is having an affair with the boss. When we end the call, my mind immediately goes back to Arnold. My life was always so much more simple before I met him and now after, it is so much more complicated and stressful. I am either extremely happy or have a burning in my chest from him saying mean things to me or my own imagination of him with other girls, like Connie.

I will go insane if I just sit here and it is only six o'clock by the time I give up trying to study. Maybe I should go out for a walk? I really do need more friends. Those were mainly the only good friends I made last year. I grab my phone and call Eugene.

"Hey, Helga!" His voice is friendly and soothes some of the anxiety I have over Arnold and Connie.

"Hey, Eugene. Are you busy?" I ask.

"No, just watching some TV. Why, is something wrong?"

"No, I was just wondering if maybe I could come over and hang out. Or maybe if your mom doesn't mind I could take her up on those baking lessons," I laugh nervously.

"Yeah, of course you can come over. I know my mom would love that. I will tell her you are coming," he says.

"Okay, the next bus isn't for thirty minutes so I will be there as soon as I can," I say.

"Bus? Oh yeah, I forgot you haven't gotten a car yet. I will come get you."

"No, really it's okay. I don't mind taking the bus and I don't want you to go out of your way."

"Helga, it is less than ten miles. I will leave now," he says and I finally agree.

I grab my purse and check my phone one last time. Of course he hasn't tried to contact me. I hate the way I feel dependent on him, especially when it is obvious that I can't depend on him. Eugene calls me that he is here and I decide to shut off my phone and leave it in my desk. I lock my door and I climb into the car.

"My mom is going insane in the kitchen right now so be prepared for a very detailed baking lesson," he says and we both laugh. I just hope for a nice, relaxing night even though I feel it won't end as well as I hope.

**A/N:**** I am thinking of changing the rating to mature but I don't know if it will keep showing up on the archive. So if you are reading this story, I suggest you follow to get the notification of when I update lol. Or if not, that's cool too! I hope everyone's holidays are starting off well!**


	37. Chapter 37

In the car ride back, I hear the familiar sound of one of my favorite songs.

"May I turn this up?" I ask and Eugene nods.

"You like The Fray?" he asks in a surprised tone.

"Yes! They are my favorite band! Do you like them?"

"Yes! Who doesn't?" he says and I almost want to say Arnold doesn't but I decide against it.

When we arrive to the house, John greets us at the door with a friendly smile. I hope he wasn't expecting to see Arnold with me but I see no disappointment on his face and I give him a smile back.

"Jenny is in the kitchen, enter at your own risk," he laughs.

He really isn't joking though. Jenny has the entire island covered in pans, mixing bowls, and a lot of other things that are unknown to me.

"Helga! I am just getting everything ready!" she smiles.

"Can I help you with anything?" I ask.

"No, not for right now. I am almost finished… there I'm done."

"I hope it wasn't too late a notice for me to come by," I say.

"Oh no dear. You are always welcome here," she assures me and I know she means it. I can't help but think how this would be with my own mother, but I push those thoughts away for now.

She hands me an apron and I tie my hair back into a bun. Eugene sits at the stool on the counter and talks to us while Jenny shows me all of the ingredients to make cupcakes from scratch. I pour them into the mixer and turn it on low speed.

"I already feel like a professional baker," I laugh and Eugene leans over to wipe his hand across my cheek.

"Sorry, you have some flour on your face." His cheeks flush and I smile.

"It's okay," I tell him and go back to pouring my cupcakes in the baking pan. Eugene leaves the room to go finish the show he was watching while Jenny and I ice our cupcakes and I am very satisfied at the way mine turned out.

I use the piping bag to make an "E" on the top of one of them and set it aside for Eugene. Jenny expertly decorates hers with flowers and grass.

"We will make cookies next time," Jenny smiles and puts the cupcakes in a serving case.

"Sounds good to me," I tell her and take a bite out of my cupcake.

"Where is Arnold tonight?" Jenny asks. I chew my cupcake slowly before I answer.

"He is at his house," I answer simply. She frowns slightly but doesn't push it.

Eugene joins us back in the kitchen and Jenny leaves the room to take a few cupcakes to John.

"Is this cupcake for me?" Eugene asks and holds up the cupcake with a shaky E written in icing.

"Yeah, I have to work on my piping skills," I laugh and he takes a bite.

"Tastes good," he says with a full mouth. I giggle and he wipes his mouth.

I eat another cupcake and Eugene tells me about the show he was watching. My mind involuntarily travels back to Arnold and I stare out the window.

"Are you okay?" he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I was paying attention… at first," I smile apologetically.

"It's all right. Is it Arnold?"

"Yeah how did you know?" I tease.

"Where is he?"

"At his frat house. There is a party tonight and he didn't tell me about it. He had his friends meet him and he said 'see you around, Helga' when he said goodbye to me. I feel like a fool even repeating this. I know how stupid I sound but it is driving me crazy. Then there was this girl Connie that he used to mess around with a lot I guess and she is with him now. And he didn't tell them we are… whatever we are," I huff.

"Aren't you two supposed to be dating?" Eugene asks.

"Yeah. Well I thought so but I don't know now."

"Why don't you try to talk to him? Or go to the party?" he suggests and I laugh.

"I can't just go to the party."

"Why not? You went to their party before and you and Arnold are sort of dating, or whatever this is, and your roommate will be there. I would go if I was you."

"Really? Lila did invite me. I don't know…" I want to go just to see if Arnold is with Connie but I will feel stupid for just showing up there.

"I think you should."

"Will you come with me?" I ask.

"Oh no, no. Sorry, Helga. We are friends, but no," he laughs and I join him. I knew he wouldn't but I just thought I would ask.

"I think I will go, just to talk to him," I decide.

"Good. But you should probably wipe the flour off your face first," he laughs and I gently push his arm.

I stay a little while longer to hang out with Eugene so he won't think I am just using him as a ride to the party, even though I know he doesn't think that.

"Good luck. Call me if you need me," he says and I get out of the car. After he drives away I remember I left my phone in my room to avoid worrying about Arnold, yet here I am, showing up at his house.

A group of girls wearing very little clothing are standing in the front yard and I look down at my outfit. I am wearing jeans and a cardigan while my hair has fallen to a low bun. What the hell was I thinking coming here? I swallow my anxiety and walk inside.

I don't see any familiar faces except Anthony who is doing a body shot off a girl who is only wearing a bra and panties. I walk through the kitchen and someone hands me a cup of alcohol. I bring the cup to my lips. If I am going to confront Arnold, I will need alcohol. It gives me confidence.

I push my way through the living room to a couch where I see a group hanging out. Connie's orange hair comes into view and I feel sick as I notice she isn't sitting on the couch, but on Arnold's lap. His hand is on her thigh and she is leaning her back against him, laughing with their circle of friends.

How did I get myself in this situation with Arnold? I should have stayed away from him and I am slapped in the face with it now.

I should just leave. I don't belong here and I don't want to cry in front of these people. I am sick of crying over Arnold and I am done trying to make him something he isn't. Every time I think I am feeling as low as I can, he does something else that makes me realize I have no idea what the real pain of unrequited love feels like.

I watch as Connie puts her hand over Arnold's and he moves it away, but then places it on her hip and gives her a playful squeeze that makes her giggle. I try to force myself to move, back up, run, crawl, anything to get me out of here, but I can't help but stare at the boy I was falling for while he stares at her.

"Helga!" someone calls. Arnold's head snaps up and his green eyes meet mine. They are wide with shock and Connie looks my way and leans further into Arnold. His lips part as if he is going to say something, but he doesn't.

Ludwig appears at my side and I finally force my eyes from Arnold's. Although I was never close with Ludwig, he was fairly nice and not creepy like Wolfgang. I try to give him a smile but all of my energy is being used to prevent myself from bursting into tears.

"Do you want a drink?" he asks and I look down. Wasn't I holding a cup of beer? I look down and I see it sprawled across the carpet. I take a step away from it. I would normally clean it up and apologize, but I would rather just pretend it isn't mine right now.

"Yes, please," I say and my voice is strained.

I have two options. I can run out of here and let Arnold know he got the best of me, or I can put on a brave face and act like I don't care about him and the way he is still holding Connie on his lap.

I decide to go with option two.

"Cool, let's get you a drink," Ludwig smiles and walks into the kitchen. I follow him and try to mentally psych myself up to get through this party. I want to walk over and curse Arnold out, tell him to never speak to me again, slap him, then rip Connie's orange hair right out of her head. But he would probably find that amusing so I decide to drink the entire cherry vodka that Ludwig made me and ask for another. Arnold has ruined too many of my nights and I refuse to be that girl again.

"Woah, slow down, champ! You already drank two!" Ludwig laughs as I hold my cup out for another drink within minutes.

This is a little weird since I know Ludwig is good friends with Zak. I am not sure if he was in on beating Zak up, but I don't really care about that right now. All I know is that we are both here, and he is nice enough.

"It tastes really good," I laugh and lick off the remaining cherry flavor from my lips.

"Well let's just take it slow on this one," he smiles and I agree.

"I think we are about to play another round of truth or dare," he says. I thought people stopped playing truth or dare in high school. The pain in my chest returns as I think of all the things Arnold and Connie were dared to do.

"What did I miss from the last round?" I ask with my best flirty smile I can manage. I probably look crazy but he smiles back so I am guessing it is working.

"Just some drunk people sucking face, the usual," he laughs. The lump in my throat thickens but I swallow it back down with my drink.

I give a fake laugh and continue to drink my drink as we make our way back to the couch. Ludwig takes a seat on the floor diagonal from Arnold and Connie's spot on the couch and I sit next to him closer than I usually would, but that is the point. Arnold's eyes draw to slits but I ignore him. Connie is still perched on his lap and Lila gives me a sympathetic smile and glances towards Arnold. The vodka is beginning to take effect as Gerald's turn comes.

"Gerald, truth or dare?" Lila asks and he smiles.

"Truth," he answers and she rolls her eyes.

"Pussy," she says and her colorful language never ceases to amaze me. "Is it true that you pissed in Harold's closet last weekend?" she asks and they all start to laugh except me. I have no idea what they are talking about.

"No! I already told you guys that wasn't me!" he states and everyone continues to laugh. Ludwig looks over and winks at me in the middle of his laughing. Geez he is hot. Really hot.

"Helga, are you playing?" Lila asks and I nod. I look up and I see Arnold staring at me. I smile at him and look back to Ludwig. The frown on his face dissolves some of the pressure off my chest. He should feel as terrible as I do.

"Okay, truth or dare?" Connie asks me. Of course she would be the one to ask me.

"Dare," I say bravely. I wonder what she will make me do.

"I dare you to kiss Ludwig," she says and I hear a few gasps and chuckles.

"Why would she want to kiss a random stranger? Pick something else," Arnold says through gritted teeth.

"Actually, it's fine." He wants to play, we can play.

"I don't think-" Arnold starts to say.

"Shut up, Arnold," Lila says and gives me a smile.

I can't believe I agreed to kiss Ludwig. Even though he is very attractive. I have only really kissed Arnold and Zak. Jack from elementary school doesn't count.

"You sure?" Ludwig asks. He is trying to act concerned but I can see the excitement in his features.

"Yeah, I am sure," I say and take another sip of my drink before sitting it next to me. Everyone's eyes are on us as Ludwig licks his lips and leans in to kiss me. His lips are cold from his drink and I can taste the sweetness of the cherry juice on his tongue. His lips are soft, yet hard against mine and his tongue moves expertly with mine.

I feel the heat in my stomach rising, even though it isn't nearly as hot as it is with Arnold, but it still feels good. Ludwig moves his hands to my waist and we both move up to our knees.

"Okay… damn she said kiss, not fuck each other in front of everyone," Arnold spits and Connie tells him to shut up. Arnold looks beyond mad but he brought this upon himself. I would have assumed he would have Connie get off his lap by now, but he hasn't.

I pull away from Ludwig and feel my cheeks flush as everyone stares at us. Lila gives me a thumbs up and I look at the ground. Ludwig looks pleased and I feel embarrassed but slightly satisfied by Arnold's reaction.

"Helga, your turn to ask Harold," Ludwig says. Harold chooses dare and I give him the least creative dare and make him take a shot.

"Ludwig, truth or dare?" Harold asks. I down the rest of my drink. The more I drink, the more numb my emotions feel.

"Dare," Ludwig says and Lila whispers something in Harold's ear.

"I dare you to take Helga upstairs for ten minutes," he says and I choke on my breath. This is too much.

"That's a good one!" Connie says and laughs at me. Ludwig looks at me as if he is asking me if it is okay. Without thinking, I stand up and grab Ludwig's hand. He looks as surprised as everyone else does, but he stands up with me and grips my hand.

"This isn't part of truth or dare, this is… um well it's fucking dumb," Arnold says.

"Why does it matter? They are both single and it's all in good fun so why do you care?" Connie asks him.

"I… I don't care. I just think it's stupid," Arnold answers and my chest hurts again. Obviously he had no plan on telling any of his friends that we are… were… whatever we were. He has been using me this entire time. I am just another girl to him and I was beyond foolish to even think otherwise.

"Well good thing it is none of your business, Arnold," I snap and pull Ludwig up by the hand.

"Damn!" "Burn!" I hear a few people say and Arnold cuss at them as we walk away from them. We find a random bedroom upstairs and Ludwig opens the door and turns the light on.

Now that I am away from Arnold, I am beginning to feel much more nervous with being alone with Ludwig. No matter how mad I am at Arnold, I don't want to fool around with Ludwig. Well I wouldn't say I don't want to, but I am not that type of girl.

"So what do you want to do?" I ask.

He laughs and leads me over to the bed. Oh gosh…

"Let's just talk," he smiles and I feel very relieved.

"Not that I wouldn't want to do many things with you. It's just that… you're under the influence and I don't want to take advantage of you. I want you to be fully aware of what's going on," he says and I gasp.

"Surprised?" he smiles.

"A little," I admit.

"Why? I'm not a jerk like Arnold. You know, I thought you two had something going on for a little while."

"No… we are just… I don't know we were friends but not anymore." I don't want to tell him how stupid I was for believing his lies.

"But you and Zak are officially done?" I am relieved to not have to talk about Arnold anymore.

"Yes," I answer simply.

"That's too bad. He was a lucky guy," he says and smiles at me. He is very charming. I find myself staring into his light brown eyes.

"Thanks," I flush.

"Maybe I could take you out some time? On a proper date, not in a bedroom at a frat party," he laughs nervously.

"Um…" I am not sure what to say.

"How about I ask you again later when you're sober?" he suggests and he is much nicer than I thought he was. Usually guys as attractive as him are jerks, like Arnold.

"Deal," I agree and he takes my hand again.

"Let's go back down," he says and I agree.

When we walk back downstairs, Arnold and Connie are still on the couch, but Arnold has a drink now and Connie's legs are draped over his from the side instead of sitting on his lap.

Arnold's eyes dart down to me and Ludwig's intertwined fingers. I jerk away without thinking but then grab his hand again. Arnold clenches his jaw and I look away.

"How was it?" Connie smirks.

"Fun," I answer and Ludwig stays quiet.

"It's Connie's turn," Gerald says and we sit back on the carpet.

"Truth or dare?" Arnold asks her.

"Dare, of course," she says. He looks right in my eyes and says, "I dare you to kiss me."

My heart stops, literally. He is a bigger asshole than I thought he was. My ears are ringing and my heart is pounding. A boastful glance is shot my way by Connie before she latches herself on Arnold.

All the anger I feel towards Arnold is washed away and replaced by hurt. I feel the hot tears threatening to fall down my face and I get up from my spot on the carpet before I walk out the room. I can't watch anymore and I push my way through the drunk crowd. I hear Ludwig and Lila call after me. The room feels like it is spinning but I can only picture Arnold and Connie in my mind right now.

I finally find my way to the door and the fresh air fills my lungs and brings me back to reality. How could he be so evil? I run down the stairs to the sidewalk. I have to get away from here. I wish I would have never met him, I wish I would have been given a different roommate, I even wish I never came to this school.

"Helga!" I hear and I turn around. I am convinced I am imagining it until I see Arnold running after me.


	38. Chapter 38

I make my feet move faster. I am hoping that my skills from running and the adrenaline I am feeling will be enough to get me as far away from Arnold as I can. I reach the end of the street but I don't know where I am going. I stop to try to remember which direction Eugene came from but my vision is blurry. I shouldn't have drank so much.

"Helga, stop!" Arnold yells again. I stop dead in my tracks. Why am I even running from him? He needs to explain why he keeps messing with me and why he is such a jerk. "What did Ludwig say to you?" What the hell?

When I turn around to face him, he is only a few feet away. I can tell he didn't expect me to stop by the shocked expression on his face.

"What Arnold! What could you possibly want from me?" I scream. My heart is pounding from running and from him shattering it.

"I…" he seems speechless. "Did Ludwig say something to you?"

"No… why would he?" I take another step toward him so I am facing him. I would be face to face with him if he wasn't so tall.

"I'm sorry, okay?" he says quietly looking in my eyes. He tries to grab my hand but I swat it away. He ignores my question about Ludwig but I am too mad to care.

"You're_ sorry?_ You're sorry?" I repeat. I begin to laugh.

"Yeah, I am."

"Go to hell, Arnold." I start to walk away but Arnold grabs my arm again. I feel like we are back to how we were from the beginning when he always would grab my arm when I tried walking away.

My anger is boiling over and my hand flies up to smack him, hard. I am surprised by my violent action and I almost want to apologize for hitting him, but the pain he has caused me is much more than a smack to the face.

He rubs his cheek and looks back to me. "What the hell is your problem! You were the one kissing Ludwig!" he yells. A car passes us and the driver stares at us but I don't care about causing a scene right now.

"You aren't seriously trying to blame me, are you? You lied to me and played me like a fool, Arnold! Just when I thought I could trust you, you humiliate me! If you wanted to be with Connie, why didn't you just tell me to leave you alone? Instead, you feed me all your bullshit about wanting more and begging me to stay the night just so you could use me! What was the point? What did you get out of it? Oh, besides a blow job!" I scream. The word feels weird coming out of my mouth.

"You think that's what I'm doing? You think I'm using you?" he shouts.

"No, that isn't what I think. That is what I know. But guess what? I am done, so beyond done. I will move rooms if I have to so I don't have to see you ever again!" I say and I mean it.

"You're overreacting," he says and it takes all of the control I have right now not to slap him again.

"I'm overreacting? You didn't tell your friends about us, you didn't tell me about the party, then you left me standing in the parking lot like a dumbass while you left with Connie, out of all people! Then I show up here to find her on your lap and you kiss her right in front of me, Arnold. So my reaction is justified," I say. My voice is much quieter and I am exhausted. I wipe the fresh tears from my face and wait for him to respond.

"You kissed Ludwig right in front of me! And I didn't tell you about the party because I don't have to! You wouldn't have wanted to come anyway. You probably would have been too busy studying or watching the damn paint dry," he snaps.

"So why do you even waste your time with me? Why did you even follow me out here, Arnold?" He doesn't say anything. "That's what I thought. You thought you could come out here and say sorry and I would stay a secret as your boring little hidden girlfriend. You're wrong though. You took my kindness for weakness and you were sadly mistaken."

"Girlfriend? You thought you were my girlfriend?" he almost laughs. The pain in my chest is suddenly magnified by a million.

"No… I…." I start to say. I don't know what to say.

"You did, didn't you?" he laughs.

"You know, I did." I admit. I have already been humiliated countless times today alone so I have nothing to lose anymore. "You fed me that bullshit about wanting more and I believed you. I believed all the false shit you said to me and the things you claimed you have never told anyone else. That was all bullshit too, wasn't it? I am sure none of that even happened. But you know what? I am not even mad at you. I am mad at myself for believing you. I knew how you were before I started to fall for you and I knew you would hurt me. What did you say? You will 'ruin me?' Congratulations, Arnold. You got what you wanted. You won," I sob. I see pain flash in his eyes, well what I think is pain. It is probably humor.

I don't care anymore about winning or losing or even playing these exhausting games with him. I turn away from him and begin to walk back to the house to use someone's phone to call Eugene or get directions back to the dorms.

"Where are you going?" he asks. It hurts because he doesn't have anything to say, confirming everything I just said to him and what I already knew, that he is heartless.

"Back to the house. I need to use someone's phone to call Eugene." I walk faster. Only a few more houses.

"Eugene? Why would call Eugene?"

"Because I can depend on him."

"You can't depend on me?" he asks. He cannot be serious.

"Are you really that crazy or are you just playing with me again? There is no way you can think I could ever depend on you, or even trust you," I spit. We are back to the steps in front of the house and I see Connie outside. "Aww look, she is waiting for you. You two really are perfect for each other."

"It's not like that and you know it," he says.

"I don't know anything, obviously," I say and take two steps at a time.

Ludwig appears in the doorway and I rush to his side. "Can I use your phone? Please?" I ask and he nods.

"Are you okay? I tried to go after you, but you were long gone," he asks and I only nod simply. Arnold stands in front of me and Ludwig while I call Eugene and ask him to pick me up. Ludwig and Arnold stare at each other for a second before Ludwig looks away and looks down at me.

"Is he coming?" Ludwig asks with concern in his voice.

"Yeah, he will be here in a few minutes. Thank you for letting me use your phone," I say and ignore Arnold.

"No problem. Do you want me to wait with you?" Ludwig asks.

"No, I will wait with her," Arnold says with his voice full of anger.

"I would love if you could wait with me, Ludwig," I say and Arnold balls his fists at his sides. I walk down the steps with Ludwig and Arnold being the asshole that he is follows us behind and stands behind us awkwardly. Lila, Harold, and Connie walk down the steps to us as well.

"Are you okay?" Lila asks and I nod.

"Yeah, I am leaving though. I shouldn't have even come here," I say and she hugs me.

"You got that right," Connie says under her breath.

"You are right, I shouldn't be here. I don't enjoy getting drunk and hanging all over every guy in the place," I snap. I usually hate confrontation but my emotions are on edge right now and Connie is a slut.

"Excuse me?" she says.

"You heard me."

"What is your problem? Are you mad that I kissed Arnold? Because guess what sweetie, I kiss Arnold all the time," she says and I feel the blood drain from my face.

I look at Arnold and he doesn't say anything. So he has been messing with Connie the entire time? It doesn't surprise me as much as it should. I don't even have a comeback to her. I can't even think of one right now, but I am sure that when I walk away I will be able to think of at least ten.

"Let's go inside," Harold says and grabs Lila and Connie by the arms. I try to smile at him to thank him as they walk away.

"You too, Arnold. Get away from me," I say and stare at the street.

"I haven't kissed her. Lately, I mean. Except for tonight, I swear," he says. Why is he saying this in front of everyone? Connie turns around.

"I don't really give a shit who you kiss. Now leave me alone," I repeat. A huge feeling of relief washes over me as I see Eugene's car pull up to the curb.

"Thanks again," I tell Ludwig.

"No problem. Don't forget what I asked," he smiles reminding me of his offer of taking me on a date.

"Helga…" Arnold calls as I walk away from him but I ignore him. "Helga!" he says louder.

"What the hell do you want, Arnold? I have said everything I have to say to you. I am done listening to you and your bullshit!" I yell. I know everyone is staring at us but I don't care anymore. "Now leave me the fuck alone!"

"I… Helga, I…." he says rushing after me.

"What? You what, Arnold?" I say even louder.

"I… I love you!" he yells. All the air from my lungs disappear. Connie chokes on her breath and Lila looks like she has seen a ghost.

"You're sick, Arnold. Really fucking sick." I grab the door handle on Eugene's car but I am yanked away by Arnold. I know this is still part of his game, but it still awakens something in me to hear him say those words.

"It's true, I do. I know you won't believe me, but I do. I love you," he repeats with his eyes brimming with tears. He is a better actor than I thought. I can't believe he is doing this in front of everyone.

"You expect me to believe that? You wouldn't even tell your friends about us and then you humiliate me in front of them and expect me to believe that?" I shove him back and open the door. I lock the door before he regains his balance.

"Please drive me away from here," I beg Eugene as Arnold bangs his hands against the window.

I put my hands over my face so Arnold doesn't see me cry as Eugene drives away.

"What happened? What was he doing?" Eugene asks as I finally stop sobbing.

"He was all over Connie and he kissed her in front of me. I was literally five feet from them."

"Did I hear him say he loves you?" he asks quietly.

"Yeah. I don't know what that was about. He was just trying to make a show or something." I still don't have a logical explanation for that.

"Do you think… well sorry for asking this… but do you think that maybe he does? Love you?"

"What? Of course not. I am not even sure if he likes me. I mean when we are alone he is so different and I think that he does care about me, but then when we get around his friends, he is the exact opposite. But I know he doesn't love me. He can't love anyone but himself," I say.

"I am on your side, Helga. I am. But I saw the look on his face when we drove away. He looked heartbroken and you can't be that heartbroken if you're not in love," Eugene says. That isn't true. I was heartbroken when he kissed Connie but I don't love him.

"Do you love him?" Eugene asks.

"No. I don't love him. He is… well… he is a jerk. I have known him a little more than a month and more than half of that is time we spent fighting. You can't love someone after knowing them for a month," I say too quickly. "Besides he is a jerk."

"You already said that," Eugene says and I see a small smile on his lips as he tries to keep his expression neutral.

I feel nauseous talking about Arnold and love. The air feels much hotter and I roll down the window to look out in the dark sky.

"Do you want to come to my house or go back to your dorm?" he asks. I want to curl in a ball in my room, but I don't want to bother Lila and Sheena. Or worse, I don't want Arnold showing up. The chances of him coming to John's house is much smaller.

"Your house, but can we go to my room so I can get some clothes? Sorry, I am asking you to drive me all around," I say and mean it.

"Helga, you rarely ask me for much. The drive is short and you are my friend. Stop thanking me and apologizing to me for driving you," he says firmly but his sweet smile makes me laugh.

He is the best person I have met here and I am so lucky to have him.

"Well thank you one last time for being such a great friend to me," I say and he frowns playfully.

"You're welcome, now let's move on."

I rush in my room to grab all the things I need for tonight and tomorrow. I feel like I rarely stay in this room anymore. I have been with Arnold so many nights this week and I was beginning to get used to it, but I realize how dumb that was of me. I make sure to grab my phone and go back downstairs.

It is after eleven o'clock when we arrive at his house and John and Jenny are already asleep. I am exhausted as Eugene warms up a bowl of soup for me and I eat another one of my cupcakes from earlier. Baking with Jenny seems like weeks ago, not hours.

I have had such a long day and it started well with Arnold, the internship, but then he ruined it like he always does.

After I eat, Eugene shows me to the guest room I stayed in last time even though I was only there until Arnold had another nightmare. Time hasn't made sense since I met him. Everything has happened so quickly and the better times we have had seem blurry.

I thank Eugene again and he rolls his eyes before heading back to his room. I turn my phone on to see many texts from Arnold, Lila, and Olga. I delete all of them except the one from Olga without reading them. I already know what they will say and I don't have it in me to read them. I turn the phone on silent and set it on the nightstand.

When I put on my pajamas and climb into the bed, it is one in the morning. I have to wake up in four hours. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I can't stop replaying the events of today in my head. I toss and turn in the bed and when I check the time, it is almost three. Even though today was the best, then worst day of my life, I am too exhausted to even sleep.

Before I realize what I am doing, I am standing in front of Arnold's room. With no one but myself to judge me, I open the drawer of his dresser and grab a white t-shirt that hasn't been worn, but I don't care. I replace my shirt with his and lay on his bed to bury my head in the pillow. The indescribable scent of Arnold fills my nose and I finally fall asleep.

**Arnold POV**

"Come on Gerald. Just let me use your phone," I beg.

"She didn't answer your number, Lila's, or Harold's. She isn't going to answer mine," he says and I roll my eyes and snatch his phone anyway.

"I'm not calling her," I snap as I dial her number. I know she isn't going to answer by now, but I can't help it. She is so stubborn. I am sure she will avoid me for days now, if she ever speaks to me again. When it goes to her voicemail, I hang up and hand Gerald his phone back. He takes it with a smirk on his face.

"Don't look at me like that," I warn. He raises his hands defensively and walks away.

I walk back over to the couch where Connie, Lila, and Harold are sitting and sit on the end by myself.

"Why don't you just go to our room? She is probably there studying or sleeping," Lila says.

"Or crying," Connie adds and I glare at her. "Calm down, it's not like she is something to miss anyway. She's a boring, annoying-"

"Shut the fuck up Connie! Dammit just shut up!" I yell. She jerks away, obviously frightened but I don't give a shit.

"Don't forget what I can do, Arnold," she says through her teeth.

"I can do things much worse than that, Connie, so watch your fucking mouth," I tell her and stand up.

"Give me the key," I request and hold my hand out while Lila digs in her bag. As soon as it is placed in my hand, I rush to the car. I haven't seen Ludwig in about thirty minutes. He better not be with Helga.

No one has brought up my declaration of love for Helga. They must know better. I don't know why I decided to call it out that way, but I just couldn't take watching her leave with her thinking that I don't care about her. I love her, I have loved her since the first time I woke up to her small hands wrapped around me on my couch.

I didn't even realize what I was feeling then at the time, but I have been finding myself drawn to her in an unexplainable way. I love the way she looks at me, especially when she thinks I don't have a clue. I love when she yells at me and rolls her eyes when I say something crude to her.

She has been there for me even though I have put her through some tough shit that no one else has. I wish I had an explanation for treating her this way or letting Connie on my lap, but I don't.

The best thing I can come up with is that my feelings for her are so intense, I don't know how to control them. I don't like being vulnerable to anyone and loving Helga gives her more control over me than I can deal with so I push her away. It won't make sense to her, it barely makes sense to me, but it is all I have.

As I get to my car, I try to call her one more time. I know she will be mad that I show up to her room and I hope she screams at me or even slaps me again. I don't care as long as she lets me in. What if Ludwig is there with her? I can't see her letting him in, but she was so pissed at me she might just to get back at me.

Images of them kissing flash in my mind. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life. I never had to be, I always get what I want. Except with Helga. First I had to deal with her obnoxious, perfect boyfriend who wasn't so perfect and now I have to worry about Ludwig. If only I could tell her how he really is. But I know I can't because I am equally as guilty.

If he is in there with her, I won't be able to resist beating the shit out of him, friend or not. I loved the fact that I was one of the only two people she has kissed and now he has ruined that.

I get to her room and push the key in. Sheena is here and I feel awkward. We talked some in elementary school, but that was it.

"Um, has Helga shown up here?" I ask.

"She came in a little while ago, but then left again. She said she was sleeping over at a friend's," she says and smiles.

I only close the door and walk back to the car. I call Ludwig's number but he doesn't pick up either. She must really be with him and that thought makes me sick to my stomach. Why am I so fucked up? If I wasn't such a dick she would be lying in bed with me right now.

I could be lying in her lap while she runs her fingers through my hair, something I haven't let anyone else do before.

Eugene! She is with Eugene. She has to be. How the fuck did I not think about that? Jealously fills me again as I think of the possibility of Helga and Eugene. I have to admit they would probably be perfect together on paper but he better keep his hands off my girlfriend… She could be my girlfriend if I wasn't such an asshole when she admitted to me she thought she already was.

The drive to John's house is short and I basically run to the door. It's locked and I could care less about waking them up, but I don't want them all to be awake when I find Helga. I find a number in my phone I never thought I would actually need.

"Hello?" Eugene answers, obviously just waking up.

"Hey, um it's Arnold. I need you to open the front door," I mutter.

"I don't think that is a good idea," he says.

"Open the fucking door or I will smash the glass and open it myself," I growl.

"Fine. I will be down in a second," he says and hangs up.

He opens the door within the minute and I push past him to walk inside.

"Where is she?"

"She is asleep. I don't think you should bother her. She didn't get to her room until after one."

"Where the hell was she before that?" I ask, stepping closer to him.

"I made her some soup, relax," he says and walks up the stairs.

"I have to talk to her," I say. I don't even know why I am talking to him.

"We both know that won't happen when you wake her up, but if you don't care, then fine," Eugene says and I open the guest room across from mine.

I turn the light on and the bed is empty. The sheets are ruffled and her bag is on the floor, but the room is empty.

"Did she leave?" Where would she go? I start to panic.

"No, she couldn't have. I would have heard her and she doesn't even have a car."

I will lose it if she is walking around alone at three am. My eyes drift to my door behind Eugene and I push him out of the way to open it. The small lamp on the night stand is on and I step on something as I walk in the room. A shirt? It's Helga's shirt.

She is curled up on my bed wearing a white t-shirt and my heart leaps when I see that one of the drawers of my dresser is slightly open. She is wearing one of my shirts, laying in my bed, hugging my pillow with her long, blonde hair sprawled above her head giving her a halo.

"I found her."

I look to Eugene who is standing in the doorway, then back at Helga. I want to smooth out the crease on her forehead that I know is from my doing, and kiss the frown on her full lips. I can't wake her up, I have already caused her enough pain today.

I turn the light off and walk out of the room to the guest room across the hall.

"You don't deserve her," Eugene says quietly.

"I know," I answer.


	39. Chapter 39

I wake up to the sun shining through the window and hitting the bed. It takes me a moment to remember that I am not with Arnold, and when I roll over, I am convinced that my mind is playing games with me.

"Arnold?" I say quietly and wipe my eyes.

"Hey," he says. He really is here.

"What are you doing here?" I ask and pull the sheets up to cover myself.

"Helga, we have to talk," he says. He has his elbows on his knees and the bags under his eyes are obvious.

"Were you watching me sleep?" I ask.

"No, of course not. I only came in here a couple minutes ago," he says. I wonder if he had his nightmares without me in the bed with him. If I hadn't seen them myself, I would have thought those were part of his sick game too. But I remember vividly holding his sweaty face and seeing the fear in his green eyes.

I don't say anything. I am exhausted of fighting with him and I just want him to go away. I hate it even more that I don't want him to go away, but he has to.

"Can we talk?" he asks again.

"I have classes to go to," I say.

"No, it's eleven and Eugene already left. I turned your alarm off," he says.

"You what? Why would you do that?" I ask.

"You stayed up late last night and I thought-" he starts.

"How dare you even… just go," I say. I am furious that he turned my alarm off. He knows how I am about having my alarms and missing classes, but the pain from his actions yesterday are still fresh and overshadows my anger for him turning my alarm off, but if I show any weakness he will pounce on it like he always does.

"You're in my room," he points out and I climb out of bed not caring that I am only in a t-shirt. His t-shirt.

"You're right, I will go," I say and the lump in my throat grows while the tears threaten to spill from behind my eyes.

"No, I meant… you are in my room. Why?"

"I don't know. I just… I couldn't sleep…" I admit. I should stop talking. "You barely come here though so it isn't really your room. I have probably slept here more than you have."

"Your shirt didn't fit?" he asks while looking at the shirt I am wearing. Of course he is trying to make fun of me.

"Go ahead and tease me," I say. I can feel my eyes watering.

He tries to make eye contact with me but I look away.

"I wasn't teasing you," he says and stands up from the chair. He steps towards me but I back away with my hands out to block him.

"Just hear me out, okay?"

"What else do you have to say to me, Arnold? We always have the same fight over and over but it gets worse each time. I can't do this anymore. I can't," I say.

"I said I was sorry for kissing Connie," he defends.

"It is not just for kissing Connie. It is part of that but there is so much more to it. The fact that you don't get it only proves the point that we are both wasting our time. You will never be who I need you to be and I am not who you want me to be." I wipe my eyes and he looks out the window.

"You are who I want you to be," he says. I wish I could believe him.

"You aren't," is all I can say. I know he knows I am crying but I can't stop them. I have cried so many times since I have met him and it will only get worse if I keep staying around him.

"I'm not what?"

"Who I want you to be. You only hurt me," I say and cross the hallway to the room I was supposed to stay in. I grab clean clothes from my bag and put my running shorts on and gather my things together. Arnold watches my every move.

"Did you not hear what I said last night?" he asks and I don't have the courage or strength to look him in the eye right now. I had hoped he wouldn't bring this up.

"Answer me."

"I heard you," I say and try my best not to look at him.

"And you have nothing to say about it?" he asks with his voice threatening.

"No," I lie. He steps in front of me. "Move."

He moves his head closer to mine and I know what he is going to do. I try to back away from him but he forces his lips on mine. His hold on me is strong and keeps me in place as he tries to pry his tongue in my mouth but I deny it and keep my mouth closed.

"Kiss me back," he demands.

"No," I say and push his chest.

"Tell me you don't feel the same and I will go," he says with his face right in front of mine.

"I don't," I say. It hurts to say it but I have to stay away from him now.

"Yes you do. I know you do," he says desperately.

"I don't, Arnold. Neither do you. You don't think that I bought that, do you?" I ask and he lets go of me.

"You don't believe that I love you?" he gasps.

"Of course not. How dumb do you think I am?" He stares at me and opens his mouth but then closes it again.

"You're right," he says and my heart stops but I remain neutral on the outside. "I don't love you. I was just messing with you," he says and a small smile plays on his face that I swear will haunt my dreams.

"I know," I say. A part of me was wishing that he would be willing to convince me of how sorry he is, and that he does love me and is willing to change to make this work, but this is Arnold and this is how he is and will always be.

I get my things together and plan on taking the bus back to campus since I have practice soon.

I walk out of the room as he stands against the wall.

"Helga! I didn't know you were here!" Jenny says when she sees me. She must notice my distressed state. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine. I got locked out of my room last night and…"

"Jenny," Arnold's voice says from behind me.

"Arnold!" she says with a smile. "I can make you both breakfast…. or now it's almost lunch time," she says and smiles sweetly. She is always so nice.

"No, thank you. I have to leave soon," I say sadly and I presume Arnold is going to deny her offer.

"I'll eat," Arnold says and it surprises me but I don't say anything. I can tell she is surprised as well but she smiles and starts to work on it.

After she goes back into the kitchen, I head to the door.

"Where are you going?" he asks and grabs my wrist. I wiggle it a little before he finally lets go.

"To practice."

"You're going to walk?"

"What is your problem? You act like nothing is going on, like we haven't been fighting and you haven't done anything wrong. You are insane. I am talking mental institution, padded rooms, medicated insane. You say rude things to me and then offer me a ride?" I don't understand him.

"Actually, I didn't say anything rude to you. All I said was that I don't love you, which you claimed to already have known. And secondly, I wasn't offering you a ride. I was just simply asking if you were walking back." His words make my chest tighten even more and I want to rush out of here as fast as I can. Why did he even come here to find me if he doesn't care about me? Why does he purposely try to torture me?

"What did I do?" I finally ask. I have been wanting to ask for a while but I am too afraid of the answer.

"What?"

"What did I do to make you hate me? You can basically have any girl you want and you continue to waste your time to make sure I am miserable. What's the point? Why do you dislike me so much?" I try to keep my voice low so Jenny doesn't hear us.

"No, it isn't like that. I don't dislike you, Helga. You were just an easy target. It's all about the chase, right?" he smirks. Before he can continue, Jenny calls his name to ask if he wants pickles on his sandwich. He walks back to the kitchen to answer her and I walk out the door.

I walk down the street to the bus stop. I have missed a lot of classes lately and I hate it. Luckily, the bus pulls up in the next couple minutes and I take a seat in the very back.

"_It's all about the chase right?"_ his voice echoes in my mind. I slump in my seat and think about what Eugene said about heartbreak. He said if you don't love the person, they can't break your heart. Arnold breaks my heart repeatedly, even when I think there aren't any more pieces to break.

I love him.

I love Arnold.

**A/N:**** This is short, but effective ;) I was done with this last night but we slept over at my grandpa's house and he doesn't have Internet at his house because he's my grandpa lol. But I hope everyone is enjoying their holidays! Be safe ;)**


	40. Chapter 40

I am a few minutes late to practice, but my head is too out of it to even care. They make me do extra laps but I don't mind because running this off is what I really need.

"Pataki! Speed it up!" Coach Wittenberg yells at me. I am only running slowly because I am dreading sprints later.

After I finish the extra laps, I jog over to where they are doing sprints. I see a new guy who is really fast that is beating all of the veteran sprinters.

"Coach, who is that?" I ask as I join them.

"Thaddeus, he's a new guy. His times are killer," she says as she records something on her clipboard.

He doesn't seem to tire out. He is beating these guys time after time.

"Is he a first year?" I ask.

"Yes. From Hillwood High or something. It doesn't matter I am just surprised we never heard of him before," she says and smacks on her gum.

I almost roll my eyes. Of course he is from Hillwood. He has jet black hair and he is smaller compared to the other guys and wears a red sweatband on his head.

"Why are there so many people from Hillwood here?" I ask.

"This is a popular school and it's not too far away. Aren't there people here from your hometown?" she asks.

"No," I answer simply and get in line.

….

By the time I get back to my room, I am exhausted, emotionally and physically, but I decide to take a shower to relieve some of the stress off my shoulders.

After, I change into some sweats and a loose, sleeveless tank top that is a little short but I am not worried about my appearance right now. I decide that this weekend I will go and try to find a car.

I get back into my room and Lila and Ludwig are in our room. Great. I just wanted to be alone. I didn't even know they were friends? Maybe they got close at the party.

"Did Arnold ever find you last night?" Lila asks me.

"Yeah, he did," I say and move over to my desk.

"So you guys worked it out?"

"No. Well, yeah I guess. I am done with him," I tell her. Her eyes widen because I am guessing she thought I would just let him crawl back in my life again.

"Well, I for one am glad," Ludwig smiles and Lila swats his arm. Her phone buzzes with a message and she looks down.

"Harold is here, we gotta go. Want to come?" she asks me.

"No, thanks. I'm beat," I say and smile at her.

Lila walks out but Ludwig lingers in the doorway.

"Helga?" His voice is smooth. I look up and he smiles at me.

"Did you think about our date?" he asks.

"I…" I am about to reject him, but why? He is very attractive and he is sweet. He could have easily taken advantage of me last night, but he didn't. I know he would be better company than Arnold. Anyone would, honestly. "Sure."

"Sure as in you will let me take you out?" he smiles.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Tonight then?" he asks.

"Yeah, tonight is good." I don't think tonight is a good idea since I missed class today, but I am still a week ahead.

"Great. I will be here at seven. That all right?"

"Okay," I reply and he brings his lip between his perfect teeth.

"See you tonight, beautiful," he says and I flush and say goodbye to him as he leaves the room.

It is four now and I have three hours until he will be back. I decide to blow dry my hair and curl my hair, and it surprises me of how great it looks. I never heat my hair but I just decided to today for reasons unknown to me.

I apply light make up and decide to put on jeans, a white tank top, and a long, pink cardigan. I start to feel anxious and nervous as I stare at myself in the mirror. I look totally different than I usually would. Maybe I should change?

I decide on wearing a blue button up shirt with a gray tank top underneath. I can't believe I am going on a date with Ludwig, of all people. I have only had one boyfriend in my entire life and now I am going on a date with Ludwig after this big mess with Arnold. Maybe guys with tattoos and piercings are really my type?

I decide to read Wuthering Heights to pass the time. In no time, there is a knock at the door and I know it is Ludwig because Arnold would rudely barge in and throw my stuff all over the place.

When I open the door, I can't help but gape at Ludwig. He is wearing tight black jeans, white sneakers, a white t-shirt, and a cut off jean jacket. He looks so hot.

"You look beautiful, Helga," he says and hands me a single rose. I am surprised and flattered by his simple token.

"Thank you," I say and bring the rose to my nose to smell.

"Are you ready?" he asks politely.

"Yes, where are we going?" I ask as we walk outside.

"I thought we could just eat dinner and watch a movie. Just a casual date, no pressure," he states. I extend my hand to open the door handle of the passenger's side of his truck, but he stops me.

"I was going to do that," he says.

"Oh. Thanks." I am still a little nervous, but not as much as before. When we both climb in the car, he keeps his radio off and makes small talk with me. He asks about my family and what I plan on doing after college. He tells me he is majoring in environmental science, which surprises but interests me. Many people at UCLA plan to be big doctors.

We arrive at a small, café style restaurant and sit outside on the patio. We order our food and continue to talk until our meals come. Ludwig eats all of his food and starts to steal fries off my plate.

"If you take another fry, I will have to kill you," I joke. He gives me an innocent look and laughs with his tongue between his teeth. I find myself laughing with him and it feels really good.

"Your laugh is adorable," he says and I only roll my eyes.

The movie we end up watching is corny and we make jokes about it to each other. He puts his hand over mine toward the end of the movie. It isn't uncomfortable like I thought it would be, but it isn't the same as when Arnold does it. I haven't thought about him once this whole night and it is nice to not have him consuming my every thought like he usually does.

When Ludwig drops me back off at my room, it is eleven and I am glad it is two more days until the weekend. He gets out of the car and I adjust my bag on my waist.

"I had a really nice time tonight. Thank you for agreeing to come with me," he says.

"I had a nice time too. Thanks for asking me," I smile.

"Are you going to bonfire this weekend?" he asks and I nod. "Would you like to accompany me?" he asks. I remember wanting Arnold to come with me only a few days ago and now I am glad Ludwig is asking me.

"Yeah that is fine. I am going with Eugene though," I say so he knows.

"That's fine. He seems nice," he says and I smile.

"All right, so I will meet you there?" There is no way I can take him to dinner at Eugene's house.

"Sounds good. Thanks again for tonight," he says and steps towards me. Is he going to kiss me? He grabs my hand and brings it up to his mouth to place a kiss on the top of my hand. His breath is cold against my hot skin and the gesture is sweet.

"Have a good night, Helga," he says and gets back into his car.

I am glad he didn't try to kiss me, even though he was good at kissing. The timing just isn't right. Now I have to think of a way to explain to Eugene. I hope he decides on bringing someone so it isn't just us three.

Lila and Sheena are both curious about my night out with Ludwig, but I keep the details to myself. I wipe the make-up off my face and climb into my bed for sleep.

The next morning, I meet Eugene at the coffee house and tell him about Ludwig.

"Does Arnold know about this?" Eugene asks.

"No and he doesn't need to. It isn't his concern," I say with a little too much edge. "I'm sorry, it is just a touchy subject."

"Obviously," he jokes. "They must not be too close of friends if Ludwig is taking you out to dinner right after everything with Arnold."

"Well no one really knows what happened with me and Arnold. He kept it all a secret, remember?"

"Yea, I suppose you're right. Just be careful," he says and I promise him that I will. The rest of the day goes by quickly and Eugene doesn't bring up Arnold or Ludwig.

"Oh I almost forgot to tell you, I invited someone else too to bonfire, so we will both have dates," he smiles. I am not sure I am comfortable with calling Ludwig my date for bonfire, but I let it slide.

It is finally time for Greek and I see Arnold sitting in his normal seat that is right next to mine. My chest tightens at the sight of him and the butterflies flutter in my stomach and I scold myself for reacting that way when I see him. He glances over at me but then turns back to the front of the room.

"So you went out with Ludwig last night?" Arnold asks as I sit down. I was hoping he wouldn't talk to me.

"It doesn't concern you," I say to him quietly. He turns in his seat and brings his face close to mine.

"Things spread quickly in our group, Helga. Just remember that," he smirks and I swallow. I wonder if he is trying to threaten me in telling his friends about the intimate times we had and it makes me nauseous.

I turn away from him and focus my attention on the professor. "Okay, everyone. Let's start where we left off yesterday talking about Hercules. Hercules was condemned to serve a woman named Omphale, Queen of Lydia, after killing a man. He wasn't required to complete any more deeds, but he easily fell in love with Omphale, who made him do things that made him being unworthy of a man. While he way busy waiting on her, she was easily taking advantage of him. She took his lion's skin and renowned club. However, Hercules was so in love with her, he was completely fine with her taking everything he owns and being her slave forever.

"Do you think love is so powerful, that it makes even the strongest of people weak? What are the myths trying to tell us?" he asks the whole class.

"I think love is too powerful sometimes that it makes us forget who we are. Some people claim they love someone, but they really only are with them for the things they can get out of it. The other person is so in love with them, that they let themselves be taken advantage of and are okay with it and stay with the person anyway," someone from the back says. I feel my cheeks heat up as Arnold looks at me.

"I think love is a stupid fucking concept," Arnold says and I hear some gasps. The professor scolds him before he continues. "Sorry, but when you love, you become useless and no good for anyone. You let your guards down and _allow_ yourself to be taken advantage of. It's Hercules own fault he let her take his things because he fell in love with her. Love is ridiculous and a waste of time," he says.

I feel foolish for comparing us to them, but I am not allowing myself to be taken advantage of anymore. I know he wants me to say something in reply to him for an argument, but I am not falling for it this time.


	41. Chapter 41

After class, I say bye to Eugene and walk up to the professor to explain to him why I have been absent. He congratulates me on my internship and tells me he has changed some things on the syllabus. I try to keep our conversation going until Arnold leaves the room.

After practice is over, I set out all my notes and books on my desk and try to study. However, I am on edge waiting for Lila, Sheena, Arnold, or one of the other many people who always seem to be in here to come barging in. I pack all of my things in my bag and head over to the library.

I walk all the way to the back of the library and sit next to the window. I pull out all of my papers and books and get to work. It feels so nice to finally study in peace without any distractions. This will be my new sanctum. It's the perfect place to study.

"Miss, we are closing in five minutes," one of the workers tell me. I look out the window and I see it is dark out. I didn't even notice the sun setting. I think I will have to come back here.

"Okay, thank you," I say and put my things in my bag. I have one text from Ludwig.

*_I just wanted to tell you good night. I can't wait for Friday*_

_*That is very nice, thank you. I am looking forward to it too* _I reply.

Neither of them are in the room when I get back so I change into my pajamas and grab my book of Wuthering Heights and fall asleep quickly dreaming of Heathcliff and Catherine.

Thursday goes by quickly and smoothly. Arnold ignores me and I do the same. I spend the evening at the library again and go to bed early to get ready for bonfire. I am really looking forward to it for some reason. I think it is going back over to John's house. I really do love spending time with John, Jenny, and Eugene.

I meet Eugene at the coffee shop before class and Anthony is in line in front of me. Before I can walk away from him without him noticing me, he turns around.

"What's up, Helga!" he smiles. He is always so excited and friendly. "How's it going, man! I'm Anthony," he says to Eugene and gives him one of those guy handshakes.

"Eugene," he says shyly.

"How are you?" I ask Anthony politely.

"I'm good. Are you coming tonight?"

"To the bonfire?" I ask. I can see Eugene looking at us quizzically.

"No, the party! The bonfire is always lame."

"Oh, I'm going to the bonfire," I laugh and he chuckles.

"Well if you're busy at the bonfire, you can always come to the party," he says and grabs his coffee.

I thank him and he walks away. I am relieved that Arnold's group of friends won't be at the bonfire and I don't have to deal with any of them.

Eugene and I walk to Greek and Arnold is sitting in his normal spot. We continue to talk about Hercules but Arnold stays quiet this time. I wish the evident ache in my chest would go away as time goes on, but it only seems to be multiplying.

I wish I didn't admit to myself that I love Arnold and kept ignoring the truth. Maybe it would make this hurt less. As soon as class is over, I put my things together quickly and walk out with Eugene.

"Helga!" I hear him call from behind me. I grab the sleeve of Eugene's shirt and make him walk faster with me. I feel a light touch on my arm and I know it is him by the way my skin heats up from his contact.

"What?" I snap. He takes a step back and holds out a notebook.

"You dropped this," he says and relief and disappointment flood through me.

"Oh. Thanks," I mutter and grab the notebook from him. His eyes catch mine and it takes me a moment to realize we are both staring at each other in the middle of a crowded sidewalk with Eugene still right next to me. He shakes his hair then pushes it back before he walks away.

I get a text that says practice has been cancelled today for bonfire, and I immediately rush to my room to get ready. I decide on braiding the front of my hair and curling the rest of it. I really did like it curled on Wednesday. I go straight to Eugene's house when I finish even though I said I would arrive about three hours later. I know I will go crazy if I sit in my room for that long. I really have gone mental since Arnold came into my life.

I get on the bus for hopefully the last time before I get my own car this weekend and head over to Eugene's house.

When I arrive, Jenny welcomes me with a huge smile and invites me inside.

"It's only me here right now. Eugene went to go pick up some things up at the store for me with his new girlfriend and John is still at work," she says and winks at me. Girlfriend? I didn't know he liked anyone. I don't know why he wouldn't tell me.

"I didn't know he had a girlfriend," I say and sit on the stool of the counter in front of the kitchen.

"Apparently they only started dating recently. But hey, I'm the mom I never know anything," she says and smiles sweetly. "Her name is Sheena, I recall," she says and my mouth drops.

I wonder if it really is my Sheena, or I guess it could be another one. They are both in drama….

"Sorry for coming so early," I say.

"Oh no, don't be sorry. You can help me cook," she laughs. She hands me a cutting board and some onions and potatoes to chop while we talk about the weather and how it doesn't get cold here in the winter.

"Did you still want to help me with the greenhouse? It is climate controlled so we don't have to worry about the weather," she says.

"Yes, of course! I would love to."

"Great. Is tomorrow okay? I will be busy next weekend," she laughs. The wedding. I try and smile back at her.

"Yeah I would say that," I laugh. I wish I was able to get Arnold to agree to go, but it was impossible then and even more impossible now. She smiles and puts the roast into the oven.

"Is Arnold coming to dinner tonight?" she asks a little nervously.

"No he won't be coming," I say and look down.

"Are you guys okay? Sorry, I don't mean to be in your business."

"It's okay." I might as well tell her. "I don't think we are okay."

"Oh, I am sorry to hear that. I thought you two really had something. But I understand you can't be with someone who is afraid to show their feelings." I snap my head up.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I don't know Arnold as well as I wish I did, but I know he is very closed off emotionally. John used to stay up all night worrying about him. He has been so unhappy in his teen years. John thought he was incapable of love, well until you, but now I'm not even sure," she says with her eyes glossy.

"He is… just… very difficult to understand," is all I can say. I still think it is weird that they thought we were in love.

"Yes, yes he is. I hope you still come around though even if you two don't work out."

"Of course," I say and smile. Eugene walks into the kitchen and trailing him is Sheena, my roommate.

"Sheena! I didn't know you knew Eugene!" I say and smile. I am happy for both of them but I don't know why they didn't tell me.

"Sorry, Helga. I was going to tell you but I didn't want to jinx anything," Eugene says. "I'm a little superstitious," he tells me and his cheeks redden.

"It's okay, I understand. I am just surprised is all," I say.

"We saw John at the gas station on the way back so he should be here soon," Eugene tells Jenny.

"Great. Helga and I have already set the table," she says. I am beginning to wish I invited Ludwig even though it would be extremely awkward, but sitting with two other couples may be even worse.

Eugene lightly grabs Sheena's hand and leads her to the table. I sit across from them and glance over at the seat that Arnold would be sitting in, in a different life. He would hold my hand under the table and I could lean into him without the fear of being rejected. John finally enters, saving me from my thoughts. He walks over and places a kiss on Jenny's cheek before sitting down.

"Dinner looks fantastic, honey," he praises. "You must be Sheena, it's great to meet you," John says and she says hello too. "Helga, Rick called me. Congratulations with the internship. He told me he had a wonderful first impression of you."

"Thank you again for calling him. It is such an amazing opportunity," I smile and take a bite of chicken. It delicious.

"Sorry, I'm late," I hear from behind me and my fork falls on the plate from my hand.

"Arnold, I didn't know you were coming!" Jenny says politely and looks at me. I look down at my plate. My pulse is already increasing.

"Yeah, remember we talked about it last week, Helga?" he smiles his malicious smile and takes the seat next to mine. Why can't he just leave me alone? I know it is partly my fault for letting him get to me, but he likes to play this game of cat and mouse with me.

Everyone's eyes are on me and I nod and pick my fork back up. Sheena looks confused and Eugene looks worried.

"Hey, Sheena. I didn't know you knew Eugene," Arnold says.

"Yes, we are dating," she says and I feel myself frown. I am happy for them both, I really am. I just wish I could have something that was as easy as that. To just say 'we are dating' and know exactly what is going on. I can't do that with Arnold.

John and Jenny go back into conversation as well as Eugene and Sheena. I stay focused on my food and think of a way to get out of here.

"How is your evening so far?" Arnold asks me in a casual tone. He knows I won't try to make a scene here so he is trying to annoy me.

"Fine," I say quietly.

"Aren't you going to ask me how mine is?" he smirks.

"Nope," I mumble and eat my food.

"Tessa, did Eugene give you a ride here? Since Arnold came late…"

"No I took the bus. But I am planning on getting a car this weekend," I tell him.

"I can go with you," Arnold interjects.

"That's okay I don't want to drag you out. I am not really looking forward to it myself," I say and look at John and Jenny. Jenny gives me a supportive smile.

"I'll go," he says again. I don't want to start a fight with him in front of everyone so I stay silent instead.

"So where did you two meet?" I ask Eugene and Sheena directing the attention off me. They said in drama, where I suspected but you never know.

"We should get going soon, we are going to the bonfire tonight," Eugene says.

"Okay, at least take some desserts with you," Jenny says and Eugene nods and helps her put some of them in plastic containers.

"Are you riding with me?" Arnold asks. I look around to see who he is talking to. "I'm talking to you."

"What? No, you're not going," I tell him.

"Yes I am. You can't stop me from going so you might as well ride with me," he smiles and tries to put his hand on my thigh.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I say through my teeth.

"Can we talk outside?" he asks and looks at his uncle.

"No," I say quietly. Every time we 'talk' I end up crying.

He stands up anyway and grabs my hand to pull me up to my feet.

"We will be outside," Arnold tells Eugene and pulls me through the living room to outside the front door.

"Stop touching me!" I say harshly as we step outside.

"Sorry, but you weren't going to come with me if I didn't," he says nonchalantly.

"Because I didn't want to."

"I am sorry. For everything, okay?"

"You're not sorry, Arnold. You just want to mess with me. Just stop. I am exhausted and drained from fighting with you all the time. I can't do this anymore. Isn't there someone else you can mess with? I will even help you find another poor, innocent girl for you to torture as long as it isn't me."

"That's not what I'm doing. I know I am back and forth with you a lot, but I don't know why I do it. But if you give me one more chance, one more chance, I will stop. I tried to stay away from you, but I can't. I need you…" he says.

"Stop! Just stop! Aren't you tired of this? If you needed me, you wouldn't treat me the way you do. You told me yourself it was all about the chase, remember? You can't just show up after everything and pretend like nothing happened." I make sure to keep my tears back this time. He has seen them too much.

"I didn't mean that. You know I didn't."

"So you admit you said it just to hurt me?"

"Yeah…" he looks down. I am so confused by him. He says he wants more, then he kisses Connie, then he tells me he loves me and takes it back, and now he is apologizing to me again?

"One more chance? Please, Helga. I will explain everything to you," he begs. I almost believe the pain in his eyes as he looks down at me.

"I have to go."

"Why can't I come with you?" he asks.

"Because…. Because I am meeting Ludwig there," I confess. I watch as his expression changes and he seems to crumble in front of me. It takes everything in me not to comfort him. He did this to himself. If he actually does care, it's too late.

"Ludwig? So you guys are like… dating?" he says with disgust in his voice.

"No, we haven't talked about it. We are just… I don't know. Spending time together I guess."

"You haven't talked about it? So if he asked you, you would?" he asks. His rings on his face are bright from the outside lamp hanging on the wall.

"I don't know…" I honestly don't know if I would. "He is nice and polite and he treats me well." I don't know why I feel I have to explain myself to Arnold, but I am.

"Helga you don't even know him. You don't know-" he starts but the front door opens.

"Ready?" Eugene asks and I nod. My eyes dart to Arnold and for once, he looks unguarded and vulnerable. Even heartbroken. He said himself that when you are in love, you are unguarded.

I force my feet to follow Eugene and sit in the backseat of his car. I try not to look back at Arnold, who is still on the porch staring back at me.

**A/N:**** I finished this last night but I thought three chapters in one day was an overkill lol.**


	42. Chapter 42

During the ride, I plan on walking back to my dorm so I don't disturb Eugene and Sheena's night. When we arrive, I text Ludwig to tell him we are here. He tells me to meet him at the far right corner of the football field.

"Ludwig is going to meet us in the back," I tell Eugene and Sheena.

"Sounds good," Eugene says.

"Are you with Ludwig now?" Sheena asks. She isn't accusing, just asking.

"No, we are just friends." He is just my friend.

"Then are you dating Arnold?" she asks. I think she is confused from all the times he comes in our room and from him showing up at John's house tonight.

"Neither of them are her boyfriend," Eugene laughs.

"It's not as bad as it sounds," I laugh as well. The school band begins to play and the field is becoming more crowded. I am relieved when I see Ludwig leaning against the fence.

"Oh," Sheena chirps. I don't know if she is surprised by his tattoos or his good looks. Maybe both.

"Hey, beautiful," Ludwig smiles and hugs me. I smile at him and return the hug.

"I'm Ludwig, it's nice to meet you both," he nods towards Eugene and Sheena. I think he has met them before but he is just trying to be polite.

"How long have you been here?" I ask Ludwig.

"Only ten minutes or so. There are a lot more people here than I expected," he says. Eugene leads the way to a less crowded spot by the enormous mountain of wood and we sit on the ground. The sun is going down and the breeze is picking up. I should have worn long sleeves.

"Have you been to one before?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"No, this isn't my typical scene," he laughs. "But I am glad I am here tonight," he adds.

I smile at his compliment and someone talks in a microphone about lighting the fire. Soon enough, the fire ignites and swallows the mound of wood heavily. It is really quite beautiful being this close to the fire.

"So are you all close friends?" Ludwig asks us.

"I would say so. They are both coming to my mother's wedding next weekend," Eugene smiles.

"Wedding…" Ludwig says like he is thinking.

"What?" I ask him.

"Nothing I am just trying to remember who else is going to a wedding next weekend. Oh yeah it was Arnold, I think. He was asking us what he should wear to a wedding," he says nonchalantly. My heart stops. "It's probably a different wedding though, right?" he asks. Arnold hasn't told any of his friends that his uncle is the chancellor or that he is marrying Eugene's mother.

"No they are-" Sheena starts.

"I'm sure it's a different wedding," I interrupt here. Eugene leans over to say something in her ear.

Arnold was actually considering going to the wedding? Why else would he ask his friends what he should wear to a wedding?

"I can't imagine Arnold at anyone's wedding," Ludwig laughs.

"Why not?" I say harshly before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

"I don't know, because he is Arnold. The only way to get him to go to a wedding is if he knew he could have sex with all the bridesmaids," he says and rolls his eyes.

"I thought you two were friends?" I ask.

"We are. I am not saying anything bad about him. That's just how Arnold is. He has sex with a different girl every weekend. Sometimes more than one," he says. My ears are buzzing and the fire is suddenly making me feel really hot. I stand up before I realize what I am doing.

"Where are you going? What's wrong?" Ludwig asks.

"Nothing. I just… I need some air. Fresh air," I mutter. I know it sounds really dumb, but I don't care. "I will be back in a second." I walk away quickly before any of them can follow me.

What is wrong with me? Ludwig is nice and actually likes me. He enjoys my company and I can't stop thinking about Arnold. I take a few deep breaths and walk back over to them.

"Sorry, the fire was just too hot," I lie and sit back down. Ludwig has his phone out and turns the screen away from me as he puts it back in his pocket.

Ludwig says it's fine and we make small talk with Eugene and Sheena for the next hour.

"I am getting a little tired, it has been a long week," Sheena tells Eugene and he nods.

"Yeah, I am tired too. We are going to leave," Eugene says and stands up and helps Sheena up.

"Do you want to go too?" Ludwig asks me.

"No, not yet. Unless you want to go?" I ask and he shakes his head no.

We say goodbye to Eugene and Sheena and watch as they walk away from the crowd.

"Do you know why we even have this bonfire?" I ask. I never knew why.

"I think it's to celebrate the end of the football season," he says. I look around and notice a lot of people are wearing jerseys.

"Oh, that makes sense," I say and laugh.

"Is that Arnold?" he asks and I snap my head up to the direction he is looking. Sure enough, Arnold is walking toward us with a small brunette wearing a short skirt.

I scoot closer to Ludwig. This is exactly why I didn't fall for Arnold's words on the porch. He has already found another girl to bring here just to spite me.

"Hey, Ludwig," the girl says in a high-pitched voice.

"Hey, Karla," Ludwig says and places his arm around my shoulder. Arnold glares at him and sits with us.

I know I am being rude by not introducing myself to the girl, but I can't help but not like her already.

"How's the bonfire so far?" Arnold asks.

"I think it's almost over," Ludwig says. I can feel the tension between them. I don't know why though. Arnold made it clear to his friends that he doesn't care about me.

"Do they have food here?" the girl asks in an annoying voice.

"Yeah, they have concession stands around," I say.

"Arnold, come with me to get food," she demands and he rolls his eyes but stands up.

"Bring me back a pretzel, yeah?" Ludwig smiles and Arnold clenches his jaw. What is up with them?

As soon as Arnold and Karla disappear, I turn to Ludwig. "Can we go? I don't really want to hang out with Arnold. We sort of hate each other if you forgot," I say. I try to laugh but I can't.

"Sure, we can go," he says. We both stand up and he reaches for my hand. We hold hands as we walk, and I find myself looking around for Arnold and hoping he won't see.

"Do you want to go to the party?" Ludwig asks as we get to the parking lot.

"No I don't really want to go there." That is the last place I want to go.

"Okay, well we can just hang out another-"

"No I still want to hang out. I just don't want it to be here or the frat house," I say quickly. He looks surprised as he looks in my eyes.

"Okay… well we can go to my place? If you want. If not, we can go somewhere else. I don't really know where though," he laughs and I join him.

"We can go to your place," I say and follow him to his car. Ludwig talks the whole car ride but I am unable to focus on what he is saying. I can't stop picturing what Arnold's face must have looked like when he returned to find us not there. He brought a girl with him so he has no right to be upset.

Ludwig's apartment is literally five minutes from campus and it is small but clean. He offers me a drink when we get inside, but I politely decline.

"You can control the remote. I don't know what you like to watch," he laughs and hands it over to me.

"Do you live alone?" I ask him.

"I have one roommate but he went back to his parents' house this weekend," he says.

I feel a little nervous as he sits next to me and puts his arms around my waist but I smile nervously to hide it. Ludwig's phone buzzes in his pocket and he stands up to answer it.

"We left," I hear him say as he stands in his small kitchen.

"So…" "Fair." "Too bad," are a few things I hear from his conversation. None of it makes sense to me though. Only 'we left.' Is he talking to Arnold? I stand up and walk towards the kitchen as he hangs up the phone.

"Who was that?" I ask.

"No one important," he says and leads me back to the couch. "I am really glad we are getting to know each other. You're different from the rest of the girls here," he says nicely.

"Me too. Do you know Karla?" I can't help but ask.

"Yeah, her girlfriend is Gerald's cousin," he says.

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah they have been together for a while. Karla is pretty cool," he says.

So Arnold wasn't there with her, in that way at least. Maybe he actually came here to try and talk to me again instead of hurting me by bringing another girl.

I look over to Ludwig and he is leaning in to kiss me. His lips are cold from his drink and tastes like Vodka. I know he isn't drunk. He only had one drink. His hands are gentle and smooth against my arms, and then my waist.

Arnold's heartbroken face from earlier pops in my mind. The way he begged for one more chance and how I didn't believe him. The way he watched me drive away… His outburst in class about Hercules and Omphale, the way he always shows up when I don't want him to, the way no one believes he is capable of loving another person, the way he told me he loved me in front of everyone then took it back. The way he breaks things when he is angry, the way he came to his uncle's house tonight even though he hates it there, the way he asked his friends what to wear to a wedding. It all makes perfect sense to me and no sense to me at the same time.

Arnold loves me. In his own damaged way, he does love me. The realization hits me like a truck.

"What?" Ludwig asks and pulls away from our kiss.

"What?" I ask.

"You just said Arnold."

"No, I didn't," I defend.

"Yes. Yes you did," he stands up and walks away from the couch.

"I have to go. I am sorry," I say and grab my bag and run out the door before he can say anything else.


	43. Chapter 43

As I run down the streets of LA to go back to the bonfire, I think over what I am doing. I know I left Ludwig to go find Arnold, but I really need to think about what will happen next. Arnold will either say crude things to me, cuss at me, then make me leave, or he will admit he has feelings for me and all these games he has been playing are just his way of not being able to control his feelings.

If the first scenario happens, which I am guessing will, I will be in no worse state than I am now. But if the second scenario happens, am I ready to forgive him for all the horrible things he has said and done to me? If we both admit we feel this way, will everything change? Will he change? Is he capable of caring for me the way I need him to and am I capable of dealing with his mood swings?

The problem is that I don't have an answer to any of these questions. I hate the way he consumes my every thought and makes me feel so unsure of myself. I hate not knowing what he will do or say.

I finally make it back to the field and I am not really expecting him to be here, but it is my only option right now. I wait outside the field for about ten minutes just thinking everything through.

Almost everyone has left by now and the fire is almost out. Just as I am about to give up looking, I see him leaning against the fence by the goal post. He is alone and doesn't seem to notice me approaching him as he sits on the grass.

He wipes his mouth with his hand and when he removes it, it is red. Is he bleeding? His head snaps up as if he can sense me coming up to him. As I get closer, I can see the corner of his mouth bleeding and the shadow of a bruise starting to form on his cheek.

"What the hell?" I say and kneel in front of him. "What happened to you?" I ask him.

He looks up at me and his eyes are so haunted, it makes all my anger disappear.

"Why do you care? Where is your date?" he growls. I roll my eyes and move his hand away from his mouth to examine his busted lip. He jerks away from me but I bite my tongue.

"Tell me what happened," I demand.

He sighs and runs his hand over his hair. His knuckles are busted and bloody. There is a cut on his index finger that looks deep and very painful.

"Did you get in a fight?" I ask.

"What made you think that?" he asks sarcastically.

"With who? Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Now leave me alone."

"I came here to find you," I say and stand up to wipe the dirt off my jeans.

"Okay and you found me, so leave."

"You don't have to be such an asshole. I think you should go home and get cleaned up. You might need stitches on your knuckles."

He doesn't answer me but he stands up and walks past me. I came here to yell at him and tell him my feelings, but he is making it very hard like I knew he would.

"Where are you going?" I ask and follow him like a stray dog.

"Home."

"Which is where?" There are three places I can think of where he can call home.

"John's house."

"I thought you hated it there."

"I do. But I don't want to be with a lot of people right now," he says.

"Can we talk?" I ask and grab the sleeve of his t-shirt. He shrugs me off and I want to slap him again. My anger is coming back and I am even more angry than before. The tables have turned; now I am the one chasing and running after him.

"Stop walking away from me!" I yell and he turns around with his eyes wild.

"I'm going home. If you want to talk to me so bad, then I suggest you get in the car with me," he says and I decide to follow him to his car. I get in the passenger side and he starts the car. His scent mixed with copper fills the car and it is still my favorite scent in the entire world.

"Why did you come here?" he asks as he pulls out of the parking lot.

"To find you." I try to remember all the mean things I planned on telling him, but my mind isn't working and all I can think about is kissing his busted mouth.

"And why did you want to do that?"

"To talk to you. We have so much to talk about." I feel like crying and I have no idea why.

"I thought you said we don't have anything to talk about." Why is he making this so difficult?

"Do you love me?" I ask quickly and strained. I didn't plan on asking him that.

His head snaps to the side to look at me. "What?" he asks shocked.

"Do you?" I ask. My heart is threatening to leap out of my chest.

"You are not seriously asking me this while we are driving down the street," he says and focuses forward again.

"Why does it matter where or when I am asking. Just tell me," I basically beg.

"I… I don't know. No, I don't. You can't just ask someone they love you when they are trapped in a car with you. What the hell is wrong with you?" he says loudly.

"Okay," is all I can manage to say. I feel stupid for getting in the car with him. Now I'm going to have to either take the bus home, which is not ideal on a Friday night, or ask Eugene to take me back again.

"Why do you even want to know?" he asks.

"It doesn't matter."

"Tell me why you asked me that now or I will pull over again," he threatens.

"Don't tell me what to do!" I shout as he pulls up to John's house. He turns the ignition off and turns to face me.

"Are you going to tell me why you asked that? Does this have something to do with Ludwig? Did he say something to you?" he asks nervously. Why does he always ask if Ludwig said something to me?

"No. It has nothing to do with Ludwig. I just wanted to know," I lie. It doesn't really have to do with Ludwig, it has to do with the fact that I love him and I thought, just for a moment, he may love me back. The more I am around him, the more ridiculous that sounds to me.

"Where did you two go when you left the bonfire?" he asks.

"Back to his apartment," I admit. Arnold's body tenses and his bloody knuckles tighten around the steering wheel which tears the skin even more.

"Did you fuck him?" he asks and my mouth falls open.

"What? Why the hell would you think that? You should know me better than that by now! And why would you even ask something that personal? You made it clear that you don't care about me, so what if I did?" I shout.

"So you didn't?" he asks again.

"God, Arnold no! He kissed me but I wouldn't have sex with someone I barely know!"

"You kissed him back?" His eyes are hooded and he looks straight past me.

"Yeah. Well I don't know. I think so." I don't remember anything except Arnold's face in my mind.

"How do you not know? Have you been drinking?" he says raising his voice.

"No, I just…"

"You what!" he shouts and looks in my eyes.

"I… I just kept.. thinking of you," I finally confess. His hard features finally soften and he brings his eyes to mine.

"Let's go inside," he says and opens his door. "Come on," he says when I don't move. I climb out the door and follow him up the sidewalk.

When we enter the house, John and Jenny are sitting on the couch in the living room. They both look up when we walk in.

"Arnold! What happened?" John panics.

"I'm fine," Arnold mutters.

"What happened to him?" John asks turning to me.

"He got in a fight. He won't tell me with who or why," I say.

"I am standing right here and I just said I am fucking fine," he snaps.

"Don't talk to him like that!" I scold him. His eyes widen and instead of shouting at me, he grabs my wrist and pulls me out of the room. I hear John and Jenny talking about his bloody arrival as he drags me upstairs.

Once we reach his room, he turns around and pins my wrists to the wall in the hallway and steps toward me with only inches between us.

"Don't ever do that again," he grits through his teeth.

"Do what? Let me go," I say and he rolls his eyes before opening the door to his room. He walks to the bed and I stay close to the door. I bet John and Jenny are wondering why Arnold keeps coming here. He never did before.

"Don't tell me how to talk to my uncle. Worry about your own relationship with your alcoholic family member before trying to meddle in mine." As soon as the words leave his mouth, they register with him and he looks up at me as I step back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that… it just came out," he tries to apologize.

"It always just 'comes out,' doesn't it?" I can't help the tears that are threatening to spill from my eyes. That comment about my mother was too much, even for Arnold.

"Helga, I…" he starts but he stops himself. Why am I even here again? Why do I keep thinking he will be different and stop insulting me long enough to have a real conversation with him? Because I am an idiot, that's why.

"It's fine, really. That's who you are and that's what you do. You find people's weaknesses and you poke and pick and use it to your advantage. How long have you been waiting to say something about my mother? You have probably been waiting for your golden opportunity since you met me!" I yell.

"Dammit! No I haven't! I wasn't thinking when I said that! You are not innocent here either, Helga. You provoke me on purpose!" he yells even louder than I did.

"Provoke you? I _provoke _you! Please enlighten me on this!" I know everyone can hear us in the house, but I don't care for once.

"You always push my buttons! You constantly fight with me! And then you go around with Ludwig, I mean what the fuck! You think I like being this way? Do you think I like you having this control over me? I hate the way you get under my skin and I can't seem to stop fucking thinking about you! I hate you… I really fucking do! You're such a pompous, little…" he stops and looks at me. I look back at him and make sure he doesn't know he just tore me up with every single word he just said.

"This is what I am talking about!" he says and runs his hands through his messy hair. He paces back and forth through the room. "You… you make crazy! I have literally gone insane! And then you have the nerve to ask if I love you? Why would you even ask that? Because I said it that one time on accident? I told you already that I didn't mean it so why did you ask it again? You must really like rejection, don't you? That's why you keep coming back for more, isn't it?" he screams. I just want to run out of this room, out of this house, and never come back.

"No. I keep coming back because I love you," I finally confess to him. I cover my mouth after I say it, wishing I could eat the words back up. He has hurt me tonight worse than he ever has, and I don't want to wonder forever what he would have said or done if I told him. I am okay with him not loving me. I got myself into this mess knowing how he was this whole time.

"You what?" he asks, shocked. His eyes blink rapidly as if he is trying to process the words.

"Go ahead. Tell me how pathetic I am and how much you hate me again. Tell me how stupid I am for loving someone who can't stand me," I say and I almost don't recognize my own voice as it comes out as a whine.

I wipe my eyes and look at him one last time. "I'll leave now," I say and I feel I am walking away from a war I have been tremendously defeated in. I need to leave and try to mend my internal wounds.

As I open the door, he takes one long stride to close the gap between us. I don't want to look at him as he puts his hand on my shoulder. "Dammit, don't go," he says full of emotion. Which emotion it is, I don't know.

"You love me?" he whispers and brings his busted hand under my chin to make me face him. I force my eyes away from his face and nod while I wait for him to laugh in my face.

"Why?" he says with his hot breath on my face. I finally look to him and he looks…. scared?

"What?" I say softly.

"Why do you love… how could you possibly love me?" his voice cracks and he stares at me. I know the next words I say will carry much more weight than I ever expected.

The only explanation I have is that I just do. He drives me nuts and makes me angrier than I have ever been in my whole life. But somehow I fell for him the hardest I have in my whole life too.

"How could you not know that I love you?" I ask instead of answering his question. He doesn't think I could love him?

"You told me you didn't and you went out with Ludwig. You always leave me like earlier on the porch when I was begging you for another chance. I told you I love you and you rejected me. Do you know how hard that was for me?" he says. I have to be imagining the wetness in the corners of his eyes.

"You took it back before I could even process what you said. You have done a lot of things to hurt me, Arnold," I tell him and he nods.

"I know and I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you. I know I don't deserve you. I don't even have the right to be asking you this, but please, just one chance. I am not promising I won't fight with you or get mad at you, but I am promising to give myself to you, completely. Please, just let me try to be what you need," he says and he sounds so unsure of himself, it makes my insides turn to putty in his calloused, bloody hands.

"I want this to work, but I just don't know how it could. So much damage has already been done," I say and a single tear falls from my cheek, my eyes betraying me. Arnold brings his thumb up to my cheek to wipe it away.

"Do you remember when you asked who I love most in the world?" he asks with his lips inches from mine.

I nod. How does he remember that? It seems like it was so long ago and I thought he wasn't paying attention.

"It's you. You are the person I love most in the world," he says surprising me. All of the pain in my chest leaves.

"This isn't part of one of your sick games, is it?" I ask before I believe his words and melt in his arms.

"No, Helga. I am done with the games. I just want you. I want to be with you in a real relationship. You will have to take the lead though, of course. I don't know what the hell that even means," he laughs and I join him.

"I missed your laugh. I haven't heard it enough. I want to be the one to make you laugh, not cry. I know I am a lot to handle," he says and I roll my eyes at his last statement but cut him off by kissing him. His lips are rushed and I can taste the blood from his lip being busted open. My knees feel like giving out from the electricity shooting through my body. It seems like it has been so long since I have felt his lips on mine. I love this damaged, self-loathing asshole so much that I am afraid it will ruin and destroy me.

He picks me up and I bring my legs around his waist. I thread my fingers through his hair and he moans into my mouth, making me gasp and I pull harder. My tongue runs across his bottom lip and he winces.

"Who did you get in a fight with?" I ask as I pull away and he laughs.

"You are asking that now?"

"Yeah, I want to know," I smile.

"You always have so many questions. Can I answer them later?" he says and pouts at me.

"No, tell me," I demand.

"Only if you stay," he says and pulls me tighter against him. "Please," he begs with his voice soft.

"Okay," I say and kiss him again, forgetting my question.

**A/N:**** Omg today it was so funny. I told my dad how I am writing this story and he said he bets my grandpa would love to read it HAHAHA and I was like nooooo. Then he asked me later if he could read this story and I was like, no! And I said it was really bad to make him not read it, but he said he wouldn't judge me and I was like LOL yes you would! I would die if any of my family read this HAHA. Okay, that was my funny moment of the day, you should tell me yours :)**


	44. Chapter 44

"Now tell who you fought with. Was it Ludwig?" I ask nervously. I sit at the end of the bed and he sits towards the headboard.

"No, it wasn't Ludwig. It was just a couple random guys," he says. I had thought it would be Ludwig but I am glad it wasn't.

"A couple? How many?"

"Three…. Or four. I'm not really sure," he laughs.

"It's not funny. Why did you fight them?"

"I don't know. I was pissed off that you left with Ludwig and it seemed like a good idea at the time," he says nonchalantly.

"Well it isn't a good idea and now you are beaten up," I frown. He tilts his head to the side and gives me a confused expression. "What?" I ask.

"Nothing. Come here," he says and opens his arms out to me. I move across the bed and sit in front of him in between his legs with my back to his chest.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you… well treat you," he says quietly into my ear. A shiver rakes down my body at his breath in my ear and his unforced apology.

"It's okay. Well it's not okay but I am going to give you one more chance," I tell him. I hope he doesn't make me regret it. I don't think I can handle any more hot and cold from him.

"Thank you. I know I don't deserve it, but I am greedy enough to take it," he says with his mouth against my hair and he wraps his arms around me. Sitting with him like this feels new but nostalgic at the same time.

I don't say anything in return, and he turns me slightly so he can look at me.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing. I am just afraid you will change your mind again," I admit. I want this so badly, but I am afraid I will get too caught up in my wants and not focus on my needs.

"I won't. I have never changed my mind, I just had to fight my feelings for you. I know you can't trust me right now but I want to earn your trust. I won't hurt you again," he says and sits his forehead against mine.

"Please don't," I beg him. I don't care how desperate I sound.

"I love you, Helga," he says and my heart skips a beat. The words sound perfect rolling off his lips and I would do anything to hear them again.

"I love you, Arnold." This is the first time we have both said the words to one another openly and I push the thought of him taking them back again to the back of my mind. Even if he does, at least I will be able to remember this moment and how those words alone made me feel.

"Say it again," he whispers and turns me around completely to face him. His eyes are more vulnerable than I thought they could be and I stand on my knees in between his legs. I place my palms on his cheeks and run my thumbs over the slight stubble on his perfect face. I can tell by his expression that he needs me to say it over and over again until he finally believes he is worthy enough of having someone love him.

"I love you," I say again and place my lips on his. He hums in appreciation as his tongue glides gently over mind. Kissing Arnold feels different and new each time and he is like my drug that I can't get enough of.

His hands go to my lower back to bring our chests together. My mind is telling me to take it slow and savor this rare, calm moment between us, but my body is telling me to grab a fist full of his hair and tear his shirt off him.

His lips move to my jaw and brings them to my neck. That's it, I can't control myself anymore. This is us, and we are all anger, passion, and now love.

I moan as he groans against my neck and he grabs my waist to flip us over so he is hovering over me.

"I… have… missed you… so much," he says in between sucking on my neck. I can't keep my eyes open, it feels too good. He grabs the bottom of my shirt to lift it over my head and he sucks in a sharp breath as I arch my back so he can unclasp my bra.

"I missed your body. The way you fit in my hands perfectly," he says and palms my breast with one hand but keeps himself up with the other hand over me. I moan again as he presses his lower body against mine and I feel his arousal pressed against my lower stomach.

Both of our breathings are uncontrolled and full of gasps and I have never wanted him more than I have before. It feels like our confessions of feelings for one another hasn't changed the passion between us, and I am glad.

His calloused hand slides down my bare stomach and down to open the top button of my jeans. When his fingers slide into my panties, he pants, "I missed how wet and ready you always are for me." His words do wicked things to me. I lift my hips again as if I am begging for his contact, and I am.

"What do you want, Helga?" he asks with his breath heavy in the crook of my neck.

"You," I reply before I can even process what I just said. It is the truth that I want Arnold in the most primal, deepest way possible. He slides his fingers in me easily and my head falls back on the pillow as he pumps in and out.

"I love to watch how good I make you feel," he tells me and I can only moan in response. My hands come to his back to fist his t-shirt. He has too many clothes on, but I can't form a sentence right now to tell him to take them off.

How do we go from 'I hate you' to 'I love you' to this? I don't care what the answer is, I only care about the way he is making me feel right now. He slides his body down to mine and takes his hand out of my pants. I whine from his loss of contact and he smiles. He pulls down my jeans and panties and I point to his fully-clothed body.

"Undress," I demand and he laughs.

"Yes, ma'am," he smirks and takes his shirt off that reveals his inked chest and arms. They are so sexy on his skin. Both his boxers and jeans are gone.

Before either of us can say something to ruin the moment, I grab his hair and bring his face to mine. I kiss him on his lips briefly, but then move down to his neck. In my little experience with Arnold, I know he loves the spot right above his collarbone. I give him wet and warm kisses on his neck and feel his body jerking and twisting beneath me and I bring my hips back on his.

The feeling of our bare bodies on each other is magnificent and we are both starting to sweat even though we are both naked. I know that if one small movement is made, this whole thing will be taken to a whole different level that I have never been able to reach before I met Arnold.

Arnold's hard muscles moving under his skin as he rubs himself against me, and it is too hard to resist.

"Arnold…" I moan as he moves against me again.

"Yes, baby?" he says and stops moving against me. I dig my heels to the back of his thighs to force him to move on me again. "Fuck," he moans as his eyes flutter closed.

"I want to…" I start to say.

"You want to what?" His breath is hot and heavy on my skin.

"I want to… you know…" I say and still find myself embarrassed even considering our intimate position right now.

"Oh," he says and stops moving again to stare into my eyes. He seems to be going back and forth in his mind. "I… I don't know if that's such a good idea…"

"Why?" I ask and push him off me. Great.

"No no, baby. I just mean for tonight." He wraps his arms around me and places me on my side as he lies next to me. I am lying on my back and I can't look him in the face right now.

"Hey, look at me," he says bringing his hand to my face so I can look at him. "I want to. Fuck do I want to more than anything. Trust me. I have wanted to feel you around me since I met you but… I just think after everything today… and I want you to be ready. All the way ready because once we do it, it's done and you can't take it back," he says and my humiliation dissolves a little.

I know he is right and I have to think this through more, but I find it hard to believe that my answer will be any different tomorrow than it is today. But I should think about it when I am not under the influence of his naked body rubbing against mine.

"Please, don't be upset with me. Just think about it for a little while and if you are sure, then I will gladly fuck you. Over and over wherever and whenever you want. I want to-"

"Okay, okay!" I say and cover his mouth with my hand. He laughs against my hand and he shrugs his shoulders.

He playfully bites my palm when I remove my hand from his mouth and brings me to him.

"I guess I should some clothes on so you aren't so tempted," he teases and I flush and smile.

I don't know what is more surprising, the fact that I was just willing to give myself up to him, or that he has enough respect for me to turn me down.

"But first let me make you feel good," he says and flips us so he is over me again. He brings his mouth down between my legs and within minutes, I come undone beneath him and I cover my mouth with my hand in order to stop myself from screaming his name out loud.

…

I wake up to Arnold's light snoring with his lips pressed against my ear. He is squeezing me tight against him with my back crushed against his chest and his legs are tangled with mine. The memories from last night return and it brings a smile to my lips before I start to panic.

Will he feel the same today? Or will he tease and torture me for offering myself to him? I roll over slowly to face him to look at his perfect features.

I reach out and run my finger along his eyebrow ring, then down to the bruise on his cheek. His lips and knuckles look better since he finally allowed me to wash them off last night.

I selfishly trace the line of his lips as he snaps his eyes open. I take my hand back fast. "What are you doing?" he asks and I can't figure out his tone and that makes me feel uneasy.

"Sorry, I was just…" I don't know what to say. I don't know what mood he is in after we fell asleep in each other's arms.

"Don't stop," he whispers and flutters his eyes closed again. My panic disappears as I smile and trace over his lips again, making sure to avoid his injury.

"What are your plans today?" he asks a couple minutes later and opens his eyes again.

"I have practice and actually have plans with Jenny to work on the greenhouse later," I say and he sits up.

"You do?" he asks. I am assuming he will be mad. I know he doesn't like Jenny even though she is one of the nicest women I have ever met.

"Yes," I mutter.

"Well I guess I don't have to worry about my family liking you. They already like you better than they like me," he laughs and runs his thumb across my cheek.

"But if I start to hang out here a lot more, John may think that I am actually starting to like him," he says. His tone is light but his eyes are dark.

"Maybe you two could hang out or something while Jenny and I work outside?" I suggest. He is probably going to bite my head off.

"No, hell no. Definitely not. I will go back to my house, my real house and wait for you to be done," he grumbles.

"I wanted you to stay here though. It may take a long time since her greenhouse is in pretty bad shape," I tell him. He seems to be speechless which makes my heart warm that he doesn't want to be far from me for very long.

"I… I don't know, Helga. He probably doesn't want to hang out with me anyway," he mutters.

"Of course he does. When was the last time you two were even in the same room alone together?"

"I don't know… years. I'm not sure if this is a good idea," he says and runs his hand through his hair. He really needs a haircut.

"If you are uncomfortable, you can always come outside and join us," I tell him. I am still surprised that he is even thinking about spending time with his uncle.

"Fine. But I am only doing this because the thought of leaving you, even for a little bit…" he stops. I know he isn't good at expressing his feelings so I give him time to collect his thoughts. "Well let's just say it is worse than hanging out with my prick of an uncle."

I smile despite his mean words to his uncle. The uncle Arnold knows from his childhood and early teen years is not the same man that is downstairs right now and I hope Arnold will come to see that one day. After I get out of the bed, I remember that I literally don't have anything with me.

"I need to go to my room first," I tell him and he tenses up.

"Why?"

"I need to change and brush my teeth," I laugh. When I look at him, he smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. "What's wrong?" I ask afraid of his answer.

"Nothing. How long will you be gone?"

"Well I was thinking you could come with me?" I say and he relaxes. What is with him?

"Oh."

"Why are you being so weird?" I ask and place my hands on my hips.

"I'm not. I just thought you were trying to leave. Leave me," he admits and his voice is so small and unlike him. I feel the need to crawl to him and hold him in my arms, but instead I gesture for him to come to me and he nods before walking to me.

"I'm not going anywhere. I only need to change," I reassure him.

"I know. I'm just going to have to get used to this. I'm just so used to you running away from me."

"Well I am used to you pushing me away and shutting me out, so we both need to adjust," I smile and lay my head on his chest. It is odd that I feel comforted by his worrying. I was worried this morning too and it feels good that he is just as worried as I am about this.

"Yeah, I suppose we do. I love you," he says and it startles me just as it did the first time, and the last twenty times last night.

"I love you too," I say and he frowns.

"Don't say too," he says.

"Why not?" Uh oh.

"I don't know. It just makes me feel like you are agreeing with me. That you don't really mean it," he says and looks down. I promised myself last night that I will make sure I keep reminding him until he believes that someone actually can and does love him.

"I love you," I say and he looks up at me. His eyes soften and kisses me lightly on the lips.

"Thank you," he says when he pulls away.

I can't help but admire how flawless his looks in just a plain white t-shirt and black jeans. He never wears anything except black or white t-shirts and black jeans every day and he looks perfect, every day.

He doesn't need all the frills and fancy accessories because his simple style fits him so well. I put my clothes on from yesterday and Arnold grabs my bag before we head downstairs.

John and Jenny are in the living room when we walk downstairs.

"I made some breakfast," Jenny tells us. I feel slightly uncomfortable in front of John and Jenny now that they know that I stayed the night with Arnold, again. I know we are adults and they are okay with it, but it doesn't keep my cheeks from blushing.

"Thank you, but I don't want to eat much before I have to go to practice," I tell her. She offers me a small bowl of fruit and I take it. She gives me a curious look and I know she will bombard me with questions when we are alone in the greenhouse.

"Eugene went to go work on his play today," Jenny tells us. I am glad because he will probably be confused with seeing me with Arnold here again after seeing me with Ludwig last night. I shake off my negative thoughts.

"Did you still want to work on the greenhouse today?" Jenny asks me.

"Yes, of course. I just have to go to practice first and then I will come back," I smile at her.

"Great, I look forward to it. I will have John bring the bags of soil to the back while you're gone."

"If you wait until we get back, Arnold can help him?" I suggest and look halfway over to Arnold.

"Oh, you will be here today too?" Jenny asks and her smile grows. How can he not see that these people care about him?

"Um yeah. I was just going to wait for Helga, then come back here and hang out. If that's okay?" he stutters.

"Of course! John did you hear that? Arnold is going to hang here today all day!" Jenny says to John in the other room and I smile while Arnold rolls her eyes.

"Be nice," I whisper in his ear and he puts on the fakest smile I have ever seen him wear. I laugh and kick his foot with mine.

**A/N:**** My dad keeps asking me questions about the story now and it's annoying and I'm afraid he is going to try and find it and read it haha. Oh lordy please help me! Hope you like this chapter!**


	45. Chapter 45

Arnold starts the car and pulls out of the driveway as we drive back to campus.

"I still need to get a car tomorrow," I tell him. I feel bad making him and others drive me everywhere.

"Why do you need one so bad?" he asks and turns the radio down.

"Well, I'm starting the internship on Monday and I don't want to keep taking the bus or depending on others to take me."

"I'll go with you," he says even though he already told me that at the table yesterday.

"Okay. Thank you," I say and sit back in the seat.

"How many times did you and Ludwig hang out?" he asks. Why is he bringing this up now?

"Twice. We went to dinner and a movie and then the bonfire. You don't have to worry."

"You only kissed him once?"

"Yeah. And that one time you saw at the party. Can we move on from that now? You don't see me asking you questions about Connie," I snap.

"Okay, okay. Let's not fight. This is the longest we have gone without getting too mad at one another so let's keep it this way," he says and reaches for my hand. He runs circles on my hand that slightly dissolve my annoyance.

"Okay," I say. The image of Connie on his lap makes my vision blur.

"Aww come on, Helga. Don't pout," he laughs and pokes my side and I can't help but laugh with him.

"Pay attention, you're driving," I tease him.

"This is probably the only time you will tell me not to touch you."

"Yeah, right. Don't be so full of yourself," I scoff even though it is true. Our laughs mix together and it's a charming sound. He brings his hand to my thigh and rubs his long fingers up and down my leg.

"Are you sure?" he whispers in his raspy voice and goose bumps raise on my skin.

I gulp and nod and he laughs which causes him to bring his hand back to the wheel. "I know that isn't true. But I don't want us driving off the road right now so I'll finger you later," he smirks and I swat his arm.

"Arnold!" I flush.

"Sorry, babe," he smiles and looks ahead at the road. I love when he calls me babe or baby. No one has ever called me those before. Zak and I both always thought those names were… not people like us would call each other. But when Arnold calls me those names, my heart sings in my chest.

Arnold takes me to my room where I change and brush my teeth. Arnold waits patiently while he rummages through my underwear drawer and he tells me to pack to spend another night with him, which makes me smile. I wish I could spend every night with him.

"I'll wait for you in the stands," he tells me when he drops me off in front of the field.

"Okay," I smile and lean over to give him a kiss. I open the car door but he pulls me back for another kiss and I laugh into his lips.

I walk over to where I usually place my stuff and I see Zak and Ludwig talking a little ways away. Of course Zak comes back today when Arnold comes to watch me. There are a couple other people in the stands but I can spot Arnold's white shirt and inked arms from down here easily. I hope he doesn't notice them and try to start a fight with them. That is the last thing I need today.

I notice my friends, well old friends, talking amongst themselves some feet away but they don't look my way at all.

Zak takes a glance at me while he and Ludwig are talking which lets me know that they are talking about me. Oh well, I don't care. I am just tired of everyone's drama and I can't wait to help Jenny with her greenhouse.

I look up at Arnold one last time before doing laps and he looks at me and gives me a smile. I return it and start to run.

…

Practice finishes and I walk back slowly to retrieve my stuff. My legs are tired but it will go away soon. I put my bag over my back and change my shoes.

"Hey, Helga," I hear a voice from behind me.

"Oh. Hey, Zak," I say. I am afraid that Arnold will see and get mad.

"H-how are you?" he stammers. His eyes are sad and he is looking at me like a sad puppy.

"Good. How are your injuries?" I ask politely.

"Better. The doctor said I can start running again," he says and tries to smile but I can tell it is forced.

I try and smile back but mine feels more forced than his. It is a little awkward between us because neither of us seem to know what to say.

"Well see you later," I say and when I turn around to walk away, Arnold is right behind me. Oh great.

He doesn't look at me but makes sure to give Zak a warning stare. I try to drag Arnold away before either of them say anything provoking for a fight.

"Hey, Arnold. How's it going?" Zak says. I know he is trying to bait him and annoy him. I can feel Arnold's skin heat up with just his words alone.

"It's going great actually. Helga and I are having a great time together," he says, mocking him. My eyes widen and I curse the testosterone population for always taking everything as a competition.

I see Zak's anger rise and he balls his fists at his sides.

"Woah, what's going on here?" Ludwig comes from behind Zak.

"Oh, just fucking perfect," Arnold says.

"Arnold, can we go," I say as more of a demand than a question. This won't be good if they continue. Ludwig gives me a weird look that questions why I am with Arnold right now, but I grab Arnold's hand and pull him away. I am surprised when he doesn't try to fight me. I thought for sure he would try to go back and beat them up or say even more crude things to them.

I have to admit I am really proud of him because this is such an improvement for him for not letting his anger take over. I smile and intertwine our fingers. His body seems to relax some as we walk back to the car.

"Are you okay?" I ask as we approach the black car.

"Yeah," he says quickly and we both get in the car.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask.

"No."

"Thank you," I tell him. I want him to know that I am glad he didn't break out in a fight.

"For what?" he asks and looks at me confused.

"For not fighting with them. I know it must have taken a lot from you and I am glad you didn't," I tell him and smile.

He doesn't say anything but he reaches out to bring his hand to my face and strokes my cheek before he cups my chin to bring my face to his. His kiss is soft but he lets his lips linger on mine for a while. When we pull away, he starts the car and we make our way back to John's house. I don't want to talk about what just happened so I decide to change the subject.

"I'm excited to work on the greenhouse," I chirp up.

"You are? What's so exciting about some plants?" he asks and rolls his eyes.

"I used to have a greenhouse in my backyard at home, but Olga had it taken out when my mom left. There were too many memories of her in it," I say and I suddenly find my fingers very interesting.

He places his hand on my leg again, but this time it feels comforting, not him trying to get into my pants. "I'm sorry, baby," he says and glances over at me. I grab his hand and give it a squeeze before intertwining our fingers again.

When we get back to Arnold's uncle's house, John and Jenny are already in the backyard waiting for us. John looks out of his habitat in his jeans and UCLA t-shirt. I have never seen him dress so casually and it is easier to see the resemblance between him and Arnold this way.

They greet us with a smile and Arnold tries to return it but he seems uncomfortable as he shifts on his heels and puts his hands in his pockets.

"I'm ready when you are," John says to Arnold. He looks just as uncomfortable as Arnold does, but he only seems nervous while Arnold just looks anxious.

Arnold looks to me and I give him an encouraging nod. It seems the dynamic between us has shifted greatly. I am surprised and glad that I have become someone he looks to for reassurance and it makes me unexpectedly happy.

"Just bring the soil in the greenhouse. We will be in there," Jenny tells them and gives John a small kiss on the cheek. Arnold looks away and I think he will give me a kiss too, but he doesn't.

I follow Jenny to the greenhouse and I can't help but let a gasp come out of my mouth when we walk inside. It is bigger in the inside than it looks on the outside and she wasn't kidding when she said it needs a lot of work. It is almost empty.

"It is a big project, but I think we can do it," she says and smiles at me.

"I think we can too," I say. Arnold and John come in each carrying two bags of soil. Neither of them say anything as Jenny instructs them where to leave them.

Fifteen bags of soil and hundreds of seeds, flowers, and small shrubs later, we have made a pretty nice start. The sun has already set leaving a dark sky and I haven't seen Arnold in a couple of hours. I hope he and John are still alive.

"I think we did pretty good work for today," Jenny smiles and wipes her face. Dirt covers both of our bodies.

"Yeah, I am going to go check on Arnold," I say and she laughs.

"It means a lot to the both of us, especially John, that Arnold has been coming over more and we have you to thank for that. I am guessing you two worked out your differences?"

"Kind of… I suppose we did. We are still very different though," I laugh. If only she and everyone else knew.

"Well sometimes different is good. We all need to be challenged," she smiles.

"Well he is definitely challenging," I remark and she pulls me in for a hug as we both laugh.

"You are such a sweet girl and you have done more for us than you will ever know," she says and I feel myself beginning to tear up.

"I hope you don't mind that I have been staying over. Arnold asked me to stay again tonight," I tell her and try to look at anything but her face.

"No, of course not. I know you are both adults and we trust that you are being safe."

Oh lord. I know my cheeks are more red than the tulips we just planted.

"We, uh… we don't…" I stutter. Why am I talking about this with Arnold's soon-to-be aunt? I am horrified.

"Oh," she says just as embarrassed. "Let's go inside then?" she says and I nod.

We both take our shoes off when we enter the house and I see Arnold sitting on the edge of the couch and John is sitting in a chair. Arnold's eyes immediately meet mine and I see relief pass through them.

"I'll start making dinner while you get cleaned up," Jenny says. Arnold stands up and walks over to me. He seems to be glad to be out of the same room as John.

"We will be back down soon," I tell her as I follow Arnold up the stairs.

"How was it?" I ask as we enter his room. He answers me by wrapping his hand around my ponytail and kissing me. We walk back into the door and he presses his body on mine.

"I missed you," he says and my insides melt.

"You did?" I ask and he laughs.

"Yes, I did. I just spent the last couple hours in awkward silence with even more awkward comments every now and then with my uncle. I need a distraction. And there was that situation with Zak and Ludwig that has been having me on edge." He runs his tongue along my bottom lip and my breath hitches in my throat. This is different, very sexy, and welcome. But different.

Arnold slowly slides his hands down my stomach and stop at the elastic of my shorts.

"Arnold, I need to shower. I am covered in sweat and dirt," I laugh and he glides his tongue along my neck.

"But I like you this way. So dirty," he smirks and I lightly push him off me and grab my bag to hurry to the shower.

I try to close the bathroom door, but it only stops halfway until I look down and see Arnold's shoe stopping the door.

"Can I join?" he smiles and pushes his way into the bathroom before he lets me answer.

"What?" I whisper. His smirk only grows.

"I want to join you," he says and pulls his shirt over his head and reaches behind me to turn the water on.

"We can't just take a shower together. We are at your uncle's house and Eugene could be back any minute," I say. The idea of seeing Arnold completely naked under the faucet of a shower head makes my hormones stir but this is too much.

"Well I am going to take a nice, hot shower while you overthink," he teases. He pulls down his pants and boxers and walks past me in the shower. I don't realize I am staring until he closes the curtain sharply to hide his perfect body I was in the middle of drooling over.

"Don't you just love a nice, hot shower after a long, grueling day?" he teases. His voice is a little distorted from the water but I can almost hear the smirk on his face.

"I wouldn't know because a rude naked guy stole mine," I say and I hear him laugh.

"A sexy, rude naked guy?" he says. "Just come in the hot water before it's gone."

"I…" I want to, but taking a shower with someone just seems like it is so intimate. Too intimate.

"Come on, live a little. It's only a shower," he says and opens the curtain. "Please," he begs and reaches his hand out as if he is grasping for me. My eyes can't help but glance at his long, colorful torso that shine from the water streaming down his skin.

"Okay…" I whisper. I undress and he watches my every move. "Stop staring," I say and he pretends he is hurt by placing his hand over his heart.

"Are you questioning my nobility?" he laughs and I nod while trying to keep my smile down.

"I am insulted," he says and reaches his hand out to help me step in with him. I can't believe that I am actually doing this. I am showering with Arnold. If someone told me two months ago I would be doing this, even a month ago, I would laugh in their face and not even think of that as a possibility. But here we are. I cover myself with my arms as I wait for him to move from under the water.

"Is it weird that I love how you're still shy around me?" he says while tugging my arms down and bringing me under the water. He brings his lips to my neck.

"I think it's so attractive to me because you are so innocent and shy, but you let me do so many dirty things to you," he says in my ear with his breath hotter than the steam from the shower. My eyes stay wide open as his fingers travel down my arms slowly. He is about a head taller than me but that doesn't stop his head from tilting down to look at my naked body.

"And I know for a fact that you like when I say dirty things to you so don't try to deny it." I only gulp that makes him smile against my neck.

"See how your pulse quickens. I can practically see it underneath your soft skin," he says and taps his finger against my pulsing vein from under my neck. I have no idea how my legs haven't gave out yet. My legs and brain have both gone numb.

His soft yet hard hands running across my body help me stop worrying about the fact that we aren't the only people in this house. They make me want to be reckless and rebellious and let Arnold do whatever he wants to me. When his long fingers grip my hips, my body leans into his without me telling it to.

"I love you, Helga. You believe that, don't you?" he asks. I nod and wonder why he is asking me this right now after we have both said it many times in the past twenty four hours.

"Yes, I believe you." My voice is rugged and I clear my throat.

"Good. I have never loved anyone before." I can't keep up with the way he goes from playful, to seductive, to serious so fast.

"Never?" I ask. I think I already knew this but it is weird to hear him say it, especially when we are in the shower together. I thought this would be his golden opportunity to have his head between my legs, not express his feelings to me.

"No, never. Not even close," he says. I wonder if he has ever had a girlfriend before. But I wouldn't want to know if he has. He told me he doesn't date, so I will just stick with that.

"Oh."

"Did you love Zak?" he asks. A sound in between a cough and gasp escapes my mouth and I look away from him. I grab the shampoo off the little shelf. We have been in here for a few minutes and we haven't cleaned anything yet.

"Well?" he asks and turns away from me to give me the water. The already small space feels even more compact and the thin, steamy air makes it hard to breathe. I know he is frowning from my silence but I am just trying to gather my thoughts. I wrap my hands around his waist and press my lips to his back.

"I didn't love him. We never said it to each other. Well except that one time you heard him say it to me. He was just comfortable and safe. But loving you is… new. I haven't felt like this with anyone before," I admit. It's true that loving Arnold is exciting and it sparks all my nerves in every way. I never want to be away from him, even when we used to fight everyday. I would miss him and I had to fight my feelings to stay away from him.

When he turns around, his eyes are much softer. The lust and doubt is replaced by… love? Either that or relief, I can't tell. He leans down and kisses my forehead. "I just want to be the only person you ever love. The way that you are mine."

How could this man be such a jerk to me before, but say such loving things to me now? Even though there is some possessiveness in his words, they are sweet and surprisingly humble for him.

"You are in the ways that count," I promise him. He seems satisfied with my answer as a smile appears on his face.

"Now can you move so I can scrub all this dirt off me before the water gets cold?" I say and lightly push him out of my way.

"I'll do it for you," he says and grabs the cloth and puts the soap on it. I hold my breath the whole time he gently scrubs the dirt off my body. I shiver as he passes the sensitive spots with his touches lingering on them.

"I would have you wash me, but I wouldn't be able to stop what would happen afterwards," he winks at me and I blush and look away. I want to know what would happen afterwards, and I would love to touch every inch of his body the way he did mine, but Jenny is probably already done with the meal.

I dry off quickly as we get out of the shower. I am still a little wound up from Arnold's touches but I put on my yoga pants and a t-shirt and brush my hair. Arnold stands behind me with just a towel around his hips and stares at me through the mirror. He looks like a god, and heavenly, and perfect, and mine.

"Those pants are really going to be the death of me," he says as we walk down the stairs. "It was hard to not stare at your ass while you ran."

"Have you always been such a perv?" I tease and he nods while giving my behind a slight smack before we reach the bottom of the stairs.

I only notice how we look when we come down the stairs, both with wet hair. It couldn't be more obvious that we just had a shower together. Arnold doesn't seem to mind or care but he doesn't have manners.

"I made a few sandwiches. They are sitting on the counter," Jenny tells us. She doesn't seem to mind but I know that if Olga realized what we just did, she would lose it, especially with Arnold.

"Thank you so much," I say. John is sitting at the counter with a stack of papers in front of him.

"I had a great time today, Helga," Jenny tells me and we start talking about the greenhouse again. Arnold eats silently while glancing at me from time to time.

"Maybe we can work on it some more next weekend," I say and forgot the wedding for a second. "I mean the weekend after?" I laugh.

"Of course, dear."

"Um, is there a theme or something for the wedding?" Arnold says. John looks up from his work.

"Well there isn't really a particular theme but the colors of the décor are white and black," Jenny says carefully. I am pretty sure this is the only time they have spoken about the wedding with Arnold, not counting the first time when he practically broke everything in their house.

"Oh. So what should I wear?" he asks nonchalantly. I want to lean over and kiss him after seeing John's reaction.

"You're attending?" John asks very surprised, but very happy.

"Yeah, I guess," Arnold shrugs and takes another bite of his sandwich.

John and Jenny smile at each other and John gets up from his seat to walk over to Arnold.

"Thank you, Arnold. This means so much to me," he says and pats Arnold on the shoulder. Arnold tenses up but gives his uncle a small smile.

"This is terrific news!" Jenny says and brings her hands together.

"It's nothing," Arnold mutters. I move to sit next to him and put my on his under the table. I never thought I could actually get him to come to the wedding, or even talk about it in front of John and Jenny.

"I love you," I whisper in his ear when John and Jenny aren't paying attention. He smiles and gives my hand a squeeze.

"I love you," he repeats.

"So, Arnold. How is school going for you so far?" John asks.

"Fine."

"You're still majoring in pre-med, correct?"

"Yes," he mumbles. I can tell he is getting annoyed.

"That's great. I remember even at my parents' house, you would love to play with your little medical kit. I knew you would be a great doctor, even back then," John laughs.

"Do you? Do you remember that?" Arnold says angry. I squeeze his hand to try and make him calm down.

"Yes, of course I do. Your parents would be-"

"Don't talk about my parents," Arnold interjects and his nostrils flare. "And it is pretty hard to believe that you remember that when you were constantly drunk and if I remember correctly, which I do, you threw that medical kit out the window when I accidently hit your glass of whatever the hell alcohol that was and spilled it. Don't try to take a trip down memory lane with me unless you know all the fucking details." He stands up from the table and Jenny and I both gasp.

"Arnold!" John says as he leaves the room. I run after him and hear Jenny yelling at John.

"You shouldn't have tried to go that far with him, John! He just said he was coming to our wedding! We agreed on baby steps and you should have just left it alone!" she says and I can already hear the tears rolling off her cheeks.


	46. Chapter 46

I hear Arnold slam his bedroom door as I get to the top of the stairs. I turn the doorknob, expecting it to be locked, but to my surprise it opens.

"Are you okay, Arnold?" I ask. I don't really know what else to say. He responds by throwing the lamp from the night stand and the glass base shatters against the wall. I jump backwards and let out a scream.

He strides over to the desk and grabs the keyboard from the computer and tosses it over his shoulder.

"Arnold, please stop!" I shout. He doesn't look at me.

"Why? Why, Helga? It's not like he can't afford to buy a new fucking computer!" he screams and knocks the computer to the floor.

"You're right," I say and stomp on the keyboard to crush it even more.

"What? What are you doing?" he asks as I pick it up and drop it on the ground again. I don't really know what I am doing myself, but the keyboard is already damaged, and it seems like the only thing to do right now.

"I'm helping you," I say. I can tell he is confused in his angry eyes, but it is quickly replaced with comedy. I pick up the desktop again and throw it on the floor and he walks over to me with a smile as I start to pick it up again to throw but his hands stop mine and he takes the desktop out of my hands and places it back on the desk.

"You're not mad at me for yelling at John like that?" he asks and takes my face in both his hands. His thumbs lightly graze over my cheeks as his bright green eyes look into mine.

"No, you have the right to express yourself. I would never be mad at you for showing your feelings. Unless you were being mean for no reason, but that isn't the situation," I tell him. He just had a fight with his uncle, but he is worried about me being mad at him?

"Wow," he replies. The tiny gap between our lips is so tempting that I lean forward an inch and our lips touch creating the familiar electricity between us. He opens his mouth immediately for me that deepens the kiss. I tangle my fingers in his hair and press my lips harder on his. He groans in response and I can feel his anger leaving him like a supernova.

I push him back and he turns us so my backside hits the desk. He grabs my hips and lifts me onto the table. The idea that I am Arnold's distraction, someone he needs, makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter. My head tilts back as he continues to push his tongue on mine and he steps forward to stand between my legs while I sit on the desk.

"Closer," he moans in my mouth. His hands come behind my knees and he pulls me as close as he can to the edge without falling off the desk. My hands tug at his jeans and he pulls away from our kiss.

"What…?" he says and looks at me confused with a raised eyebrow. He probably thinks I am crazy for coming in here to help him break things and now I am trying to undress him. Maybe I am crazy, but I don't care. All I care about right now is the way the curve of Arnold's collarbones are being shadowed by the moonlight coming through the window and the way he is holding my face like I am so fragile even though he was just trying to destroy everything in the room only moments ago.

I respond to him by wrapping my legs around him to pull him closer to me.

"I truly thought you were going to come in here and tell me off," he smiles and rests his forehead on mine.

"Well, you were wrong," I say and smirk at him.

"I was. I don't want to go back down there tonight," he says as his eyes search mine for my reaction.

"It's fine, you don't have to," I say.

His body relaxes and he rests his head in the crook of my neck. I rub my hands up and down his back and I am surprised how easier things are getting between us. I thought he would yell at me too or leave the room when I came in, but now he is here leaning onto me for support. I can tell he is really trying to do the best he can in this relationship even though his moods are off the chart.

"I love you," I say quietly in his ear. I can feel his lip ring move against my neck as he smiles.

"I love you," he reciprocates.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask and he shakes his head that is still in my neck.

"Okay. Did you maybe want to watch a movie?" I ask.

After a long pause from him, he lifts his head and looks at the bed.

"Okay. But you can pick the movie," he says and I smile.

He grabs my waist again and demands, "Wrap your legs around me again," and he carries me back to the bed. He cuddles up next to me and he lets me surf through the channels until I find something that I want to watch.

"A Walk to Remember! I love this movie!" I exclaim. He rolls his eyes and laughs.

"This movie is so sappy and predictable," he jokes.

"Well it's one of my favorites," I defend.

"I want to watch it," he says and he surprises me.

"Really?" I thought a lot of guys would be opposed to watching chick flicks.

"I want to watch you watch it," he clarifies.

Oh. His comment makes me smile as he throws his arms around my middle and lays his head on my stomach. I run my hand through his hair and he examines my face as I watch the movie. I smile, tear up, and laugh and his reactions always mirror mine. Half way through the movie, I feel my eyes starting to get heavy. It's been a long day.

"I'm getting tired," I yawn.

"They get married and she dies. You aren't missing much," he remarks and I elbow him.

"You're messed up," I tease him.

"You're adorable when you're sleepy," he says and looks up at me. He turns the television off and pulls me to the top of the bed with him.

"And you are uncharacteristically nice when I am tired," I tell him and laugh.

"No I'm nice because I love you," he says and my heart skips a beat. "Go to sleep, beautiful," he whispers and leans over to give me a swift kiss on the cheek. I am too tired to give him a kiss back.

…

When I wake up in the morning, the light is too bright and I roll over to bury my head in Arnold's shoulder. He sighs in his sleep and brings me closer to him.

When I wake up again, he is awake and staring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head. His eyes are half open and I can't read his mood.

"You okay?" I ask and lean into him.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he lies.

"Arnold, if something is wrong-" I start.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine." I don't want to fight so I let it go. We have made a personal record for us for this weekend being the longest without us getting in a fight. I don't want to ruin it so I lean up and place a kiss on his jaw. He sighs and wraps his arms around me tight.

"I have some things to do today so can I drop you off at your room whenever you're ready?" he says and my stomach drops. I can feel and hear the distance in his voice.

"Okay," I say and get out of the bed. He tries to grab my wrist but I move too quickly and grab my bag. I thought he was going to help me find a car but I don't want to bring it up if he is busy. I head to the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. We have been in our own little world all weekend and I am afraid that once we leave the walls beyond this house, he won't be the same as he was these last two days.

I am glad I don't run into Eugene in the hallway and I am even more glad that he is fully dressed when I return. I just want to get this over with. He cleaned up the glass from the lamp and the rest of it is in the trash with the keyboard and desktop.

I say bye to John and Jenny and Arnold walks out without saying anything to them. I tell them that Arnold will still be at the wedding and about the lamp and computer, but they don't seem to mind about that.

"Are you mad or something?" Arnold asks after we are silent for ten minutes in the car.

"No." I am not mad, I am just nervous that anything I say will tip him over. I can feel the change of the air between us and I wasn't expecting it at all.

"It seems like you are."

"Well I'm not," I defend.

"You need to tell me if you are."

"You are just being distant now and you're dropping me off when I thought we were fine and you were going to help me with the car."

"You're mad because I have to do things today?" he says and I only realize how freaky and obsessive I sound after he says it like that. I'm upset because he can't hang out with me today?

"Maybe," I say and smile at my stupidity. "I just don't want you to act distant from me."

"I'm not. Not on purpose. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way," he says and reaches over to put his hand on my leg. "Nothing is going to change, Helga and I'm sorry that I can't come with you to find a car but I have some work stuff to do."

His words make me feel better but there is still uncertainty behind my smile.

"You have to remember this is new to me and I'm not used to considering other people before I make plans," he says.

"I know."

"Tell me if you need any help with the car though. I can come over to your room afterwards or we can go to dinner or something," he tells me.

"It's fine. Just tell me when you're done and we can figure it out then," I say as he pulls up to the curb of my building.

He leans over and kisses me on the lips before I get out of the car. "I'll text you," he says and I climb out to walk to the entrance of my building.


	47. Chapter 47

I feel pathetic for the emptiness and sadness I feel after Arnold drops me off to my room. Lila and Sheena are both gone when I get back and I go on my laptop to look up the bus schedules. I am sad that I have to go alone after he told me he would come with me, but I have to learn that I can't always depend on him.

I find a couple of lots and write down the addresses on a piece of paper. I get out my planner and plan my next week by the hour. I don't know what I should wear to the internship, but I decide I need to be professional nonetheless. I walk to the bus station across the street and try to keep my thoughts off Arnold.

The best lots are further away from campus but I can't wait another day without having a car. I already put it off for too long and I am stressing a little for this being so last minute.

The salesman is a creep and smells like cigarettes. I negotiate with him for an hour and we finally come to an agreement and I write him a check and he gives me the keys to a decent 2004 Honda Civic. The gray paint is chipped some, but I talked it down with him enough that I will let it go.

I call Olga before I leave to tell her I got a car. She of course I should have gotten a bigger car with a long list of reasons but I tell her I am going to drive now and she lets me go.

It feels so nice to drive my own car and I not having to depend on other people or the public anymore. I decide on driving to some boutiques around LA and getting some new outfits I can wear for the internship. After a couple hours of shopping, I get enough nice outfits and go back to my room.

I check my phone and still don't have anything from Arnold. I decide on doing some of my assignments that are due but it is hard to focus in my room without thinking about Arnold kissing me. I gather my things together and decide to find a library or maybe a coffee shop off campus.

I find a nice coffee shop and get my things out. I order a coffee and place my notebooks over the table. I end up completing all of this week's assignments and the next and it is dark when I lift my head up again.

I am starving and Arnold still hasn't texted me so I am assuming he doesn't want to have dinner. There is a Chinese restaurant across the street but it is closed so I look up the closest restaurant to me which is called the Komodo Café. It is small but nice looking and I am hungry and don't feel like looking for another place.

It is actually more crowded on the inside than it looks on the outside. I step in and find a seat in the back. I see people look over to me and they are probably wondering why I am alone but I ignore them. I am not one of those people who needs someone to come with them everywhere they go. I go shopping, eating, to the movies, and looking for cars alone and I liked it, until now. I miss Arnold and I am upset that he hasn't even tried to contact me.

While I wait for my food, a waitress brings over a fruity-looking, red drink with a yellow umbrella on it. "Oh, I didn't order this," I tell her but she leaves it on my table.

"He did," she says and gestures towards the bar area. My heart leaps hoping it is Arnold, but I look and see it is Ludwig. He gives me a wave and handsome smile. Gerald walks up from behind him and sits next to Ludwig and he gives me a smile as well.

"Oh. Thank you," I tell her. I guess a lot of restaurants allow underage drinking around here. She tells me that my food will be at my table shortly and she walks away.

A couple of moments later, Ludwig and Gerald come over to sit at my table. I hope Ludwig isn't mad at me for what happened on Friday.

"You're the last person I expected to see here, especially on a Sunday night," Gerald laughs.

"Yeah I was going to go to a Chinese place, but it was closed."

"Have you seen Arnold?" Ludwig asks me wearing a smile before he looks over at Gerald. They make eye contact before they both look to me.

"No, not for a while," I say honestly. "Have you two?" I ask and clear my throat.

"No, not for a couple hours but he should be here soon," Gerald says.

"Here?" I ask nervously. The waitress brings my food but I have lost my appetite. If Connie is with him, I won't be able to take it after the weekend we just had.

"Yeah we come here a lot. I can call him and see when he will be here," Ludwig offers but I shake my head.

"That's okay. I think I am going to go actually," I say and look for the waitress to ask her for my check.

"You don't like the drink?" Ludwig asks.

"Well I actually haven't tried it. Thanks for ordering it for me, but I should go."

"Are you and Arnold fighting again?" Ludwig asks. Gerald starts to say something but Ludwig glares at him. Is something going on? He takes a sip of his drink and looks at Gerald again.

"What did he say?" I ask.

"Nothing. He just said you guys weren't fighting as much anymore," Ludwig says for him. I feel crowded in this place and I am anxious to leave.

"There they are," Gerald says. I look to the door and I see Arnold, Anthony, Harold, Lila, and Connie. I knew she would be here. I know she is friends with all of them but I don't like the idea of Arnold and Connie together in the same space. I don't want to come off as crazy or psychotic but I can't help it.

Arnold's eyes meet mine and he look worried and almost afraid. The waitress walks by my table as they walk over.

"Can I have my check and a box to go please?" I ask. She looks at my untouched food and nods.

"You're leaving?" Lila asks. They all sit down at the table next to us. I avoid looking at Arnold because I don't want to know if he is sitting next to Connie. I hate how he is different when he is around his friends. Why can't he be the Arnold he was to me over the weekend?

"I… um I have to study," I lie even though I already did most of my homework for this and next week.

"You study too much, you should stay!" she smiles.

All the hope I had that Arnold would scoop me up in his arms and tell me he missed me all day is gone and I pay the waitress and stand up to leave.

"Hope you guys have a good night," I tell them. I look at Arnold one last time then back to the floor.

"Wait," he says. I turn around to look at him. I am silently praying that he doesn't say anything rude in front of his friends or kiss Connie.

"Aren't you going to give me a kiss?" he says and smiles at me. I glance at his friends and they all look confused and surprised.

"W-what?" I stutter. I didn't expect this at all and I straighten my posture and look at Arnold.

"A kiss. You aren't going to kiss me before you go?" he stands up and walks to me. Even though this is what I wanted, I feel uncomfortable with everyone watching us.

"Umm…" I am speechless.

"Why would she?" Connie laughs. I really want to smack her.

"They're like together, obviously," Lila says.

"What?" Connie says.

"Shut your mouth, Connie," Ludwig tells her. I want to thank him but the way he said it was questionable. This is too uncomfortable.

"Bye, everyone," I say again and walk to the door. Arnold follows me and takes my thin wrist in his large hand to stop me.

"Why are you leaving? And why were you even here to begin with?" he asks me.

"I came here because I was hungry and I am leaving you because you were ignoring me and I thought-"

"I wasn't ignoring you. I just didn't expect to see you here so it surprised me when I saw you sitting here," he says.

"Yeah, I bet it did. You haven't texted me all day and now you are here with Connie?" I sound much whiner than I want to.

"And Lila and Harold and Anthony. Not only Connie," he defends.

"I know. But you guys have a history and that makes me uneasy," I say. We have just started this real relationship and I am already jealous.

"That's just what it is, babe. History. It wasn't like this. Not like us," he says.

"I know. I just can't help it," I sigh and look away.

"I know. How do you think I felt when I saw you sitting with Ludwig when I walked in?"

"It's not the same thing. You and Connie have done it before." Just saying it to him makes it hurt.

"Helga."

"I know. I'm crazy but I can't help it," I say and keep my eyes off him.

"It's not crazy. I understand but I don't know what to do about it. Connie is part of our group and she most likely always will be," he tells me. I was hoping for an answer that didn't tell me to just deal with it.

"Okay," I say. I should be happy he just basically told everyone we are together now, but the whole thing just felt so off.

"I'm going back to my room," I say.

"Then I'm going with you."

"You want to leave your friends?" I snap and he rolls his eyes.

"So you got a car okay?" he asks as we walk through the parking lot.

"Yes," I say and press the unlock button. The car reveals itself when the lights blink on.

"It's… you," he says as we approach it and he gets in the passenger's side.

"Is that a compliment?" I ask as I get in my side and smile at him.

"Maybe, Pataki," he smirks. "So how long were you here before I showed up?" he asks as I pull out of the parking lot.

"Fifteen minutes or so."

"Oh. You didn't plan on meeting Ludwig there, did you?"

"No. I had no idea he or you would be there."

"Oh. So what did you guys talk about?" he asks and looks over at me.

"Nothing. He was only at the table for a couple minutes before you came."

"Oh," he replies as we get on campus.

"Why?"

"Just wondering," he says and taps his fingers on his knee. "I missed you today."

"I missed you too. I got a lot of things that have been on my list out of the way though, but I still don't know what to wear to the hospital tomorrow."

"You can dress professional on the first day. I don't know what they will have you do but it is good to look nice on the first day," he says and looks out the window.

I smile at him even though he can't see me. "But not too nice. I don't want creepy guys looking at you," he says sternly even though I can tell he is being playful.

"Do you want me to drive you tomorrow?"

"No. I got my own car for a reason," I laugh.

"I could still take you," he says as we walk up to my room.

"That's okay I will drive. Thanks though."

Just as I am about to ask him what he was doing all day and why he couldn't text me that he missed me so much, my words trap in my throat and panic courses through me. Olga is standing in front of my door with her arms crossed and an unpleased look on her face.

Arnold's eyes follow mine and they widen just as mine did when he spots her. He tries to grab my hand but I pull it away.

"What the hell are you thinking!" she says and we get closer to her. I wish I was invisible right now.

"I… what?" I don't know why she is here and what she knows so I don't say anything. It looks like she has just dyed her blonde hair again recently and her make-up is perfect on her face.

"What are you thinking, Havena! I came here to see your new car and if you got a good deal, but here you are, hanging with this… punk boy! I knew there was something about him the first day. Look at him, Helga! Is this your way of rebelling against me? What have I done to make you hate me?"

My anger is rising. "Not everything is about you, Olga!" I refuse to let the tears spill from my face. I hate how I cry when I get mad but I refuse to let her get the best of me. I move past her to open the door. Arnold follows me in and she tromps in after us.

"You are lucky that I talked to Zak and he has agreed to me that he will get back with you, despite your ignorant attitude."

Arnold stands by my closet with his jaw clenched and his hands in his pockets.

"I don't have to date him if I don't want to. And I don't want to," I tell her.

"How could you not want to? He is so good for you and he comes from a great family! He has a future that you could benefit from greatly."

"Do you even know how you sound right now? Why does it matter what family he comes from? My happiness with him is what should matter. I can't believe you talked to him about this. I am an adult!" I yell at her.

"Well you aren't acting like one! Don't you care about your future at all, Helga? You have to have that in mind, not what you are feeling right now. I know this boy seems fun and dangerous and a good idea right now, but there is no future with him! Not with… this freak!" she says and gestures to Arnold. If only she knew that Arnold's uncle is the chancellor of UCLA and probably has more money than Zak's family. But I am not going to tell her that because money has nothing to do with this.

Before I have time to think, I am in my sister's face. "Do _not_ talk about him like that!" I yell in her face. Arnold comes forward to grab my elbow to get me to step away from her. Her eyes are wide and her pupils are huge.

"Who are you? My baby sister would never talk to me in this way! She would never do anything to mess up her future or be so disrespectful to me!" I start feeling guilty but that is exactly what she wants.

"I am not messing up my future! My future is fine. I have a 4.0 and a great internship starting tomorrow! You are so selfish for coming here and trying to make me feel bad for actually being happy. Actually happy. He makes me happy, Olga and if you can't accept that then you have to leave." I am probably just as surprised as she is that I just said that.

"Excuse me?" she says. Arnold steps between us. "You will regret this, Havena! I can't even look at you!"

My head is spinning. I was not expecting to go into war with my sister, or at least not right now. I knew she would probably find out one day, but I wasn't planning on today.

"I knew something was going on the first day when he was in your room. I just didn't think you would be so quick to open your legs for him!" she screams. That hits me harder than it should.

"You are taking this too far," Arnold tells her with dark eyes. I think Arnold would probably be the only person who could give Olga a run for her money.

"Stay out of this!" she yells and crosses her arms again. "If you keep seeing him, I will stop talking to you and make sure you are off the team so you don't get any money and you surely can't pay for college on your own."

"Are you really threatening my education because you don't like who I am in love with?" I can't believe her.

"In love with?" she huffs. "Oh, Havena. Silly, naïve Havena. You have no idea what love is," she cackles and it's disturbing. "You think he loves you, don't you?" she laughs again.

"I do love her," Arnold tells her.

"Of course you do!" she says and continues to laugh.

"Olga."

"Havena, I am warning you. If you keep seeing him, there will be consequences. I am leaving now but I will be expecting a call from you when some common sense comes into your head," she says and her heels clunk out of my room and down the hallway.

"I am so sorry," I say and turn to Arnold.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," he says and cups my cheeks in his hands. "I am proud of the way you stood up for yourself," he says and kisses my nose.

"I can't believe how she can act like that and threaten to take away my scholarship. She knows that if I wasn't on the team, I wouldn't be able to go to school here. We don't have to pay a cent and now she is trying to take that away from me. What if she really gets me off the team? I will have to have another job on top of the internship," I cry. His hand comes behind my head and gently pushes my head into his chest.

"Shh… shh it's okay. We will figure it out. You can move in with me," he says. I laugh and wipe my eyes. "I'm serious. You really could in my apartment."

I look up and his expression is just as serious as his tone. "You cannot be serious."

"Yes I can."

"We can't move in together," I laugh and sniffle my nose.

"Why not?"

"Because we have only known each other for like two months and most of that time was spent fighting."

"So. We got along great this weekend though," he smiles and we both laugh.

"You are crazy, Arnold. I am not moving in with you," I say and he hugs me again.

"Just think about it. I want to move out of the frat house for good anyway. I don't really fit in there in case you haven't noticed," he laughs. It's true that he and his friends are the only ones who don't wear polo shirts and nicely pressed khakis everyday. "I only went there to piss off John but that didn't work out how I wanted it to."

"You could just move out and live in your apartment all the time," I tell him. There is no way I am moving in with him this soon.

"But that wouldn't be as fun," he smirks and wiggles his eyebrows up and down at me.

"We could still have fun," I tease him. His wicked smile grows and he brings both of his hands to my bottom and he squeezes.

"Arnold!" I playfully scold him and he laughs.

"Why does she call you Havena?" he asks genuinely curious.

"It's my real name," I tell him. Usually I am embarrassed by telling people but I sort of want Arnold to know.

"Havena…. It's pretty," he says and smiles at me.

"Why is your last name different than John's?" I finally ask. I have been dying to know since he told me they have different names.

"I wanted to change it when I started going in the foster homes. I chose Phillips because my grandpa's name was Phillip," he tells me. His eyes are soft and my heart clenches at just his words alone. I put my arms behind his neck and reach up to kiss the corner of his mouth.

The door opens again and I am afraid that it will be Olga again. But I am relieved when it is only Lila and Harold.

"What did we miss? I am pretty sure I just saw your sister drive by us and flip me off," she says and I can't help but laugh.

**A/N:**** Someone brought to my attention that I wrote Tessa instead of Helga in chapter 39. Haha sorry about that. Tessa is my sister's name and I think I was talking to her while I was typing so I wasn't trying to drop any hints but I changed it haha. Sorry about that. Everyone have a safe New Years! What are you plans? :)**


	48. Chapter 48

Arnold ended up spending the night in my room last night. Apparently Sheena went home for the weekend and she won't be back until later today, and Lila is going to Harold's apartment. We spent the night talking and kissing and Arnold finally fell asleep with his head buried in my shoulder. I had dreams of a place where we could actually live together. I would love to wake up to Arnold next to me every morning, but that isn't realistic. We are both too young.

It is finally Monday morning and my alarm went off ten minutes later than I had originally planned. I shower and put on my make up quickly and I wake up Arnold before I plug in my hair dryer.

"What time is it?" he groans and rolls over.

"It's six thirty. I'm going to blow dry my hair."

"Six thirty? You don't have to be there until nine. Come back to bed."

"No, I still have to do my hair and get coffee. I'm leaving at eight."

"It takes literally fifteen minutes to get there at the most. You should leave at eight thirty seven or something," he says and closes his eyes.

"Eight thirty seven?" I ask. That is the weirdest time ever.

"Yeah. I admit eight forty five is cutting it but eight thirty is too early. So eight thirty seven is perfect," he says and rolls back over.

I disregard him and turn my blow dryer on. I don't normally like doing this to my hair but you have to do what you have to do. He covers his head with one of the pillows and I curl my hair. I go over my planner one last time to make sure I got everything.

"Are you going to go to class from here?" I ask him as I get dressed.

"Yeah. Can I use your toothbrush?" he smirks and gets out of the bed.

"Um, I guess. I can just buy a new one later today," I tell him. No one has asked if they can use my toothbrush before and I was never planning on it. I imagine myself using it after he puts it in his mouth. "But yeah, you can," I clarify.

His eyes look up and down my body before he says, "I still think you should wait until eight thirty seven. Think of all the things we could do in thirty seven minutes," he smirks. My eyes notice the bulge in his boxers and my body is already heated up. I play with the button on my shirt and he walks across the room to stand behind me. I ask him to zip my skirt up and his fingers graze on my bare skin before he zips up the skirt slowly and I tuck my shirt in.

"I have to. I still need coffee. And what if there is traffic? Or an accident? I could run out of gas or a tire could pop. I could get lost or not be able to find a place to park. The only parking could be like ten blocks away and I will be sweaty and out of breath and-"

"Calm down, baby. You're a nervous wreck," he says quietly in my ear. I look at him through the mirror we are in front of. He still looks perfect even when he just wakes up.

"I can't help it. This internship means so much to me and I don't even want to think about messing it up." My nerves are taking over but I know that after today I will be more calm when I know how everything works.

"You don't want to show up nervous like this. They will feed off you and eat you alive," he says and kisses down my neck.

"I will be okay," I say trying to reassure myself more than him. I feel goose bumps raise from his warm breath on my skin.

"Let me calm your nerves first," he says in his raspy voice from just waking up.

"I…" He runs his fingers down my collarbone and chest. Our eyes meet in the mirror and I sigh in defeat. "Five minutes?" I say and beg at the same time.

"That's all I need," he smiles and I turn around but he stops me.

"No, I want you to watch," he demands in my ear. I feel my stomach stir at his words and he moves my hair over to my left shoulder while pushing his body against mine. His hand runs down the bottom of my skirt.

"At least you aren't wearing tights and I must say I really like this skirt," he says while pulling it up my waist.

"Especially when it is up like this." I can't make my eyes look away from his hand in the mirror and my pulse has quickened numbers. His fingers are a little cold as they slip in my panties and his contact on my skin makes me jump a little and he laughs into my neck. He wraps his other arm around my chest to hold me in place.

I feel so exposed but so turned on at the same time. Watching him touch me makes me think things I have never thought before. His fingers move in me slowly and he kisses my neck lightly.

"Now you can see how beautiful you are," he whispers against my skin. I barely recognize the woman standing in front of me in the mirror. Her cheeks are flushed red, her eyes are wide and wild, and she looks quite sexy with Arnold's fingers going in and out of her. I can't believe that woman is me.

I close my eyes as I feel myself reaching the peak. Arnold continues his beautiful, slow assault and I bite my bottom lip to keep me from moaning out loud.

"Open your eyes," he commands me. My eyes lock on his in the mirror and it is what sets me over the edge. Arnold standing behind me, holding me, and him watching what his touch does to me is all it takes for me to roll my head back on his shoulder and my legs start to shake.

"That's it, baby," he purrs in my ear and tightens his grip on me to hold me up as my vision blurs and I cry his name out.

When I open my eyes again, Arnold kisses my forehead and tucks one of my curls behind my ear and he tugs my skirt back down my thighs.

I check the time and it is only eight o five. Wow he really did only need five minutes, I think to myself and laugh.

"See, you're much more relaxed and ready to take on medical America," he beams and I can tell he is proud of himself. I would be too.

"Yeah, I do feel more relaxed," I smile and grab my bag.

"Last chance for me to take you. Well I would have to drive you in your car since I don't have mine here."

"That's okay. Thank you though."

"Good luck. You will do great," he says and kisses me one last time.

I get my things together and leave him in my room. This morning has turned out well even though my alarm was off by ten minutes. The drive is quicker than I thought because there is no traffic at all. I find a spot in the front of the parking lot and it is only eight twenty. I decide to call Arnold to pass the time.

"Are you okay?" he asks when he answers.

"Yeah, I am already here," I tell him. I can already picture the smirk on his face.

"I told you. You could have stayed ten more minutes and given me a blow job," he says and I laugh.

"Wow you're even a pervert this early in the morning," I laugh.

"At least I'm consistent."

"Yeah you are," I tell him. We go back and forth about his lack of virtues before we get off the phone and I step inside the building. I make sure to go up to the fifth floor where Mr. Harrison's office is. I give the guy my name again and he picks up the phone to call his office. A few moments later, he hangs up and gives me a great smile.

"Mr. Harrison would like to come welcome you himself. He will be here in a moment," he tells me.

"Ms. Pataki!" he greets me. He is wearing a gray button up shirt and a black tie underneath his white pharmacy coat and he is carrying a big folder and another white coat in a plastic wrap on a hanger lays over his arm that is similar to the one he is wearing.

"Good morning, Mr. Harrison," I say and extend my hand to shake his.

"You can call me Rick. I will show you to your office," he says.

"Office?" I ask astonished.

"Yes you will need your own space, but it isn't much," he smiles. Wow I didn't expect to be getting an office. I really wasn't sure what I was expecting today at all, but it certainly wasn't this. He walks fast and I struggle to keep up in my heels.

"Here it is," he says as we get to a door that has a black name tag in white letters with my name on it. Thankfully it says Helga.

He opens the door and it is as big as my dorm room. I guess we have different perceptions of small and I feel like I am dreaming. There is a medium sized cherry wood desk, two filing cabinets, a bookshelf, two chairs, and a computer in the room. He sits in front of the desk and sets the folder and coat on the desk so I sit behind it. I am going to have to get used to the idea that this is my office.

"So your duties here will include assisting the nurses here, filing the patients paperwork, and going to the meetings we have here to be up to date on the new changes. You will be given an email at the beginning of each week on the itineraries that will play through the week. You will dress professionally, which I see you already have, and wear this coat around when you are assisting the nurses in front of the patients," he says and I cannot be more excited. This is exactly what I wanted to do and I glance at the coat to see my name already stitched on. Wow.

"You will start out at five hundred a week, and if after ninety days you are doing well, you will get a raise," he tells me. That is so much more than I expected. I could get my own apartment with that much.

"Thank you so much. This is all so much more than I expected," I tell him. I can't wait to call Arnold and tell him all of this.

"It's my pleasure. I have great sources that say you are a hard worker. Maybe you can tell Arnold how great it is so he can come back and work for us in the pediatric department," he laughs.

"What?"

"Arnold. He used to work up here before he decided kids weren't his thing. I'm not sure if emergent care is his type of thing either, but he stuck to it. He likes to work from home though. Go figure," he smiles. "I think he still works from home and comes in a couple times a week."

"I will try to mention it to him," I laugh nervously. I knew he had a job here but I never really knew what he does.

"Let's get to work on this paperwork," he says and slides the folder over the desk. After thirty minutes of signing and initialing, I am finally finished with the whole folder.

"You can decorate your office any way you like, as long as it is appropriate. You can personalize your computer with your login and password. Make sure it works and you are free to go for today. I will see you here tomorrow," he says and walks out of the room. I can't help but squeal and spin around in my chair, in my office.

…

When I get back to my car on the best first day ever, I call Arnold but he doesn't pick up. I want to tell him how great a morning I had here and maybe ask what he does here at the hospital and what he does at home.

When I get back to school, it is only eleven but I have already been excused from practice. I expected to be done around five and I know the right thing would be to go to practice, but I am not feeling up to running for three hours. Maybe it would be best to quit the team. Now I make my own money that is enough to have my own place, but that still isn't enough for tuition. Then there was Arnold's silly offer of moving in with him, but that just isn't right.

I don't know what I want but I am actually starting my career path by having this job, and not by running. Running is the only thing keeping me at this school for now.

I end up going to a mall and walk around some. I go in and out every store, and I find myself at Nordstroms. I guess I could use more outfits for the internship. The image of me and Arnold in the mirror this morning flash through my mind and I decide on getting some new bras and panties. The ones I already have are so plain and I have had them for a long time. Arnold doesn't seem to mind but I would love to see his reaction if I took my shirt off and had something that wasn't just plain black and white.

I look through the racks and find a few matching sets. I really like this pink one and it is made of almost completely lace. A woman with wavy hair and a lot of blush comes over to try and help me.

"What about this one?" she asks and holds up a hot pink one that is just a bundle of strings.

"Um, that's not really my style," I say and look at the floor.

"I see you prefer the full underwear?" she asks. This could not be more embarrassing.

"You should try the boy short style. It's sexy without being too sexy," she says and holds up the same color set I am holding but with boy shorts. I never really cared about what my panties looked like because I was the only one who would see them and I never knew this could be so complicated and embarrassing.

"Okay," I say and decide to give them a try. She pulls some off the rack that are all white, all black, and an all red set. The red is shocking, but intriguing. The black and white ones are still made only of lace.

"Just try them. They are all the same exact style," she smiles. I nod and grab them from her. I hope she won't follow me if I walk away, and she doesn't. I find a couple nice dresses and a pair of nice flats I can wear with them.

I have to ask the cashier to repeat my total three times before I hand over my card. I never knew some fancy underwear could be so expensive. Arnold better like them.

When I get back, neither of my roommates are here and I haven't heard from Arnold so I decide to take a nap. I put away my new clothes and turn the lights off.

I wake up to something ringing that I don't recognize. I roll over and open my eyes to see Arnold sitting on my chair.

"Have a nice nap?" he smiles.

"Yeah it was nice. How did you get in here?" I ask and rub my eyes.

"I have a copy of the key," he says.

"You do?" I didn't know that.

"Yeah, Lila gave me an extra just in case," he shrugs.

"How long have you been here?" I ask.

"Like thirty minutes. How was your day at the hospital? I didn't think you would be done this early. It's only five. But you must have had a long day from you being passed out," he laughs.

I prop my elbow up and look at him from my top bunk. "It was amazing! I got my own office and a bookcase! And my name is on the wall, I can't believe that. I will be making a lot more money than I thought and I get to read over the patient's files and help the nurses and go to the meetings and ugh… it's just so wonderful. I am just afraid to mess it up somehow because this is all so perfect, you know?" I ramble.

"Wow Harrison must like you," he says and raises his brow. "But don't worry, you will be fine."

"He said you worked there."

"Yeah, I did," he emphasizes.

"Why did you leave? You don't like kids? And how and when do you work from home?" I ask.

"You always have so many questions," he sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "But I will answer them," he adds and I smile. "I just don't like kids in general so it didn't make sense for me to stay there. And I can file things at home and I basically do that whenever I am not with you."

"Oh, Mr. Harrison said he wants you to work for him again," I tell him and climb down the ladder to stand in front of him.

"I'm sure he does but no thanks. I get paid a shit ton more and have less work downstairs," he says and I roll my eyes.

"So you just basically file paper work?" I ask to clarify.

"Yeah. I'm not a real doctor yet so no, I don't get to dissect anyone's brain if that was your next question," he says playfully but he doesn't smile. I bring my hand to his face and play with the stubble on his chin.

"Oh. Do you like it?"

"Yes, Helga. I do," he says a little harshly.

"That's good. Do you want to stay working at UCLA when you graduate?"

"I don't know what I want to do," he rolls his eyes and turns his head away from my touch.

"Did I say something?"

"No, you just ask so many questions all the time."

"What?" I don't know if he is being real or sarcastic.

"You don't have to know every detail of my life," he snaps.

"I am just making a casual conversation with you about what you do for a job," I defend. "That is just a normal thing that we should be able to talk about so sorry for actually being interested in what you do in your everyday life."

He doesn't say anything. What the hell is his problem? I just had a great day and I don't want to fight with him. I look to the wall and stay quiet too.

"I need to take a shower," I say after two minutes of silence.

"So go then," he scoffs.

I grab my shower carrier and roll my eyes at him. "You know, I thought you were over the whole being an asshole thing for no reason," I say and walk out the door.

I make sure to take my time in the shower. I shave my legs twice for the dress I bought today that I will wear tomorrow. I am very excited but I wish Arnold didn't have to be so rude. All I did was ask for some details of what he does and I feel like I should be able to do that. I feel there is a lot more to him that I don't know and that makes me feel nauseous.

My room is empty when I return.


	49. Chapter 49

I am really annoyed at Arnold's unnecessary attitude but I didn't expect him to leave, and now that he has, I wish I had talked to him about what is bothering him. But I am just as stubborn as he is.

I brush out my wet hair and put on the new pink lace undergarments I got today. I throw a t-shirt over my head and look over my planner of what I need to do tomorrow. But all I can think about is Arnold and where he went. I know it sounds crazy and obsessive, but I can't help it. He better not be with Connie.

While I am trying to decide if I should call Arnold or not, Lila texts me that she is going to be sleeping over at Harold's. She should just move in there, she is there five days a week and I can tell Harold likes her a lot. He probably told her about his job on their second date and wouldn't get mad at her for no reason.

Lucky Lila.

I haven't heard from Sheena but Lila told me she is sleeping over at her friend's room so they can get up early to work on their play.

I get the remote for Lila's television and I settle on watching an episode of Friends that I have already seen at least a hundred times. I don't know the last time I just laid in bed and watched television. I usually am either with Arnold, studying, or running. It is nice to just lay here and try to forget about the pointless fight with Arnold.

After a couple episodes, I feel my eyes getting tired and I suddenly forget that I am supposed to be mad and I text Arnold good night in my sleepy state. He doesn't reply before I fall asleep.

"Fuck." I hear a loud thud and I jolt up in my bed. I turn the light on the wall next to my bed and see Arnold stumbling around my room.

"What are you doing?" I ask him. When he looks up at me, his eyes are red and glossy. Great.

"I wanted to see you," he says and sits on my chair.

"Why?" I ask harshly. I want to talk to him, but not at two in the morning when he is drunk.

"Because I missed you."

"Then why did you leave?"

"Because you were annoying me," he says and I frown.

"I'm going back to bed. You are drunk and you're going to be mean to me again."

"I'm not being mean, Havena. And I am not drunk. Okay I am a little but why does it matter?"

"I don't care that you are drunk but it's a school night and I want to sleep." I would lose sleep to talk to him all night but not if he is going to say mean things.

"It's a school night," he mocks me. "Could you be more of a nerd?" he laughs.

"You should just go," I say and roll over so I am facing the wall. I don't like this Arnold. I like my semi-sweet Arnold, not this drunk jerk who comes in my room at two in the morning.

"Aww, baby don't be mad at me," he says and climbs the first two steps on my ladder but I ignore him. "Do you really want me to go? You know what happens when I sleep without you," he says quietly.

My heart sinks. I know what happens, but it's not fair of him to use that against me when he is drunk and making fun of me.

"Fine. You can stay but I am going to sleep."

"Why? You don't want to hang out with me?"

"You are drunk and being mean," I say and face him again.

"I'm not being mean. I just said you were being annoying," he says neutrally.

"That is kind of mean to say to someone. Especially when all I did was ask about what you do."

"Oh, god not this again. Just drop it, Helga. I don't want to talk about that right now," he says and slurs his words.

"Why did you drink tonight?" I ask. I am not mad that he drank, I am not his mother, and he is an adult. The thing that bothers me is that he only drinks when there is a problem, not just for fun.

He looks away from me and towards the door like he is trying to find a way to leave. "I… I don't know. I just felt like having a drink. Well drinks. Can you please stop being mad at me? I love you," he says and looks back to me.

Just his words alone make some of my anger disappear and I suddenly want to feel his arms around me.

"I'm not mad at you. I just don't want to backtrack in our relationship. I don't like when you snap at me for no reason and then you just left. If you're mad or upset about something, I want you to talk to me about it, not shut me out."

"You just don't like not having control over everything," he says.

"Excuse me?"

"You're a control freak," he shrugs like it's nothing.

"No, I am not. I just like things a certain way."

"Yeah, your way."

"So we are still fighting? Is there anything else you want to say to me while you're at it?" I snap.

"Nope. Just that you're a control freak and I really want you to move in with me."

What the hell? His moods literally give me a headache.

"I want you to move in with me. I found another apartment today in case you don't like mine. I didn't sign anything yet but it's a nice place."

"When?" I can barely keep up with the five personalities of Arnold Phillips. And I already like his apartment but I am not moving in there with him.

"After I left here."

"Before you got drunk?" I ask and roll my eyes. The light from my wall reflects on his eyebrow ring and I ignore how attractive he looks.

"Yes, before I got drunk. So what do you say? Are you going to move in with me?"

"I know you are new at dating, but people don't usually insult their girlfriend and ask them to move in with them in the same sentence," I say and I have to bite my lip to stop my smile.

"Well sometimes said girlfriend really needs to lighten up," he smiles. Even when he is drunk, he is charming as hell.

"Well first, said boyfriend needs to stop being a jerk," I say. He laughs and gets up on the bed with me.

"I'm not trying to be a jerk. I'm really not. I just can't help it sometimes," he says and lays down with me.

"I know. You are just a natural," I say and finally laugh. Not counting this episode today, he really has been trying to be nicer to me. I don't want to make excuses for him but he really has been trying.

"So you will move in with me?" he says and plays with my hair.

"Gosh, let's take this one step at a time. I will stop being mad at you for now," I say. "Now let's go to bed," I say and he sits up to take his jeans off and he takes his shirt off to hand to me. I love how he wants me to wear his dirty shirts as much as I want to.

"Can you put your jeans on my dresser, please?" I ask and he raises his eyebrows at me as if to say, _"See, control freak."_

As he gets down the ladder, I take my shirt off to replace his with mine.

"Fuck," he groans and I look at him coming up the ladder. "What are you wearing?" he says with dark eyes.

"I… I got some new underwear today…" I flush and look away from him.

"I can see that. Take the shirt off," he commands and I do with trembling fingers and sit up on the bed.

"Fuck," he says again.

"You already said that," I laugh. The light in Arnold's eyes are blazing for me and it makes my skin tingle.

"You look amazing," he gulps. "You always do but this is just…" he says with a dry mouth. I look and see his boxers are straining against his growing bulge. The air between us has changed for the fifth time tonight.

"I was going to show you earlier but you were too busy being a jerk."

"Mhmm.." he says not paying attention to what I am saying. He puts his knee on the bed and looks me up and down before getting on top of me.

His lips taste like alcohol and mint and with them together, it tastes like heaven. Our kisses are soft and teasing. They come together and then drift apart with his tongue playfully gliding on mine. His hand goes in my hair and I can feel his hardness against my stomach as he tries to bring himself closer to me.

He lets go of my hair to hold himself up on his elbow and uses his other hand to touch me. His long fingers run under my lace bra and he brings his fingers in and out of them. He licks his lips as he cups my breasts and rubs up and down.

"I can't decide if I want this on or off," he breaths. I could care less, I am too lost by his fingers touching me.

"Off it is," he says and unclasps it. I arch my back so he can take it off completely. He groans as my crotch reaches up to touch his.

"What do you want, Helga?" he asks with his voice shaky and uncontrolled.

"I already told you," I say as he pushes my panties down. I cry out as he enters his fingers in me and I wrap my arm around him under his arm. I reach between us to palm him through his boxers with my other hand. He groans and I lightly squeeze and continue to rub him.

"Are you sure?" he pants. I can see he is uncertain in his green eyes.

"Yes, I am sure. Stop overthinking it," I say and can't help but think how things have switched.

"I love you. You know that don't you?" he says.

"Yes," I say and lean up to kiss him. "I love you, Arnold," I say into his mouth.

His fingers continue to go back and forth in me and he moves his mouth to my neck. He sucks on the skin and then glides his tongue over it to sooth it over and over. My entire body feels like it is on fire.

"Arnold… I am…" I try to say and he quickly pulls his hand away. He kisses me as I whimper.

He sits up and he pulls my panties down all the way. He grabs both of my thighs and squeezes them gently before he kisses down my stomach and blows on my wetness. My body lifts off the bed involuntarily and his tongue runs on me and he tightens his grip on my legs to keep them apart. I grip the sheets and my toes curl as he continues with his tongue on me.

"Tell me how good it feels," he says with his mouth still on me.

Struggling sounds come out of my mouth while I am trying to tell him how good he makes me feel. He keeps saying dirty things to me and licking me in between them. My body shakes and he brings his mouth away.

When I come back to reality, he kisses my mouth with a different taste on his lips. My breathing is heavy and staggering.

"Are you-"

"Yes, I am sure," I tell him and kiss him hard. My hands go to his back and I pull his boxers down his legs. He sighs as the restriction lifts off his hips and we both moan as our skin touches.

"Helga, I-"

"Shh," I tell him again. I am sure I want this more than anything and I don't want him to keep talking.

"But Helga, I have to tell you something."

"Shh, Arnold. Please stop talking," I say and kiss him again. I grab his erection and move my hand up and down on him. His eyes close and he sucks in a sharp breath. My instincts take over and they tell me to brush over his tip with my thumb. I wipe away the wetness there and feel him pulse in my hand.

"I'm going to come if you do that again," he gasps.

He sits up and gets out of the bed. When I am about to ask where he is going, he pulls out a small packet from his jeans pocket. I can't believe this is really happening. I know I should be afraid and nervous, but I can't help but feel my love for him and his for me.

Time seems to slow as I wait for him to come back to the bed with me. I had always thought my first time would be with my husband on our honeymoon night on a tropical island in some bungalow. I never imagined it in my dorm room on my top bunk with Arnold, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

He joins me back on the bed with the packet in his hand. I have only seen a condom in sexual education classes and they seemed intimidating then and it is even more intimidating now. I want to grab it from him and put it on him.

"Are-" he says with his voice low.

"If you ask me one more time if I am sure, I will kill you," I say and he smiles.

"I was just going to ask if you want to put it on or if I should do it," he laughs and waves the condom between his thumb and index finger.

"Oh. I want to do it but you have to show me how," I say and bite my lip.

"Okay," he sits on the bed and I sit crossed legged. He leans across and kisses my cheek before he takes my hand in his. He opens the packet and I hold my hand out. He only laughs and shakes his head.

"I'll show you this way," he says and brings our connected hands to put the condom above him. It feels slippery.

"Now it goes down," he says and his cheeks are flushed. His eyes narrow as both of our hands put the condom over his hard skin.

"That wasn't so bad for a virgin and a drunk," I laugh. He raises his brow at me and smiles. I am glad we are being playful instead of intense because I am already nervous for what will happen next.

"I'm not drunk, babe. I had a few drinks and when I showed up here, I was a little buzzed, but arguing with you has sobered me up, like it always does," he smiles and runs his thumb over my lip.

I am glad for his answer. I don't want him passing out in the middle of it or him throwing up all over me. I laugh a little and look at him again. His eyes are clear and not glossy like they were an hour ago.

"Now what?" I ask. He laughs and takes my hand and brings it to his length.

"Eager?" he teases and I nod.

"Me too," he confesses and I move my hand up and down. He moves his body so he is on top of me. He parts my legs wide with his knee and I feel his fingers rubbing against me. I hope he will be gentle with me.

"You're soaking so that will make it easier," he tells me. He brings his lips down to mine and kisses me slowly, teasing me with his tongue. It feels as though his lips are molded on mine, like ours were made for each other. He pulls away to kiss the corner of my mouth, my nose, then back to my lips again. I bring my hands to his back to desperately get him closer to me.

"Slow, baby. We need to go slow," he whispers in my ear with his lips touching my earlobe.

"It will hurt. So just tell me if you want me to stop. I mean it, okay?" he says gently.

"Okay," I gulp. I have heard that the first time always hurts, but it can't be that bad, I hope.

He kisses me again and I feel the slippery condom brush against me which causes me to shudder. Seconds later, he presses into me and it is such a different feeling. My eyes shut and I gasp out loud.

"Are you okay?" he asks into our kiss. I nod and he moves further into me. I wince at the pinching feeling deep inside of me. It is as bad as everyone says. If not, it's worse.

"Fuck," Arnold groans. His body is still and the feeling is very uncomfortable.

"Can I move?" he asks with his voice strained and raspy.

"Yeah," I barely say. The pain is still present but Arnold kisses me all over. He kisses my lips, my cheeks, my nose, my neck and the tears forming at the corner of my eyes. I try to focus on squeezing Arnold's arms and his tongue on my neck.

"Oh god," he says and rolls his head back. "I love you. I love you so much, Helga," he breathes against my neck. The comfort of his words help take some of the pain away but it is still there as he slowly rolls his hips on mine.

I want to tell him how much I love him, but I am afraid that if I talk, I will cry.

"Do you… fuck. Do you want me to stop?" he stutters. I can hear both the worry and pleasure battling in his voice.

I shake my head and watch him in awe. His eyes are closed tightly, his jaw is clenched, and his hard muscles are contracting and pulling underneath his inked skin. The pain almost goes away completely as I watch him come undone.

He grazes my cheekbone with his fingers before he kisses me again and he buries his face in my neck. His breathing is staggering and broken and I can feel it hot against my neck. He brings his face to mine and opens his eyes to look at me. I would take this pain over and over to be able to feel this way again.

I can feel the deep seeded connection to him that takes me somewhere that I never knew existed before. The emotion in his eyes sends me to oblivion and then brings me back to him again. I love him and I know that without a doubt he loves me. Even if we don't last forever, if we end up never talking to each other again, I will always know that in this moment, he was everything to me.

I can tell it is taking a lot in him to control himself and to take it slow for me and I love him even more for that. Time slows, stops, and speeds up again as he moves in and out of me. I can taste the saltiness on his lips as he kisses me and I want more. I kiss his neck and the spot on his collarbone that he loves so much. He shivers and moans my name.

"You're doing so good, baby. I love you so much," he tells me again.

It doesn't really hurt anymore but it is still a little uncomfortable and I feel a slight sting every time he thrusts into me. I bring my lips to his neck and throw my hands in his hair.

"I love you, Arnold," I manage to say. He moans and brings his lips to mine again.

"Oh, baby. I am going to come. Okay?" he says through clenched teeth.

I nod and kiss his neck again while sucking gently on his skin. Arnold keeps his eyes on mine as he comes and makes promises of forever and unconditional love to me as he tenses and gently falls onto me.

I can feel the heavy beating of his heart on mine and I kiss the top of his head. His chest stops heaving and he lifts up to pull out of me. I wince at the sudden emptiness and he pulls the condom off and puts it back neatly in the wrapper.

"Are you okay? How was it?" he asks and searches my face. He looks more vulnerable than I thought.

"I'm fine," I say and press my legs together to ease the ache. I can see the blood on my sheets but I don't want to move.

"Was it… was it what you expected?" he asks and wipes his hair off his forehead.

"It was better," I answer honestly. The whole experience was incredible, even with the pain. I am already looking forward to the next time.

"Really?" he smiles. I nod and he leans forward to press his forehead against mine.

"How was it for you? It will be better once I have more… experience," I say. His smile fades and he brings his fingers under my chin to make me look at him.

"Don't say that. It was great, baby. It was better than great. You were…the best," he says and I roll my eyes. I am sure he has had far better girls who actually know what to do and when to do it.

"I didn't love them," he says, answering my thoughts. "It is a completely different experience when you love the person. Honestly, Helga. It was incomparable. Please don't degrade yourself or doubt what we just did," he says with his voice soft and sincere. I feel my heart flutter and I kiss his nose.

He smiles and wraps his arm around my waist to pull me to his chest. He smells so good, even when he is sweaty.

"Does it hurt?" he asks and runs his fingers through my hair. He twirls a piece around his index finger.

"A little. I am afraid to stand up," I laugh. He pulls me tighter and kisses my head.

"I've never been with a virgin before," he says quietly. I look up at him and his eyes are soft and not mocking me at all.

"Oh."

I want to ask him a million questions about his first time. Who, when, where, and why but I push those thoughts away. He didn't love her. He has never loved anyone except me. I don't care about that anymore. The women in his past are his past and I can't help that think maybe I could be his future.

I only care about this beautifully flawed man who just made love for the first time in his entire life.


	50. Chapter 50

"Do you want to get up?" Arnold asks me about an hour later.

"I know I should, but I don't want to," I tell him and rub my cheek against his chest.

"I don't want to rush you, but I really have to piss," he says and I laugh to climb off of him and the bed.

"Ow," I say before I can stop myself.

"Are you okay?" he asks for the millionth time. He reaches his hand out to steady me.

"Yeah, I'm just sore," I say. I cringe when I think about the bloody sheets.

"I'll throw the sheets away," he says and gets on the first steps off the ladder to strip them off.

"Not in here, they will see them."

"Okay? So where should I then?" He is moving up and down on his heels. He must have been holding his bladder for a while.

"I don't know. Can't you put them in the dumpster or something when you leave?"

"Who says I am leaving? So what, you sleep with me and then kick me out?" he says with humor in his eyes. He grabs his boxers and jeans from the floor and put them on. I pick up his shirt and give it to him.

"Just go to the restroom and take the sheets with you just in case." I don't know why I care so much, but I don't want Lila to ask me questions of me losing my virginity. I'm sure Sheena wouldn't do that though.

"Yeah, I won't look like a creep or anything. Just carrying bloody sheets to my car at night like it's not a big deal," he smiles and I scowl at him while he balls the sheets up and walks out the door.

"I love you," he smiles before he walks out the door.

Now that he has left, I have time to collect myself. I wonder if I look as good as I feel. I feel warm and oddly at peace. The memory of Arnold hovering over me while he moves in and out of me makes my stomach clench.

Now I know why people make such a big deal about sex. I really have been missing out, but I know that if my first time wasn't with Arnold, it wouldn't have been as incredible.

My mouth falls open as I take a look at myself in the mirror. My cheeks are glowing and my lips are swollen. I squish my cheeks together and move my hands around. I somehow look different but I don't exactly know what it is.

I look at the small red marks across my breasts. I don't even remember him giving them to me and my mind goes back to him making love to me, but my thoughts are cut short by the door opening.

"Admiring yourself?" Arnold smirks.

"No.. I…" I don't know what to say. I am completely naked looking at myself in front of the mirror imagining his lips on mine.

"It's okay, babe. If I looked like you, I would too," he says and my cheeks flush.

"I want to take a shower," I tell him and try to cover myself. I don't want his scent to wash off me, but everything else needs to.

"I'll take one too," he says and I give him a look and he smiles. "Not together, I know. But if we lived together, we could."

Something in him has changed too. I can see it. His smile is a little wider and his eyes are brighter. I don't think anyone else could see the change in him. I know him better than anyone even though there are still many secrets locked in him that I plan to dig out.

"What?" he says and cocks his head to the side.

"Nothing. I just love you," I say and his cheeks redden and he splits his face in a smile similar to mine.

We both to seem giddy and high off of each other's love. I love this. When I move to grab my towel and shower stuff, he steps in front of me.

"Have you at least thought about moving in with me?" he asks.

"You just asked me that yesterday. I can only make one life altering decision at a time," I laugh.

"I want to sign the paperwork soon. I want to move out of the frat house for good," he says and rubs his temples.

"Just get it on your own then," I tell him again.

"But I want it to be ours."

"I already liked your apartment anyway. But if you don't, then pick something else you like," I say carefully. I don't want to give in that I want to move in with him, but it just isn't right.

"We could move in to another apartment in the same building then if you like that one. I just want to start somewhere new and fresh with you. But if you just move into the one I already had, it wouldn't be the same."

"Why are you so insistent on this?" I ask. It makes me feel special that he wants this so much, but I can't.

"Because I want to spend as much time with you as possible. Why are you so hesitant? Is it the money? I would pay for everything of course."

"No you wouldn't," I huff. "If I did agree to this, I would contribute. I don't want a free ride anywhere." I still can't believe we are having this discussion.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know. We haven't known each other for that long. I always thought you don't move in with someone unless you are married." Olga is also a huge reason why and the fear of relying on someone else, even Arnold.

"Married? That's an old idea you have, Helga," he laughs and sits on the chair.

"What's wrong with getting married?" I ask. "Not between us, just in general," I add.

"Nothing is wrong with it, it's just not for me," he shrugs and looks down.

This discussion has gotten too serious. I don't want to talk about marriage with Arnold but it bothers me a little that he says marriage isn't for him. I never thought about marrying him since it is too early to even think about that. It is years too early, but I would like the option to be there eventually but he basically just said he never plans to get married.

I don't want to get married until I am at least twenty five and have at least two kids. I have my whole future planned out.

_Had,_ my subconscious tells me. I had everything planned out until I met Arnold and now everything is constantly changing around.

"That bothers you doesn't it?" he asks. I am almost completely sure that our making love has made us connected by an invisible string that has tied our bodies and minds together.

"No," I say trying to hide my emotion. "It's just that I haven't heard anyone say that they don't want to get married. I thought that everyone wants to get married as the central point of life."

"Not exactly. Think of Hades and Persephone. Hades fell in love with her and basically kidnapped her to the Underworld to marry her. Then Demeter refused to grow anything for a whole year unless Zeus returned their daughter and everyone almost starved for the lack of vegetation." I love how we can talk in the same language. There is no one else that would talk to me in the way I understand best.

"That's different. Persephone didn't love Hades so of course she caused problems," I laugh.

"Orpheus and Eurydice?" he suggests. His mention of them pleasantly surprises me.

"You are joking right? They fell in love and Eurydice got bitten by a snake right after their marriage ceremony because Aristaeus wanted Eurydice as well and he was chasing them. That was an unfortunate and rare occurrence of events. You aren't making any valid points here," I tell him.

"I know. I just love hearing you ramble about mythology," he says and wipes his hair off his forehead. I stick my tongue out at him in a childish way.

"So you're saying you want to marry me? I can promise you I won't make the world starve or have a nest of snakes at my place," he says and steps towards me. It is the other things that I don't know about him that worries me.

"What? Of course not. I was just speaking of marriage in general, not us specifically." My heartbeat has gone up tremendously as he closes the gap between us. I am naked and talking to Arnold about marriage. What the hell is going on in my life?

"So you're saying you wouldn't?"

"No, I wouldn't. Well I don't know. Why are we even talking about this?" I say and hide my face in his chest. I feel it shake with his laughter.

"I was just curious as to what you would say. But now that you have given me your arguments, I may have to consider my views on marriage. You could make an honest man out of me." I look up and he looks serious but there is no way he could be, right? Just before I am going to ask if he is feeling all right, he laughs and kisses my temple.

"Can we talk about something else?" I groan. Losing my virginity and talking about marriage with Arnold is too much for my brain right now.

"Sure. But I'm not dropping the apartment thing. You have until tomorrow to give me an answer. I won't wait forever," he tells me.

"How sweet," I roll my eyes and he hugs me.

"You know me, Mr. Romantic," he says and kisses my forehead. "Now let's take a shower. You standing here naked makes me want to throw you on the bed and fuck you again."

I shake my head and pull away from his arms to grab my towel.

"Are you coming or what?" I ask and grab my shower stuff.

"I would love to come, but I guess I will have to shower for now," he winks and I hit his arm as we walk down the hall to the restroom.

**A/N:**** I can't believe this is the fiftieth chapter! Thanks to everyone who has been reading since the beginning! I hope everyone has a great new year!**


	51. Chapter 51

By the time we have both showered and are laying back in bed, it's almost four in the morning.

"I have to get up in an hour," I groan against his chest.

"You could sleep until seven thirty and still make it on time," he tells me. I don't want to have to rush around but I do need the sleep. I am glad I took a nap earlier so I hopefully won't be dead on my feet during my first actual day of working.

"Mhmm," I mutter against his chest.

"I'll change your alarm," he says and I drift off to sleep.

My eyes burn from the lack of sleep as I try to curl my hair. I put on some brown eyeliner and put on my new blue dress. The neckline is square and is low enough to make my bust noticeable. The end of the dress stops at just the top of my knees and I wrap a small brown belt around my waist. It actually looks like I took more than thirty minutes to get ready.

I consider putting on blush but my cheeks are still glowing thanks to Arnold. I put on my new shoes and look at myself in the mirror. I think the dress looks quite flattering and I look better than I deserve to.

I look up at Arnold on my bed who is wrapped in a blanket on my small bed. His feet are dangling off the edge and I smile. I wait until the very last minute to wake him. I consider not waking him at all, but I am selfish and want to kiss him goodbye.

"I have to leave," I say and shake his shoulder gently.

"I love you," he mumbles and puckers his lips without opening his eyes.

"Are you going to class?" I ask after I kiss him.

"Nope," he says and rolls back over. I kiss the side of his neck and grab my things. I want to get back in bed with him so badly. Maybe living with him would be nice. We already spend almost every night together.

I shake the thought from my head. It's a bad idea. It is way too soon, too soon. The entire drive over, I imagine us getting an apartment together. Picking out curtains and painting walls.

Another man steps in the elevator with me. He is wearing a dark navy suit and he smells like soap.

"What floor?" I ask him.

"Top, please," he says. That's the one I'm going to so I lean against the side wall of the elevator.

"Are you new here?" he asks. His eyes are a crispy blue which is in great contrast to his dark hair.

"I'm just an intern," I say.

"Just an intern?" he laughs.

"I mean I am an intern, not an actual employee," I say nervously.

"I started as an intern too a couple years ago and got hired on full time. Do you go to UCLA?" he asks.

"Yeah, did you?"

"Yup. I just graduated last June. I'm glad it is over with though," he laughs. "You'll like it here."

"Thanks, I already love it," I say as we step off the elevator.

"I didn't catch your name," he says as I turn the corner.

"Helga. Helga Pataki," I say and he smiles and gives me a wave.

There is a different woman at the desk and she introduces herself as Jennifer. She smiles and wishes me luck and offers me a table full of food and coffee. I thank her and grab a sprinkled donut and cup of coffee before I go to my office.

There is a thick folder on my desk and a note from Mr. Harrison that tells me to file all of these medical reports. I feel a lot of freedom in this internship and I love it and cannot believe my luck. I take a bite of my donut and begin my work.

I lose track of time as I dig into the work. It isn't interesting but I know that this is just a building block to many things later. I hear the phone on my desk ring.

"Hello?" I say. I have no idea how to answer this phone. "I mean Helga Pataki's office?" I play with my lip out of nervousness and I hear her laugh lightly on the other side of the phone.

"Ms. Pataki, there is someone here to see you. Should I send him in?" Jennifer asks.

"Helga, please call me Helga," I tell her. It seems disrespectful to have her call me Ms. Pataki when she has much more experience than me and is older than me.

"Helga," she says and I can picture her smile. "Shall I send him in?" she asks again.

"Oh, yeah. Wait, who is it?"

"I'm not sure. He… um… he has tattoos. _A lot_ of tattoos," she whispers and I laugh.

"Yeah I will come out to get him," I tell her and hang up.

The thought of Arnold here thrills me then scares me. I hope everything is all right.

When I walk into the lobby, Arnold is standing with his hands in his pockets and Jennifer is on the phone. I feel like she is pretending to be on the phone, but I can't tell for sure. I hope it doesn't seem like I am taking advantage of this great opportunity by having visitors on my second day.

"Hey, is everything okay?" I ask as I approach him.

"Yeah, I just wanted to see how your first day was going," he smiles and plays with his lip ring.

"Oh. It's great I-" I start to say but stop when Mr. Harrison walks to us.

"Well, well, well. Come to beg for your job back?" he smiles at Arnold and pats him on the shoulder.

"You wish, you old wanker," Arnold laughs and my jaw drops. Mr. Harrison laughs and playfully nudges Arnold in the rubs. I guess they are closer than I thought.

"So what do I owe the honor? Or are you here to stalk my new intern?" he says and looks at me.

"The second one. Stalking interns is a favorite hobby of mine," he says and looks at me. I look back and forth at them unsure of what to say. I love to see Arnold so playful since it doesn't come out much.

"Do you have time to get some lunch, if you haven't already?" Arnold asks me. I look to the clock and see it is already two. The day has gone by quickly.

I look to Mr. Harrison and he shrugs. "You have an hour each day for lunch, so go ahead," he smiles and walks back down the hall.

"I texted you a few times to see if you got here but you didn't answer," he says when we walk into the elevator.

"I haven't looked at my phone. I was sucked into my work," I say and grab his hand.

"You're okay, right? We are okay?" he asks and locks his eyes on mine.

"Yeah, why wouldn't we be?"

"I… I don't know. I was just getting worried because you didn't answer. And I thought… maybe you were starting to regret last night," he stutters and looks down.

"What? Of course not. I honestly just didn't check my phone. I don't have a single regret from last night," I say and start to smile as I remember it.

"Good. That's a relief," he says and lets out a breath.

"You drove here because you thought I had regrets?" I ask. It's a little extreme but flattering at the same time.

"Yeah. Well I also wanted to take you to lunch," he smiles and lifts my hand to his lips.

We step out of the elevator and walk outside. It is a little cold today and I think to myself that I should have brought my jacket. I think to myself that the weather here is so bipolar as I shiver and Arnold looks over at me.

"I have a jacket in my car. We can grab it and then walk to Angelini's. It's really good," he says and we walk to his car. He pulls out a black leather jacket of his trunk and I laugh. He has always had a wardrobe in his trunk since I met him.

The jacket is surprisingly warm and it smells like Arnold. It almost swallows me and I shake the arms to push the sleeves up.

"Thank you," I say and kiss him on his jaw.

"It looks good on you. Perfect fit," he jokes sarcastically.

He holds my hand as we walk down the sidewalk. We are given a couple weird stares from the business men and women on the streets. Sometimes I forget how different we look on the outside. We are polar opposites in almost every way, but it somehow works for us.

Angelini's is a small but nice Italian place. The floor has multi-colored tiles and the ceiling is painted as a mural of heaven. There is a white gate with a white and black angel both trying to embrace each other through the gate. The white angel looks like it is trying to pull the black one through to the other side with her.

"Helga?" Arnold says and pulls me by the sleeve of his jacket.

"Coming," I say and follow him to our table.

Our table is in the back and Arnold sits in the seat right next to me instead of across. He pulls his chair closer and places his elbows on the table. He orders for both of us, but I don't mind since I have never been here before.

"So you and Mr. Harrison are really close then?" I ask.

"I wouldn't say we are close, but we know each other well enough," he shrugs.

"You two seemed to really get along. I like seeing you that way," I tell him.

A small smile starts to form on his lips and he puts his hand on my thigh. "Do you now?"

"Yes. I like to see you happy." I feel like there is more behind the relationship of Mr. Harrison and Arnold but I am not going to push it for now.

"I am happy. Happier than I thought I could ever be… ever," he adds.

"What has gotten into you? You're getting soft on me," I tease him and he laughs.

"I can knock over a few tables and bloody a few noses just to remind you," he says and I push my shoulder into his.

"No, thanks," I laugh.

I thank the waitress when she brings our food. He ordered us some fettuccini dish and it is really good.

"Good, huh?" he brags and stuffs his mouth with food. I nod and do the same.

Arnold and I banter back and forth over who is going to pay but he ends up winning.

"You can pay me back later," he winks at me behind the waitress.

When we walk back to the hospital, Arnold follows me in.

"You're coming up?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I wanted to see your office and then I will go. Promise," he smiles.

"Okay," I say and we get in the elevator. When we get to the top floor, I give him his jacket back and he puts it on. I can't ignore the fact that he looks so hot wearing a leather jacket.

"Hey, it's you again," the guy in the navy suit says as we walk down the hall.

"And it's you again," I smile.

His eyes move to Arnold who is standing next to me. "I'm Arnold," he says to the guy.

"I'm Michael, nice to meet you. I work in the finance department," he tells Arnold. "Well see you around," he smiles and walks away.

When we walk into my office, Arnold grabs my wrist and turns me to face him.

"What the hell was that?" he fumes. Is he kidding? I look down at my wrist in his hand and take that as a no. His grip is firm but not too tight.

"What?"

"That guy."

"What about him? I just met him this morning in the elevator," I tell him and pull my wrist away.

"I didn't seem like you just met him. You two were flirting right in front of me."

"What?" I can't help but laugh. "You're crazy if you think that was flirting. I was just being polite and so was he. Why would I flirt with him?" I try to keep my voice low because causing a scene in my office won't be good for me.

"Why wouldn't you? He was nice and clean cut with his fancy suit and all," he says.

He seems more worried and hurt than angry. My first impulse is to cuss him out and tell him to leave, but I decide to take a different approach like when he was breaking things at John's house.

"Is that what you think? That I want someone like him? Someone unlike you?" I ask him in a gentle voice. I can tell he is taken by surprise because he expected me to blow up at him. He seems unsure of what to say next.

"I don't know… maybe." His eyes meet mine.

"Well you're wrong, as usual," I smile. I need to talk to him about this later, but I also need to make sure he knows there is nothing to worry about.

"I am sorry if you thought I was flirting with him. I wasn't. I wouldn't do that to you," I assure him. His eyes soften and I bring my hand to his cheek. I don't know how one can be so strong, yet so weak.

"I… okay," he says. I laugh and caress his cheek. I love catching him off guard like this.

"Why would I flirt with him if I have you?" I say. His eyes flutter and he finally smiles. I am relieved that I am learning to disengage the bomb named Arnold.

"I love you. I'm sorry for blowing up like that," he says and brings his lips to mine.

"I accept your apology. Now, don't you love my office!" I say in a cheery voice.

"I don't deserve you," he says too quietly, but I hear him. I choose to ignore it and keep my uplifting attitude.

"So what do you think?" I smile.

He laughs and listens as I show him every detail, every book on the shelf, and the empty picture frame on my desk.

"I was thinking that I want to put a picture of us here," I tell him. We haven't taken any pictures together and it never even came into my mind until I put the picture frame there. Arnold doesn't seem like the type who would smile for a camera, even on a cell phone.

"Oh, I don't really do pictures," he says confirming my thoughts.

I feel a little embarrassed by him telling me that and he notices.

"I mean… I guess we could take one. Just one though," he emphasizes.

"We can worry about that later," I smile and he seems relieved.

"Now can we move on to how sexy you look in that dress. It's been driving me crazy since I got here." His voice is deeper and he steps towards me. My body heats immediately at his words.

"You're lucky I didn't open my eyes this morning. If I would have…" he traces the neckline with his fingertips. "I wouldn't have let you leave."

He brings his other hand to the hem of my dress and caresses my thigh.

"Arnold…" I try to warn him but it comes out as more of a moan.

"What babe? You don't want me to do this?" He lifts me up and sits me on the edge of my desk.

"It's…" I try to tell him this is wrong but my thoughts are blurred together as he kisses my neck. I bring my fingers into his hair and he bites at my skin. "We can't… someone could come in… or something." My words are jumbled and don't make a lot of sense. He puts his hands on my thighs and opens them further.

"There is a lock on the door for a reason. I really want to take you on this desk right now. Or maybe against the window." He moves his mouth down lower to my chest. His offer sends electricity through my body. His fingers brush over the lace on my panties and he sucks in a breath through his teeth.

"You're killing me," he says as he looks between my legs to see the white lace set that I bought yesterday. I can't believe that I am letting this happen on a desk in a new office on my second day of my internship. The idea thrills me and terrifies me at the same time.

"Lock the-" I start to say but I am interrupted by the phone ringing. I lean back and scramble to reach for the phone.

"Hello? Helga Pataki speaking," I say. I really need to ask around and see the proper way of how I should be answering the phone.

"Ms. Pataki. Helga," she corrects herself. "Mr. Harrison is leaving for the day and is on his way to your office," Jennifer says with a hint of amusement in her voice. I know she is warning me because Arnold and I are in here. She must be able to sense how irresistible Arnold can be. I flush and thank her before getting off the desk.

"He's coming in here. Stand over there," I say and lightly push him over to the window.

"Later then," he smirks and there is a knock at my door.

**A/N:**** I know Arnold called it a fuck in the last chapter but he was just joking when he said that haha. He is just a guy and that is just his personality in this story haha. He sees it as Helga does he just calls it fuck because that's how he knows how to haha. Just letting you guys know :)**


	52. Chapter 52

Arnold leaves shortly after he and Mr. Harrison bicker over a football game. I apologize to him for having a visitor but he assures it is fine since Arnold is like family and he is welcome any time.

My imagination runs wild of Arnold making love to me on the desk and Mr. Harrison has to repeat what he said about three times.

I go back to filing the reports and when I check the time again, it is almost five. I was supposed to leave an hour ago and I have a missed call from Arnold. He doesn't answer when I try to call him back when I get to my car.

When I get to my room, I am surprised to see Lila on her bed. I almost forgot she lives here too since she is always gone.

"Long time no see," I joke to her and sit at my desk before I take off my shoes.

"Yeah…" she says and sniffles.

"Are you okay? What happened?" I ask and sit on her bed with her.

"I think Harold and I broke up," she sobs. It is strange to see Lila crying since she is usually so strong and feisty.

"Why? What do you mean you think?" I ask and put my hand on her back to comfort her.

"Well we got in a fight and I broke up with him but I didn't mean it. I don't know why I did it. I was just pissed because I saw him sitting with her and I know how she is."

"Who?" I ask even though I have an idea of who she means.

"Connie. You should have seen the way she was flirting with him and hanging on him like a dog with a fucking bone!" she says and sobs again.

"But she knows you two are together. Isn't she your friend?" I ask.

"She doesn't care about that. She will do anything for attention from guys," she says and wipes her eyes. I dislike Connie even more now after watching Lila cry because of her.

"I don't think Harold would go for her. I see the way he looks at you. He really cares about you. I think you should call him and apologize," I tell her.

"What if he is with her?"

"He's not," I assure her. I don't really see Harold running off with that orange-haired snake.

"How do you know? Sometimes you think you know people but you don't," she says and looks into my eyes. "A-" she is cut off by the door opening.

"Hey…" Arnold says as he takes in the scene in front of him. "Um, should I come back later?" he asks uncomfortably. Arnold isn't the guy to comfort a crying girl, friend or not.

"No, I am going to find Harold and try to apologize," she says and stands up. "Thank you, Helga," she hugs me and she and Arnold exchange awkward glances before she leaves the room.

"Are you hungry?" he asks after kissing me hello.

"Yeah, I am actually," I say. I should do some homework for my classes but I am still ahead. I really have no idea how or when Arnold works.

"I was thinking we could get something to eat, then you could call Eugene or Jenny and ask what I should wear to the, you know, the wedding." The mention of Eugene tugs at my heart. I haven't spoken to him in a couple of days and I miss him. I want to tell him about the internship and maybe about Arnold and me. I am not sure about that yet, but I still want to talk to him.

"Yeah, I will call Eugene. I am excited for the wedding," I say. I also need to get something to wear.

"Yeah me too. I am so thrilled I just love weddings, can't you tell?" he rolls his eyes and I laugh.

"Well I am glad you are going. It means a lot to them both," I praise and he shakes his head.

He has come a long way in the few short months that I have known him.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go eat," he says and grabs my jacket off the chair.

"I have to change first, geez," I tell him. I feel him watching me as I take off the dress and put on jeans and a UCLA sweatshirt. Today really has been colder.

"You look adorable. Sexy office woman by day, cute college girl by night," he teases. My stomach flutters at his words and I lean up to kiss his cheek.

We decide on going to the mall to eat and then after we will shop for what to wear. I call Eugene as we sit down and he says he will ask his mother what Arnold should wear and call me back.

"We can find your outfit first I guess?" he says.

"I don't know what to wear either," I smile.

"Well you have the luxury of looking beautiful no matter what you wear," he says.

"That's not true. You definitely pull off the 'I don't give a crap how I look but look flawless anyway' look."

"I do, don't I?" he smirks cockily and I roll my eyes.

"It's Eugene," I say and answer my ringing phone.

"Hey, so she said it would be best if you wear white and at least try to get Arnold in dress pants and a tie. I don't think they are expecting much from Arnold," he laughs.

"Okay, well I will do my best to get him in a tie."

"Good luck. How is your internship going?"

"It's good. Well it's great actually. It is a dream come true and I can't believe it. I have my own office and right now I'm not doing much, but I know later I will do much more. How are classes? I miss Literature and Greek."

Arnold's face turns into a frown and I follow his gaze to the middle of the food court. Ludwig, Anthony, and a guy I don't recognize are walking toward us. Ludwig gives me a friendly wave and I smile without thinking about it. Arnold glares at me and stands up from the table.

"I'll be right back," he says and gets up from the table to walk over to them. I try to continue talking to Eugene and watch Arnold at the same time.

"Yeah, neither are the same without you but I am so happy for you. At least Arnold isn't in class either so I don't have to deal with him," Eugene says.

"What do you mean he hasn't been in class? Well besides today. He was there yesterday, wasn't he?"

"No, I thought he had dropped Greek since you left and he obviously can't be more than ten feet away from you," he teases and my heart smiles.

I look over at Arnold whose back is facing me and his shoulders seem stiff. The guy who I haven't seen before has a slick smirk on his face and Ludwig is shaking his head. Anthony seems uninterested in them and checks out a group of girls who are walking by. Arnold takes a step toward the guy and I can't tell if they are joking or not.

"I am so sorry, Eugene but I will have to call you back," I say and hang up. I leave our trays and hope no one touches the remainder of our food.

"Hey Helga, how are you?" Ludwig asks and moves forward to hug me. I feel my cheeks redden and I politely hug him back. I know better than to look up at Arnold after our embrace. Ludwig's hair is sticking straight up in the front in a messy, but hot way. He is wearing all black and his leather jacket has patches all over the front and back.

"Arnold, aren't you going to introduce her?" the new guy says. He smiles and it gives me the bad goose bumps. I can tell he is not a nice guy.

"Um, yeah. This is my friend, Helga. Helga, this is Sam," Arnold waves between us.

Friend? I feel like I have just been hit in the stomach. I try my best to hide my embarrassment behind my smile.

"Do you go to UCLA?" I ask. He looks older but maybe he's a fourth year.

"Hell, no. I don't do the college thing," he laughs. "But if all the girls there looked like you, I would definitely reconsider."

I look away and wait for Arnold to say something. Oh yeah, I am his friend. Why would he? I keep quiet and wish I would have just stayed at the table.

"We are going to the docks tonight. You two should come," Ludwig says.

"We can't. Maybe next time," Arnold says. I think about telling them I can, but I am too angry to talk.

"Why not?" Sam asks.

"She has to work tomorrow. I guess I can drop by later. Alone," he adds.

"That's too bad," Sam says and smiles at me.

Arnold clenches his jaw and looks at him. I feel like I am missing something. Where did this guy come from anyway? His dirty blonde hair falls over his eyes and he shakes his head to move it.

"Yeah, I'll hit you up later when I am on my way," Arnold says and I storm away from them.

I hear Arnold's shoes stomping behind me but I keep walking. He doesn't call my name because I am sure he doesn't want his friends to think anything but he keeps following me anyway.

I walk faster and turn a sharp corner into Macy's and try to hide in between the racks of clothes to try and lose him. However, I feel him grab my elbow and turns me to face him.

"What's wrong?" he asks with clear annoyance in his voice.

"Oh, I don't know, Arnold!" I shout. An old lady looks at me and I try to give her an apologetic smile.

"Me either! You are the one who just hugged Ludwig!" he yells. I can tell people are looking at us but I am too mad to care.

"Are you embarrassed of me or something? I mean, I get that I am not the cool girl, but-"

"What? No! Of course I'm not embarrassed of you. Are you crazy?" he says. I feel crazy right now.

"Then why did you introduce me as your friend? You keep talking about us living together and then you tell them we are friends? What are you going to do, hide me and not tell anyone? I won't be anyone's secret, Arnold. If I am not good enough for your friends for them to know we are together, then I don't want to be," I tell him and turn away from him after my declaration.

"Helga! Damn it…" he says and follows me through the store. I get to the dressing rooms and glance at them.

"I will follow you," he says reading my thoughts.

"Take me home. Now," I demand and head towards the exit of the store. I stay quiet and at least ten feet ahead of Arnold as we walk out of the mall and to his car. He tries to open the door for me but I glare at him and he backs away. I would keep my distance if I were him.

I stare out the window and think of all the mean things I could say to him, but I don't. I am mostly embarrassed that he feels like he can't tell people we are together. I know I am not like his friends and they probably all think I am a loser and a nerd but that shouldn't matter to him.

I find myself wondering if Ludwig would hide our relationship from his friends, and I can't help but think that he wouldn't. Now that I think about it, Arnold has never really called me his girlfriend. I probably should have waited to sleep with him before he actually confirmed that we are dating.

"Are you done with your hissy fit?" he asks as we get on the freeway.

"A fit? You cannot be serious!" I say loudly.

"I don't know why it is such a big deal to you that I called you my friend. That's not what I meant, I just wasn't thinking at the time. I was caught off guard," he lies. I know he is lying by the way he darts his eyes from mine. He could have easily introduced me as his girlfriend.

"If you are embarrassed of me, I don't want to see you anymore," I say. I squeeze my leg to keep from crying.

"Don't say that shit to me," he runs his hand through his hair and takes a deep breath. "Helga, why do you always think I am embarrassed of you? That is fucking ridiculous," he growls.

"Have fun at your party tonight."

"I'm not going. I just said that so Sam would back off," he says.

"If you aren't embarrassed, then take me to the party," I say. I know it's a horrid idea but I want to prove my point.

"Absolutely fucking not. Hell no," he says through his teeth.

"Exactly," I snap.

"I am not taking you there because one, Sam is a dick and two, it is just not the place you should be."

"Why not? I can handle myself," I tell him.

"Sam and his friends are way out of your league, Helga. Fuck they are even out of my league. They are all stoners and douches."

"Then why are you friends with him?" I roll my eyes.

"There is a big difference in being friends and friendly."

"Well then why would Ludwig hang out with him then?"

"I don't know. Sam just isn't a guy you say no to."

"So you're afraid of him then? That's why you didn't say anything when he flirted with me," I say. Sam must be really bad if Arnold is afraid of him.

He surprises me by laughing. "I am not afraid of him. I just don't want to provoke him. If he knows how much you mean to me, he would purposely try to use that against me. He would turn you into a game," he says and tightens his grip on the steering wheel. His knuckles are white.

"Well good thing we are just friends," I say and look out the window at the beautiful city passing by. I know I am acting childish, but I can't help it. I am not perfect, I am emotional and pissed off.

"Helga… just stop," he begs.

"Arnold, you really hurt my feelings by calling me your friend," I confess to him. Now that I know how much of a creep Sam is, I understand more but it still hurts.

"I know. I'm sorry, baby. I swear to you I didn't mean it that way," he says and puts his hand on my thigh. I want to push his hand off, but I don't.

"Can I come inside?" he asks as he pulls into the parking lot of my dorm building.

"I guess," I groan dramatically and get out of the car.

**Arnold POV**

When we walk up to her room, she immediately climbs the ladder to lay on her bed. At first I was mad that she wants all the title shit, but now I just want her to stop being mad at me. I think I would rather have her scream at me, which she did, than have her silent and not talk to me.

I still don't know why it matters to her so much that I tell people she is my girlfriend, but I guess it does. I just don't want to call her that in front of Sam. He really is a dick.

"I really am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," I tell her. She doesn't look at me as I climb the first steps of the ladder. She is laying on her back looking at the ceiling. She still doesn't respond and she's scaring me.

"Do… do you still want me?" I ask. My voice is shaky and I feel like an idiot.

She sighs and finally rolls over to look at me. I can tell she is trying to be mad but her eyes soften when they meet mine.

"Yes. Of course I do. Come up," she instructs me and pats the spot on the bed next to her. I kick my shoes off and a big wave of relief washes over me. I lay next to her and face her but she still is facing the ceiling. I stare at her perfect features and put my hand on her stomach. I want to pull her to me, but I am not sure if she is mad or not still.

"Do you consider me your girlfriend?" she asks and finally turns to look at me. My hand moves to her side as she stares at me with her blue eyes.

"Yeah. I mean it seems a little silly to call you that," I tell her.

"Silly?" she asks and her eyebrows furrow together.

"Yes, silly. You are more to me than some adolescent title," I say. It's true. It feels weird to call her my girlfriend because it isn't like that. I want to share my life with her. Not just take her on dates and text her all day. I want her with me always. I run my hand up and down her side as I see her face relax.

"I don't like that you don't want people to know about us. How would we live together if you won't even tell your friends about us?" she asks.

"It's not like that. Do you want me to call Ludwig right now and tell him? If anything you should be embarrassed to be with me. I see the way people look at us when we are together," I admit to her. I saw when we were holding hands walking to lunch today and even the way that nosey secretary was eyeing me at the hospital. They all think we are different, and we are, but they just don't understand us. I don't even think we do.

"I was worried you were going to give up on me," I tell her. I couldn't bare it if she left me.

"Give up on you?" she asks.

"You're the only constant in my life. You know that, don't you? I don't know what I would do if that wasn't the case. If you left me," I clarify.

"I won't leave you if you don't give me a reason to," she says. I know she is telling the truth and she brings her hand to my cheek. The thing that scares me is that I might give her a reason to. Just thinking of it makes me nauseous. I would break. Even if we fight everyday, I love her.

"I won't," I tell her. I can't help but break contact for a second but bring my eyes back to her. I don't deserve her and I never thought that I would fall in love with her.

"I like who I am when I'm with you," I say and turn my face into her hand further. It feels so good to have someone there. Something I have never had before.

"I do too," she replies. I can tell that since we have spending more time together, she has been learning to not be so high strung all the damn time. I only blame her bitch of a sister. Helga probably wouldn't like for me to call her a bitch but I can't think of another name for her.

But she has also taught me to open up more to her and it has brought me happiness.

"I know I piss you off sometimes… well a lot of the time and god knows you drive me fucking insane," I start.

"Thanks?" she says.

"I'm just saying, just because we fight everyday, doesn't mean we shouldn't be together. Everyone fights, we just fight more than normal people," I smile at her. "We are very different people so we are just going to have to figure out how to navigate each other," I assure her.

She grants me with a smile and runs her fingers through my hair. I think it is my favorite thing she does to me. No one else has touched my hair but it is my favorite when she does.

"We still didn't get anything for the wedding," she reminds me. Oh gosh that fucking wedding. I only agreed to go because I know how much it means to her. She loves that shit.

"Oh no, looks like we can't go. Next time," I say and playfully frown and kiss her nose.

"You wish. It's only Tuesday. We will get something later this week," she promises and I groan.

"Or we could skip it all together and I could take you to Hollywood this weekend," I suggest.

"What?" she sits up. "I mean no! We are going to the wedding," she catches herself. "But you could take me to Hollywood next weekend."

"Nope. The offer is only good if we go this weekend," I tease her. I saw the way her face lit up at the mention of it and I pull her closer to me.

"Fine, I guess I will have to find someone else to take me to Hollywood," she says and my jaw clenches. Her fingertips graze over the stubble on my chin and jaw.

"You wouldn't dare," I say and stare at her but she only smiles.

"I certainly would. Hollywood is my most favorite place of all."

"Your favorite place?"

"Yeah, I haven't really been anywhere else."

"Where is the furthest you have gone?" I ask. She lays her head on my chest and I wrap my arms around her.

"Hollywood. I haven't been out of California."

"Ever?" I ask, completely baffled. How could she not have been anywhere else?

"Nope, never," she confirms.

"Why not?" I ask. That is such a shame. There is so much more than just southern California.

"I don't know. We just couldn't afford to after my mom left. My dad worked all the time and I was too focused on school and getting out of that town that I didn't have time to think about anything else except working."

It still pisses me off about her mom. If she was there, Olga wouldn't be controlling her life and telling her how and when to do things. Or maybe her mom was just as crazy. I honestly don't know. It just pisses me off.

"Where would you want to go?" I ask her and run my fingers up and down her arm.

"Greece," she says like I knew she would. "But also London because that's where Catherine and Heathcliff are from," she says. I love how she is so interested in books.

"I could take you there," I say seriously. I would take her anywhere she wanted.

"Let's just start with Hollywood," she laughs.

"I mean it, Helga. I could take you anywhere you want to go. Especially London. I spent some years there…" I admit. I know she is about to do her shit when she asks me a million questions and I prepare myself for her cannon of questions.

She lifts herself and looks at me. "You did? What were you doing?" she asks and lays back down but keeps her gaze on me. Damn it.

"I… I had this foster mom. She had a house here in California, but she was originally from England. Well she was the most caring one I had, but she had to go back to England for a sick brother. I couldn't go with her, so I got stuck in another home. But the point is I liked her the most so when I was seventeen, I got enough money and went to see her but I ended up staying two years instead of two weeks," I laugh lightly. "But she made me apply to this school to try and tie ends with John and I wonder how I got in," I say sarcastically and she laughs.

"But really I can take you there," I add.

"Um…" she says. I can tell her mind is trying to process everything I just said and I wish she would stop trying to overthink things. "We can just start with Hollywood," she laughs.

"Fine. But I know you would love to drive through the English countryside and see where all your favorite authors grew up."

She stays quiet for a while and I know what she is thinking. She knows she wants to, but she is too busy worrying about what everyone will think of her and what they will say. She is thinking about Olga and her dad.

"What's wrong?" I ask and nudge my nose against hers. I don't want her to be so hung up on it.

"Nothing. Sorry I'm just thinking about Olga," she says confirming my thoughts.

"Don't worry, she will come around, babe," I say to assure her.

"I don't think so, but let's talk about something else," she says. My phone starts to vibrate in my pocket, but I don't give a fuck about them. She tries to push off me so I can get it, but I just pull her back to me.

"Whoever it is can wait."

"Will we be staying at John's house Saturday after the wedding?" she asks.

"Is that what you want?" I ask. I don't really want to but I guess we can. I am starting to like the house more since we have created better memories there.

"Yeah, I like it there. This bed is tiny," she crinkles her nose and I laugh. I love thinking about me holding her in that big ass bed.

"We can stay at the frat house more often. What about tonight?" I ask. The apartment is okay but being there only reminds me of how lonely and alone I was.

"I have my internship in the morning," she says.

"So? You can bring your stuff with you and get ready in an actual bathroom. I haven't been in my room in a while. They are probably already trying to rent it out," I say. "Don't you want to take a shower without thirty other people in the same room?" I say trying to convince her.

"Good point," she says and gets off the bed.

I help her pack and grab her red lingerie set for her to wear. Her cheeks redden like the color of the garments, but she takes them anyway. I still can't believe she got those. She looks so sexy in them with her already nice body. I am getting excited just thinking about it now.

She gets out one of her old black skirts and a white shirt. I was really starting to like her new dresses.

"White shirt with a red bra?" I point out and raise an eyebrow at her. She throws in a green one instead.

"You could bring extra clothes with you so you won't have to bring so much next time," I suggest to her. The truth is I want her to have some clothes at my place since we spend every night together anyway. This is why she should move in with me.

"I guess I could," she says and grabs a white dress and some other random clothes.

"You know what would make it so much easier?" I ask and grab her bag.

"What?" she asks with little surprise on her face. She knows.

"If we lived at the same place," I smile at her.

"How did I know you would say that?" she says.

"We wouldn't have to decide which place to stay and you wouldn't have to pack a bag. You could have a private shower everyday. Well, semi-private," I say and wink at her while opening the car door for her.

"You could wake up and make your own coffee in our kitchen and get ready for the day and we would always meet at the same place at the end of the day. None of this roommate or frat house shit," I say. How could she say no to that offer? I know she loves all of that shit.

She stays quiet, thinking.

"Stop overthinking it," I tell her and put my hand on her thigh to try and ease her. My phone is vibrating again but I ignore it. I know it is probably Ludwig or Sam but I don't want to deal with either of them right now.

"What are you afraid of?" I ask when she doesn't respond.

"I don't know. What if something happens with the internship and I can't afford it. Or if something happens with us," she says and frowns.

"Babe. I already told you I would pay for it. It was my idea and I make four times as much as you," I tell her. I can tell she is surprised but she doesn't say anything about it.

"I don't care how much you make. I don't like the idea of you paying for everything." I love how she is so strong and she wants to be dependent, but I want to do this for her. For us.

"You can pay cable then?" I smirk.

"Cable and groceries?" she says and I feel myself getting excited but I can't tell if we are talking hypothetical or not still.

"Deal. Groceries… that sounds nice, doesn't it? You could have my dinner ready every night when I get home," I tease her knowing exactly how she will react to that.

"Excuse me? It would be the other way around," she laughs and I smile.

"We could rotate days?" I offer.

"Deal."

"So you will move in with me then?" I say and I know I am smiling like a little boy. I want this more than anything and I need her to be with me. I know it's fucked up, but I need to make sure she won't leave me and her living with me will give me a better chance.

"I didn't say that. I was just…" she trails off.

"You know I will take care of you right? Always," I promise her. I know we have just started dating and I have never been in this situation with anyone before, but my feelings for her overwhelm me and I can't help it.

"I am afraid this is too good to be true," she admits and looks down.

"Me too," I tell her.

"Really?" she asks surprised.

"Yeah. I think about it all the time. You are too good for me and I am just waiting for you to realize it and I am just hoping that you don't," I say with my eyes focused on the road. I am such a fuck up and I don't know why she is with me.

"That's not going to happen," she scoffs and I know she means it but she really shouldn't. I know I cause her more hurt than anyone else.

"Okay," she says breaking the silence.

"Okay what?" I ask.

"Okay, I will move in with you," she smiles.

My heart warms in my chest and I let out a breath I didn't notice I was holding. "Really?" I ask and I shake my head and smile deeply at her.

"Yeah."

"You have no idea what this means to me, Havena," I say and hold her hand and give it a squeeze. I pull onto my street. I can't believe she finally agreed. It relieves me at the same time that it worries me. I guess I am also afraid it is too good to be true because it feels like it.

"Don't call me Havena or I will change my mind," she teases.

"But only your close family members and friends call you that. I think I have earned that," I joke with her.

"I guess you are right. Call me whatever you want," she grins.

"Oh, babe. I wouldn't say that if I were you. I have a whole list of names I would love to call you," I say and smile at her. I can tell my words alone stir something in her and I love how she is so innocent, but she loves being dirty. I know she does.

She doesn't say anything as she stares at the massive amount of people littered across the front yard.

**A/N:**** I got so many requests for Arnold's POV so I had to do it lol. I hope it is okay. I am a girl so sometimes I don't know haha. And thanks for all the great reviews! I love you all!**


	53. Chapter 53

**Arnold POV**

"Damn it, I didn't know they were having a damn party. It's fucking Tuesday. See this is the shit-" I start. Who really needs to party every fucking day of the week? They are such dumb asses.

"It's okay. We can just go straight to your room," she interrupts.

"Fine," I sigh.

We walk through the crowded living room and just when I think we have made it without running into anyone, of course Sam is at the top of the stairs with a devilish smirk on his evil face.

I look to Helga, then back at Sam. I can't help but tense. I don't want him anywhere near her and feeding bullshit in her head.

"Didn't think I would see you two here. Since you weren't able to make it at the docks and all," he says to me when we get to the top of the stairs.

"Yeah, we just decided to come here," I say carefully. I don't want him saying anything in front of her.

"Oh, I get why you were coming here," he smiles and pats me on the fucking shoulder. It takes all of my self-control not to beat the shit out of him. He moves his eyes over to Helga.

"It is definitely a pleasure to see you again, Helga," he says to her and he doesn't look at me as my gaze bores into his face. I hate the way he is looking at her and how he looked at her at the mall, but I know better than to say anything.

"Yeah, you too," she says.

"It was a good thing you didn't come to the docks anyway. The cops came and broke up the party so we came here," he tells us.

I really wish we would have just stayed in her dorm, and I can tell she is thinking the same thing by the look in her eyes.

"That sucks, man," I say and walk down the hall.

"You two should come down and have a drink with us," Sam says and grabs my arm.

"She doesn't drink," I tell him. He is really starting to get on my nerves now. I just want him to drop this and leave us the hell alone.

"Oh. Well you should still come have some fun. I insist," he says. I know my annoyance is only encouraging him further but I can't help it. He pisses me off.

I look at her and her eyes are pleading with me to say no, but I nod at Sam anyway. If I don't agree, he will bother us all night and not leave us alone.

"I'll come down for a minute. Let me get her… settled in," I mumble and grab Helga's wrist to my room before Sam can say anything else.

I unlock the door and hurry her inside.

"I don't want to go down there," she tells me. Damn straight.

"You're not."

"You are?" she asks me.

"Only for a minute. I won't be long," I say and rub the back of my neck. I really don't want to, but I have to.

"Why didn't you just tell him no?" she asks. I know she thinks I am afraid of Sam, but I am only afraid of the things he can and will do.

"I already told you. He just isn't someone you say no to."

"Does he have something over you or something?"

Panic courses through me and my heart beats faster. "What? No… he is just a dick. And I don't want any trouble. Especially not around you," I say and step towards her.

"I won't be down there for long, but I know him and if I don't go have a drink with him, he will come back up here and I don't want him anywhere near you," I tell her and kiss her on the cheek.

She frowns but I know she hates these parties too so she better listen.

"Okay," she breathes.

"I need you to stay in here though," I say and look into her eyes.

"Okay," she repeats.

"I mean it. Okay?" I demand her in a soft voice.

"I won't. Just don't leave me in here for long," she begs and I really want to stay in here for the rest of the night with her, but he will start something if I don't go down there.

"I won't. We should go sign the paperwork tomorrow for the apartment. Right after you get done at the hospital. I don't want to have to worry about this sort of shit again," I tell her. I really don't want to have to deal with these parties and Sam every fucking night.

"Okay, I can meet you there," she says. I see some sort of uncertainty pass through her eyes that I wish would go away.

"All right. I will be back soon. Lock the door when I go out and don't open it again. I have a key," I tell her and kiss her on the lips before I head out the door.

"Geez, you act like someone is going to murder me," she laughs and I don't return it as I close the door. I am afraid of something worse than murder for her. Breaking her heart….

**Helga POV**

I roll my eyes when Arnold doesn't say anything to my joke but I lock it anyway because I know how he is about people in his room.

I turn on the television and try to drown out some of the noise downstairs but I keep thinking about what is going on down there. Is Connie down there? The thought makes me cringe and I try to focus on the show to wait until Arnold gets back. Even if Connie is down there with Arnold, which I am sure he isn't, I wouldn't want to see it.

I watch television for about an hour and I am really starting to wonder what is going on down there and where is Arnold. He said he wouldn't be long, and it has been long. What if they are playing more of those dumb truth or dare games? What if Arnold is dared to kiss Connie? I feel sick and as I am contemplating whether to go down there or not, a loud bang is heard on the door.

It is probably some drunk people who want to find an empty bedroom so I ignore it and sit on the edge of the bed. I feel nervous and I hope Arnold is okay. The banging continues on the door and I want to open it to tell them to go away, but what if it is Sam? Or one of his creepy friends? He gives me the vibe to stay away from him and Arnold already said that. I really don't want to be near him at all.

I stand close to the door in case I can maybe hear some voice I recognize, and I do hear one.

"Helga, it's me, Ludwig," Ludwig says from the other side of the door.

He knows I am in here and I would feel bad if he knew that and knew that I didn't want to open the door for him. Arnold will be more than pissed off if he knows, but maybe I can get rid of him quick.

I slowly open the door, and sure enough I see Ludwig standing behind the door. He is holding a red cup and his hair that was sticking up straight has fallen some and his eyes are bloodshot. I guess he had some drinks. I really want to shut the door now that I have seen him but I can't once I see his face brighten in a wide smile.

"Helga, how are you?" he says and steps in the room with me. I lock it behind him because I don't want anyone else coming in here. I need to get rid of him fast before Arnold comes back.

"Um, fine," I say and stand by the door while he walks over to the bed.

"Arnold said you aren't feeling well," he frowns and looks up at me.

"Oh, um yeah. I have a headache," I lie trying to go with what Arnold told them.

"That's too bad. I have some aspirin if you want," he says and grabs a bottle of aspirin out of his pocket. I know better than to take them especially after Zak confirmed that Ludwig and Wolfgang sell drugs.

"That's okay. It is starting to go away anyway," I say and smile. I am not doing a good job of getting him to leave but I would hate to hurt his feelings.

"Then come down with us and have some drinks," he says and smiles again.

"I don't really want to drink since I have to work tomorrow morning," I explain to him and keep my gaze out the window.

"That's lame. Arnold sure is having a good time," he says and my heart leaps in a bad way at the mention of his name.

"What do you mean?" I ask even though I don't want to know the answer.

"You know, drinking and sitting with some girls. What he usually does," he shrugs and looks at me.

My stomach drops and my eyes are starting to burn with tears. Those images alone are enough to make me want to run down there and yell and scream at him, but I can't find the energy to. My mind shifts to the way he looks in my eyes when he is trying to tell me something important, or the way he holds my hand in public, how he talks to me softly and tells me he loves me. The way he was over me last night and made sure to be careful with me. Arnold wouldn't do that. He wouldn't be with those girls. He knows how I feel about that.

"No he isn't," I say firmly. He won't get in my head. I thought Ludwig was a nice guy?

He only laughs. "You weren't down there. I just saw him," he says and laughs again.

"Arnold wouldn't do that to me," I say and cross my arms. I haven't done this in a while and it feels foreign. Like I did this when I was a different person. And I was.

"So you two are like together now?" he asks and looks up at me. His eyes look sad even though they are bloodshot.

"Um… yeah. We are," I say. Arnold even offered himself to call Ludwig and tell him earlier so I am guessing it is safe to tell him.

"Do you even know him, Helga? Like seriously, do you know him," he scoffs.

"I know him better than you. I know him better than anyone," I say. I know I don't have to explain my relationship with Arnold to anyone, but I feel the need to defend it. No one knows the real Arnold the way I do.

"Sure you do," he huffs and I want him to leave.

"Well if you are going to sit there and try to question my relationship with Arnold, you can leave," I say harshly and my heart beats anxiously. I hope I didn't make him mad at me but I don't want him to try and make me feel bad for loving Arnold.

"I'm just trying to warn you. You don't know him," he says with his eyes darkened and his words are slurred.

"Just leave Ludwig. You are drunk and you don't know what you are saying," I say again. I don't want Arnold to know I made the mistake of letting him in here.

"Come on, Helga. What happened to us? We had a good time at the movies and the bonfire. Well until you left me for… for that fucker!" he says seriously and then he laughs. Some of his drink spills on the carpet and I immediately panic. Arnold will lose it once he sees Ludwig in here and a stain on the carpet. I rush to the bathroom to grab a rag to try to get it out of the carpet, but it only seems to be making it worse.

"Yeah, well… I don't know. That is just how it is," I say and keep my gaze off him.

"It shouldn't be. We could be together you know. You know I would treat you right," he says and gets off the bed to move towards me. I stay cleaning the spot on the floor.

"Well I am with Arnold," I say. This has not gone in any way I had hoped it would.

His eyes look angry as he stands over me. I stand up and walk over to the bed and pretend to straighten out the pillows even though they were fine before.

"But-" he starts to say when we both hear the door click open. Arnold's eyes immediately find mine, and then they dart to Ludwig. My stomach is in knots waiting for Arnold to say something. His nostrils flare and I see his cheeks already heat up from anger. Even Ludwig looks scared.

"What the hell is this!" he screams and shuts the door.

"I…" I really don't know what to say.

"I swear, Ludwig you better stay away from my girl or I will beat your face in through the window," he says and looks at Ludwig. My stomach flutters then tenses at his words the way he told Ludwig I am his girl and at the way he threatened him.

"We weren't even doing anything, damn. Just talking," he says and flashes him a wicked smile. Maybe Ludwig isn't all who I thought he was.

"Just get the fuck out," he says and points to the door.

"Why? You should join our conversation. You know, get to know each other," he laughs and takes a sip of his drink.

Arnold's anger is radiating off of him and I am not sure what to say. I don't get the competition between them and I just want Ludwig to leave so I can talk to Arnold.

"We're both tired. Just get out so we can go to bed," he warns Ludwig and he puts his arms up in defense while still smiling.

"All right, all right, I'll go. You two have a good night," he says and walks out the door.

Arnold turns to me and I can't help but be fearful. I know I went against what he said, but we didn't do anything so he doesn't have anything to worry about. If anything, he should be glad because Ludwig was being weird and I don't think I will associate myself with him anymore.

He runs his hands over his face in frustration and I take a step towards him. Arnold grabs the towel and I reflexively jump back a little. His eyes have confusion in them and he wipes his hands with the towel.

I expected him to yell and scream at me but he is being silent which is even worse.

"Could you say something?" I ask.

"Trust me, Helga. You do not want me to speak right now," he says slowly.

"Yes, I do," I say. I can't handle this angry silence.

"No you don't," he growls.

"Yes I do! I need you to talk to me. Tell me what you are thinking," I say and wave my hands. His fists are clenched by his sides.

"God damn it, Helga! You always have to push and push! I told you to not let anyone in here, multiple times, and I see Ludwig in here with you, of all people! You know how I feel about him and I just fucking told you! Why is it so damn hard for you to listen to what I say?" he yells and slams his fists against the side of his dresser. It cracks the wood.

I should have kept my mouth shut, again.

"Because, Arnold. You don't just get to tell me what to do all the time!" I yell back.

"I'm not telling you what to do! I am trying to keep you away from shit that you don't want to be involved in. They aren't a good group of people yet you just let Ludwig in without thinking! What the fuck was that?" The veins on his neck are straining against his skin.

"I was thinking! You were gone for so long even though you said you weren't! We weren't even doing anything! Just talking. And I couldn't help but think… if you were… with Connie…" I say and look away so he doesn't see the tears forming.

"Connie? Are you serious! What is your crazy obsession with her?"

"Crazy obsession? Really? Maybe I don't like the fact that my boyfriend used to sleep with her!" My cheeks redden. I know my jealously and dislike towards her is a little crazy, but I can't help it.

"Well sorry to break it to you, but if you're going to have a problem with everyone I slept with, you may want to transfer schools," he snaps and my mouth falls open.

"And it's a good thing you didn't go downstairs, because you probably would have been jealous of almost all of them too!" he adds and my heart rate increases dramatically. He has no emotion in his voice as he glares at me.

I try to come up with something to say, but I am speechless. The fact that he has slept with most of the female population here makes me sick and the worst thing is that he just threw it in my face.

I must look like such an idiot for hanging around Arnold all the time when everyone knows Arnold has slept with so many other girls. I knew he would be mad, but this is too far, even for Arnold. I feel like we have just went back to the first time we met and he would purposely try to make me cry.

"What? Surprised? You shouldn't be," he says.

"No." I am not surprised at all. I am hurt. Not about his past, but the way he just told me that out of anger and just to hurt me. I turn my face away from him and wipe my eyes.

"Just go," he says and walks to the other side of the room.

"What?" I ask and face him.

"Just go, Helga."

"Go where?"

"Back to your room. I don't know. But you can't stay here," he says without looking at me.

I didn't think this would happen at all. The pain in my chest hurts after every silent second from him. I want to beg him to let me stay and argue with him until he tells me why he is so bothered by all of this, but I am also embarrassed by his harsh dismissal.

I grab my bag off the floor and put it over my shoulder. When I reach the door, I turn back at a last hope he will apologize or change his mind, but he ignores me.

I have no idea how I will get back to the dorms. Arnold drove here and I had every intention that I would stay the night with him. I can't even remember the last time I spent the night in my room alone, and it doesn't sound appealing at all. The drive here seems like it was days ago, not hours.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, someone tugs the back of my sweatshirt. I hold my breath and pray that it isn't Sam or Ludwig.

It's Arnold.

"Come back upstairs." His voice is desperate and his eyes are red.

"Why? I thought you wanted me to leave," I say and stare at the wall behind him.

He only sighs and grabs my bag from my shoulder and walks back upstairs. I think about just letting him have the bag and leaving anyway, but we both need to stop being stubborn in order for us to work.

I sigh deeply and follow him back up the stairs. When the door closes behind me, he backs me up against the door.

"I'm sorry," he says and looks in my eyes. He pushes his hips against mine and puts one of his arms against the door close to my head so I can't move.

"Me too," I whisper.

"I just… I lose my temper sometimes. I didn't really sleep with those girls. Well most of them," he says and some of the pressure dissolves in my chest, but not all of it.

"My first reaction when I get angry is to come back even harder. To hurt you as much as I can but I don't want you to leave and I am sorry for yelling and scaring you. I am trying to change, for you, to be what you deserve but it's hard for me. Especially when you do things that purposely piss me off," he says. He brings his hand to my cheek and wipes off the drying tears.

"I wasn't scared of you," I tell him.

"Why not? It seemed like you were when I grabbed the towel."

"No… well I was more afraid of what you were going to do and the anticipation of waiting for it."

He only laughs. "So let me get this straight. You were afraid of what I hadn't done yet, not of what I just did?"

"Yeah, you get pretty mad sometimes…" I trail off and look away.

He just laughs again.

"Stop laughing, I am still mad at you," I say. I'm not exactly sure why I am mad at him, but I am. I think it is him telling me to leave just now.

"I'm still pissed at you too, but you're very amusing," he says and presses his forehead on mine.

"You drive me crazy," he says.

"I know," I say.

"You never listen to me and you always fight me on everything. You are stubborn and borderline intolerable," he continues.

"I know," I repeat.

"You provoke me and cause me a shit ton of unnecessary stress, and you keep hanging out with Ludwig when I tell you not to," his lips touch my neck and I shiver.

"You say the most annoying things and act like a child when you're mad." Even though he is throwing insults at me right now, my stomach is fluttering as he kisses my skin and continues his light verbal assault. He pushes his hips more forcefully against mine.

"But all that being said, I also happen to be vigorously in love with you," he says and sucks harshly on the sensitive skin below my ear.

I wrap my hands in his hair which makes him groan and he puts both of his hands on my waist to pull me to him. I know there are many more problems to work out, but all I want right now is to get lost in Arnold and forget about tonight.

**A/N:**** Sorry this took me longer than usual. I think now I will update every other day but if it's longer than that, it is because I am making it an extra long chapter haha. Have a great week!**


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